First let me state that I am paying child support and our son is 7 years old(going on 90). Mother & I are separated (not through the courts). Over the summer I had had him for 2 weeks straight in July and August. Mike (our son) expressed to me that he wanted to come stay with me. I did not respond but thought I have to prepare to have more time with him. I talked with his mom and split the time that way he could not miss one or the other. We BOTH talked to him and he was great with the idea. September started and as per our agreement I also had him Monday & Tuesdays along with alternate weekends. Mom is upset because because of my recent involvement and does not like the fact that our son gets along with her. He also tells Mom he wants to stay with me. This morning she tells me that she is sticking to the original agreement (alternate weekends). I haven't called back to speak with our son who is expecting me to come get him. Advice on all fronts. Do I call him and make up an excuse why I'm not coming to get him? Can she do this? I know the other obvious answer is for me to go to court and get it documented by the court, but assume it will be a battle at this point. In the interim can I get an immediate action in place for what we already established? I can prove this is what was already in place. I just need a starting point and what I might be able to do IMMEDIATELY so my son and I won't suffer. Please advise.
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Breaking Verbal agreement
- Thread Starter magareb
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army judge
Super Moderator
Your child is 7 years old, and should have no say in what you and his mother agree to do.
In the interim, you and she are bound ONLY to obey the current custody and visitation order.
In fact, she was smart to ask you to abide by the existing order.
Neither one of you is required to do more or less than what the order directs.
Would you want to pay more money, because she asked?
I'm not talking about gifts you choose to give your son, but court ordered child support.
The support order says $300 a week, and you pay her $600 a week.
So, don't expect her to give you her time.
You are getting your time.
If you want more time, go back to court and ask the judge.
In the end, its in everyone's best interest to obey the existing orders, no more or no less.
I apologize for the impression you have that we have an existing court order. We don't. We have an agreement for me to have him 2 days a week and alternate weekends. She is breaking that agreement. Prior to this, I only had him alternate weekends. Granted on one end our son was used to having both of us (right from birth) and we messed that up. But why should he pay for it because she is angry. He has as much right to be with me as he is with her. No more, no less. We agreed to this because WE both said this was in his best interest. Make no mistakes, nothing has gone wrong on my end for her to change the new verbal agreement. That is all we have is a verbal agreement. If I'm not mistaken, being able to have both of his parents equally would be the best case scenario (outside of us both being back together)? Why wouldn't he have a say in wanting to be with myself or her for that matter?
army judge
Super Moderator
No, you have no rights, as an unmarried father.
The unmarried mother has all the rights.
If you want rights, you need to go to court and get a child support order.
Why, because any money you are paying now without a child support order will one day be considered gifts.
As far as visitation, you have none as an unmarried father.
If you haven't legally established paternity, you need to do that, too.
You also need to seek court ordered child support, as well as visitation.
Why doesn't a child have a say in visitation?
Because he is a legal incompetent.
As a legal incompetent, the court can take no notice of him.
You and his mother are the adults, you need court orders.
Why?
Because, until you obtain one, you live under her thumb and at her whim.
And, she will soon seek child support through the court.
That's how this goes, same old story, different people.
When she seeks child support, nothing you've paid will be counted.
Diapers, by the, aren't considered child support, either.
Be smart, hire a lawyer, and fix this ASAP.
It will only get worse.
Sir, I somehow thoroughly confused you. We are STILL married, but have been separated for 2 years. I do pay child support (and we still kept family night up until last year October). I still saw him freely up until then (no extra benefits with Mommy either). But then again that is what began the problem that I DIDN't want benefits. Just get her head right and we might could be a family again. It didn't happen. We have been married for 8 years (2 of these years with me out of the house). What I'm asking, even with that she has a right to dictate how I see my child. It's this kind of selfish behavior that ultimately had me leave her? That's not my issue, our son has been requesting to be around me more as I see it (talks to teachers, some of our friends) and they all know the bond we BOTH have with him. I don't need to paint a bad pic of his mother. We just are no more in simple terms. I'm saying if I have been involved (knee deep) all of this time how can she (because she is the mother?) dictate how, when or even how often I see my son? We never had an issue concerning what was in his best interest until now. Am I really asking that much. I really don't understand. I do need to talk with him also in about 2.5 hours. Do I reallly stoop low and his mother is keeping me from getting him? My inner self says no because I've NEVER had to go low like that and don't think I have too. But I need to say something and really don't know what. Also hoping she said what she said out of anger and she will collect herself. And yes I know plain and simple get a court ordered agreement and that settles things, but what do I do now?
army judge
Super Moderator
Okay, so now you're married.
You and mom have equal rights.
You don't have to return the child, neither does she.
So, what you and his mother do, or fail to do, no court will care.
If you want that to change, file for divorce.
Why?
You're still married.
The separation you describe has no legal significance.
I am not a child psychologist, so I'll pass on advising you as to what you tell your son.
Sent from my iPad3 using Tapatalk HD
You and mom have equal rights.
You don't have to return the child, neither does she.
So, what you and his mother do, or fail to do, no court will care.
If you want that to change, file for divorce.
Why?
You're still married.
The separation you describe has no legal significance.
I am not a child psychologist, so I'll pass on advising you as to what you tell your son.
Sent from my iPad3 using Tapatalk HD
Hello I had a question? Im a single mother of a 3 yr old who's father claimed paternity by signing the papers for child support, but is not on the birth certificate, and had not much to do with her until she started walking. He has threatened me for the past 3 years to take me to court and get joint custody of her even though he never asks bout her and he see's her on Sundays for a lil over an hour because he said thats what worked for him. My question is since he claimed paternity by signing child support papers will he automatically get joint custody? Ive raised her by myself since she has been born, and am not comfortable with him having her alone because he doesn't show he really cares about her and im afraid he wont take care of her properly. Im just tired of him threatening me and verbally abusing me over the phone because i wont let him have her alone. I talked to a lawyer and he said he will automatically get joint custody and that is why i let him visit when he wants.
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