Need help regarding ex

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lfoster220

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My ex recently has a new girlfriend. While my child was with him during his last visition (which is rare) he took my daughter to his girfiends house without notifying me of her whereabouts. It came to my attention that while there he allowed her 5 yr old son to sleep with my 7 yr old dauther in the same bed. :no: Before his next visition I asked where they were going to be staying and he stated his girlfriends house. I then asked for her address, last name, and phone number. He gave me an address (who knows if it's even correct) but refused to provide me with her last name or phone number. I asked him to be a responsible adult and not have the children sleep together which he refused and stated I was trying to control his life. What legal rights do I have in this situation?

PLEASE HELP:confused:
 
All you have is hearsay.
You need proof.
His time with the child, is his time.
It is not yours to control or monitor.
Unless the child is being harmed, there is nothing of any import here.
You can always hire an attorney and take it to court.
Or, you can petition the court and present what you believe to be your case.
If you believe the child is in danger, you can always report the matter to the appropriate police agency.
Alternatively, you can also contact CPS.
As far as rights, you have no more than does the father.
But, this isn't about you.
It should be about the child.
The court will remind you, that YOU chose to have a child with HIM!
 
Thank you

I don't feel this is "hear say" because he admitted that they slept together. What happened to old fashion morals and common sense? Did that vanish in the wind when my daughter was born and we, as a couple, didn't work out? I understand completely that I can not "control" what happens when she is with him but I will die trying to make a good life for my daughter. I repeatedly state MY because I am the only "constant" in her life. Just because I decided to have a child with this person has nothing to do with him current judgment. Her father has been unemployed a year and a half and has seen his daughter less times then I can count on my hands. 8 out of 10 child molestations cases happen from people they know.
 
Yes, technically, she is our child. However, I am the one that is raising her. I am the one that holds her every time he doesn't show up to get her or doesn't call to say he isn't going to come. I am the one that is there when she's had a bad day at school. I am the one that is there when she gets hurt playing. I am the one that is there when she isn't feeling well. I am the one that she can depend on and trust to be there for her no matter what. Her father never calls, doesn't answer his phone, I have no idea what his true address is (simply because he refuses to give it to me...which is stated in our papers that he will provide me with the address he resides at). He doesn't return phone calls and only sees MY daughter when it is convenient for him. So when I say MY daughter.....I mean it. And GAIL...if that is all you have to contribute...you can keep your bitter comments to yourself. I am asking for advice....not an education on the english language.
 
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lfoster220 said:
I don't feel this is "hear say" because he admitted that they slept together. What happened to old fashion morals and common sense? Did that vanish in the wind when my daughter was born and we, as a couple, didn't work out? I understand completely that I can not "control" what happens when she is with him but I will die trying to make a good life for my daughter. I repeatedly state MY because I am the only "constant" in her life. Just because I decided to have a child with this person has nothing to do with him current judgment. Her father has been unemployed a year and a half and has seen his daughter less times then I can count on my hands. 8 out of 10 child molestations cases happen from people they know.
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Is there some kind of evidence that molestation is taking palce? I agree I would not want my 7 year old sleeping in the same bed as a 5 year old boy that she hardly knows but Its not right to accuse anyone of molestation without some sort of reason and that by far is no reason.
 
