Neglect as a form of abuse

[Groundgame34]

Jurisdiction

Oklahoma

A friend of mine is in the process of divorce. She is an Asian immigrant who had her citizenship prior to her marriage to a well known immigration attorney. For the first 7 years of her marriage He had her and her 3 children living in a home with no running water or electricity. She did work on and off, sometimes continuing her education other times working part time and taking care of her children and the home, also helping him with his practice at times. After 7 years she got tired of the living conditions and bought a house that had running water and electricity. He obviously was well able to afford to add electricity, indoor plumbing and such but refused to (this was a house that he had built). He stayed with her at the new house but eventually started sleeping on her couch. He was emotionally abusive and controlling throughout her marriage.
After 10 years of marriage he discovered she had been chatting with someone online and filed for divorce on grounds of Adultery. After he filed her daughter came forward about him sexually molesting her her sister. Afterwards he also retaliated against her son with physical abuse. She called CPS and a forensic interview was performed on all 3 children. She filed charges but they never reached the DA. (Keep in mind her husband knows the DA). Her oldest daughter also attempted suicide over it and was admitted to the psych ward at the hospital where she underwent counseling and was released.
She did hire an attorney, but was advised that she wasnt entitled to anything since they didnt have children together. I'm not sure if she interpreted what her attorney said wrong because of her cultural background. She does speak english but gets confused easily. She also has ADHD which can inhibit her concentration and communication at times. He is trying to railroad her and leave her with nothing. He is even trying to take her jewelry and run her dry so she can't afford to fight him in court. He has also bought alot of equipment which she refers to as junk and keeps it on his property. It seems like the majority of it was purchased recently. I suspect he is doing it in order to hide his assets so that she is left with nothing.
I guess the main question I have is about her prior living conditions through the first part of her marriage. Could this be considered as a form of neglect and emotional abuse? I know it could be considered neglect on behalf of her children, but with her being an adult would it pertain to her as well since she relied on him primarily for support? In my mind this seems like an abuse of power and with his knowledge and dealings with immigrants he has psychologically taken advantage of this woman.
Any other advise or insight would be greatly appreciated

 

[cbg]

Without knowing what state this is taking place in, there's no point in trying to guess.

 

[Groundgame34]

A friend of mine is in the process of divorce. She is an Asian immigrant who had her citizenship prior to her marriage to a well known immigration attorney. For the first 7 years of her marriage He had her and her 3 children living in a home with no running water or electricity. She did work on and off, sometimes continuing her education other times working part time and taking care of her children and the home, also helping him with his practice at times. After 7 years she got tired of the living conditions and bought a house that had running water and electricity. He obviously was well able to afford to add electricity, indoor plumbing and such but refused to (this was a house that he had built). He stayed with her at the new house but eventually started sleeping on her couch. He was emotionally abusive and controlling throughout her marriage.
After 10 years of marriage he discovered she had been chatting with someone online and filed for divorce on grounds of Adultery. After he filed her daughter came forward about him sexually molesting her her sister. Afterwards he also retaliated against her son with physical abuse. She called CPS and a forensic interview was performed on all 3 children. She filed charges but they never reached the DA. (Keep in mind her husband knows the DA). Her oldest daughter also attempted suicide over it and was admitted to the psych ward at the hospital where she underwent counseling and was released.
She did hire an attorney, but was advised that she wasnt entitled to anything since they didnt have children together. I'm not sure if she interpreted what her attorney said wrong because of her cultural background. She does speak english but gets confused easily. She also has ADHD which can inhibit her concentration and communication at times. He is trying to railroad her and leave her with nothing. He is even trying to take her jewelry and run her dry so she can't afford to fight him in court. He has also bought alot of equipment which she refers to as junk and keeps it on his property. It seems like the majority of it was purchased recently. I suspect he is doing it in order to hide his assets so that she is left with nothing.
I guess the main question I have is about her prior living conditions through the first part of her marriage. Could this be considered as a form of neglect and emotional abuse? I know it could be considered neglect on behalf of her children, but with her being an adult would it pertain to her as well since she relied on him primarily for support? In my mind this seems like an abuse of power and with his knowledge and dealings with immigrants he has psychologically taken advantage of this woman.
Any other advise or insight would be greatly appreciated

Ok, it is in Oklahoma. I added the Jurisdiction to the thread. Thank you.

