Mother depriving children

[1concernedfather]

Jurisdiction

Texas

Sorry, this will be a long post but I want to get all the details out there.

I just recently went through a divorce and have 2 kids with my ex. I am also recovering from being nearly dead in the hospital. Health wise I'm doing much better, I'm getting my strength back and can function normally now. We were married for 5 years, have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. About 2 years ago my health started declining at a fairly rapid pace. I'm normally a 225-230 pound guy at 6'2" and have been for most of my adult life. About 2 years ago, she completely flipped a 180 and decided to turn vegan and cut out meat and dairy. I am not here to debate whether vegan or non-vegan is the way to go, so please don't go that route. She forced the vegan diet in the household, including me and the kids. She started saying things like "If you eat meat, I cannot love you". Doing what most husbands do, I try to keep the wife happy even though I'd rather stay omni. I had never tried the vegan diet before and I was open to try it. I lost some weight and quickly got down to 185 pounds. I felt pretty good at 185-190 pounds but then I kept losing weight and I wasn't doing any exercise at all. It dropped to 160, then to 150. I got concerned at 150 pounds and went to my doctor. They ran test after test and everything was fine, except my blood sugar. My hbA1c was 14.5 with a fasting blood sugar of 370. I had never had problems with blood sugar regulation in my life. I went on a treatment plan for that and got my blood sugar under control. My weight continued to drop, now down to 140, then 130. I am feeling so weak at this point, I can barely get out of bed, can't function at work, can't interact with the kids, etc. She keeps telling me it's all in my head. Finally my mother is over visiting and says, you're going to the hospital now. My mother takes me to the hospital and I get admitted. They run extensive tests and the only thing they notice is that I'm dehydrated. I get pumped full of fluids and after a few days of monitoring me, they send me home. I come home to find out my ex had moved her stuff out and took the kids to live with her parents. Her excuse was that she can't handle me being sick anymore. She moves back in a few days later. We end up putting our house up for sale because I'm not sure if I can work anymore at this point. She leaves me again while I'm still sick and weak and moves back in with her parents. The house sells and guess what, I'm back in the hospital again down to 119 pounds. I'm in the hospital for a few days. Keep in mind, my ex has not even came to see me in the hospital at all with any of my visits. I end up getting a feeding tube installed through my nose down through my stomach and directly into my small intestine. I'm now doing feedings for 16 hours a day every day. The only thing the doctors could come up with is malnutrition due to the vegan diet. According to the doctors, my complete digestive system shut down and was preparing for my body to die. The doctors advice was to eat a normal balanced diet that includes meat and dairy. I get released from the hospital and my only place to stay is at my mother's house since our house had already sold and everything was in storage. Once moved in with my mom, I start eating a normal diet (country Texas style cooking) and immediately my health starts to improve. I had the feeding tube for 3 weeks and my doctor was so impressed on my improvement that he took out the feeding tube. It's been a steady increase since then. I'm now back up to 160 pounds and am working on getting my muscle mass back but I have the strength to function normal during the day. I'm back at work after a 3 month medical leave of absence. Things are looking good now. Oh and my hbA1c is back down to a 5.7 with very little meds.

Back in December, I told her that if we were going to work things out between us I needed to be able to eat a normal diet. She could not agree to it and said that meat and dairy will not be allowed in the household that she lives in. Also keep in mind, she lives with her parents and they cook normal food there. She was dead set on our house had to be a vegan lifestyle. So I asked if the vegan lifestyle meant more than our marriage, and the answer was yes. We filed for divorce and the divorce actually went pretty quick, was final in February. The kids remained with her because back then I was in no way capable of raising 2 young kids with my health the way it was. Here is where it gets a little hairy. She is treating the kids the same way with their diet. My 3 year old has developed tooth decay on all of his top teeth. They are completely rotted at the gum line. The bottom ones are perfect. She won't take him to a normal dentist, only a holistic one. I have him scheduled in for an exam at my dentist coming up soon. If you research vegan diet with tooth decay, you will find all sorts of information regarding calcium deficiency. It affects the top teeth first which is where his is. If his teeth were rotted due to not brushing, why would his bottom ones be perfect. His height and weight are on the low side for his age group. She will not bathe the kids using soap because it has chemicals in it. She will not use sunscreen on them due to chemicals as well. The daily diet that she feeds him is a smoothie for breakfast and lunch (spinach, banana, orange juice, water) then rice, potato (sometimes sweet potato) and avocado for dinner. Snacks are rice crackers. That's all he gets every day. When he is with me during my visitation, I feed him regular food. He loves eggs, bacon, milk, hamburgers, steak, chicken, mac&cheese, etc. He would rather eat than go to a playground.

