What can I do?

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jaysma

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Hi all...I am going to try and keep this short. I looked for help on another forum and they were not very nice there so maybe someone here can just point me the right way.

Here goes:

I was with my ex for 11 years in that time he was extremely physcially abusive and abused drugs. I finally got out 3 years ago only to find out one week later that he had someone else 7 months pregnant. He cleaned out my bank account went off with the car I purchased because it was in his name and pretty much left my daughter and myself on the street. She was 7 at the time of all of this and we had gone back and forth for years.
So when it ended I can't lie I was angry and hurt and wanted no contact but he didn't make much of an effort either. A year after the split he started trying to come back around I refused him so he took me to court. He wanted visitation so at that point I filed for child support. My daughter really wanted nothing to do with him she was so angry but we went to court and the judge ordered him to pay child support and gave him visits right off the bat he gave him 2 overnights a month...I thought that was a little much because of all that had gone on and was hoping for supervised visits but he got what he wanted. Now fast forward...we had many issues that he brought me back and forth to court for. Rather then to bore you with all of it I will go to what is going on today.

He took me to court back in January and I was notified but was only given 2 weeks to prepare. I requested an adjournment and they said I would get it in the mail because I was fed up with it all so I decided to hire an attorney. I went on 1/3/11 and retained an attorney and he was working on everything on 1/13/11 I received an order in the mail stating that court was on 1/10/11 and that my ex was present and I was not (because I was never served with a new date). They gave him full weekend visits at that time (previous court dates he requested full weekends but was denied and was told that he needed to go to counseling with our child first, he never went to counseling with her) He was also awarded that I pick our child up from visits (my problem is that he moved almost an hour away I don't feel as though I should have to) Lastly they told him that he would be allowed to claim her on his taxes (my problem with this is he pays the minimal in child support and only had her for a total of 18 days in the last 13 months). So with that said I was livid. My attorney filed a motion to reconsider and stated that I was never served at all. We also asked that he pay half for her medical and half for her braces. I got a letter from the judge saying all requests have been denied, no explanation just DENIED.

So we then decided to file again now requesting that my ex not be allowed to claim her on taxes if he is in arears with CS, we requested half of medical and he pay half for her braces, and we requested that he bring my daughter back home like he used to. We supported it all with showing that he was behind in child support, we showed proof of her bill for braces and a letter from the doctor proving necessity, and I showed proof of altercations my ex had with me the few times I picked her up and statements from police stating that he is violent and a letter from internal affairs because he resisted the police and claims they were too rough and is now trying to sue the police (this is the second time he's pulling something like this)

I got a letter telling me that my judge was moved to criminal and someone else would be taking over the case. No problem in my eyes....well the date was set for 5/13 but it was to be done on paper. The morning of 5/13 I get a certified letter in the mail at 10am. I open it up and it says that court was adjourned and rescheduled to go before the court on 5/13 at 9am and I am to appear. Well it's now an hour past that and a little late. I called my attorney and they had no knowledge of anything and were never served at all. I got the order over immediately after and it stated my ex is still not responsible for the braces and that my daughter has to be put on his insurance (it's not his it's his girlfriends and she's not legally supposed to be on there we have been down this road already) it also states that I am no longer to pick the child up from my ex but that my sister or mother now have to drive the hour to do it.

I am irritated because nothing was done and I can only imagine what my ex said to the judge that day. SO...with all of this said I need to get my mother and sister off of there because this is a burden and I still need to get the insurance issue fixed. My attorney seems to be doing nothing for me at all he basically said it is what it is. I realize I won't win them all and the extended visits are what they are at this point and I can't do anything about it. But there are things I can try and fix and it's not going to get done on its own and I am not being served in time.

WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I GET THIS FIXED???

More recently the day of court he called my mother and told her he has someone on the inside ( I don't believe it) and that's why I am not being served. Then he threatened my mother and told her he would have my parents charged with things criminally for things that they have nothing to do with and told her that he would tell the courts I am on drugs and doing illegal activities...my family and I couldn't be more legal so I am not worried but we don't need the problems either. So my mother did press charges on him for harrassment and intimidation they go to court next week.

But my question is what is my next step how do I get help? It seems like I am hitting road blocks and the more I try the more I have problems and it goes against me.

