my ex wants to give away his rights and make sure our son can't see his siblings

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lilmomma

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Ok long story so here we go. My ex boyfriend has 6 children, 4 with his ex-wife, 1 with an ex girlfriend, and mine. His parents have custody of the 4 in Henryetta, the ex girlfriend has his daughter in Norman and i have our son here in Tulsa where he lives. *Note that i'm not supposed to have children so the fact i even got pregnant was a big deal for me, that's why i really didn't mind that he had so many.
Well he's violated our agreement that he see our son once a month and i won't file child support. Our son is 14 months. He wasn't there when he was born, and he's only seen our son maybe 10 times if that since he's been born and 5 were in the first 3 months because of the birth certificate, and his oldest daughters birthday. So this fathers day, he forgot our son again. I got upset and told him I'm done giving you time I'm going to file. He got upset and informed me that he's just going to give up his right and make sure that my son is not allowed to have anything with his side of the family.
This is an issue for us because his mother has a heart problem and it's stated in her will that if something happens to her then i will be the guardian of the 4 she has custody of because we're close and i see the other 4 more than him or his ex-wife do. We were going to have me move in with them after i finished school for a year so that way i could legally be the step-mother guardian in case either of the childrens parents wanted to contest the will. Now we can't do that if I'm not allowed to see or talk to my step kids.
His parents want to adopt me so then i am allowed to see the kids but my parents won't go for that. So what are my options? How can i still let my son have a relationship with his siblings and his grandparents
 
Has this wandering penis of a male been legally determined to be the father of this boy?

He can't simply "give up" his rights. It doesn't work that way.

Since his parents have custody of at least 4 of this fellas children, he also has no say so in terms of not allowing this child to see the others.

BTW, since you never married this guy, you're not the step-mother to any of these additional kids.

Gail
 
Gail in Georgia said:
Has this wandering penis of a male been legally determined to be the father of this boy?

He can't simply "give up" his rights. It doesn't work that way.

Since his parents have custody of at least 4 of this fellas children, he also has no say so in terms of not allowing this child to see the others.

BTW, since you never married this guy, you're not the step-mother to any of these additional kids.

Gail
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I'm wondering why missy here is holding child support over his head this way and doesn't just do it.
 
Before I start helping you, you need to know that any of those agreements you have are not enforceable under law.

Those are not contracts.

They are simply promises.

Promises aren't enforceable at law.

You need to know that.

In other words, if that is all you have, you most likely won't get a dime that way.

He probably has his mother say that to avoid certain legal or criminal problems.

You should seek court ordered support for your child immediately.

You start by getting a DNA test for everyone.

Now, let's start working on your issues.



OP, how old are you?

Are you still in high school?

Are you younger than 17?

Is your baby's father older than 30?

What is it you're trying to accomplish?

Why do you want to assume mothering duties for four children not your own?

Has your baby's father ever been convicted of any child related crimes?

Does he have any felony convictions?

Finally, congratulations on the birth of your baby. Why do you say, you were not supposed to have children? Is it because you're too young, or you had a medical issue?


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You are making a situation here more complicated than it needs to be. Deadbeat dad cannot give up his rights. Also if paternity was never established he has no rights anyways and you are free to do what you want. I would file for child support. His mother should file for custody of the kids if she hasnt already. That way both you and her can stop listening to him. Why doenst the mother of the other 4 have them? Also children cannot be willed. Grandma actually cannot name you as guardian when there is a legal mother and father here. I mean she can but it might not go very far and you are a legal stranger to those kids so it is VERY unlikely you would get them if grandma or grandpa passes. The kids would go back to mom or dad but do not worry about that right now. So honestly both of you need to stop talking to Dad, and both you and grandma should file for child support. Is Dad supporting any of these kids? If grandma and grandpa have legal custody then they can STOP listening to Dad. Ignore him. The siblings should be able to see each other. Also stop communicating with dad. It sounds like paternity was never even established so until he legally established paternity he has no rights and no say in anything.

Grow a backbone to Dad. He is NOT the boss of you or that child.
 
I am 24 and my sons father is 26. I know that a verbal "contract" will not hold up in court and i wasn't worried about that at the time, all i wanted was for him to spend time with our son so that he would know who he was and have a relationship with his father. I never had that and I didn't want our son growing up not knowing or wondering what he did and why daddy didn't want him.

In Oklahoma you have to have a father on the birth certificate, he is his and signed all the paperwork to be on there stating our son is his.