lfoster220 said:
Yes, technically, she is our child. However, I am the one that is raising her. I am the one that holds her every time he doesn't show up to get her or doesn't call to say he isn't going to come. I am the one that is there when she's had a bad day at school. I am the one that is there when she gets hurt playing. I am the one that is there when she isn't feeling well. I am the one that she can depend on and trust to be there for her no matter what. Her father never calls, doesn't answer his phone, I have no idea what his true address is (simply because he refuses to give it to me...which is stated in our papers that he will provide me with the address he resides at). He doesn't return phone calls and only sees MY daughter when it is convenient for him. So when I say MY daughter.....I mean it. And GAIL...if that is all you have to contribute...you can keep your bitter comments to yourself. I am asking for advice....not an education on the english language.
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I also commend you on being a terrific parent. Its the job of a good parent to worry about the child. I would and its our jobs as parents to ask and know everything about our children weather at home at her fathers or at school etc. If you do not feel combfortable about the situation then ask ask ask. talk to an attorney about your options. If you feel like something is wrong then get to the bottom of it. I ask my kids all the time, even when they leavethe grandparents, if anyone touched them hit them or anything unusual, to me thats being a good parent. again Great job on being alert and worried and talk to your attorney. One thing you do not want to do is put any (more) negative thought about her father if this is all about nothing. Also have you talked to him about her sleeping in the bed with the boy?? Good Luck and hope everything works out.
 
Stop attacking Gail and listen to the point. You are a bit dramatic and I'm being kind. You have to understand we see people here all the time in your situation and there is ALWAYS two sides to every story.

I believe you have an issue that needs to be resolved and we are willing to help you. However I also believe that you are a very dramatic person who probably blows every thing out of shape. Here are the things that are LEGAL in nature that you can deal with.

1. If your divorce decree states that he is to give you his address, withhold the child from visits until he gives it to you and it is verified (that is ok).

2. I would also think that you have the right to know the address and phone of his girlfriend IF AND I MEAN IF you will leave them alone. That address and phone number is for EMERGENCY USE ONLY.

3. Having a 5 year old boy and a 7 year old girl sleep in the same bed once in a while is simply not a federal case. (This and some of your other statements is where I get the Dramatic reading from). If the girlfriend's brother was sleeping with her that would be different (assuming he was an adult). Your comment about molestation is a bit over the top if you have no proof whatsoever that she is in danger of molestation.

4. I can tell just from your posting that you are hostile, emotional, and dramatic. It really isn't that bad, chill out. I would bet your next three child support payments that if you had the girlfriend's phone number you would call it repeatedly. If I am wrong and you can act like an adult about the fact your child is spending the night at another woman's house then you should have it.

If you attack him like you did Gail, then you are a good deal of the problem. Don't ask for free advice and then tell us how to give it. If you want to do that, go pay your attorney.

I hope it works out for you, I'm not trying to be mean, you aren't the first or the 100th female I've talked to in this situation. Just keep calm and focus on what IS HAPPENING not what might happen. When he has the child, that's his job.
 
And by the way, she is not TECHNICALLY his and yours, she IS his and yours. That thought process is a great deal of the problem. Just because you are the custodial parent does not mean she is more yours than his. Would you feel that way if he wrestled custody from you? Would you be ok with the child being HIS because he is there all the time? Of course not. So get it in your head that she has TWO parents, not just One with someone who has visitation rights.
 
jharris352 said:
Stop attacking Gail and listen to the point. You are a bit dramatic and I'm being kind. You have to understand we see people here all the time in your situation and there is ALWAYS two sides to every story.

I believe you have an issue that needs to be resolved and we are willing to help you. However I also believe that you are a very dramatic person who probably blows every thing out of shape. Here are the things that are LEGAL in nature that you can deal with.

1. If your divorce decree states that he is to give you his address, withhold the child from visits until he gives it to you and it is verified (that is ok).

2. I would also think that you have the right to know the address and phone of his girlfriend IF AND I MEAN IF you will leave them alone. That address and phone number is for EMERGENCY USE ONLY.

3. Having a 5 year old boy and a 7 year old girl sleep in the same bed once in a while is simply not a federal case. (This and some of your other statements is where I get the Dramatic reading from). If the girlfriend's brother was sleeping with her that would be different (assuming he was an adult). Your comment about molestation is a bit over the top if you have no proof whatsoever that she is in danger of molestation.

4. I can tell just from your posting that you are hostile, emotional, and dramatic. It really isn't that bad, chill out. I would bet your next three child support payments that if you had the girlfriend's phone number you would call it repeatedly. If I am wrong and you can act like an adult about the fact your child is spending the night at another woman's house then you should have it.

