My sister's husband is having an affair with his ex-stepmother

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ConcernedSister

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My sister has been trying to work out her marriage with her husband for over a year now. She has been asking him to go to marriage counseling, but he refuses. She had a feeling he was having an affair and she was telling him that if he confesses, stops cheating, and never talks to the other woman again that she will forgive him and they can move on with their marriage. He finally confessed to his affair on 9/2/10, stated it was over now, they are just friends, but he will continue to talk to her; the woman is his ex-stepmother. She went to leave from the stepmother's house, when she confronted them, and her husband grabbed her and would not let her leave, leaving bruises on her arms. Finally they left together to take her home, on the way home, my brother-in law threatened to take her and leave her where no one would ever find her again, all she said was tell my children I love them. He then drove my sister back to the stepmother's house, not taking my sister home, and then just got out of the truck and then told her to just go home, he needed time with his brothers and sisters to talk about the situation to smooth things over with them; not his children or wife. He never spends time with his older two children, just the youngest one; they have three children all together. My question to you would be what can my sister do in this situation? She does not work; she is a full time student, going for her masters in criminal justice, while he is the sole provider. If she kicks him out, will she get any compensation in the divorce and can she sue the stepmother for mental anguish and ruining her home life by taking her husband and father away from his children? What are her options? What would the costs be to hire a lawyer in the divorce in Cherry Creek, New York? Can she get full custody of her children with no visitation rights on his part, but he still pays child support because he also smokes marijuana? Can she get a restraining order against the stepmother to stay away from her children, because she not only slept with one stepson, but also slept with another stepson when he was 16 years of age? My sister feels that the stepmother is a danger to her children.
 
Your sister has a very difficult situation facing her. She can do what many others have done. She needs to make her own decision.

You're trying to help, unfortunately you can't. The choice is hers alone. It also involves her cad of a husband.

If I were her, I'd divorce that incestuous scoundrel. Who would want THAT and his incestuous klan around their children? I wouldn't.

Yes, she can file for divorce when she's had enough of this filthy, perverted alley cat. Yes, her lawyer can get that old, tomcat to pay her lawyer's fees.

She won't be able to deny this sexual freak visitation. The court will make that decision. That said, he'll get visitation on paper, but do you really think he'll utilize it? No way, he's too busy prowling alleys having sex with his mother. Yeah, I know you said it's his stepmother, either way, it's yucky!

So, to paraphrase a great writer, "get thee to an attorney, and file for divorce." Only a nutcase would take this freak back, and your sister isn't dumb! She's just a mother trying to make a life for herself. But, this party's over.

She should sue that perverted b@st@rd for every nickel he has and break free from him and his Klan of perverts and sex freaks! No, she can't sue his freak and wh0re of a mother. I wish her well.
 
ConcernedSister said:
My sister has been trying to work out her marriage with her husband for over a year now. She has been asking him to go to marriage counseling, but he refuses. She had a feeling he was having an affair and she was telling him that if he confesses, stops cheating, and never talks to the other woman again that she will forgive him and they can move on with their marriage. He finally confessed to his affair on 9/2/10, stated it was over now, they are just friends, but he will continue to talk to her; the woman is his ex-stepmother. She went to leave from the stepmother's house, when she confronted them, and her husband grabbed her and would not let her leave, leaving bruises on her arms. Finally they left together to take her home, on the way home, my brother-in law threatened to take her and leave her where no one would ever find her again, all she said was tell my children I love them. He then drove my sister back to the stepmother's house, not taking my sister home, and then just got out of the truck and then told her to just go home, he needed time with his brothers and sisters to talk about the situation to smooth things over with them; not his children or wife. He never spends time with his older two children, just the youngest one; they have three children all together. My question to you would be what can my sister do in this situation? She does not work; she is a full time student, going for her masters in criminal justice, while he is the sole provider. If she kicks him out, will she get any compensation in the divorce and can she sue the stepmother for mental anguish and ruining her home life by taking her husband and father away from his children? What are her options? What would the costs be to hire a lawyer in the divorce in Cherry Creek, New York? Can she get full custody of her children with no visitation rights on his part, but he still pays child support because he also smokes marijuana? Can she get a restraining order against the stepmother to stay away from her children, because she not only slept with one stepson, but also slept with another stepson when he was 16 years of age? My sister feels that the stepmother is a danger to her children.
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she may get support for her if he has always been the sole provider and shes the stay at home mom. She cant sue the stepmother for mental anquish, her husband was not held at gunpoint to sleep with her. She prob. wont get full custody with him no visitation rights unless she can prove he is a danger to his and her children. If he does have some form of custody of their children she prob wont be able to keep him from letting the stepmom see them unless she can also prove she is a danger to the children. The smoking pot and sleeping with the 16 year old is nothing but hearsay unless somehow it can all be proven. Now if he left bruises on her arms and threatened her she needs to go a file charges, that may help to prove that he is violent and thus help her in getting primary custody of the children, If that did happen she needs to anyways as no man or woman has a right to put their hands on one another, and she should take his threat seriousley of him putting her where no one would find her because one day he may do just that if she does not do something now. Make sure she has her FACTS right so she in turn isint the one looking like she is trying to make things up. Good luck to her and for the childrens and her sake do not let the bum abuse or threaten her. Keep us posted.
 
