Stay at Home Mom - Alimony and Child Support

[Kelsi Felix]

Jurisdiction

California

Hi,

I am a 32 year old mother of 3 (8 years, 4 years, 2 years old) and I have been married since June 2012. I have been a stay at home mother since we had our first child in 2015, taking care of our kids while my husband worked after he left the military and became an air traffic controller at a naval base. My husband left the house and wanted a divorce to pursue other women in June of 2021. He started the divorce process through HelloDivorce in June 2022 and he has been paying the mortgage payment (around $3400) since he left. He is now claiming that because I do not make enough money - I currently work at Target and make $17/hour - that I need to move out of the house into an apartment and get a better paying job, as well as start working on getting a career while he has the kids most of the time.

I feel that he is essentially forcing me out of the house and trying to take custody of my 3 kids. He said that I cannot win in court any more custody of my kids because I don't make enough money, but I don't believe him - I feel that my time spent as a stay at home mom was valuable enough to warrant enough alimony and child support to support getting them at least 50% of the time. I also do not believe he is justified in taking the house (he says it's his because it's in his name) - shouldn't we be able to sell it and split the profit?

I appreciate any insight you can give me!

 

[army judge]

I appreciate any insight you can give me!

Did your soon to be former spouse retire from the military?

If so, what was his rank?

How many years did he serve?

If he is receiving a military retiree pension, please let me know his rank upon discharge.

WHY?

Because you might be entitled to receive 50% of that pension for the rest of your life.


If I were you, I'd contact three or four family law attorneys.

I'd make an appointment with them to discuss representing you through the divorce.

No need to worry about paying the attorney you select, as a clever attorney will seek an emergency family support order.

Such an order will require your "soon to be former spouse" to pay your Lawyer's fees, provide Interim child and family support (such as continue paying the mortgage), and other family related necessaries.

Don't delay making those appointments, time is of the essence.

Don't blab about the attorney to ANYONE.

The more you say, you might make things more contentious.

While you wait, get up to speed on CA divorce laws, especially the part about "community property".

https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce/property-debts

How Is Community Property Handled In A California Divorce? - Torrance Family Law Attorney Bruce A. Mandel

Community Property Legal FAQs

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/community-property-states/

 

[Red Kayak]

feel that he is essentially forcing me out of the house and trying to take custody of my 3 kids.

That's because that is exactly what he's trying to do.

Not that he really wants to take care of the children. He just wants to cut out the added expenses of child support. And he's sick of paying rent in addition to a mortgage.

At least, that's my cynical POV.

I also do not believe he is justified in taking the house (he says it's his because it's in his name) - shouldn't we be able to sell it and split the profit?

Selling it and splitting the profit would be the sensible way to go.

The house is probably a marital asset if it was purchased during the marriage, regardless of whose name it is in. and whoever takes it on has to buy out the other's half of the equity accrued during the marriage.

Advice:
1) Consider taking the kids and move into an apartment.
2) Get an initial consult with a CA attorney. You have children. There is a house. And you husband filed for divorce using a cheap quicky divorce service withing one month of your 10 year anniversary. Not only is CA a community property state, but it defines a long term marriage as anything over 10 years.
3) Actually, get at least 2 initial consults from 2 different lawyers.

Your husband's timing is suss as hell.
And he's gaslighting you big time. He's grossly misinformed about CA law. Quicky budget divorces are for people with no assets and no children.

P.S. Thanks, army judge. You type faster and are more thorough with your information!

 

[zddoodah]

He started the divorce process through HelloDivorce in June 2022

I have no idea what "HelloDivorce" is. Is there a divorce (dissolution) case pending in the court? If so, when was it filed? Assuming your husband is the petitioner, have you filed a response? Is either of you represented by legal counsel?

I feel that he is essentially forcing me out of the house and trying to take custody of my 3 kids.

You meant "our three kids," right? They're his kids as much as they are yours. Right?

He said that I cannot win in court any more custody of my kids because I don't make enough money, but I don't believe him

That's good, because he's full of shit. How much money each of you makes is irrelevant. Unless there are significant facts you didn't include in your post, the court will almost certainly award joint legal custody. There's not enough information to opine intelligently about physical custody, but it sounds like joint physical custody might not be feasible until all three kids are in school full time.

I also do not believe he is justified in taking the house (he says it's his because it's in his name) - shouldn't we be able to sell it and split the profit?

- When was the house acquired?
- What was the source of the money used to make the down payment?
- Why is only your husband's name on title?
- Is the mortgage also only in his name?
- What has been the source of the money used to make mortgage payments over the years?

any insight

You said you're 32 and got married 11 years ago, so I assume you either got married right out of college or didn't go to college. Do you have a college degree? If so, what is it in? What did you do for work before becoming a stay-at-home parent?

At the end of the day, the smart thing to do will be to at least consult with a local family law attorney.

 

[adjusterjack]

I appreciate any insight you can give me!

Your husband is your enemy.

Never take legal advice from your enemy.

Get yourself a lawyer ASAP.

Don't let him screw you out of what's rightfully yours.

 

[stealthy1]

This:

contact three or four family law attorneys.

and this:

While you wait, get up to speed on CA divorce laws, especially the part about "community property".

The first for all the reasons mentioned above. The second? Two reasons: the more you know, the (slightly) less you will worry - knowledge really is power. The second reason is that it will help you manage your case more efficiently. While yours is one of many divorces your lawyer is juggling, it is the only one you are invested in. Having the knowledge will help you prioritize things in your head (both in terms of what is/is not negotiable and what the important questions you have for your lawyer (*) are). It will also help you turn your way of thinking (at least when dealing with your lawyer) towards divorce as a business matter than an emotional one - you'll be billed for your crying time.

(*) The lawyer will be billing in increments of an hour. So even if you're only on the phone for one minute? You'll be billed for the entire increment. Calling your lawyer five times for one-minute questions will annoy them more than calling once with a compact bundle of questions that don't need a long explanatory response because you've researched the rudimentary issues, and your lawyer won't need to explain things back to the beginning of time. My lawyer told me that she wished all of her clients would take the time to educate themselves because it helps her advocate for them more effectively than when she has to hold their hand through every step. The latter may be more lucrative, but the former more satisfying. Moral of the story? Help yourself.

 

[Tax Counsel]

The house is probably a marital asset if it was purchased during the marriage, regardless of whose name it is in. and whoever takes it on has to buy out the other's half of the equity accrued during the marriage.

Pretty much in CA the house will be community property unless the husband obtained a rock solid agreement in writing that it's separate property and does what is needed to keep it separate. The fact that he pays the mortgage and his name is on the deed does not make solely his property. Indeed, his wages are community property too, and using community property to pay the mortgage is one way separate property becomes community property.

Advice:
1) Consider taking the kids and move into an apartment.

I suggest getting the initial consult before doing that. Staying in the house gives her a little more leverage, and every month she's in the house she doesn't have to pay rent, at least until a court orders her to pay the ex rent if she wants to stay in the home. That saved money can be used to help with other expenses, like paying the attorney.