I did state it wrong, the grandparents have guardianship of the children. i do not know if this counts as custody but they are their wards until such time as either of their parents are able to take care of them. Their mother has had 3 chances by the judge and failed all three. She told the judge she didn't care about the oldest two she only wanted the youngest and now she doesn't even want that she only wants one of the four and she wants to drop all child support payments when she gets her.

They are moving to Missouri because there is a heart Dr there willing to take her case. In Oklahoma, if you are not the actual parent, and the children receive state supported medical care, you are not allowed to receive state medical insurance unless you are the actual parent. In Missouri she can receive insurance because she's their primary caregiver and has legal guardianship, and she can then get the surgery she needs. She's not making it up.

I love those kids like they are my own. We grew very attached when their father and i were together. I was working on trying to get us a house and get things together so we could get the kids and be a family. They call me mommy and they love the fact that i had their little brother. They love him to pieces and he just adores them. I love those kids and even though they are not mine legally they are in my heart.

The father has not been convicted of any child related crimes. He did receive a felony charge when he was 17 for locking his ex-wife in a room with him after she'd told him she was leaving while they were married in Indiana.

All i want to know is, is there a way if he signs over his rights, can he stop my son from having a relationship with his siblings and family? And if so is there a way around that? The grandparents lawyer says he can legally do that but it will take 2 years. in that 2 years he has to pay child support but after that my son and i can have no contact with any member from that family and if we do then we'll be violating a court order and have to pay the fines associated with that.

At this point i really don't care if he signs over his rights. I don't care about his money i wanted them to have a relationship and if he doesn't want that then it's his loss. But the kids and his family love my son and don't want to not be able to see him again. And he doesn't care if it hurts the kids or anybody else, he just wants it so he never has to see him again.
 
lilmomma said:
I am 24 and my sons father is 26. I know that a verbal "contract" will not hold up in court and i wasn't worried about that at the time, all i wanted was for him to spend time with our son so that he would know who he was and have a relationship with his father. I never had that and I didn't want our son growing up not knowing or wondering what he did and why daddy didn't want him.

In Oklahoma you have to have a father on the birth certificate, he is his and signed all the paperwork to be on there stating our son is his.

I did state it wrong, the grandparents have guardianship of the children. i do not know if this counts as custody but they are their wards until such time as either of their parents are able to take care of them. Their mother has had 3 chances by the judge and failed all three. She told the judge she didn't care about the oldest two she only wanted the youngest and now she doesn't even want that she only wants one of the four and she wants to drop all child support payments when she gets her.

They are moving to Missouri because there is a heart Dr there willing to take her case. In Oklahoma, if you are not the actual parent, and the children receive state supported medical care, you are not allowed to receive state medical insurance unless you are the actual parent. In Missouri she can receive insurance because she's their primary caregiver and has legal guardianship, and she can then get the surgery she needs. She's not making it up.

I love those kids like they are my own. We grew very attached when their father and i were together. I was working on trying to get us a house and get things together so we could get the kids and be a family. They call me mommy and they love the fact that i had their little brother. They love him to pieces and he just adores them. I love those kids and even though they are not mine legally they are in my heart.
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Wow, what a story.
Thank you for filling in the blanks for me.
This is all very troubling.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know.
Nevertheless, it saddens me.

Okay, let's dispose of the "verbal contract", because it isn't a contract.
It is legally what is termed a "promise".
Glad you no longer cling to that, because we've established it to be worthless.

lilmomma said:
The father has not been convicted of any child related crimes. He did receive a felony charge when he was 17 for locking his ex-wife in a room with him after she'd told him she was leaving while they were married in Indiana.
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I hope nothing like that ever befalls you.
Men that engage in that kind of behavior toward one woman, rarely stop doing that to other women.
I hope none of that has happened to you.
And, from what you say, he won't be around.
So, its likely not to happen to you in the future.
That is good for your and your child.
Growing up not knowing your father is sad.
But, growing up watching your father abuse your mother, is even sadder.


lilmomma said:
All i want to know is, is there a way if he signs over his rights, can he stop my son from having a relationship with his siblings and family? And if so is there a way around that?
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No, he does not have that power.
He can NOT just sign away his paternity.
Children are human beings, like you and I.
Children are NOT chattel.
He can't prohibit you from seeing anyone.
Only a court can do that, and only with good cause.
You should not allow him to intimidate or bully you any longer!




