wHAT DOES SHE NEED TO DO NEXT?

[father]

My daughter, was served divorce papers in Nov 2010. She tore them up and did not respond to them. In Jan 2011 when the judge was to hear the matter, she was advised not to appear and wait for the judge to rule. I became involved and chose to obtain the original papers which asked for a divorce irreconciable differences, the husband wanted her to support him and provide him child support.
Digging further I find that he committed adultery, stole money from her, and wisked off two children to live with him and his girlfriend, not telling my daughter where he lived and bringing the two children to her when he wanted to.
My daughter works per diem as an ultrasound technician and she was advised by the probation department that they took $400 from her paycheck for support but no one has any papers or court orders. She is destitute because of his thefts, failure to pay bills, etc and right now is in quite frankly a state of depression allowing herself to be walked on by this guy.
I do not have the funds to hire her counsel, she needs help and perhaps makes too much for legal aid. What can she do to fight this. She wants custody of her children and never granted him permission to take them much less have them live with his girlfriend who he is committing adultery with. The court does not know this because she never answered the original complaint allowing herself to be victimized.
WHAT CAN SHE DO? WHAT DOES SHE NEED TO DO?" The final ruling on the divorce is due soon can she postpone that while she seeks help? What does she need to file with the court even if she files it herself?

 

[army judge]

She needs an attorney. She can't do this herself, no more than she could remove her own pancreas.

The father had every right to his children. His rights are equal to hers.



The issue of adultery is a nonstarter. It doesn't mean he is a bad parent. Besides that, it isn't proven, only asserted.

She blew her chances by waiting. If she doesn't get an attorney, her deadbeat husband with exploit her again.

She pays (or you help her pay) for a lawyer now. Or, she'll pay her deadbeat husband and his paramour later!!

 

[father]

I thank you for your reply. Blunt and to the point but absolutely correct. Now I appeal to anyone reviewing this post to advise how best to proceed at the lowest costs possible. She has no money because of this and her unfortunate stupidity in how she handled it. However, being immature and not too bright in such matters does not mean she doesn't have rights. She needs help now and I am appealing to anyone willing to provide that help to contact me in a reply to this post. We can then work from there.
Thanks.

 

[Proserpina]

Seriously, she can't afford NOT to get an attorney.

She should try legal aid, and at the very least she needs to start educating herself as to how the NJ family court system works. If she represents herself (which I don't advise), she'll need to learn all of the rules (civil, rules of procedure, etc.,).

It's been 5 months since they've been living with Dad, correct? Then he likely has status quo on his side, and her chances of getting custody drop substantially.

She also needs to understand that by not turning up, she did in fact give Dad permission to take the kids.

 

[father]

Thank you for your comments. I have advised her as my daughter to make an appointment and go to Legal Aid because the worst they can say is they can't help her for free. She has run through the canyon now faces 400hundred foot walls on three sides with the devil trying to destroy her from behind. She has two choices, turn and fight or ...

However I am surprised that by the father taking the children in the middle of the night and refusing to divulge where they are being kept is not an illegal action. Even if he does drop them off from time to time she has demanded they stay with her and he has taken them away physically over her objections. I find it hard to believe that is something the courts would sanction regardless of how much time has elapsed. Failure to assert oneself physically against a male taking children is not giving consent to removal, but protecting yourself from physical harm. The problem with the police is they always investigate a crime after it has happened but they seem never to be there to prevent that crime. Can you really condemn her failure to assert herself physically against a male larger and stronger than her and call it consent? Daddy's girlfriend did text my daughter threatening her life. Failure to act is sad but it doesn't diminish or eliminate one's rights.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you for your comments. I have advised her as my daughter to make an appointment and go to Legal Aid because the worst they can say is they can't help her for free. She has run through the canyon now faces 400hundred foot walls on three sides with the devil trying to destroy her from behind. She has two choices, turn and fight or ...

However I am surprised that by the father taking the children in the middle of the night and refusing to divulge where they are being kept is not an illegal action.

