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Question about custody

Discussion in 'Divorce, Separation, Annulment' started by Feb282020, Feb 28, 2020.

  1. Feb282020

    Feb282020 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    New York
    Hello, my wife and I have been married 15 years and have two children, 13 and 11. My wife recently discovered that I have been unfaithful to her many times in our marriage by visiting prostitutes and massage parlors. I have admitted everything to her and taken full responsibility and ownership of my behavior. I started therapy immediately upon her discovering this and we also started couples counseling. I haven't repeated my behavior since she discovered this five months ago. The plan has been to stay together and try and work through it,, but she's having a hard time and she told me this morning that she wants me to leave.

    The main issue I am looking to get some guidance on is custody of the kids, specifically in light of the fact that my wife is an alcoholic and suffers from depression. She has had problems with drinking for over 10 years, since just after our youngest was born. She still actively drinks despite having gone to 3 rehab facilities, multiple AA meetings, counseling etc. She even was receiving monthly shots of naltrexone to help her stop but that did not help. She has not been able to achieve more than 7 months of sobriety in the last 10 years, and that is the longest stretch by far. She has frequently driven while intoxicated and has even driven with the kids in the car while intoxicated on a few occasions.

    Her drinking has increased substantially since she found out about my cheating, and her depression has caused her to be unable to get out of bed on multiple occasions in the last few months. She has struggled with depression her entire adult life.

    Obviously this situation is a mess and I'm ashamed of my role in this. I am looking to meet with a lawyer as soon as possible, but in the meantime what I'm trying to understand is will her drinking history have an impact on custody? I wouldn't want to keep the kids from her, but I don't feel comfortable with her having sole responsibility for watching the kids for an extended period of time.
  2. PayrollHRGuy

    PayrollHRGuy Well-Known Member

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    You will need a lawyer and you need the lawyer soon.

    If you can show that she is unfit the court would certainly take that into account when awarding custody.

    Of course, she will have the same opportunity to show you as an unfit as well.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
  3. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Each case is judged on it's respective merits.

    Drinking alcohol is not illegal, even if a person has minor children.

    If the person is an alcoholic, that might have no impact on her/his ability to properly parent their minor children.

    If you open her alleged "can of worms", your admitted bad acts might cause you more harm than her alleged excess consumption of alcohol.

    For instance, frequenting prostitutes for sexual favors is against the law, whereas consuming alcohol in the confines of one's abode isn't.

    Furthermore, the court is only concerned with what is in the best interests of the children.

    Only your lawyer can provide you information to the administration of justice in your county, and how the court addresses the issues of child support, child custody, and child visitation.

    I suggest you visit with four or five attorneys in your county and discuss what it is you wish achieve during the divorce and what outcomes are acceptable to you.

    The attorneys that practice before the bar in your county are better positioned to comment on specific outcomes in your area.

    What an odd comment for you to make, mate.

    Do you think the mother of the children would be comfortable with a person who admits to frequenting prostitutes being responsible for raising, instructing, and properly caring for minor children when certain "base" animalistic instincts drive said person to venture into the dangerous areas of the city seeking sexual satiation?

    By the way, frequenting prostitutes these days is considered to be as serious as it always should have been because today such actions are seen as supporting the crimes of "human trafficking and/or sexual exploitation".

    Good luck.
  4. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    You need an Attorney not a website. A local Attorney can evaluate your case and give you advice on what you can and should do. Below is link to a low cost addiction specialist. You can also use the option in second video for non legal advice on parenting and relationships issues as well


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