 

[cbg]

You sure of that? You're posting from Kansas.

 

[Groundgame34]

Yes. As I said this is a friend of mine.

 

[cbg]

Okay. I'm not familiar with the laws of either Oklahoma or Kansas but at least now someone who is will be able to give you something resembling accurate information.

 

[Groundgame34]

Okay. I'm not familiar with the laws of either Oklahoma or Kansas but at least now someone who is will be able to give you something resembling accurate information.

Thank you.

 

[zddoodah]

For the first 7 years of her marriage He had her and her 3 children living in a home with no running water or electricity.

What does "[h]e had [them] living in [this] home" mean? Did he forcibly confine them there? If not (and it doesn't sound like it), then it was her choice to live there.

She did hire an attorney, but was advised that she wasnt entitled to anything since they didnt have children together.

That's bad advice. After a 10 year marriage, there's little question that she would be entitled to alimony (along with an equitable division of all marital property).

Could this be considered as a form of neglect and emotional abuse?

Considered by whom? It sounds like you consider it to be neglect/abuse, and it's certainly possible that others might reach the same conclusion. Ultimately, it was incumbent on her to make sure that her children were not neglected. Regardless, this is not terribly relevant for purposes of a divorce.

In my mind this seems like an abuse of power and with his knowledge and dealings with immigrants he has psychologically taken advantage of this woman.

Maybe so. It's not clear why it took her so long to get "tired of the living conditions and [buy] a house that had running water and electricity." If she had the means to buy a house independently of her husband, why didn't she do it sooner?

Any other advise or insight would be greatly appreciated

She needs to find a lawyer who will fight for the best possible outcome of the property division and alimony aspects of the divorce.

Ok, it is in Oklahoma. I added the Jurisdiction to the thread.

You sure of that? You're posting from Kansas.

What possible difference does that make?

Out of curiosity, where does it indicate I'm posting from?

 

[Groundgame34]

What does "[h]e had [them] living in [this] home" mean? Did he forcibly confine them there? If not (and it doesn't sound like it), then it was her choice to live there.



That's bad advice. After a 10 year marriage, there's little question that she would be entitled to alimony (along with an equitable division of all marital property).



Considered by whom? It sounds like you consider it to be neglect/abuse, and it's certainly possible that others might reach the same conclusion. Ultimately, it was incumbent on her to make sure that her children were not neglected. Regardless, this is not terribly relevant for purposes of a divorce.



Maybe so. It's not clear why it took her so long to get "tired of the living conditions and [buy] a house that had running water and electricity." If she had the means to buy a house independently of her husband, why didn't she do it sooner?



She needs to find a lawyer who will fight for the best possible outcome of the property division and alimony aspects of the divorce.





What possible difference does that make?

Out of curiosity, where does it indicate I'm posting from?

My understanding is that she was dependent on him in the beginning and over time built her credit up to buy the house. Eventually she had trouble making the payments. He was making the payments for her until recently. Maybe she didn't think she had any other options, it's hard to tell. Maybe he felt like he could treat her that way since she lived half of her life in Indonesia.

Wouldn't someone with narcissistic tendencies attempt to manipulate a person's thought process and control them, and if so wouldnt that be a form of emotional abuse?

I agree that she needs to find an attorney with her best interest in mind. There could be a lack of communication and understanding on her part. Up until recently she was about to give up and just let him have everything. All she has here is her mother father and sister who are also immigrants, and her and her husbands social circle who he has slandered her to.

 

[cbg]

As a moderator, I have access to the IP addresses of the posters and where they are coming from. I am aware that this is not necessarily accurate and that IP addresses can be misleading.

Since this OP had originally declined to provide a state in the belief that somehow, despite his acknowledgement that state laws vary, we would be able to provide him with accurate information for his friend's state without knowing what it was, the cynic in me suspected that he might provide a fake state. When the state he provided did not match the IP address he is posted from, I asked for verification.

Yours says you are posting from the Houston Texas area.

 

[zddoodah]

Yours says you are posting from the Houston Texas area.

