Mother's ability to parent falls through CPS cracks

[Stackhouse2]

So if she was already living with me and THEN filed?

 

[Proserpina]

So if she was already living with me and THEN filed?

Then...she would not be supporting herself, would she? Further, there is NO state - at all, period, even if - which will emancipate an 11 year old.

 

[Stackhouse2]

Pennsylvania will do it as young as fourteen from what I understand. That, I think, we're both willing to wait. As far as would she be supporting herself...I suppose technically no, but when it comes down to the point, and the state wants to know how she can financially be on her own, if I am the one providing her income, isn't that arguable?

(I know, I'm grasping for straws, but it was an idea.)

 

[army judge]

Thanks for the advice. If you think of anyway to "untie" my hands, please let me know.

I will look into a lawyer in PA. And, if I can stomach it, contact my father. I haven't spoken to him in over a year.

Sometimes in life, you have to negotiate with people.
You might even have to cajole, plead, and beg them to relinquish something they have that you want.

Maybe, just maybe, you should approach your mother and let her see why your sister living with you, benefits her!

Yeah, that sucks to me, too.
But, this isn't about you, anymore.
You're doing well.
You want to help someone you love, your sister.
So, you have to swallow your pride to help your sister.

I know a little bit about people from practicing law for 40 plus years.
You are everything you say, and more.
You're healed and well adjusted.
You can help your sister be where you are.
Think about it, just think about it.
That little girl is depending on you.

 

[Proserpina]

Pennsylvania will do it as young as fourteen from what I understand. That, I think, we're both willing to wait. As far as would she be supporting herself...I suppose technically no, but when it comes down to the point, and the state wants to know how she can financially be on her own, if I am the one providing her income, isn't that arguable?

(I know, I'm grasping for straws, but it was an idea.)

Nope.

Emancipation is granted in perhaps 1% of cases and when it is granted, the child has already been self-supporting. This does NOT mean living with someone who is supporting them.

Seriously, it's not happening.

 

[Stackhouse2]

Nope.

Emancipation is granted in perhaps 1% of cases and when it is granted, the child has already been self-supporting. This does NOT mean living with someone who is supporting them.

Seriously, it's not happening.

Okay, okay. Forgive me for looking at ever possible answer. The law is well known for loopholes...I'm just trying to find one to help me in this case.


@ Army Judge,

My parents met in the ARMY. They were both out by the time I was two or three, so I wasn't really "an ARMY brat" so to speak, but you have to understand that my mother, in her mental instability, carried the ARMY idea of "her way or the highway" into the rest of her life. She always, always, is dead certain that she is right about every thing. So...

Maybe, just maybe, you should approach your mother and let her see why your sister living with you, benefits her!

...since she is under the illusion that she is a perfect parent (and who is, I ask?), and that I, as I did not agree with her on certain things as I grew to adulthood, am always "out to get her"...she honestly thinks that any attempt I make to second guess her ability to parent, her part in the failing of her marriage to my father, or any other sign of her instability that I've pointed out over the years, is me attempting to just, pardon my french, piss her off. I can tell you exactly how any such conversation would go:

Me: I'd like my sister to come live with me.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're emotionally abusive and I don't want her to go through years of therapy to get over a childhood she doesn't have to suffer.

...because there is no other reason. There's not a reason I can argue that is remotely valid other than the truth...

Her: Who the hell do you think you are? You've never been a parent! You don't have a clue what it means to raise children. I'm a good mom. (and then the sobbing will ensue) You're just like your father. All you can do is point out what you think is wrong with me, and you're both out of your minds, you just want to hurt me!

Me: I'm not out to hurt you. I'm just thinking about what's best for my sister.

Her: You really are out of your mind! I wont have you influencing your sisters anymore. Until you can realize that I've always been right, I cannot allow you too communicate with your sisters at all. I wont have them turning out as screwed up as you are.


I am not exaggerating. That is exactly how the conversation will go. I am by no means perfect, but while she was too depressed, or off playing real estate agent guru (which she failed miserably at and put herself very much in debt), I was the one who raised her children. At twelve years old I had been "mom" for a year. By fifteen I was supporting her financially. And all of this she thought was okay. All of the things she didn't do as a parent, I did, because my father was non-existent for the most part and was certainly not going to step in and say "hey, I know my wife a little out of it, so I should pick up the slack and raise my children, show them that life isn't about being yelled at, belittled, or stolen from.

And here I am, out of that mess, financially independent, living a happy, healthy life, able to maintain good relationships based on love and respect rather than secrets, manipulation, guilt trips, threats, and so on. And I'm the one whose out of my mind?

 

[army judge]

S2, you didn't get it or ignored it.
Life sometimes requires us to be actors.
You might have to feign interest and flatter others to get them to do what you desire.
Your conversation wouldn't work even if you and her were best friends.
You have to make her think that she knows best, and you only want to help her.
You could fight her in court and lose, or praise her and win her over with kindness!
Good luck!!!


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