Rights of Alleged Father of Unborn Child

[Corn2010]

Man is told he is father of unborn child. There is no relationship between couple. They dated briefly, ended relationship 7-8 weeks ago. Woman comes to Man one week ago and indicates he is father. Says she had abortion scheduled. Her mother talked her out of it. Her mother wants her to move to a distant state where she lives and they will raise the child together. Mother is pushing for this, because she was unable to have children herself. Basically forcing her adopted daughter to have the child.

Neither one of the couple is ready for children. Man prefers - in the best interest of the child it be placed for adoption to loving, committed family who will raise the child, providing the love and care needed. Woman has no job and didn't finish college. Man is recent college graduate, out of work for two years, school loans, no savings, recently found job and studio apartment, makes in low $20,000 range. Neither has much to offer a child, and no relationship to raise the child together.

Woman has stated she will ask nothing of man, she will go home to her mother.

Paternity is in question. Woman said she was six weeks pregnant. When Man said they broke up prior to that, Woman revised length.

Woman said she was on birth control. Recognize man should still have used protection, but indicates pattern of lying.

Woman knew she was pregnant, test was already confirmed, and she went on a drinking binge, and was violently sick for two days after. Demonstrates immaturity.

Questions:

How early can paternity be established? If woman refuses, can man petition for paternity test. Who is responsible for costs?

If man is determined to be the father, does he have any rights regarding decision of keeping/putting the baby up for adoption? If woman refuses, can the man petition for this if it could be demonstrated the woman is not ready/fit to be a mother?

Woman currently has no health insurance plan. Who is responsible for her prenatal care and hospital expenses for her and the child if she will not agree to put the baby up for adoption? Woman has no health insurance - quit school and was no longer under a parent's health policy. had a job for a short time that offered benefits, but quit that and didn't tell parents, so she is uninsured.

Who is responsible for the health insurance of the child if born and not put up for adoption?

If woman insists on having the child, says she wants no involvement or assistance from the father, moves a great distance away, and the man is going to have no involvement in the child's life, is there any type of legal document that could be completed which terminates the father's parental rights, and ends his legal obligation to the child, which would protect him, if in the future, the mother decides to request support and requests many dollars of back support?

Since the woman informed the man of this, and after their initial two discussions, she has not responded to or contacted the man. Is it still best to continue to try to contact her, and establish paternity at this time? What would happen if she disappears for months, years, and then came back and requested support?

Are there any other considerations of which the man should be aware?

 

[Proserpina]

Man is told he is father of unborn child. There is no relationship between couple. They dated briefly, ended relationship 7-8 weeks ago. Woman comes to Man one week ago and indicates he is father. Says she had abortion scheduled. Her mother talked her out of it. Her mother wants her to move to a distant state where she lives and they will raise the child together. Mother is pushing for this, because she was unable to have children herself. Basically forcing her adopted daughter to have the child.

Neither one of the couple is ready for children. Man prefers - in the best interest of the child it be placed for adoption to loving, committed family who will raise the child, providing the love and care needed. Woman has no job and didn't finish college. Man is recent college graduate, out of work for two years, school loans, no savings, recently found job and studio apartment, makes in low $20,000 range. Neither has much to offer a child, and no relationship to raise the child together.

Woman has stated she will ask nothing of man, she will go home to her mother.

Paternity is in question. Woman said she was six weeks pregnant. When Man said they broke up prior to that, Woman revised length.

Woman said she was on birth control. Recognize man should still have used protection, but indicates pattern of lying.

Woman knew she was pregnant, test was already confirmed, and she went on a drinking binge, and was violently sick for two days after. Demonstrates immaturity.

Questions:

How early can paternity be established? If woman refuses, can man petition for paternity test. Who is responsible for costs?

There isn't a court in the land which will order Mom to comply with prenatal paternity test.

Wait until the child is born, then file to establish paternity. Whoever is responsible for payment will be decided at the time.

If man is determined to be the father, does he have any rights regarding decision of keeping/putting the baby up for adoption? If woman refuses, can the man petition for this if it could be demonstrated the woman is not ready/fit to be a mother?

Dad cannot force Mom to put the child up for adoption. In order for Mom's rights to be terminated involuntarily, the court would have to show Mom to be unfit. That is incredibly difficult to do.

Woman currently has no health insurance plan. Who is responsible for her prenatal care and hospital expenses for her and the child if she will not agree to put the baby up for adoption? Woman has no health insurance - quit school and was no longer under a parent's health policy. had a job for a short time that offered benefits, but quit that and didn't tell parents, so she is uninsured.