Sorry for the length just wanted to be thorough
 
I also had a few other little questions just curiosities didn't know if I should post them here or start new threads please let me know and then I will proceed with the questions. Thanks in advance for your help this site seems way better than the other one I was looking at
 
Sometimes we have to use finesse rather exerting force.

The more you pull, the harder he pushes.

A bum like this deadbeat doesn't have anyone on the inside.

He has you.

You're your own worst enemy.

I suggest you compromise and stop fighting.

Is this how you want to live your life for the next decade?

So dad gets extra time with his daughter, so what?

I don't see a legal problem in all of this.

There is nothing to fix.

The judge has ruled.

It is never worth the $12/week in child support to have a bum like this in your life.

Good luck.

This will be over by 2021 or 2022.
 
jaysma said:
Hi all...I am going to try and keep this short. I looked for help on another forum and they were not very nice there so maybe someone here can just point me the right way.

Here goes:

I was with my ex for 11 years in that time he was extremely physcially abusive and abused drugs. I finally got out 3 years ago only to find out one week later that he had someone else 7 months pregnant. He cleaned out my bank account went off with the car I purchased because it was in his name and pretty much left my daughter and myself on the street. She was 7 at the time of all of this and we had gone back and forth for years.
So when it ended I can't lie I was angry and hurt and wanted no contact but he didn't make much of an effort either. A year after the split he started trying to come back around I refused him so he took me to court. He wanted visitation so at that point I filed for child support. My daughter really wanted nothing to do with him she was so angry but we went to court and the judge ordered him to pay child support and gave him visits right off the bat he gave him 2 overnights a month...I thought that was a little much because of all that had gone on and was hoping for supervised visits but he got what he wanted. Now fast forward...we had many issues that he brought me back and forth to court for. Rather then to bore you with all of it I will go to what is going on today.

He took me to court back in January and I was notified but was only given 2 weeks to prepare. I requested an adjournment and they said I would get it in the mail because I was fed up with it all so I decided to hire an attorney. I went on 1/3/11 and retained an attorney and he was working on everything on 1/13/11 I received an order in the mail stating that court was on 1/10/11 and that my ex was present and I was not (because I was never served with a new date). They gave him full weekend visits at that time (previous court dates he requested full weekends but was denied and was told that he needed to go to counseling with our child first, he never went to counseling with her) He was also awarded that I pick our child up from visits (my problem is that he moved almost an hour away I don't feel as though I should have to) Lastly they told him that he would be allowed to claim her on his taxes (my problem with this is he pays the minimal in child support and only had her for a total of 18 days in the last 13 months). So with that said I was livid. My attorney filed a motion to reconsider and stated that I was never served at all. We also asked that he pay half for her medical and half for her braces. I got a letter from the judge saying all requests have been denied, no explanation just DENIED.

So we then decided to file again now requesting that my ex not be allowed to claim her on taxes if he is in arears with CS, we requested half of medical and he pay half for her braces, and we requested that he bring my daughter back home like he used to. We supported it all with showing that he was behind in child support, we showed proof of her bill for braces and a letter from the doctor proving necessity, and I showed proof of altercations my ex had with me the few times I picked her up and statements from police stating that he is violent and a letter from internal affairs because he resisted the police and claims they were too rough and is now trying to sue the police (this is the second time he's pulling something like this)

I got a letter telling me that my judge was moved to criminal and someone else would be taking over the case. No problem in my eyes....well the date was set for 5/13 but it was to be done on paper. The morning of 5/13 I get a certified letter in the mail at 10am. I open it up and it says that court was adjourned and rescheduled to go before the court on 5/13 at 9am and I am to appear. Well it's now an hour past that and a little late. I called my attorney and they had no knowledge of anything and were never served at all. I got the order over immediately after and it stated my ex is still not responsible for the braces and that my daughter has to be put on his insurance (it's not his it's his girlfriends and she's not legally supposed to be on there we have been down this road already) it also states that I am no longer to pick the child up from my ex but that my sister or mother now have to drive the hour to do it.

I am irritated because nothing was done and I can only imagine what my ex said to the judge that day. SO...with all of this said I need to get my mother and sister off of there because this is a burden and I still need to get the insurance issue fixed. My attorney seems to be doing nothing for me at all he basically said it is what it is. I realize I won't win them all and the extended visits are what they are at this point and I can't do anything about it. But there are things I can try and fix and it's not going to get done on its own and I am not being served in time.

WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I GET THIS FIXED???

More recently the day of court he called my mother and told her he has someone on the inside ( I don't believe it) and that's why I am not being served. Then he threatened my mother and told her he would have my parents charged with things criminally for things that they have nothing to do with and told her that he would tell the courts I am on drugs and doing illegal activities...my family and I couldn't be more legal so I am not worried but we don't need the problems either. So my mother did press charges on him for harrassment and intimidation they go to court next week.

But my question is what is my next step how do I get help? It seems like I am hitting road blocks and the more I try the more I have problems and it goes against me.

Sorry for the length just wanted to be thorough
Click to expand...
To be clear, you came across as controlling in your multiple other threads at FA and took umbrage when told this. You also gave horrible "advice" to other members. You were asked to stop advising to others and stick to your own thread.

I, personally, was (for me...lol) VERY NICE to you.
 
I came here for advice that is it....I have tried looking elsewhere and wasn't getting any info I needed this is why I am here. All I have done is asked for advice I would appreciate it just be at that.
 
army judge said:
Sometimes we have to use finesse rather exerting force.

The more you pull, the harder he pushes.

A bum like this deadbeat doesn't have anyone on the inside.

He has you.

You're your own worst enemy.

I suggest you compromise and stop fighting.

Is this how you want to live your life for the next decade?

So dad gets extra time with his daughter, so what?

I don't see a legal problem in all of this.

There is nothing to fix.

The judge has ruled.

It is never worth the $12/week in child support to have a bum like this in your life.

Good luck.

This will be over by 2021 or 2022.
Click to expand...

I don't want to live my life like this any longer. I didn't want him to have the extra day because my daughter doens't want to be with him and he WAS ordered to complete counseling with her which he never did. I feel as though he should do that if he wants to see her for extra time.

I need to go back to fix things because the insurance is now a mess and so are the visits...I wasn't there to discuss any of this and that's why it needs to be fixed my issues at this point the judge has ordered 2 family members of mine to drive almost an hour to pick my child up. This will not work for them my mother is older and it's a lot for her and has a lot on her plate and my sister can do it from time to time but she goes away on business often. So We still need to fix this situation
 
I'm not sure what you're asking in the legal sense.

You've had things ruled against you - and honestly your attorney is right. It is what it is.

I don't buy for one second that Dad has someone on the "inside".

Talk to your attorney about appealing the decision if you're unhappy with it. That is, literally, all you can do...because if you keep refiling motions you're going to seriously tick off the court and likely end up paying Dad's costs on top of not getting your way.

You were also advised to call the courthouse whenever you know you've got a hearing - just to keep checking on the schedule.
 
jaysma said:
I don't want to live my life like this any longer. I didn't want him to have the extra day because my daughter doens't want to be with him and he WAS ordered to complete counseling with her which he never did. I feel as though he should do that if he wants to see her for extra time.

I need to go back to fix things because the insurance is now a mess and so are the visits...I wasn't there to discuss any of this and that's why it needs to be fixed my issues at this point the judge has ordered 2 family members of mine to drive almost an hour to pick my child up. This will not work for them my mother is older and it's a lot for her and has a lot on her plate and my sister can do it from time to time but she goes away on business often. So We still need to fix this situation
Click to expand...



You do realize that what YOU want is completely irrelevant, correct? Your daughter doesn't get to choose - it's a court ORDER. Not a suggestion. If she decided that she didn't want to go to school would you allow her to make that decision too? Didn't think so ;)

And the judge HAS NOT ordered your family to pick up - the judge merely listed who COULD pick up the child.
 
I made the comment that I don't want to live my life like that anymore because you asked the question do I want to keep living my life like this....

The attorney said the judge put in the order that my mother or sister will pick up the child on my behalf and he can't order someone to do something if they are not involved or in agreeance. So I am confused basically if they don't do it then I don't get her back from him...

The judge ordered these things and I didn't get to speak. I was told to check with the courts after the fact of all of this. As well we had the date set in stone but it was to have been done on paper they waited until the last minute to decide that we were supposed to appear. As well I kind of figured it was my attorney's job to find this out and the courts job to contact him not me?

I just feel as though since I didn't really get a chance and my ex manipulates the way he does and things are a mess now I should be able to go back as it was the courts fault?
 
