Wife cheated while I was in Iraq.

[sgtjpmjay]

Hello I just want some advice with the situation I'm in. I just came back from a deployment. I was in Iraq from May -09 to May-10 The day after I came home from my deployment, my wife confronted me about a affair she had while I was in Iraq. She also told me she did NOT use protection. She also told me the affair was this past March. She had a ultrasound done and at the time of the ultrasound the Doctor said she was 10 weeks 5 days pregnant. Plus the time of conception was pinned to March 10th to March 17th I was back in Iraq at that time!!! Now with her being in her first trimester the accuracy of conception is pretty accurate vs. if she were to be in her second or third trimester. After much thought of what to do in this situation I forgave her for committing adultery. But after reviewing EVERYTHING I'm 100% convinced along with her that this is not my baby. Here is why I think this is not my baby:
1-I came home in Feb for military leave. On the last 5 days of my leave she was menstruating.
2-She had her affair about two weeks after I had gone back to Iraq. May I say again that it was unprotected.
3-The ultrasound predicted her conception date was at or around the same time of her affair. March 10-17th
With all of this I decided I could not go on with the marriage. The bottom line was I could not see myself raising an OM baby. My wife agreed with me on divorcing. I'm torn with all this, and I'm having a hard time letting go. Plus being in Iraq for the past year dealing with all the stress of trying to stay alive I would of never thought this would ever happen to me. I'm all alone in my house every day and have no one to talk to about my situation. My question is: did I do the right thing by divorcing now rather waiting till the child was born?? I need some help. An expert opinion on this matter would help. Thanks.

 

[Duranie]

Your wife should be ashamed of herself. you are away serving our country and not only does she cheat but she does not know how to use protection.

You did nothing wrong here.

Cheating is one thing but getting pregnant by another man is a dealbreaker for most. I do not blame you for wanting a divorce. You need to legally dispute paternity because in most states since you are married, you are the legal father of this child.

In some states, a divorce will not be finalized while pregnant. You need to see an attorney and google "disputing paternity in (you state)" and see what needs to be done to make sure you are not legally responsible for this child. Normally on divorce papers it asks whether or not the wife is expecting...did it ask this? Do you 2 have any other children?

Also your wife might want to contact this other man and let him know he is the father and he will be the one paying child support, not you.

Please do not be afraid to find a support group for men going through a divorce and.

 

[army judge]

Hello I just want some advice with the situation I'm in. I just came back from a deployment. I was in Iraq from May -09 to May-10 The day after I came home from my deployment, my wife confronted me about a affair she had while I was in Iraq. She also told me she did NOT use protection. She also told me the affair was this past March. She had a ultrasound done and at the time of the ultrasound the Doctor said she was 10 weeks 5 days pregnant. Plus the time of conception was pinned to March 10th to March 17th I was back in Iraq at that time!!! Now with her being in her first trimester the accuracy of conception is pretty accurate vs. if she were to be in her second or third trimester. After much thought of what to do in this situation I forgave her for committing adultery. But after reviewing EVERYTHING I'm 100% convinced along with her that this is not my baby. Here is why I think this is not my baby:
1-I came home in Feb for military leave. On the last 5 days of my leave she was menstruating.
2-She had her affair about two weeks after I had gone back to Iraq. May I say again that it was unprotected.
3-The ultrasound predicted her conception date was at or around the same time of her affair. March 10-17th
With all of this I decided I could not go on with the marriage. The bottom line was I could not see myself raising an OM baby. My wife agreed with me on divorcing. I'm torn with all this, and I'm having a hard time letting go. Plus being in Iraq for the past year dealing with all the stress of trying to stay alive I would of never thought this would ever happen to me. I'm all alone in my house every day and have no one to talk to about my situation. My question is: did I do the right thing by divorcing now rather waiting till the child was born?? I need some help. An expert opinion on this matter would help. Thanks.

First of all, thank you for your service and sacrifice.

I am no one special, nevertheless, I am one of 300,000,000 grateful citizens.

I regret what you are experiencing.

I think your decision to divorce was wise.

I would only suggest that once the baby is here, you get a DNA test.

That test will give you 100% confirmation that your decision was correct.

In the odd chance that the child is yours, you can at least work out support and custody details going forward.




Now, this is about help available for you.

The VA offers support and counseling.

All you have to do is go to your nearest VA Hospital.

They have counselors and other professionals ready and willing to listen.

They will also help you with whatever you are struggling to overcome.

There are veterans groups available that offer help: DAV, VFW, American Legion, and a host of others.

Please, walk into any post or office, and they will listen and help.

Your chain of command can help, too!

Start with your section chief, platoon sergeant, or Top Kick; they will know where to send you.

Don't forget your family and friends.

They can be very helpful.

I don't know your demons, but we all had our own.

I spent three tours in 'Nam, many, many years ago.

