baby on the way; mother will not have anything to do with me

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ohburymenot

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I began a romantic relationship a few months ago. The woman is now pregnant. The relationship has not worked out how I wanted it to, i.e. the woman is now shutting me out of her life.

The pregnancy is coming along ok, but she has all but broken off contact with me. Come to find out (after the relationship was started) she tells me she is in fact married and going through a divorce. I was shocked.

I do not know what the condition of her marriage is or what her true motives were to enter into a relationship with me, but I now have the following concerns:

1. If I am indeed the father of the child (and all signs point to this fact), what rights do I have to fight for the paternity of the child once he/she is born?

2. How will her marriage / divorce situation affect my ability to claim or fight for paternal rights?

3. If in fact the child is mine, what preparations do I have to make, legally speaking, to file for custody or any kind of parenting rights?

4. she has indicated that she may leave the state we currently reside in to have the child, so - do I have to investigate the laws of the state where she resides or the state where the baby is delivered?

Thank you.
 
ohburymenot said:
I began a romantic relationship a few months ago. The woman is now pregnant. The relationship has not worked out how I wanted it to, i.e. the woman is now shutting me out of her life.

The pregnancy is coming along ok, but she has all but broken off contact with me. Come to find out (after the relationship was started) she tells me she is in fact married and going through a divorce. I was shocked.

I do not know what the condition of her marriage is or what her true motives were to enter into a relationship with me, but I now have the following concerns:

1. If I am indeed the father of the child (and all signs point to this fact), what rights do I have to fight for the paternity of the child once he/she is born?
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her husband will legally be the father if the child is born in wedlock.

2. How will her marriage / divorce situation affect my ability to claim or fight for paternal rights?
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Once the child is born, you need to file in court to establish paternity (and possibly disestablish the husband's paternity), and file for custody, visitation and child support.

3. If in fact the child is mine, what preparations do I have to make, legally speaking, to file for custody or any kind of parenting rights?
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In this situation, you'd be best advised to speak with an attorney. The fact that she's married complicates things a little, and provided her and her husband are telling the truth, the divorce won't be granted until the child is born - hence, husband will be the legal father.

4. she has indicated that she may leave the state we currently reside in to have the child, so - do I have to investigate the laws of the state where she resides or the state where the baby is delivered?

Thank you.
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Yes, generally you'll need to file in the state where the child resides.
 
Proserpina said:
her husband will legally be the father if the child is born in wedlock.



Once the child is born, you need to file in court to establish paternity (and possibly disestablish the husband's paternity), and file for custody, visitation and child support.



In this situation, you'd be best advised to speak with an attorney. The fact that she's married complicates things a little, and provided her and her husband are telling the truth, the divorce won't be granted until the child is born - hence, husband will be the legal father.




Yes, generally you'll need to file in the state where the child resides.
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Ok, but her attitude these days is that she really wont tell me where she is and what she is doing and what her plans are, etc. She has basically dumped me and all that entails. So, I cannot ask her too many questions during the little bit of time she will give me without her becoming very suspicious about my motives, not to mention the fact that she is pregnant and tired and sick, etc.

So, with the situation being what it is, she could just up and leave the state and have the baby and not give me any notice or information about it. She pretty much has stated that she won't refuse me having anything to do with the baby's life, but her actions are contrary to that. I could envision her wanting to hide the child from me, or limiting my involvement.

So how will I know how to proceed if she hides out or leaves the state?
 
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Proserpina said:
Don't give up just yet - you're in Virginia, and Virginia has a putative father registry.

Go here :)



Register immediately - once you do, come back if you have further questions and we'll see what else we can find out for you.
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thanks for the link. there is a strong possibility that she will go to her home state of Texas to have the child, and that she might place the child in the custody of her mother once there....does Texas also have a program like this one that Virginia has? Thanks again.
 
ohburymenot said:
thanks for the link. there is a strong possibility that she will go to her home state of Texas to have the child, and that she might place the child in the custody of her mother once there....does Texas also have a program like this one that Virginia has? Thanks again.
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Here you go - call the number and ask them how to go about it :)


"Paternity Registry" Statutes: Tex. Fam. Code Ann. sec. 160.251 et seq.

Forms are available from hospitals, birthing centers, licensed child-placing agencies, county and district clerks, and the Bureau of Vital Statistics. (See following address.)


Return the form to:

Bureau of Vital Statistics

Texas Department of Health

1100 West 49th

Austin, TX 78756

Tel: 1-888-963-7111 ext 7782 or 512-458-7782.

Notarization required. Cost: None
 
Personally I would go ahead and file a paternity action against her. You can serve her and establish the action in the State of Virginia. The Court will Order her to appear after the baby is born, even if she moves. The action will be stayed until she has the baby, so that DNA can be done, but if you file and establish jurisdiction it will follow her where ever she goes to have the child. You could possibly even get an injunction preventing her from leaving the state to have the child.
 
jharris352 said:
Personally I would go ahead and file a paternity action against her. You can serve her and establish the action in the State of Virginia. The Court will Order her to appear after the baby is born, even if she moves. The action will be stayed until she has the baby, so that DNA can be done, but if you file and establish jurisdiction it will follow her where ever she goes to have the child. You could possibly even get an injunction preventing her from leaving the state to have the child.
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Well, I really don't care if she leaves the state to have the child or not, but since she has gone ahead and told her family and friends that I am the father, and I have also told co-workers and friends that this woman is naming me as the father, I want to take the legal steps needed to get a paternity test on the baby, so that no matter what she might eventually change her mind to, I will be eligible for a DNA test to prove without doubt if I am the father or not. If I am not the father, then I don't want to do anything else but let it go and let her find the baby's real dad or let whoever might be in her life at the time decide if he wants to step up and be a dad.