The court will try to notify you, but if you do not have the correct address on record with them, you may not get the notices in time. If your attorney has not filed an entry of appearance on your behalf the court does not know to send him/her a notice. This is your child and your case, you need to be proactive and ensure you are getting the information you are seeking before your hearings. The information is public and in my county they post the week's hearings online. There is also a site where you can look up the public information on any case. I check mine daily as my son's dad and his lawyer have been known to send motions to the wrong address or in my maiden name (been married 8 years now) so that I do not get them in time. I have not missed one yet because I check the website available to me. Find out what is available in your area. If nothing else you can certainly contact the court and verify they have your correct name/mailing address on file with them.
 
momma_2_four said:
The court will try to notify you, but if you do not have the correct address on record with them, you may not get the notices in time. If your attorney has not filed an entry of appearance on your behalf the court does not know to send him/her a notice. This is your child and your case, you need to be proactive and ensure you are getting the information you are seeking before your hearings. The information is public and in my county they post the week's hearings online. There is also a site where you can look up the public information on any case. I check mine daily as my son's dad and his lawyer have been known to send motions to the wrong address or in my maiden name (been married 8 years now) so that I do not get them in time. I have not missed one yet because I check the website available to me. Find out what is available in your area. If nothing else you can certainly contact the court and verify they have your correct name/mailing address on file with them.
Click to expand...



That is excellent advice.
 
momma_2_four said:
The court will try to notify you, but if you do not have the correct address on record with them, you may not get the notices in time. If your attorney has not filed an entry of appearance on your behalf the court does not know to send him/her a notice. This is your child and your case, you need to be proactive and ensure you are getting the information you are seeking before your hearings. The information is public and in my county they post the week's hearings online. There is also a site where you can look up the public information on any case. I check mine daily as my son's dad and his lawyer have been known to send motions to the wrong address or in my maiden name (been married 8 years now) so that I do not get them in time. I have not missed one yet because I check the website available to me. Find out what is available in your area. If nothing else you can certainly contact the court and verify they have your correct name/mailing address on file with them.
Click to expand...

We checked the address both times and they had it correct the first time they didn't send out anything at all the second time they sent it out the day before court. Which again I WAS aware of but I was aware that it was being done on paper and they did not want us to appear. They changed their mind last minute and didn't notify myself or my attorney. We did check into seeing if it can be checked online and they don't do that in my county. :(
 
As long as there is a hearing on the calendar, I will show up in the assigned courtroom regardless if my lawyer believes it will be done on "paper". I had a hearing "canceled" last week. Even after my lawyer called to confirm it was canceled I double checked with the court to be sure it was no longer on the docket. Had it been, I would have been there. This is your kid! You have a responsibility to ensure you are doing whatever is best for them. Get in there and do it. If the court really is not the best at getting hearing notices out, then you need to pick up the slack and call them. If there is no online option available (I'd sure make that request as there are private agencies that build those suckers for low cost for gov't entities), then I would be calling the clerk daily, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, bi-monthly, etc. Whatever it took to ensure I had the hearing information at all times.

Have you verified your attorney has filed an entry of appearance with the court? If they have not, they will NOT get notified of any motions, hearings, or changes. Is it possible your attorney is just not a good one? I have a friend whose attorney is like that. He just is not very good. He misses hearings all the time and my friend does as well for the same reason. This is one area where you are really the person responsible to make sure you don't miss anything. If you take that approach, I'm sure you will find a way to get the hearing information and you'll never miss another one.
 
In all the years I never had these issues with the courts. The first time I had the issue I retained the attorney already but he hadn't had a chance to do anything. I figured now after that happened and we filed the motion to reconsider and it was denied and then when he filed new motions and he indeed filed with the court I called the courthouse this afternoon and asked for everything and they said yes they had it on file they don't know what went wrong with scheduling. So, apparently this is a new issue and again being that I had an attorney this time around and neither of us heard anything at all I was under the impression that if someone heard anything it would be the attorney. As well the clerk told me that she can't give me any information because I have an attorney so I would have to call them and have them call. Trust me I call the attorney's office at least 3 times a week. They are tired of me already but understand at this point. I just want to know what I can do to get these things reversed or heard again being that it was their fault. It's not fair that everything I worked so hard to get in order was changed because I wasn't served and everything went against me.
 
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