If you attack him like you did Gail, then you are a good deal of the problem. Don't ask for free advice and then tell us how to give it. If you want to do that, go pay your attorney.

I hope it works out for you, I'm not trying to be mean, you aren't the first or the 100th female I've talked to in this situation. Just keep calm and focus on what IS HAPPENING not what might happen. When he has the child, that's his job.
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I agree with all of this except #1.

If Dad is in contempt for failing to provide COURT ORDERED information, Mom should not place herself in CONTEMPT of a COURT ORDER as well. She should file a motion to show cause to resolve her legal issue.
 
Bay, I normally would totally agree with you, however; the purpose of having the address is for the protection of the child while she is with the father. Granted the child isn't really in danger but the Custodial parent has a right to know where the child is. SO, the best interests of the child prevail. In order to be punished for contempt she would have to do a lot more than that, especially since he is withholding vital information.

OP, Bay makes a good point. If you want to make perfectly sure you are ok, file Motion to compel or an attachment for contempt, ask for a temporary emergency stay of visitation and that will solve the problem.
 
I konw you feel that since you are the primary custodian that she is yours, but the others are right Its his daughter to. Hopefully he will become a more responsiable parent and not "stand her up" anymore. Remember if he keeps doing this then when she gets older she may choose not to see him so much. Again dont put any bad images or ideas about her father in her head. She needs a father in her life.
 
shes his too

lfoster220 said:
My ex recently has a new girlfriend. While my child was with him during his last visition (which is rare) he took my daughter to his girfiends house without notifying me of her whereabouts. It came to my attention that while there he allowed her 5 yr old son to sleep with my 7 yr old dauther in the same bed. :no: Before his next visition I asked where they were going to be staying and he stated his girlfriends house. I then asked for her address, last name, and phone number. He gave me an address (who knows if it's even correct) but refused to provide me with her last name or phone number. I asked him to be a responsible adult and not have the children sleep together which he refused and stated I was trying to control his life. What legal rights do I have in this situation?

PLEASE HELP:confused:
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where he takes the child and what he does on his time is his business-and none of yours.would you like him dictating where you take the child and what you do on your time? and btw, shes not just YOUR daughter, she is his daughter too. you need to remember he had a hand in making her, and has as many rights as you.
 
The point I was trying to make on this legal forum is that if paternity has been established (either through marriage or through the court system after paternity testing), this child is not "your" daughter; it is "our" daughter in the eyes of the law.

If one goes into court using the term "my" daughter..and this is inaccurate...a judge will quickly point this out.

Gail
 
Thank you. I am not saying anything has happened and I'm not accusing either of them of any molestation. I was just stating why I don't want her sleeping in the bed with him. If I come off as the bad person here that is not my intentions. I only have my daughters best intentions at heart. I would not use her number for any other purpose other than in an emergency. Yes, Harris, I am emotional. It gets really old trying to communicate with someone that doesn't want to hear you out and constantly finds reasons to shoot you down. I think it would make anyone emotional when I try and try to help him maintain a close bond with his daughter and he constantly hurts her (emotionally). Anyway......thanks to all who have taken the time out to post a comment.
 
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lfoster220 said:
Thank you. I am not saying anything has happened and I'm not accusing either of them of any molestation. I was just stating why I don't want her sleeping in the bed with him. If I come off as the bad person here that is not my intentions. I only have my daughters best intentions at heart. I would not use her number for any other purpose other than in an emergency. Yes, Harris, I am emotional. It gets really old trying to communicate with someone that doesn't want to hear you out and constantly finds reasons to shoot you down. I think it would make anyone emotional when I try and try to help him maintain a close bond with his daughter and he constantly hurts her (emotionally). Anyway......thanks to all who have taken the time out to post a comment.
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Next time send your daughter with an air mattress to sleep on...End of issue.
 
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