It wasn't easy then, I know it isn't easy now.

But, things do and will get better, if you reach out to someone.

I lost a son-in-law to his demons back in February.

No one knew he was struggling.

Someone knows you are, so if I can do anything, please let me know.

I can always listen.

Please, don't wallow in your own sadness and misery.

You have a great many things on your plate.

There are a great many people who stand ready to help and just listen.

Thank you again for your service and sacrifice on behalf of our nation.

 

[Disabled Vet]

You are not alone

Hello I just want some advice with the situation I'm in. I just came back from a deployment. I was in Iraq from May -09 to May-10 The day after I came home from my deployment, my wife confronted me about a affair she had while I was in Iraq. She also told me she did NOT use protection. She also told me the affair was this past March. She had a ultrasound done and at the time of the ultrasound the Doctor said she was 10 weeks 5 days pregnant. Plus the time of conception was pinned to March 10th to March 17th I was back in Iraq at that time!!! Now with her being in her first trimester the accuracy of conception is pretty accurate vs. if she were to be in her second or third trimester. After much thought of what to do in this situation I forgave her for committing adultery. But after reviewing EVERYTHING I'm 100% convinced along with her that this is not my baby. Here is why I think this is not my baby:
1-I came home in Feb for military leave. On the last 5 days of my leave she was menstruating.
2-She had her affair about two weeks after I had gone back to Iraq. May I say again that it was unprotected.
3-The ultrasound predicted her conception date was at or around the same time of her affair. March 10-17th
With all of this I decided I could not go on with the marriage. The bottom line was I could not see myself raising an OM baby. My wife agreed with me on divorcing. I'm torn with all this, and I'm having a hard time letting go. Plus being in Iraq for the past year dealing with all the stress of trying to stay alive I would of never thought this would ever happen to me. I'm all alone in my house every day and have no one to talk to about my situation. My question is: did I do the right thing by divorcing now rather waiting till the child was born?? I need some help. An expert opinion on this matter would help. Thanks.

Hi,

Thanks for everything you have done for this great nation. I must say this "You are not alone" If you need to just to talk feel free to send me a message. My thoughts are only suggestions as I had a buddy go thru this same thing. Here is what I told him.

We all make mistakes in our lives and sometimes we can heal from them. It doesn't take blood to make something yours but you will have to face that the father of this child could or will be in this child life forever. You will have to learn to deal with seeing this guy at your house to pick up the child or hear about this guy from the child sometimes. If you decide that your willing to work out your marriage you must remember it isn't the child fault. This child will grow up to love you as if "Your dad" so the child should be treated as your own. If you decided to stay away from the mother (ex-wife) I would suggest you do the test to make sure this child isn't yours to make sure you made the right choice and to protect you from supporting this child if the mother takes you to court for support since the child came during your marriage.

You have some tough choices but it will all work out. As Army Judge has posted there are alot of good places at the VA hospitals these days. But feel free to shoot me a message if you want to talk sometimes chatting is the best medicine.

Thank you again

 

[Proserpina]

Hello I just want some advice with the situation I'm in. I just came back from a deployment. I was in Iraq from May -09 to May-10 The day after I came home from my deployment, my wife confronted me about a affair she had while I was in Iraq. She also told me she did NOT use protection. She also told me the affair was this past March. She had a ultrasound done and at the time of the ultrasound the Doctor said she was 10 weeks 5 days pregnant. Plus the time of conception was pinned to March 10th to March 17th I was back in Iraq at that time!!! Now with her being in her first trimester the accuracy of conception is pretty accurate vs. if she were to be in her second or third trimester. After much thought of what to do in this situation I forgave her for committing adultery. But after reviewing EVERYTHING I'm 100% convinced along with her that this is not my baby. Here is why I think this is not my baby:
1-I came home in Feb for military leave. On the last 5 days of my leave she was menstruating.
2-She had her affair about two weeks after I had gone back to Iraq. May I say again that it was unprotected.
3-The ultrasound predicted her conception date was at or around the same time of her affair. March 10-17th
With all of this I decided I could not go on with the marriage. The bottom line was I could not see myself raising an OM baby. My wife agreed with me on divorcing. I'm torn with all this, and I'm having a hard time letting go. Plus being in Iraq for the past year dealing with all the stress of trying to stay alive I would of never thought this would ever happen to me. I'm all alone in my house every day and have no one to talk to about my situation. My question is: did I do the right thing by divorcing now rather waiting till the child was born?? I need some help. An expert opinion on this matter would help. Thanks.

you can file while your wife is pregnant, but the divorce will not be finalized until the child is born.

You need to disestablish paternity as part of the divorce decree before you get stuck supporting another man's child. You may need to have a DNA paternity test to support your petition.

Speak with an attorney ASAP.

Be aware that determining the date of conception is not a perfect science....