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Question regarding review for CS due to dad not being home/overnights on his parenting days/nights.

Discussion in 'Child Support' started by Pooky, Sep 27, 2021.

  1. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Hello. My question is regarding how to get a review for Child Support if Ex does not want to give up parenting days but is not home/overnight for our 16 yo. during most of his parenting days. This has been going on the last 3 months (since he has a new girlfriend). For example, this last couple weeks, he has not been home Wednesdays after school/overnight. The weekend he tried to say he messed up and thought it wasn't his weekend (he hasn't messed up weekends since he requested to change parenting weekends probably 8 years ago to match his second wife's schedule) so he then said it was ok for 16 yo to stay alone for 1-2 days while he left town Friday until Monday. It was 3 days (Friday Sat Sunday overnight) and he did not even ask me if I would be in town/home or if our 16 yo could stay with me.. ended up child had cellulitis Friday, got antibiotics from the doctor, dad left town, child stayed alone at dads, child's significatn other called me Saturday to meet at ER in a different town, apparently child left town to see significant other --bottom line thank goodness they were smart enough to call me, I met them at ER and they had to switch our child to different antibiotics due to possible MRSA as he was in bad shape from the cellulitis infection yadda yadda). Dad did not come home after being contacted about that. So child stayed at my house Sat and Sunday overnight. Child has been staying at my house on Wednesdays the last 3 months, a few of dad's Thursdays and some weekends of dads parenting time, dad doesn't even to bother to ask if child is at my house. I ask child if dad knows about staying at my house, child says no clue, dad never asked. Point is, I get that the child is 16, but still a child and should have had an adult with him Friday/Sat making sure resting etc. This is what prompted me to ask about how to go about on a review for child support since our child is now staying with me over 50% of the time. The last 3 months it's been about 80%. Child says to not mess with it because dad made his choice and it was not to be with child. It upsets him but says it's none of my business about dad and childs relationship and I need to not say anything to dad about what we talk about or what he says even when he is at dads alone overnight on dads parenting days and does not come stay at my house. Dad also will still not help pay for our oldest two children's medical insurance I hold, he is still holding something about switching our son from his car insurance to my commuter car and then he will start helping pay medical. But that's on another question.
     
  2. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    What is your question?
     
  3. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    It seems to be this:

    The answer to that question "how to get a review" is that you file the appropriate paperwork with the court.

    While I didn't read the entire, LONG, single-paragraph post, I'm wondering why you think your ex not being home at night would warrant an adjustment of his child support obligation. Him not being home doesn't impact your costs, does it?
     
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  4. Red Kayak

    Red Kayak Well-Known Member

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    Before you adjust cs, you should adjust the parenting plan.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  5. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Sorry about the long paragraph. Mostly why is that our child is staying at my house overnight on most of dads parenting nights because dad is not home overnight. Our child was upset when I confronted dad and said I should not say anything to dad about child staying at my house overnight when dad is not home on his parenting days. Since the last 3 months child has stayed with me overnight during most of dads parenting day/nights and has not check on his child is why I would like to adjust child support then considering he makes over 100K more than me a year.
     
  6. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Can I adjust the parenting plan without an attorney? I am sure he will fight it due to money. I also do not think dad knows how many times our child is actually staying with me overnight on his parenting days/overnights. I had to stop contacting him because our child asked me to stay out of their relationship since he already asked dad to make a choice and the choice was dads girlfriend and not our child.
     
  7. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    My hope would be that dad would actually go back to spending time with our child and be home/overnight on his parenting days so our child doesn't feel put on the backburner.
     
  8. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    Wow, the tables have turned ;)
     
  9. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    You appear to be confusing NOT exercising parenting time with your obligation as the custodial parent to increase the amount of child support the other parent pays to you.

    HINT: Neither affects the other.
     
  10. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    At 16, a child is generally old enough to spend some overnights alone. Of course, yours has exhibited some questionable decision-making that may lead one to believe that's not true.
     
  11. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    We both have 50/50. I am good with our child staying at my house overnights on dads parenting days/nights. My problem is that if this is going to continue as it has the last 3 months, at least change parenting time which would change child support. And then if he only has a few days and one weekend a month maybe he would actually dedicate it to our child again. Dad seemed to have been doing better and now it's like my child had been going through almost like a break up. Is lovebombing possible on a child and then dumping the child when something better comes along? That is what it seems.
     
  12. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Child Support would be changed if 50/50 is not actually 50/50 anymore because our child is staying at my house after school and overnight at my house during dad's parenting time.
     
  13. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    My post that you quoted wasn't directed at you.
     
  14. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    If it were only a few nights once in a while, ok. But 4 out 5 nights every other week/weekend and 1-2 out of 2 nights every other week seems to be excessive.
     
  15. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    I don't disagree.
     
  16. Pooky

    Pooky Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Sorry. I'm just not sure if I should pursue this. Our child is upset, rightly so, but says dad made a choice and it wasn't our child.. i should not interfere. Child wants to be able to trust me when telling me things (like dads not home again i'm going to stay at your house if thats ok to now just coming home to me and staying overnight). I'm not suppose to say anything to dad about him not being home. If I need an attorney to pursue this, I don't think I should spend the money as it could be going into childs college fund. But if this is going to truly continue as it seems the status quo, maybe I need to so i can at least get the child support changed and/or change to parenting days that dad would actually stay home/overnight with our child.
     
  17. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    Ok...that's a different story, and I agree that the parenting plan should be adjusted commensurately with a child support modification.

    Is it possible? Yes. Are you competent to handle it? We have no way of knowing. It's sort of like asking if you can replace your own brakes on your car. Lots of folks do it themselves, but lots of folks (including me) aren't competent to DIY.
     
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  18. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Well-Known Member

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    My thoughts are simple... You're a bad parent...... Why you ask? Because you are talking about taking dad back to court for child support with the kid. Why in the world would you talk about child support with a CHILD?? Kids have enough bs to deal with without a parent talking bad about another parent. I would just be happy that I get to spend more time with my kid. I could care less about the amount of child support. Stop talking about parenting issues with your child.
     
  19. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    Perhaps I missed it...where did the OP say she has discussed the child support matter with the child?
     
  20. stealthy1

    stealthy1 Active Member

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    Perhaps it would make sense to run the state's CS calculator to see what the actual numbers come up to before starting this rigamarole.

    And then, Mom, you really need to weigh your choices. Because it seems to me what your 16yo *really* wants is the freedom to call and say he'll stay with you overnight or choose to go visit his SO (as he did the w/e he got sick). Personally, it doesn't seem your 16yo is mature enough to make those sorts of decisions for himself.
     
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