army judge said:
Your sister has a very difficult situation facing her. She can do what many others have done. She needs to make her own decision.

You're trying to help, unfortunately you can't. The choice is hers alone. It also involves her cad of a husband.

If I were her, I'd divorce that incestuous scoundrel. Who would want THAT and his incestuous klan around their children? I wouldn't.

Yes, she can file for divorce when she's had enough of this filthy, perverted alley cat. Yes, her lawyer can get that old, tomcat to pay her lawyer's fees.

She won't be able to deny this sexual freak visitation. The court will make that decision. That said, he'll get visitation on paper, but do you really think he'll utilize it? No way, he's too busy prowling alleys having sex with his mother. Yeah, I know you said it's his stepmother, either way, it's yucky!

So, to paraphrase a great writer, "get thee to an attorney, and file for divorce." Only a nutcase would take this freak back, and your sister isn't dumb! She's just a mother trying to make a life for herself. But, this party's over.

She should sue that perverted b@st@rd for every nickel he has and break free from him and his Klan of perverts and sex freaks! No, she can't sue his freak and wh0re of a mother. I wish her well.
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:D:D army calls them as he see's them, the guy and his stepmom are pigs.:D:D
 
Thank you for your advice and reply. I only posted to this forum for my sister because she does not want her husband finding out quite yet, since he reads her emails, but has a lock on his phone. She is trying to figure out what her best options are and what her legal rights are in this situation. She has every intention on leaving him. She is just afraid that if she kicks him out, then he will get everything, which she only wants compensation for her kids. She wants nothing to do with him, other than her children. She already knows that he will never come to see them, because he never sees them now. She just needs money for them. She is trying to get a job, but she is a student; not much she can do. Thank you again for your advice.
 
How long were they married?

If she's looking for spousal support...it matters.
 
ConcernedSister said:
I agree with everything that you just said :)
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Tell your sister to speak the BEST divorce attorney in your area.

Ask friends, relatives, elders in your community who this lawyer might be.

Then make an appointment ASAP.

He or she will make sure your sister gets support and the issues of custody are addressed.

If the lawyer is very good, the pervert that has sex with his mom, will pay sis' lawyer fees!
 
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My dad works with a guy whose ex-wife took him for everything that he had or was worth, so my dad is going to ask that guy who her lawyer was. lol. Thank you again for your advice. My sister appreciates everyone's advice and support.
 
10 year marriage plus marital misconduct = Ooooooooh boy.

While I doubt permanent alimony (maintenance in NY) will happen, Mom has a pretty good chance of getting at least temporary support.
 
Proserpina said:
10 year marriage plus marital misconduct = Ooooooooh boy.

While I doubt permanent alimony (maintenance in NY) will happen, Mom has a pretty good chance of getting at least temporary support.
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Thank you. Now would that temporary support be until she can get onto her feet and get a job to help provide for her children? I am sure she can still get child support correct?
 
If she has residential custody she'll absolutely get child support.

There is virtually no question of that :)

NY is one of the few states remaining which consider marital conduct (or rather..misconduct) in deciding spousal maintenance. Also, because they were married over 10 years that generally takes her out of the "short term marriage" category which in this instance is in her favor. She may not be "long term" - that often refers to marriages over 15 or 20 years in duration - but she's not "short term" anymore. And the longer the marriage, the longer the duration of support (spousal) as a rule.

