When is a child allowed to have a say, what age?

P

poprouge

New Member
Jurisdiction
Louisiana
I have a thirteen-year-old who is wanting to spend more time with his friends and school activities. He also does not always want to attend visitation with his dad, but I always make him wait before having him call his dad and ask for permission to swap out or change visitation. There have been occasions where he wanted to spend time with activities and I already had tickets purchased for my schedule weekend, and I've called his dad myself and explained that. Ie instead of just swapping out weekends he would actually skip a visitation because I already had plans. I have also ALWAYS given more time during the holidays than what was agreed upon in our custody agreement. I always thought that was important especially when the kids were younger (two are already over 18). Now I have had the younger one ask on occasion does he have to go for as long, and well in truth according to the custody agreement is no he doesn't. But I haven't had to enforce it because I've been able to convince him to go for the extra days. Again, I feel it's important for the kids to spend as much time with dad as possible. The problem I'm running into now is that dad is getting upset because his child is asking more and more to skip or change visitation. I've never "let" the child stay home if dad does not agree or give permission. I have also changed out weekends with him when he had issues with work or wanted to do something and I also call if I wish to change out weekends and ask him. When the child was younger he would cry not wanting to go, and I would put him in the car and drive him there, but I would make his dad talk to him about it. He has begun to threaten to take me to court, and I'm sorta like please do. I've never asked for an increase in child support. My daughter did temporarily live with him for about six months and at that time he tried to say she could decide if she wanted to come visit or not and I told him no, she had to call me and ask for permission which I gave, except for the holidays I insisted she come home for a while and visit the rest of my family. Long story short, I want to do what is best for the child (which I feel visiting dad is important), but at the same time I feel he should have some say in visitation and what he wants to do. He's never missed more than one visit, and has always seen dad at least once a month most times twice. At what age do the courts listen to the child and consider reducing visitation based upon the child's wishes? If you asked my son, he would prefer to go only once a month, with the longer holidays like I already grant.

Oh and just for clarification, Dad gets most of summer vacation, with me having two weeks during the summer for myself and the kids. I have also been very generous with that two weeks as well.
 
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The answer is simple, OBEY the existing custody order.

If you dislike the existing order, back to court you go to tell your story to the judge in an effort to convince the judge that the existing order should be changed.

Unless, and until the order is changed by the judge, OBEY the existing custody/visitation order.

The kid has no say, unless the judge CHOOSES to allow the kid to whine or complain in open court.

Otherwise, until changes are made, OBEY the existing order EXACTLY as written.
 
Okay I don't think I was clear. I am obeying the existing order. While holidays are specified, there is a clause that states "The parties may agree to additional visitation and times but said modification, if meant to be permanent in nature, shall be reduced to writing by the parties and recorded with the court." I am generous with his scheduled holidays and allow my ex more time if he wishes to take it during his holiday. For example on odd years he has Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but I will offer more days when I can, so this year I'm allowing a week visitiation during Christmas week.

The alternating weekends state: "Father shall enjoy visitation with the minor children on alternating weekends from Friday at 6:00pm until Sunday afternoon at 6:00pm. Any exchanging or trading of weekend schedules must be mutually agreed upon, with the exchange location to be (named location)." As I stated above anytime we have had to exchange or trade weekends has been with my ex's consent. When dad has said NO, I have loaded the kids up and they went to visit dad. So I am following the current custody agreement, my question was, when if at any time will the court take into consideration the child's wishes?
 
The standard answer is almost NEVER.

In many states, courts in custody cases MAY (used PERMISSIVELY) consider the wishes of a child in terms of which parent he or she would prefer to live with after the divorce is granted.

However, according to the American Bar Association, only two states, Georgia and West Virginia, give a child who is 14 or older the absolute right to decide at which parent's house he or she wishes to reside.

In every other state, the judge decides where a child will live according to the "best interests of the child" standard.

In short, a child can express a preference to the court if the judge wishes to hear the child, but the judge decides where the child will reside by designating one parent as the "primary residential/custodial parent."
 
army judge said:
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However, according to the American Bar Association, only two states, Georgia and West Virginia, give a child who is 14 or older the absolute right to decide at which parent's house he or she wishes to reside.
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Georgia changed that several years ago. Georgia now invokes the 'best interests' standard, so as to keep the NCP from bribing/otherwise enticing the minor.
 
So...
I want to make sure i get this correct. Your 13 yr old is running your household? Is that correct? I mean if I was to have to work this weekend you can bet i don't make plans. I go to work. It's the same thing with a 13 yr old..... He is set up to visit his father X weekends. He needs to be taught that it's dad weekend so don't make any plans.
 
The court is not going to change custody because a pre-teen would rather hang out with friends. You, as the custodial parent, need to nip the idea in the bud that the kid calls the shots or can simply ask to be excused from going. that just puts the other parent in the horrible position of "forcing" the child to visit anyway or giving up valuable parenting time. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would hate it too. If there is some very special, can not be changed event that happens to fall on a visitation weekend, then you as the parents need to work out how to handle it. Making him the bad guy every time your child would rather do something else is manipulative and only going to drive a wedge between them, in spite of your claims that time with the other parent is important.
 
While I appreciate the "well" meaning comments, and I understand why with the very limited information you have regarding the situation you might think as you do. I had a difficult interaction with his dad yesterday because he was upset. We have already discussed it and made a game plan to handle the juggling of weekends. My son does try to schedule his activities on weekends at home with me, but when dad is the one swapping weekends it does kinda throw a monkey wrench in the whole process. My intention was an honest attempt to rethink what we were doing in order to accommodate not only visitation but my son's growing needs. Part of the factor here is my child did make the school football team (with dads approval and encouragement). The needs of the team also made visitation a bit of a struggle this first year, we both handled it well. After we spoke this morning dad apologized for his hostility and admitted it's hard watching the baby grow up and want more independence. Again thank you guys for the advice, it did help me in approaching his father and ensuring we were once again on the same page. :)
 
One of the most difficult struggles Divorced parents face is "co parenting" It is discussed somewhat often on parentnook (link below) a parenting forum hosted by this site. You might find other parents there who have had similar struggles and find out how the dealt with it
 

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