Nothing for you to worry about in that area.
If he tries anything, report it immediately to the police.
Do not allow him to commit violence on your or your child.


lilmomma said:
The grandparents lawyer says he can legally do that but it will take 2 years. in that 2 years he has to pay child support but after that my son and i can have no contact with any member from that family and if we do then we'll be violating a court order and have to pay the fines associated with that.
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If I were you, I'd consult with a lawyer in your state.
You need to hear these answers for yourself.
No responsible lawyer would say anything like that.
Did the lawyer actually tell you that, or did the grandparents say their lawyer told them that?
The grandparents are misinformed or working with their lying, abusing, conniving, grandson.



lilmomma said:
At this point i really don't care if he signs over his rights. I don't care about his money i wanted them to have a relationship and if he doesn't want that then it's his loss. But the kids and his family love my son and don't want to not be able to see him again. And he doesn't care if it hurts the kids or anybody else, he just wants it so he never has to see him again.
Click to expand...

He can't sign away his paternity.
It doesn't operate that way.
You both have a legal obligation to support your child.
You can allow him to escape paying support, but you can't grant him permission to walk away from his paternity.
A parent can eventually slither away from the parenting duties, (or have them taken for legal cause) but it isn't easy in either case!
It isn't like transferring a title to car, sign and drive!
 
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you have no rights to bf's kids

lilmomma said:
Ok long story so here we go. My ex boyfriend has 6 children, 4 with his ex-wife, 1 with an ex girlfriend, and mine. His parents have custody of the 4 in Henryetta, the ex girlfriend has his daughter in Norman and i have our son here in Tulsa where he lives. *Note that i'm not supposed to have children so the fact i even got pregnant was a big deal for me, that's why i really didn't mind that he had so many.
Well he's violated our agreement that he see our son once a month and i won't file child support. Our son is 14 months. He wasn't there when he was born, and he's only seen our son maybe 10 times if that since he's been born and 5 were in the first 3 months because of the birth certificate, and his oldest daughters birthday. So this fathers day, he forgot our son again. I got upset and told him I'm done giving you time I'm going to file. He got upset and informed me that he's just going to give up his right and make sure that my son is not allowed to have anything with his side of the family.
This is an issue for us because his mother has a heart problem and it's stated in her will that if something happens to her then i will be the guardian of the 4 she has custody of because we're close and i see the other 4 more than him or his ex-wife do. We were going to have me move in with them after i finished school for a year so that way i could legally be the step-mother guardian in case either of the childrens parents wanted to contest the will. Now we can't do that if I'm not allowed to see or talk to my step kids.
His parents want to adopt me so then i am allowed to see the kids but my parents won't go for that. So what are my options? How can i still let my son have a relationship with his siblings and his grandparents
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you have no custodial rights to children that are not yours. you are not their stepmother, and even if you were, you still would have no rights untill you adopt them. and btw, this is not OUR issue this is your bf's issue, you have nothing to do with this at all.you are a legal stranger to your bf's kids.
 
Again, no, this man CANNOT keep you from your child having a relationship with his other children. This is total nonsense and tell him you are not going to discuss it further with him. No he cannot give up his rights unless the grandparents adopt and he cannot give his rights up to your child. Stop letting this man try to boss you around. If you do not want child support or to establish paternity, then don't. This man is a legal stranger to your child so simply stop talking to him!
 
Army Judge

Thank you army judge :) you're the only one who has actually answered my questions and i appreciate all your help/advice :)
 
lilmomma said:
Thank you army judge :) you're the only one who has actually answered my questions and i appreciate all your help/advice :)
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I'm humbled and flattered.
I haven't done much.
Everyone on this board tries to help people.
I've been praised and blasted in the past.
But, I mean well and keep trying to offer what small service and encouragement I can.
I hope you seek the counsel of a wise attorney in your area.
You have a complicated and involved situation.
I hope things get worked out for everyone and you be a great mama to that little baby!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
lilmomma said:
Thank you army judge :) you're the only one who has actually answered my questions and i appreciate all your help/advice :)
Click to expand...

I have to disagree with this. Duranie and Gail also provided appropriate and accurate answers.

In fact, you asked 2 questions in your original post, and Gail answered them in post #2.

Duranie provided pertinent legal information and advice in post #5. There wasn't anything new in any subsequent posts.

But everyone's entitled to their own opinion. ;)
 
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