(And while an award for spousal support is not meant to be punitive, as a practical matter the amount and duration often does reflect grievous marital misconduct)

Long term or permanent support is not guaranteed in this case (I can't honestly say it's even likely), but I can see her getting at least something.

She needs an attorney.
 
Proserpina said:
If she has residential custody she'll absolutely get child support.

There is virtually no question of that :)

NY is one of the few states remaining which consider marital conduct (or rather..misconduct) in deciding spousal maintenance. Also, because they were married over 10 years that generally takes her out of the "short term marriage" category which in this instance is in her favor. She may not be "long term" - that often refers to marriages over 15 or 20 years in duration - but she's not "short term" anymore. And the longer the marriage, the longer the duration of support (spousal) as a rule.

(And while an award for spousal support is not meant to be punitive, as a practical matter the amount and duration often does reflect grievous marital misconduct)

Long term or permanent support is not guaranteed in this case (I can't honestly say it's even likely), but I can see her getting at least something.

She needs an attorney.
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I will pass that information on to her. Thank you again.
 
Proserpina said:
If she has residential custody she'll absolutely get child support.

There is virtually no question of that :)

NY is one of the few states remaining which consider marital conduct (or rather..misconduct) in deciding spousal maintenance. Also, because they were married over 10 years that generally takes her out of the "short term marriage" category which in this instance is in her favor. She may not be "long term" - that often refers to marriages over 15 or 20 years in duration - but she's not "short term" anymore. And the longer the marriage, the longer the duration of support (spousal) as a rule.

(And while an award for spousal support is not meant to be punitive, as a practical matter the amount and duration often does reflect grievous marital misconduct)

Long term or permanent support is not guaranteed in this case (I can't honestly say it's even likely), but I can see her getting at least something.

She needs an attorney.
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This is spot on advice, OP.

I endorse Proserpina's learned and practical counsel.
 
I will pass everyone's advice to my sister, as I have been doing. As you have once said army judge, she needs to make her own decision, I cannot tell her what to do, even though I would love to. She is still hurting and waiting for him to make up his mind if he wants his family and stop talking to her or if he is going to keep on talking to her. She thinks she already knows the answer, she is just preparing herself for the final decision; she still loves him. They have had troubles in the past and worked through them, but she will see this time. Thank you again everyone for your advice. It is greatly appreciated.
 
And I just have to say...along with what AJ has already said...

That entire "stepmother" situation?

It's just GROSS. I'm so sorry your sister had to endure this entire situation.
 
Proserpina said:
And I just have to say...along with what AJ has already said...

That entire "stepmother" situation?

It's just GROSS. I'm so sorry your sister had to endure this entire situation.
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Thank you. She is so upset can has not eaten in about 3 days now. I made her take 3 bites of her salad from dinner last night, but she could not eat any more. I do believe she is having the "talk" with him tonight. She is not giving him any more time to think because he should not need time to think if he wants to be with his wife and kids. Thank you and everyone again. :) hopefully it goes all right for her and she stays strong like I know she is. And yes I completely agree with you and army judge that the whole situation is sick and nasty. She would have felt better if he cheated on her with a man, lol.
 
I'll never understand why these freaks and perverts cheat. I'll also never understand why their husbands and wives would ever want them back!! Come on, throw the garbage out already. Some of these vermin only live for sex. The nastier, freakier, and more bizarre; the happier these deviates get.
 
ConcernedSister said:
I will pass everyone's advice to my sister, as I have been doing. As you have once said army judge, she needs to make her own decision, I cannot tell her what to do, even though I would love to. She is still hurting and waiting for him to make up his mind if he wants his family and stop talking to her or if he is going to keep on talking to her. She thinks she already knows the answer, she is just preparing herself for the final decision; she still loves him. They have had troubles in the past and worked through them, but she will see this time. Thank you again everyone for your advice. It is greatly appreciated.
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Once a cheater always a cheater. If the guy has to "think" about it then he does not really love her, she is just convinant for him. I know you already know this and hopefully she will realize it also. She has to go to the police about the abuse and the threats as soon as possible before she or her children end up hurt or worse. Good luck.
 
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