Mom is responsible for her healthcare. Dad can be ordered to reimburse Mom for a portion of costs relating to the birth.

Who is responsible for the health insurance of the child if born and not put up for adoption?

The noncustodial parent is often responsible for carrying health insurance on the child.

If woman insists on having the child, says she wants no involvement or assistance from the father, moves a great distance away, and the man is going to have no involvement in the child's life, is there any type of legal document that could be completed which terminates the father's parental rights, and ends his legal obligation to the child, which would protect him, if in the future, the mother decides to request support and requests many dollars of back support?

Only if Mommy remarries and has a stepparent willing to adopt the child. Dad has the right to file for joint custody and visitation too, btw.

Mom has the right the file for child support at any time although generally back support is only ordered to the date of filing....so if Mom waits 13 years, it's unlikely that Dad will be ordered to pay for the full 13 years.

Since the woman informed the man of this, and after their initial two discussions, she has not responded to or contacted the man. Is it still best to continue to try to contact her, and establish paternity at this time? What would happen if she disappears for months, years, and then came back and requested support?

Are there any other considerations of which the man should be aware?

Again, paternity will not be established until after the child is born.

The man should be aware that if he's found to be Dad, he's going to be in all likelihood paying child support and that if Mom goes on welfare during any time in the child's life, the state can, and will, come after Dad for reimbursement.

 

[Corn2010]

Should the man find an attorney? Are there any legal services or groups that help a low income person in a circumstance such as this?

 

[Proserpina]

There really isn't a whole lot of point at this juncture; what exactly is Potential Dad wanting to do?

Perhaps if we know that we can assist further

 

[Corn2010]

Potential Dad is in shock. Concerned whether the child is really his. If it is, because of there being no relationship between the mother and himself, and because of neither of them being financially or emotionally ready for a child, he thinks it in the best interest to find an adoptive family. He recognizes doing this will provide a stable home and life for the child, and will be providing a family who is ready for a child a gift and treasure.

If the mother disappears, he doesn't know what to do. If she asks for support, he recognizes he will be obligated to provide it if he is the father. Of course, if someone provides support, they may feel they have a right to a relationship with the child, however he recognizes this will be difficult as he and the mother have no relationship, and she may leave the state. Already he has tried to contact her to see what decisions she has made, and she has not responded. He feels it best to establish paternity and make decisions jointly - such as the possibility of adoption, but believes the mother will make whatever decision she wants. While he understands the financial obligations, it is difficult to accept that her decisions (to get pregnant, to keep the child, etc) will affect him, and he will have no control over it. Again, he knows his obligations, and will meet them as best he can, however he is truly concerned because with his school loan payments and a modest apartment, he is barely able to make ends meet to support himself. He is also taking steps to obtain his master's degree, and during the time he goes back to school, he would likely have little or no income.

 

[army judge]

Should the man find an attorney? Are there any legal services or groups that help a low income person in a circumstance such as this?

In most states, the court or the state will pay for the DNA test once the baby is born.

In many states where you have to pay the state for a DNA test, the cost is very low.

It is usually less than $50.

If you doubt the paternity of the child, you should not sign the birth certificate or other birth related documents as the putative father.

Do nothing until the baby is born.

Then you can have your paternity proven or disproven by a DNA test.

Admit to nothing, pay nothing, say nothing until a DNA test has shown whether you are the father or not!

Until paternity is established avoid prolonged contact with the woman.

Finally, now you know why you should avoid unprotected sex!!!

 

[Proserpina]

In most states, the court or the state will pay for the DNA test once the baby is born.

In many states where you have to pay the state for a DNA test, the cost is very low.

It is usually less than $50.

If you doubt the paternity of the child, you should not sign the birth certificate or other birth related documents as the putative father.

Do nothing until the baby is born.

Then you can have your paternity proven or disproven by a DNA test.

Admit to nothing, pay nothing, say nothing until a DNA test has shown whether you are the father or not!

Until paternity is established avoid prolonged contact with the woman.

Finally, now you know why you should avoid unprotected sex!!!

Holy carp - in WA State (at least in two counties I'm painfully familiar with), those court-ordered DNA tests are running $200!

Gosh if my SD was able to do it for $50 she'd be thrilled...

Other than that, OP, this is good advice.

 

[army judge]

Holy carp - in WA State (at least in two counties I'm painfully familiar with), those court-ordered DNA tests are running $200!

Gosh if my SD was able to do it for $50 she'd be thrilled...

Other than that, OP, this is good advice.

I'll post a list of costs charged for DNA tests when I get home.