To throw a new wrench in the fire. The divorce has been final since mid February. We've been separated since early December 2016. It's now towards the end of April and she calls me that she's moving in with her boyfriend of 6 months with the kids. Do the math on the 6 months. I still have not met this guy or ran a background check on him and my kids are supposed to be moving in with him. I'm not okay with this. Regardless of this situation, I've been wanting to get custody of the kids due to how she's treating them as mentioned above. I have the kids scheduled for an exam with my dentist and also scheduled for a wellness check with my doctor. I'm hoping that they can provide some sort of evidence that she's neglecting them.

Do I have a case against her? Should I get CPS involved? Would any of this hold up in court against her?

 

[leslie82]

Sorry, this will be a long post but I want to get all the details out there.

I just recently went through a divorce and have 2 kids with my ex. I am also recovering from being nearly dead in the hospital. Health wise I'm doing much better, I'm getting my strength back and can function normally now. We were married for 5 years, have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. About 2 years ago my health started declining at a fairly rapid pace. I'm normally a 225-230 pound guy at 6'2" and have been for most of my adult life. About 2 years ago, she completely flipped a 180 and decided to turn vegan and cut out meat and dairy. I am not here to debate whether vegan or non-vegan is the way to go, so please don't go that route. She forced the vegan diet in the household, including me and the kids. She started saying things like "If you eat meat, I cannot love you". Doing what most husbands do, I try to keep the wife happy even though I'd rather stay omni. I had never tried the vegan diet before and I was open to try it. I lost some weight and quickly got down to 185 pounds. I felt pretty good at 185-190 pounds but then I kept losing weight and I wasn't doing any exercise at all. It dropped to 160, then to 150. I got concerned at 150 pounds and went to my doctor. They ran test after test and everything was fine, except my blood sugar. My hbA1c was 14.5 with a fasting blood sugar of 370. I had never had problems with blood sugar regulation in my life. I went on a treatment plan for that and got my blood sugar under control. My weight continued to drop, now down to 140, then 130. I am feeling so weak at this point, I can barely get out of bed, can't function at work, can't interact with the kids, etc. She keeps telling me it's all in my head. Finally my mother is over visiting and says, you're going to the hospital now. My mother takes me to the hospital and I get admitted. They run extensive tests and the only thing they notice is that I'm dehydrated. I get pumped full of fluids and after a few days of monitoring me, they send me home. I come home to find out my ex had moved her stuff out and took the kids to live with her parents. Her excuse was that she can't handle me being sick anymore. She moves back in a few days later. We end up putting our house up for sale because I'm not sure if I can work anymore at this point. She leaves me again while I'm still sick and weak and moves back in with her parents. The house sells and guess what, I'm back in the hospital again down to 119 pounds. I'm in the hospital for a few days. Keep in mind, my ex has not even came to see me in the hospital at all with any of my visits. I end up getting a feeding tube installed through my nose down through my stomach and directly into my small intestine. I'm now doing feedings for 16 hours a day every day. The only thing the doctors could come up with is malnutrition due to the vegan diet. According to the doctors, my complete digestive system shut down and was preparing for my body to die. The doctors advice was to eat a normal balanced diet that includes meat and dairy. I get released from the hospital and my only place to stay is at my mother's house since our house had already sold and everything was in storage. Once moved in with my mom, I start eating a normal diet (country Texas style cooking) and immediately my health starts to improve. I had the feeding tube for 3 weeks and my doctor was so impressed on my improvement that he took out the feeding tube. It's been a steady increase since then. I'm now back up to 160 pounds and am working on getting my muscle mass back but I have the strength to function normal during the day. I'm back at work after a 3 month medical leave of absence. Things are looking good now. Oh and my hbA1c is back down to a 5.7 with very little meds.

