moving to different state.

Status
Not open for further replies.
J

jlh414

New Member
my daughters (6 yrs old) dad and I have been seperated for 4 years. At first he didn't even try to see her but after about 4 months, he came around. we agreed that she would live with me and visit him on the weekends. He did take her most of the time when he said he would. I have since married and he is also in a relationship. we both have more children. My ex and I have not been to court, but he does pay child support. A very little amount, but its there. My husband and I have decided to move to Virginia to be closer to family. We all (my husband and I and my ex and his fiance) sat down with my daughter and asked her if she wanted to stay here with her dad or move with us. We agreed at the time that she would spend the summer with whoever she didn't live with. We explained how long it was for and all details. After a couple days noone talking to her about it, she told us all that she wanted to move with us and spend summers with her dad. Her dad didn't take this well and said that if I took her out of state, he would have me arrested for kidnapping her.
I'm sorry for the long explanation, but my question is, is it illegal for me to move with her? Do I really have to stay in this state even tho she wants to go?
He has three other kids and is not financially stable to take her in full time.
 
jlh414 said:
my daughters (6 yrs old) dad and I have been seperated for 4 years. At first he didn't even try to see her but after about 4 months, he came around. we agreed that she would live with me and visit him on the weekends. He did take her most of the time when he said he would. I have since married and he is also in a relationship. we both have more children. My ex and I have not been to court, but he does pay child support. A very little amount, but its there. My husband and I have decided to move to Virginia to be closer to family. We all (my husband and I and my ex and his fiance) sat down with my daughter and asked her if she wanted to stay here with her dad or move with us. We agreed at the time that she would spend the summer with whoever she didn't live with. We explained how long it was for and all details. After a couple days noone talking to her about it, she told us all that she wanted to move with us and spend summers with her dad. Her dad didn't take this well and said that if I took her out of state, he would have me arrested for kidnapping her.
I'm sorry for the long explanation, but my question is, is it illegal for me to move with her? Do I really have to stay in this state even tho she wants to go?
He has three other kids and is not financially stable to take her in full time.
Click to expand...


1 - Were you and the child's father ever married?

2 - Has the father established his paternity as regards the child?

3 - He is paying you money, but NO court would consider it child support. Child support is only when a court has issued an order to pay child support. Absent such an order, the money he gives you is nothing mor ethan a gift.

If the answer to number 1 is no, then number 2 isn't really relevant?
He has no rights to YOUR child.
Unmarried fathers have no legal rights UNLESS they establish paternity, and seek court ordered visitation.
So, you don't need to seek his permission, as he has no legal rights towards YOUR child.

If I've missed something, please clear it up for me.

Otherwise, you can take YOUR child anywhere you wish to move.

But, I'd keep my mouth shut about where you are going.

He isn't well off, all the better for you.

But, I'd stop taking any money he tries to give you.

According to you, it isn't much, so why make problems for your new family?

Finally, a child as young as your daughter should not be allowed to choose where she wants to live.

She doesn't know this man, like you do.

If he hasn't proved paternity, he isn't legally her dad.

How you clean that up, however, is for you to determine.

It might be smart NOt to allow her to visit with this legal stranger again.
 
Last edited:
We were never married but he is on her birth certificate. the money she gets is court appointed child support. the only reason I receive that from him is because I was trying to het title 19 for her a couple years ago and my dhs worker said that in order for that to happen, I would have to cooperate with child support recovery unit. I have since taken her off of title 19 and tried to have child support stopped but my case woker said the only way I could stop it was if 1) we lived together again, or 2) she lived with him at least 50% of the time.
And I wanted to let my daughter know that she had the option to stay. I don't wait her to feel that I forced her away from her dad and other siblings. it is not a bad environment for her to be in. I wouldn't let her go there if I didn't know she was safe.
 
Well, on those new revelations, I suggest you consult an attorney in your county.

If you remove the child, you might make trouble for yourself.

He just might have the upper hand.




Sent from my iPad3 using Tapatalk HD
 
jlh414 said:
We were never married but he is on her birth certificate. the money she gets is court appointed child support. the only reason I receive that from him is because I was trying to het title 19 for her a couple years ago and my dhs worker said that in order for that to happen, I would have to cooperate with child support recovery unit. I have since taken her off of title 19 and tried to have child support stopped but my case woker said the only way I could stop it was if 1) we lived together again, or 2) she lived with him at least 50% of the time.
And I wanted to let my daughter know that she had the option to stay. I don't wait her to feel that I forced her away from her dad and other siblings. it is not a bad environment for her to be in. I wouldn't let her go there if I didn't know she was safe.
Click to expand...



Why - WHY - are you putting a 6 year old in the middle of this? :no:

Do you have any idea what you're doing to her? I'm sorry, but that's craptacular parenting.

Sigh. That aside, in Iowa the burden of proof is on the parent requesting the custody modification to prove why relocation (or not) is in the CHILD'S best interest.

Nobody is stopping YOU from moving. Nobody can keep YOU in state. But the court can absolutely keep your mutual child in the state.
 
It's not bad parenting. I'm doing what's best for my family. We are going to be closer to family, a great job offer, great school, more activities in general for all of us. Where we are now, theThere was no custody order. It has always been just a verbal agreement between us.
 
jlh414 said:
It's not bad parenting. I'm doing what's best for my family. We are going to be closer to family, a great job offer, great school, more activities in general for all of us. Where we are now, theThere was no custody order. It has always been just a verbal agreement between us.
Click to expand...

The six year olds family is DAD and Mom. ;)
 
I tend to disagree when the dad refuses to take the 6 year old for his weekend cuz he is taking his fiance and other kids to an amusement park and doesnt have room for "an extra kid". She doesnt want to live with him. she said she will run away if she has to stay. That has to count for something!
 
jlh414 said:
I tend to disagree when the dad refuses to take the 6 year old for his weekend cuz he is taking his fiance and other kids to an amusement park and doesnt have room for "an extra kid". She doesnt want to live with him. she said she will run away if she has to stay. That has to count for something!
Click to expand...

Have placed child in counseling? Have you suggested to Dad that he, you and child seek Family Counseling?
 
jlh414 said:
I tend to disagree when the dad refuses to take the 6 year old for his weekend cuz he is taking his fiance and other kids to an amusement park and doesnt have room for "an extra kid". She doesnt want to live with him. she said she will run away if she has to stay. That has to count for something!
Click to expand...




You'll be okay when she tells you that she will run away if you make her go to school, yes?
 
A 6 year old won't run very far. But, that same 6 year old could run smack dab into the hairy arms and sharp teeth of THE BIG BAD WOLF. Better keep a very close eye on the 6 year old.


Sent from my iPad3 using Tapatalk HD
 
Proserpina said:
Heh!

Bay, and my other Easties, please stay safe!!!!!
Click to expand...

Thank You Pro!

We were VERY lucky here in North Central Mass. Only a few lost power and, to my knowledge, no lives were lost. I hope that others on this and other sites were as lucky in this "frankenstorm".
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Share this page

Get a free case review from a lawyer
Back
Top