As an example, I recall Michigan charging only $30 (maybe it was $20), point is it was cheap.

Washington isn't the norm on DNA costs.

Many states subsidize the costs, because they lock in the father to assist with supporting the baby.

In the end, by proving paternity, the state saves the taxpayer's money!!!

Besides, $200 is fairly cheap to prove, in the immortal words of Maury, "Bobby, you are NOT the father!!!"

 

[Proserpina]

LOL yes, I do agree that $200 is but a drop in the proverbial ocean if it results in OP being declared free from financial responsibility for another human for the next 18 years!

Yeap, WA is actually quite strange in many things relating to child custody etc., Such is the burden of living here...

 

[army judge]

INFORMATION ON DNA TESTING COSTS IN TEXAS​

In Texas, the state pays the entire costs of DNA testing!

I guess that is why I suspected it was a relatively cheap process.

But, as you said, even if its $200, that's cheaper than supporting another MAN'S baby for 18 years!

I've been told that if paternity testing had been around for 100 years, that at least 40% of all births would been proven contrary to the LIES that SOME women have told.

I don't know if that's true, but I do know that it stops a lot of financial fraud from being perpetrated on many unsuspecting men today!

If costs of paternity testing is a problem, just call "1-866-99-MAURY or 1-866-996-2879"

Maury will pay for your hotel, meals, paternity test, flight, and incidentals; if you appear on his show and clown for America!

Who pays for paternity tests in Texas?

There is no charge for paternity testing in Texas.

http://www.oag.state.tx.us/AG_Publications/txts/paternity.shtml

 

[Gail_in_Georgia]

OP, quit saying this couple had no relationship.

Their relationship may have consisted of a couple of exercises of mattress mambo but the guy didn't snail mail his sperm into the woman.

Gail

 

[army judge]

OP, quit saying this couple had no relationship.

Their relationship may have consisted of a couple of exercises of mattress mambo but the guy didn't snail mail his sperm into the woman.

Gail

The guy didn't "snail mail his sperm" into the woman? :blush

Precious, frigging, precious!

 

[jharris352]

OP, as the father of 7 children (most of whom I didn't plan-but I love and care for them all) you really don't want me to say how I feel about your totally self centered post. "You're in shock?" Were you not aware that this is how babies came into being? "She isn't a fit Mother" but I suppose she was good enough to screw a time or two?

And the real zinger in your post:

Of course, if someone provides support, they may feel they have a right to a relationship with the child, however he recognizes this will be difficult as he and the mother have no relationship, and she may leave the state.

So let me get this right, the only way you think you need to give this baby your time is if you are FORCED to support IT. Since I'm forced to give money I guess I ought to get something out of it. Excuse me while I take in the monumental SELFISHNESS of that statement.

Here the bad news Romeo. When you decide to sleep with her unprotected you have accepted the responsibility of any child that comes about. I'm not surprised you "contest" paternity, it seems to be your last hope. Since she isn't going to kill the child for your convenience, let's just hope it isn't yours. It seems you would be thrilled for the child to go to her Mother, except you might be required to support the child. After all, this is completely about your rights not the fact that you have irresponsibly brought a child into the world that you don't want, can't afford, and don't have the maturity for. And you say she is immature?

Let her go to her Mom. When the baby is born if they don't ask for child support, the baby never has to know you. If they get public assistance the State, they will eventually come after you. Who should pay for the prenatal care? YOU but I doubt you have it in you to do so. Is it yours, maybe, maybe not, but you certainly know it could be.

A DNA test costs about $200. It's well worth the money if the child is not yours. I normally don't tear into a poster like I have you, and quite frankly I've erased the more stinging comments I've made. Sex isn't a play thing. if you are going to do it do it right. You don't need a baby, and a baby doesn't need you. One day maybe you will grow up, and you will have a precious child and know what I mean. Now excuse me while I go hug my children.

 

[BayState]

Man is told he is father of unborn child. There is no relationship between couple. They dated briefly, ended relationship 7-8 weeks ago. Woman comes to Man one week ago and indicates he is father. Says she had abortion scheduled. Her mother talked her out of it. Her mother wants her to move to a distant state where she lives and they will raise the child together. Mother is pushing for this, because she was unable to have children herself. Basically forcing her adopted daughter to have the child.

Neither one of the couple is ready for children. Man prefers - in the best interest of the child it be placed for adoption to loving, committed family who will raise the child, providing the love and care needed. Woman has no job and didn't finish college. Man is recent college graduate, out of work for two years, school loans, no savings, recently found job and studio apartment, makes in low $20,000 range. Neither has much to offer a child, and no relationship to raise the child together.