Because until a court said otherwise, they both had equal rights to the children. She could have disappeared in the middle of the night too, and it would be the same way. She can file to have the court compel Dad to give her an address, though.

Even if he does drop them off from time to time she has demanded they stay with her and he has taken them away physically over her objections. I find it hard to believe that is something the courts would sanction regardless of how much time has elapsed.

See my previous response. Mom's failure to act equates to her tacit approval, unfortunately.

Failure to assert oneself physically against a male taking children is not giving consent to removal, but protecting yourself from physical harm.

The thing is, Mom had other options. She could have filed for divorce herself the very next day, and requested immediate temporary custody. Had that happened, Dad would have been breaking the law if he didn't return the children as ordered.

The problem with the police is they always investigate a crime after it has happened but they seem never to be there to prevent that crime.

No crime was committed, according to what you've said here.

Can you really condemn her failure to assert herself physically against a male larger and stronger than her and call it consent? Daddy's girlfriend did text my daughter threatening her life. Failure to act is sad but it doesn't diminish or eliminate one's rights.

It's not about what I think, truly. I'm not condemning your daughter or supporting Dad. But the legal reality is that your daughter did, via not acting, diminish her own rights.

Now she'll need a strong attorney. And again, because she didn't act, she is basically telling the court that she's OK with Dad being the primary custodial parent. He's not unfit, so she has a very tough road ahead.

The situation is very sad for your daughter, but she may need to come to the acceptance that she won't be the custodial parent.

 

[father]

Again, thank you for your comments. At this point I think an appointment with Legal Aid to see what her next step should be is a necessity. With that direction we can begin the procedures to attempt to correct these wrongs. She does want the children very badly and it is extremely frustrating as a grandparent to watch this and not be able to take control. Hopefully she will be willing to fight for her very life.

 

[BayState]

Again, thank you for your comments. At this point I think an appointment with Legal Aid to see what her next step should be is a necessity. With that direction we can begin the procedures to attempt to correct these wrongs. She does want the children very badly and it is extremely frustrating as a grandparent to watch this and not be able to take control. Hopefully she will be willing to fight for her very life.

You NEED to let Mom grow up and handle her OWN CUSTODY issues. She created this mess by tearing up the court papers. SHE needs to

begin the procedures

to correct the WRONG SHE CREATED.

 

[Proserpina]

You NEED to let Mom grow up and handle her OWN CUSTODY issues. She created this mess by tearing up the court papers. SHE needs to to correct the WRONG SHE CREATED.

That's pretty much the bottom line.

Mom created the mess she's in now - I realize that's hard to read, and harder to accept (certainly for OP and his daughter....), but it IS the truth.

But once again, my Bay...you're absolutely correct!

 

[BayState]

That's pretty much the bottom line.

Mom created the mess she's in now - I realize that's hard to read, and harder to accept (certainly for OP and his daughter....), but it IS the truth.

But once again, my Bay...you're absolutely correct!

Thank Pro...It can be very difficult for a parent to sit back and allow (for wont of a better term) a child to ...mess...up. But there are some thing your can't and SHOULD NOT "fix" for them. This would be one of those situations. If Mom can't handle this then perhaps she SHOULD be the NCP.

 

[Proserpina]

That's my feeling, in all honesty. Mom is a big girl, who got married and made babies. If she wants to try to fix this, she has to do it herself.

With that said, my completely frank opinion is that Mom has only the slimmest of slim chances of changing the status quo at this time. She has made what are akin to fatal errors, and I cannot see her being able to fight what appears to be an inevitable result - even if she gets an attorney.

She was correctly served and Dad will easily prove that, and she has done nothing since January. She has basically told the court that she's "OK" with the situation.

I realize too that OP may not like what we've said here and may become defensive (and let's face it, when it's our kids - even the adult kids! - that's only natural), but honestly this is nothing compared to what Mom will face in family court.

We're the garden of roses and bunnies and puppies!