I don't want to let bitterness or revenge to guide my decisions on this. If I did go through these legal channels of proving my paternity and she gets mad and wants to shut me out completely, after telling everyone the child is mine, what type of counter actions can she apply against me? I mean, if she really wants to rule me out for whatever reason, what legal avenues can she pursue to block me if I really step up my efforts to get serious about this? Thanks.
 
I would file in Virginia now just for convenience. You don't want to have to travel to Texas just to establish paternity. If you don't care if she leaves that fine, but have the case filed already so if anyone has to travel it will be her. She will not be able to shut you out of the child's life unless she can show that you are "unfit" for the child. Go start your paternity action. If she want's to consent she can. You have no rights until you do that.
 
You may not be the father, so be prepared for that outcome. A DNA test will reveal the father. From what you write, you may only have been one of many that bedded her down, including her LEGAL husband.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
army judge said:
You may not be the father, so be prepared for that outcome. A DNA test will reveal the father. From what you write, you may only have been one of many that bedded her down, including her LEGAL husband.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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if it turns out that I am not the father, and I have put actions in place against her, what is the potential fall-out (legally speaking) against me?

can she charge me with any crime for filing an action if I end up not being the father? Again, I have no real proof now that I am, but I know what transpired in the relationship and of course there is probable cause for me to assume that I am the father, if you know what I mean.........plus, she has told me that she is sure that I am the father, but I take that with a grain of salt, all things considered.....
 
ohburymenot said:
if it turns out that I am not the father, and I have put actions in place against her, what is the potential fall-out (legally speaking) against me?

can she charge me with any crime for filing an action if I end up not being the father? Again, I have no real proof now that I am, but I know what transpired in the relationship and of course there is probable cause for me to assume that I am the father, if you know what I mean.........plus, she has told me that she is sure that I am the father, but I take that with a grain of salt, all things considered.....
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Hang on, what crime has been committed here? :confused:

If you are even loosely suspicious with even the vaguest "hmm..what if...", you are absolutely and perfectly within your rights to file a motion to determine whether or not you are the father. There is no crime committed even if you're not the father :)


To answer an earlier question, if you do file a petition of this nature and she and her husband want to try and block it (which is unusual, but not completely impossible), they're free to try.
 
Proserpina said:
Hang on, what crime has been committed here? :confused:

If you are even loosely suspicious with even the vaguest "hmm..what if...", you are absolutely and perfectly within your rights to file a motion to determine whether or not you are the father. There is no crime committed even if you're not the father :)


To answer an earlier question, if you do file a petition of this nature and she and her husband want to try and block it (which is unusual, but not completely impossible), they're free to try.
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well, I am new to all this. Never been in this situation before, and like I said, my only motive is to be a dad if I am truly a dad. end of story.

Since I am not sure of how all the laws work, I want to be careful to never do anything antagonistic or anything that would be considered as such, since I know this is a delicate situation and of course, I want the mother to be safe and stress free regardless if I am the dad or not. If I'm not....I walk away, no more stress. If I am, I know I need to step up, that's all.....
 
Well, I think the question boils down to this:

Do you want to be an active father if there's a chance this is your child?

(Please don't worry about criminal charges...there's nothing criminal about requesting a paternity test :) )
 
Proserpina said:
Well, I think the question boils down to this:

Do you want to be an active father if there's a chance this is your child?

(Please don't worry about criminal charges...there's nothing criminal about requesting a paternity test :) )
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yes, I do. Thanks for your help on this!
 
ohburymenot said:
yes, I do. Thanks for your help on this!
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(You're very welcome!)


So, I'm thinking the bottom line is this:

Get yourself (if you haven't already) on the putative fathers registry in both states; file in court for a DNA paternity test and go from there. Take a deep breath and be prepared that you may not be Dad - but if you are, you have a wonderful opportunity to help raise your child :)
 
Proserpina said:
(You're very welcome!)


So, I'm thinking the bottom line is this:

Get yourself (if you haven't already) on the putative fathers registry in both states; file in court for a DNA paternity test and go from there. Take a deep breath and be prepared that you may not be Dad - but if you are, you have a wonderful opportunity to help raise your child :)
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Hey Dog...Excellent advice as always!!! :)
 
The only way this is likely to be criminal - aside from conception during rape - would be if the mother was under age.

Now, if the mother-to-be is going to be receiving government assistance to help support the child, the state will hunt down the father to get him to pay back that aid - or as much of it as they can. So, it may be that the state will take care of establishing paternity even if our OP here cannot force it through the courts, or, if he cannot get it through the courts.
 
CdwJava said:
The only way this is likely to be criminal - aside from conception during rape - would be if the mother was under age.

Now, if the mother-to-be is going to be receiving government assistance to help support the child, the state will hunt down the father to get him to pay back that aid - or as much of it as they can. So, it may be that the state will take care of establishing paternity even if our OP here cannot force it through the courts, or, if he cannot get it through the courts.
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Mom is still married - if they chase anyone down, it will be her husband, not OP.

(at least until Husband's paternity is disestablished)
 
Proserpina said:
Mom is still married - if they chase anyone down, it will be her husband, not OP.

(at least until Husband's paternity is disestablished)
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Missed the infidelity part ... nice. A real Peyton Place story.

Monogamy and faithfulness are so much easier.
 
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