Woman has stated she will ask nothing of man, she will go home to her mother.

Paternity is in question. Woman said she was six weeks pregnant. When Man said they broke up prior to that, Woman revised length.

Woman said she was on birth control. Recognize man should still have used protection, but indicates pattern of lying.

Woman knew she was pregnant, test was already confirmed, and she went on a drinking binge, and was violently sick for two days after. Demonstrates immaturity.

Questions:

How early can paternity be established? If woman refuses, can man petition for paternity test. Who is responsible for costs?

If man is determined to be the father, does he have any rights regarding decision of keeping/putting the baby up for adoption? If woman refuses, can the man petition for this if it could be demonstrated the woman is not ready/fit to be a mother?

Woman currently has no health insurance plan. Who is responsible for her prenatal care and hospital expenses for her and the child if she will not agree to put the baby up for adoption? Woman has no health insurance - quit school and was no longer under a parent's health policy. had a job for a short time that offered benefits, but quit that and didn't tell parents, so she is uninsured.

Who is responsible for the health insurance of the child if born and not put up for adoption?

If woman insists on having the child, says she wants no involvement or assistance from the father, moves a great distance away, and the man is going to have no involvement in the child's life, is there any type of legal document that could be completed which terminates the father's parental rights, and ends his legal obligation to the child, which would protect him, if in the future, the mother decides to request support and requests many dollars of back support?

Since the woman informed the man of this, and after their initial two discussions, she has not responded to or contacted the man. Is it still best to continue to try to contact her, and establish paternity at this time? What would happen if she disappears for months, years, and then came back and requested support?

Are there any other considerations of which the man should be aware?

Who are you in this situation?

 

[Duranie]

Corn...you have no idea if this child is yours therefore you have NO RIGHTS at all until the child is born and you establish paternity. NO COURT is going to order a DNA test in utero as it is risky and overall unnecessary. Being unmarried you have basically no rights during the pregnany and the mother is free to move where she wants. She is also free to ask for child support and with that paternity will need to be established anyways especially if she goes on public assistance.

Most of what you said in your post is totally irrelevant. Mom is free to have the baby, even if its her mom that wants it. If you want to establish paternity and get visitation that is up to you. i would be making sure this baby was mine.

If your state has a putative fathers registty, sign up for it.

This is an expensive lesson in having unprotected sex. If you do not want a baby, take precautions and do not listen to women if they tell you that have it taken care of, they usually don't.

By the way JHARRIS....good for you for having 7 kids. I actually was not aware you were male. I hope we can agree to disagree on here. Peace offering (olive branch extended).

 

[jharris352]

Duranie, I finally know what your name means! I looked it up: I love Duran Duran. I am sorry we have gotten to sideways on the issue of CPS. I think we both could move a little. CPS, like anything else is not any stronger than their weakest link. I see most of the weak links. When they screw up I see it (I'm known for working on cases where they are at fault.) So, where you have had a positive experience seeing the cases where they were necessary, I've had a very negative experience, in dealing with those who were less than honorable about their position.

I don't really mean to malign those of you who are honorable about your job. It is a very necessary, very messy, thankless job. Even when you are 100% right few are happy with you. So I till try to temper my criticism, if you would, when you approach a new case, make sure you don't get jaded and start assuming the children would be better off somewhere else. (Not that I think you do, but its a hazard of being in CPS, you see so much that you start assuming).

Thanks for reaching out.

JH

 

[Corn2010]

Please, it is not the potential father who posted - the negative comments are not needed. It is already recognized that mistakes were made. For anyone who has posted advice, it is very much appreciated as there are so many considerations, and a person doesn't know where to go for advice. If there is any constructive advice, please continue to post this.

For those who are sending condeming posts, etc. Please, there is nothing that can be said that hasn't already been thought. No one can be harder on themself or already recognize the consequences more than the party involved - no additional negative replies are necessary - there is enough hurt, worry and self condemnation already...only helpful replies are requested and needed.

For those with comments on the relationship - what was referred to was any FUTURE relationship - not past. Obviously there was a relationship in the past. It wasn't considered a couple lays. It is a case of it not working out, both parties recognizing that and breaking it off. At no time was the woman referred to as being a lay. So please don't bring any pre existing anger or opinions you may have into this thread, and don't judge - you don't know the history, and shouldn't assume.

This is about trying to figure out the right or best way to handle this situation. Lambasting a person who posted who has genuine concerns, and is looking for genuine advice is certainly not necessary. Have some compassion please...

