Spiteful Mother Keeping Dad Away From Daughter

[mizzdanig]

My boyfriend is currently having troubles with his ex. They were never married and have an 8 year old daugther. She lives with her mother in NY. The mother has cut off all contact with us and has told the 8 year old that she is not allowed to talk to her dad, me, or her 2 year old sister. The mother has also been telling the little girl derogatory statements about her dad, such as he doesn't love her and he only cares about our daughter. We know this because we spoke to his little girl this weekend and she told us everything her mother has been saying about us. We do support and send her whatever she needs. This is a constant thing whenever the mother gets mad, but this time is worse. There are is also an issue of the mother dating a married man that has threaten to cause harm to the little girl, i.e. kidnapping. They have never went to court to officially get an agreement over the custody. So we're just wondering what we should do because we're both concerned.....HELP

 

[Proserpina]

So...what court orders are CURRENTLY in place?

(Custody/visitation and child support)

If daughter isn't allowed to talk to you - how do you know what's going on? How do you know so much of Mom's business?

 

[army judge]

You say your boyfriend is having issues with his "ex" girlfriend, and they were never married. He bred this woman, and sired a girl child who is now eight years old. Knowing that, you bedded this bum and let him breed you, right? Why do you make it seem wrong for woman 1 to have done this, but okay for you to do this?


You should concentrate on raising the eight year old's half-sister. If dad has a question, ask him to pose it. You're a legal stranger to the eight year old. I suggest you stay out of dad's business.

 

[mizzdanig]

Proserpina....
No court orders are in place. This whole on again off again thing between them has been an ongoing thing since the little girl turned 1. The mother like to use the child as a pawn to try to control the dad. If he does something she doesn't like then she'll prevent the little girl from calling us. So after 8 years of this he's tired and he can now see it's having an effect on his little girl. This past weekend the little girl went to his mother's house which was the first time since January. When they picked her up and called us so we can talk to her. When my boyfriend was speaking to his daughter she posed all the questions about what's going on and she also asked why isn't she allowed to talk to us. So that's how we know all that information. As far as the thing about kidnapping....Another thing the mother does is whenever she's in a tight situation or needs something she will call my boyfriend. She will definitely tell him about everything and anything pertaining his daughter because she knows he'll die for his kids. So everything we know about her business is because we hear it from her mouth or see it through text/Facebook.

Army Judge....
I know that you believe that he "breed" this woman, but truthfully they were together for 7 years. They also had plans to get married, but he wanted to move to Georgia for a fresh start and better life. She claimed she needed space and ultimately decided not to move to Georgia after he'd already built a life for them here. I also have noticed that you seem to think he "breed" me as well. Yes we had a baby out of wedlock, but we also have plans of marriage. He has asked to marry me, but I'm not ready. I want to finish college and get settled in my career. Plus my mother (an Army major) would kick my butt if I was focused on other things besides college. I don't think I'm making it seem as if them not being married is a bad thing. I was simply stating that because everything I've read only talks about custody & divorced couples. To be 23 years old with everything else on my plate, I think I'm doing a superb job of raising my 2 year old. But to the issue at hand....I was just trying to gather legal advice for him because the outcome will effect our whole family. Am I still a "legal stranger" although I have been actively invovlved in her life?!

 

[jacksgal]

Legally yes. You are a legal stranger to the child and have no say so or roll in any battles Mom and Dad have. I realize your trying your best. I know this because I have five children but three are my husbands from prior marriage. She (their Mother) was mean and abusive pays no support and never calls. She moves from state to state every 6 mos or so and is living off of federal funds she somehow convinced a Doctor (several) to give her. All five children call me Mom (Yes the Mother knows and accepts this) I have raised them (with their Father) and our other two children for over ten years now. We had many issues with oldest (due to past home life) he is now in basic trainning and doing well. The next oldest was valedictorian out of both grammar and middle school. Currently with a 4.0+ and top Sophmore at her school. The two 14 year olds have 4.0 and 3.8 GPA's and our nine year old just got all A's and B's. Given all that I know I am a "legal stranger" when it comes to legal issue with the kids. When issues come up (seldom do) I back off and let my husband deal with it. He will discuss these issue with me but its his call. I accept this and so should you

 

[army judge]

Army Judge....
I know that you believe that he "breed" this woman, but truthfully they were together for 7 years. They also had plans to get married, but he wanted to move to Georgia for a fresh start and better life. She claimed she needed space and ultimately decided not to move to Georgia after he'd already built a life for them here. I also have noticed that you seem to think he "breed" me as well. Yes we had a baby out of wedlock, but we also have plans of marriage. He has asked to marry me, but I'm not ready. I want to finish college and get settled in my career. Plus my mother (an Army major) would kick my butt if I was focused on other things besides college. I don't think I'm making it seem as if them not being married is a bad thing. I was simply stating that because everything I've read only talks about custody & divorced couples. To be 23 years old with everything else on my plate, I think I'm doing a superb job of raising my 2 year old. But to the issue at hand....I was just trying to gather legal advice for him because the outcome will effect our whole family. Am I still a "legal stranger" although I have been actively invovlved in her life?!