That's what I thought, and it's not even close to where I actually am.

Wouldn't someone with narcissistic tendencies attempt to manipulate a person's thought process and control them, and if so wouldnt that be a form of emotional abuse?

This seems to be a better question for a psychiatrist than for a lawyer. Concluding that "emotional abuse" took place during a marriage, by itself, is legally meaningless.

 

[Zigner]

Wouldn't someone with narcissistic tendencies attempt to manipulate a person's thought process and control them

Not necessarily

and if so wouldnt that be a form of emotional abuse?

Even though this part of the question is moot, I'll answer. It may be or it may not be. We (as human beings) do this just about every day. When I go in to a store to look at TV's, the salesman will give me a pitch and try to convince me to buy the model that he wants me to buy.
That's an attempt to manipulate a person's thought process and control them.
When a guy sees a pretty girl and asks her on a date, that's an attempt to manipulate a person's thought process and control them. Neither of those are abusive behaviors.

 

[Groundgame34]

That's what I thought, and it's not even close to where I actually am.



This seems to be a better question for a psychiatrist than for a lawyer. Concluding that "emotional abuse" took place during a marriage, by itself, is legally meaningless.

Oklahoma is both fault and no fault.

 

[Zigner]

Oklahoma is both fault and no fault.

Your response to the post indicates that you didn't understand what you were being told.

YOUR conclusion is legally meaningless.

 

[Groundgame34]

How a Spouse's Domestic Violence May Affect Divorce Strategy

 

[Zigner]

How a Spouse's Domestic Violence May Affect Divorce Strategy

You DO understand that the article you cited is speaking of physical abuse, right?
You DO understand that, in any type of "abuse", you have to have evidence, right?
You DO understand that "emotional abuse" is extremely difficult to prove, and is not simply a matter of a "hen-pecked husband" (or wife), right?

 

[zddoodah]

That's what I thought, and it's not even close to where I actually am.

This seems to be a better question for a psychiatrist than for a lawyer. Concluding that "emotional abuse" took place during a marriage, by itself, is legally meaningless.

Oklahoma is both fault and no fault.

Ummm...huh? If you're suggesting that your friend might want to seek a divorce based on something like extreme cruelty or negligence, that is something she obviously needs to discuss with a local attorney. She needs to understand that doing that will be significantly more expensive than seeking a no-fault divorce, and the benefit might not justify the expense.

 

[Groundgame34]

You DO understand that the article you cited is speaking of physical abuse, right?
You DO understand that, in any type of "abuse", you have to have evidence, right?
You DO understand that "emotional abuse" is extremely difficult to prove, and is not simply a matter of a "hen-pecked husband" (or wife), right?

Not completely.

Domestic violence falls under various categories, depending on what state you live in. In some states, you can ask for a divorce based on "domestic violence." In others, it's referred to "cruel treatment," which would include both mental and physical abuse.

It makes sense that it wouldnt be easy. There is evidence of physical abuse towards the children, If they did take into account the husbands actions during the marriage. Irrelevant and difficult are 2 different things. I'm looking for advice, and if that is the advice you have to offer then I appreciate you taking the time.

 

[army judge]

I'm looking for advice, and if that is the advice you have to offer then I appreciate you taking the time.

The information received via any online legal discussion site is merely information.

If you desire LEGAL ADVICE, you'll have to hire a lawyer.

I'm a lawyer.

Some of the responders are lawyers.

What you're seeking can't be received online, unlike medical advice which can now be dispensed via online portals, the law has not yet evolved as far as medicine.

 

[Zigner]

Not completely.

"Not completely" what? You don't completely understand?

Domestic violence falls under various categories, depending on what state you live in. In some states, you can ask for a divorce based on "domestic violence." In others, it's referred to "cruel treatment," which would include both mental and physical abuse.

I see that you can cut and paste.
EDIT: I mean "copy" and paste.

It makes sense that it wouldnt be easy. There is evidence of physical abuse towards the children, If they did take into account the husbands actions during the marriage. Irrelevant and difficult are 2 different things. I'm looking for advice, and if that is the advice you have to offer then I appreciate you taking the time.

Now there's abuse against the children? Was it reported to CPS?