 

[army judge]

Please, it is not the potential father who posted - the negative comments are not needed. It is already recognized that mistakes were made. For anyone who has posted advice, it is very much appreciated as there are so many considerations, and a person doesn't know where to go for advice. If there is any constructive advice, please continue to post this.

For those who are sending condeming posts, etc. Please, there is nothing that can be said that hasn't already been thought. No one can be harder on themself or already recognize the consequences more than the party involved - no additional negative replies are necessary - there is enough hurt, worry and self condemnation already...only helpful replies are requested and needed.

For those with comments on the relationship - what was referred to was any FUTURE relationship - not past. Obviously there was a relationship in the past. It wasn't considered a couple lays. It is a case of it not working out, both parties recognizing that and breaking it off. At no time was the woman referred to as being a lay. So please don't bring any pre existing anger or opinions you may have into this thread, and don't judge - you don't know the history, and shouldn't assume.

This is about trying to figure out the right or best way to handle this situation. Lambasting a person who posted who has genuine concerns, and is looking for genuine advice is certainly not necessary. Have some compassion please...

Simply put, there is nothing the alleged father can do UNTIL the baby is born.

Once the baby is born, he can request a DNA test.

There might be nothing else left to do, say, or consider after the DNA test has been revealed.

The alleged father might be the father.

So, until the test has been requested, all you can do is wait, hope, and pray!


Once the baby has been born, this is how you go about getting the DNA test done.
It only costs $34 to be tested.
If you aren't the father, you can get teh $34 back, from the ACTUAL father whenever the court identifies him.

If the alleged father denies he is the father, or is not sure he is the father, genetic testing of the mother, child, and alleged father may be conducted. Genetic tests are highly accurate; their results indicate a probability of paternity and can establish a legal presumption of paternity. These tests can exclude a man who is not the father and can also indicate the likelihood of paternity if he is not excluded. Child Support Enforcement has a contract with LabCorp, a genetic testing laboratory, to conduct genetic tests for a cost of $34 per person tested.


http://www.nd.gov/dhs/services/childsupport/progserv/paternity/

 

[BayState]

Please, it is not the potential father who posted - the negative comments are not needed. It is already recognized that mistakes were made. For anyone who has posted advice, it is very much appreciated as there are so many considerations, and a person doesn't know where to go for advice. If there is any constructive advice, please continue to post this.

For those who are sending condeming posts, etc. Please, there is nothing that can be said that hasn't already been thought. No one can be harder on themself or already recognize the consequences more than the party involved - no additional negative replies are necessary - there is enough hurt, worry and self condemnation already...only helpful replies are requested and needed.

For those with comments on the relationship - what was referred to was any FUTURE relationship - not past. Obviously there was a relationship in the past. It wasn't considered a couple lays. It is a case of it not working out, both parties recognizing that and breaking it off. At no time was the woman referred to as being a lay. So please don't bring any pre existing anger or opinions you may have into this thread, and don't judge - you don't know the history, and shouldn't assume.

This is about trying to figure out the right or best way to handle this situation. Lambasting a person who posted who has genuine concerns, and is looking for genuine advice is certainly not necessary. Have some compassion please...

Again...Who are you in this situation? There is a GOOD reason I am asking this polite question.

 

[Proserpina]

Please, it is not the potential father who posted - the negative comments are not needed. It is already recognized that mistakes were made. For anyone who has posted advice, it is very much appreciated as there are so many considerations, and a person doesn't know where to go for advice. If there is any constructive advice, please continue to post this.

For those who are sending condeming posts, etc. Please, there is nothing that can be said that hasn't already been thought. No one can be harder on themself or already recognize the consequences more than the party involved - no additional negative replies are necessary - there is enough hurt, worry and self condemnation already...only helpful replies are requested and needed.

For those with comments on the relationship - what was referred to was any FUTURE relationship - not past. Obviously there was a relationship in the past. It wasn't considered a couple lays. It is a case of it not working out, both parties recognizing that and breaking it off. At no time was the woman referred to as being a lay. So please don't bring any pre existing anger or opinions you may have into this thread, and don't judge - you don't know the history, and shouldn't assume.

This is about trying to figure out the right or best way to handle this situation. Lambasting a person who posted who has genuine concerns, and is looking for genuine advice is certainly not necessary. Have some compassion please...

I'm sorry, but which of the original questions weren't answered?

Of course we don't know the entire situation and all of the details - because evidently neither of the involved parties have chosen to share those relevant details. We can only comment based upon what is posted.

Now as far as compassion goes....do you really think that volunteering our time, knowledge and advice isn't compassionate?

Really?