All I can suggest to you is to carefully reread your own post above.

The answers you seek about this "male" are in your post.

There is a very clear pattern you reveal.

One day, someone will be writing the same things about you.

This "male" will "sweet talk em", "deceive 'em", "seed 'em", "breed 'em", and "leave 'em" with a kid.

You're trying, I give you that.

But, it takes more than TRYING to succeed.

I wish you well.

But, that "bum" you love is gonna break your heart.

I'll bet he's not in college.

I also bet that the one child you know about, isn't the ONLY child he has abandoned.

Why is it ALWAYS the woman's fault and never his?

Good luck, I hope things work out for you, I really do!

______________________________________________________



In answer to your query about being a "legal stranger", is she a "legal stranger' to your two year old?

You bet your sweet bippy she is.

You can also bet that same sweet bippy you're a legal stranger to her eight year old, too!!!!

That male lout has put you two woman in this impossible situation.

Divide and conquer, even if you use your own children.

Some men have no scruples or shame.

 

[army judge]

OP, how much COURT ORDERED child support does dad pay for the support of his eight year old child?

Know this, OP, if it ain't court ordered, it ain't support.

What is it, you might ask?

Why, its a gift, dear lady, simply a gift!!!

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For your own protection, I suggest you get COURT ORDERED support for your child.

Just ask "him" about seeking a COURT ORDER for custody and support, just in case...

The expression on his face will tell you far more than the lies that flow over his tongue in response to your question.

 

[concernedmotherof2]

Does anyone take in consideration how the 8 year old feels? She is just a child.

Totally agree with all the responders. Let him deal with it and worry about taking care of YOUR responsibilities. Those parties that are involved would know the situation better. No need for you to be apart of it. You're just a "stranger" to what they're going thru. Remember, you came AFTER.

It seems as if the current person that is involved in a relationship with someone who is dealing with an ex spouse who has a child together, seems to have something to say about it. A person only knows what one side relays to the the other person. No one gets a full story without the three things that are involved...his, hers and the truth.

This bothers you more than the father. If he has an issue about it and it's consistent, why isn't there custody established for the child? Court orders?

 

[forekih]

My boyfriend is currently having troubles with his ex. They were never married and have an 8 year old daugther. She lives with her mother in NY. The mother has cut off all contact with us and has told the 8 year old that she is not allowed to talk to her dad, me, or her 2 year old sister. The mother has also been telling the little girl derogatory statements about her dad, such as he doesn't love her and he only cares about our daughter. We know this because we spoke to his little girl this weekend and she told us everything her mother has been saying about us. We do support and send her whatever she needs. This is a constant thing whenever the mother gets mad, but this time is worse. There are is also an issue of the mother dating a married man that has threaten to cause harm to the little girl, i.e. kidnapping. They have never went to court to officially get an agreement over the custody. So we're just wondering what we should do because we're both concerned.....HELP

I HIGHLY suggest to have the father seek court action at this point. While family differs from state to state. I recommend obtaining a family law attorney to help. However, keep a dad away isn't right, UNLESS there are major issues with him such as drugs, abuse, etc.. In any event it sounds like a CLASSIC scorned ex using kids (AS USUAL) especially when there's a new girlfriend, or wife in the picture. I say FIGHT for your right to have a relationship with the children and DO NOT give up as some suggest.

If you cannot afford an attorney seek to find out IF the family court as a Self Help section. I know California does. You just have to do your homework and fight this. Good Luck

 

[Proserpina]

I HIGHLY suggest to have the father seek court action at this point. While family differs from state to state. I recommend obtaining a family law attorney to help. However, keep a dad away isn't right, UNLESS there are major issues with him such as drugs, abuse, etc.. In any event it sounds like a CLASSIC scorned ex using kids (AS USUAL) especially when there's a new girlfriend, or wife in the picture. I say FIGHT for your right to have a relationship with the children and DO NOT give up as some suggest.

If you cannot afford an attorney seek to find out IF the family court as a Self Help section. I know California does. You just have to do your homework and fight this. Good Luck

1. This OP has no dog on the fight - it's not her legal matter.

2. There are no court orders in place - hence Mom doesn't have to allow ANY visitation or contact.

This IS about legalities.