This is a very long story. Im writing this for my husband (just married 1 mo ago).
I have other threads about my own custody fights with my ex which have been resolved.
Now what is going on with my husband. When he was 17 he got a girl pregnant (allegedly) she was known for sleeping around, and even cheated on hi, while they were together. She had claimed she couldnt get pregnant, obviously she could. But thats just as much his fault as hers. Anyhow, my husband never did get a peternity test, and allowed her to name him as the father. He went into the navy so that he could support his child ( he was working at a fast food joint when she got pregnant). He has payed child support all these years, but only saw his son right after he was born, and when he was 2.
They lost contact while he was in the navy. She remarried right after his son was born, and his son has known his stepdad as his father all these years. She even had his last name changed to his while my husband was out to sea and couldnt be contacted for consent to change his last name.
Fast forward a few years (4 years ago) my husband got out of the navy and took a job that was closer to where his son was hoping to set up visitation with him. When he spoke with his sons mother she told him that his son had just been diagnosed with Asperger's and was advised by DR's that if he (my husband) were to come around it would confuse him too much. So my husband chose to stay away thinking it was best, but continued to pay child support.
Now last year my husband recieves a letter for information, because his ex wanted to modify child support. It tunrs out that she left her husband, Her job of 10 years with the state, to move from Oregon to california. She left her husband so that her father would put her back in his will and leave her a 90k inheritance. She was back with her husband within days of her father dying, he ( the husband) moved down to california.
So they are both now jobless, she blew through the 90k within months, and because they now have no jobs, no money she filed for modification.
My husband filled out the papers, and was not interested in fighting it, his child support had been the same amount for 12 years, and felt that a little increase was due. In the meantime he started asking around, trying to figure out if it was a good idea to try and see his son. He had plans to talk to a child psychologist to see how this would impact his son. Before he could talk to anyone, his mother told his son about him, within less than a day of talking with my husband.
We found out that his son was never diagnosed with Asperger's, in fact he is a pretty normal 12 year old kid. She lied to keep him away. After moving to Ca for a year, they packed the kids up again, and moved back to OR. Both times in the middle of the school year.
Now his ex posts everything about her life on FB, and the things we have found out are awful. Many posts from her about how depressed she is, how she wants to die. Her husband claims to be Bi-polar. She has accused, and had her husband arrested twice for domestic violence, claiming that he threatened to kill her and the kids (they have one child between them) but within a day she took him back, saying how much she adores him, and loves him.
Neither of them have had a job (well they had jobs they left after a short time) in the last year. She desperatly wants to be a stay at home mom. But she is psychologically not right.
TRhey want to uproot the kids again ( 3rd time in a year) back to CA. The kids didnt even finish out the school year after the first move.
Anyhow back to the child support, it was raised from 250.00 mo to 1000mo.
As a result my husband is losing his home, because he cannot handle that increase. And because the state took 3 months to put in into effect, he is being charged arrearages of 3200.00 which makes it 1200.00 a month out of his paycheck for the next year.
What can we do? He also wants to set up visitation with his son. We have plans to move back to Michigan in the next month. My husband will be staying here a few months until the plant opens in Detroit for his transfer.
Honestly if it wasnt for the fact that it would be hard on his son, the environment he is in isnt a very good one with two very emotionally, and physically unstable parents.
His stepdad had to go to court 4 years ago because he was accused of child abuse, and giving (the son) a black eye. I guess it was thrown out, not sure.
We were able to go up to OR this past weekend, and visit for the first time.
What recourse does my husband have? His ex has no intentions of looking for a job, she posts all the time about how she just wants to stay home.
What can we do? He wants to set up visitation, and somehow get child support reduced to a more manageable level.
I think its unfair that she can use my husband as an atm machine so she can play and stay home, yet she did what she could to cut him out of his sons life.
Please help.
I have other threads about my own custody fights with my ex which have been resolved.
Now what is going on with my husband. When he was 17 he got a girl pregnant (allegedly) she was known for sleeping around, and even cheated on hi, while they were together. She had claimed she couldnt get pregnant, obviously she could. But thats just as much his fault as hers. Anyhow, my husband never did get a peternity test, and allowed her to name him as the father. He went into the navy so that he could support his child ( he was working at a fast food joint when she got pregnant). He has payed child support all these years, but only saw his son right after he was born, and when he was 2.
They lost contact while he was in the navy. She remarried right after his son was born, and his son has known his stepdad as his father all these years. She even had his last name changed to his while my husband was out to sea and couldnt be contacted for consent to change his last name.
Fast forward a few years (4 years ago) my husband got out of the navy and took a job that was closer to where his son was hoping to set up visitation with him. When he spoke with his sons mother she told him that his son had just been diagnosed with Asperger's and was advised by DR's that if he (my husband) were to come around it would confuse him too much. So my husband chose to stay away thinking it was best, but continued to pay child support.
Now last year my husband recieves a letter for information, because his ex wanted to modify child support. It tunrs out that she left her husband, Her job of 10 years with the state, to move from Oregon to california. She left her husband so that her father would put her back in his will and leave her a 90k inheritance. She was back with her husband within days of her father dying, he ( the husband) moved down to california.
So they are both now jobless, she blew through the 90k within months, and because they now have no jobs, no money she filed for modification.
My husband filled out the papers, and was not interested in fighting it, his child support had been the same amount for 12 years, and felt that a little increase was due. In the meantime he started asking around, trying to figure out if it was a good idea to try and see his son. He had plans to talk to a child psychologist to see how this would impact his son. Before he could talk to anyone, his mother told his son about him, within less than a day of talking with my husband.
We found out that his son was never diagnosed with Asperger's, in fact he is a pretty normal 12 year old kid. She lied to keep him away. After moving to Ca for a year, they packed the kids up again, and moved back to OR. Both times in the middle of the school year.
Now his ex posts everything about her life on FB, and the things we have found out are awful. Many posts from her about how depressed she is, how she wants to die. Her husband claims to be Bi-polar. She has accused, and had her husband arrested twice for domestic violence, claiming that he threatened to kill her and the kids (they have one child between them) but within a day she took him back, saying how much she adores him, and loves him.
Neither of them have had a job (well they had jobs they left after a short time) in the last year. She desperatly wants to be a stay at home mom. But she is psychologically not right.
TRhey want to uproot the kids again ( 3rd time in a year) back to CA. The kids didnt even finish out the school year after the first move.
Anyhow back to the child support, it was raised from 250.00 mo to 1000mo.
As a result my husband is losing his home, because he cannot handle that increase. And because the state took 3 months to put in into effect, he is being charged arrearages of 3200.00 which makes it 1200.00 a month out of his paycheck for the next year.
What can we do? He also wants to set up visitation with his son. We have plans to move back to Michigan in the next month. My husband will be staying here a few months until the plant opens in Detroit for his transfer.
Honestly if it wasnt for the fact that it would be hard on his son, the environment he is in isnt a very good one with two very emotionally, and physically unstable parents.
His stepdad had to go to court 4 years ago because he was accused of child abuse, and giving (the son) a black eye. I guess it was thrown out, not sure.
We were able to go up to OR this past weekend, and visit for the first time.
What recourse does my husband have? His ex has no intentions of looking for a job, she posts all the time about how she just wants to stay home.
What can we do? He wants to set up visitation, and somehow get child support reduced to a more manageable level.
I think its unfair that she can use my husband as an atm machine so she can play and stay home, yet she did what she could to cut him out of his sons life.
Please help.