Back in December, I told her that if we were going to work things out between us I needed to be able to eat a normal diet. She could not agree to it and said that meat and dairy will not be allowed in the household that she lives in. Also keep in mind, she lives with her parents and they cook normal food there. She was dead set on our house had to be a vegan lifestyle. So I asked if the vegan lifestyle meant more than our marriage, and the answer was yes. We filed for divorce and the divorce actually went pretty quick, was final in February. The kids remained with her because back then I was in no way capable of raising 2 young kids with my health the way it was. Here is where it gets a little hairy. She is treating the kids the same way with their diet. My 3 year old has developed tooth decay on all of his top teeth. They are completely rotted at the gum line. The bottom ones are perfect. She won't take him to a normal dentist, only a holistic one. I have him scheduled in for an exam at my dentist coming up soon. If you research vegan diet with tooth decay, you will find all sorts of information regarding calcium deficiency. It affects the top teeth first which is where his is. If his teeth were rotted due to not brushing, why would his bottom ones be perfect. His height and weight are on the low side for his age group. She will not bathe the kids using soap because it has chemicals in it. She will not use sunscreen on them due to chemicals as well. The daily diet that she feeds him is a smoothie for breakfast and lunch (spinach, banana, orange juice, water) then rice, potato (sometimes sweet potato) and avocado for dinner. Snacks are rice crackers. That's all he gets every day. When he is with me during my visitation, I feed him regular food. He loves eggs, bacon, milk, hamburgers, steak, chicken, mac&cheese, etc. He would rather eat than go to a playground.

To throw a new wrench in the fire. The divorce has been final since mid February. We've been separated since early December 2016. It's now towards the end of April and she calls me that she's moving in with her boyfriend of 6 months with the kids. Do the math on the 6 months. I still have not met this guy or ran a background check on him and my kids are supposed to be moving in with him. I'm not okay with this. Regardless of this situation, I've been wanting to get custody of the kids due to how she's treating them as mentioned above. I have the kids scheduled for an exam with my dentist and also scheduled for a wellness check with my doctor. I'm hoping that they can provide some sort of evidence that she's neglecting them.

Do I have a case against her? Should I get CPS involved? Would any of this hold up in court against her?

A case against her for what? I don't think it's illegal to put kids on a vegan diet. I don't know that you can get custody of the kids based solely on their diet even if it is causing all of that stuff you mention because she is not neglecting them. She is not abusing them. I think she's a bit uneducated in providing a vegan diet. She should have spoken to a medical professional because people on vegan diet have to get supplements for B12, iron and they have to find a protein alternative since they aren't eating meat. So if that is all she feeds them she's doing it wrong BUT I don't think even if you called CPS that they would call it abuse or neglect. She isn't neglecting them - she's just an idiot on how to successfully have her kids on a vegan diet. This is what she's supposed to do when switching to vegan. People do it and they aren't malnourished or near death so she's obviously doing things wrong. 12 Things You Need to Know Before Going Vegan

She does not have to let you meet any new partners she has. Would you expect her to meet any new partners you have? That's on you if you offer her to meet that person but you don't have to and she doesn't have to. I don't need to meet the next idiot that dates my ex husband and he doesn't have to know who I'm with. As long as he's not dating another drug addict or criminal like him I don't really care. But I have discretion on parenting time anyway.

I think your doctor will just say she needs to get educated on the vegan diet and that the kids have to have supplements to replace the things they lose when on a vegan diet. I mean in my opinion your ex wife sounds like a nut job and a bitch.

You can file to modify custody but I don't know that you would get sole custody based on this. I'm not a lawyer nor a judge. I'm basing this off what I"ve seen on this site in the past. She probably will bring up your medical health if you take her to court. I can see her being very spiteful so be prepared for that.

 

[1concernedfather]

A case against her for what? I don't think it's illegal to put kids on a vegan diet. I don't know that you can get custody of the kids based solely on their diet even if it is causing all of that stuff you mention because she is not neglecting them. She is not abusing them. I think she's a bit uneducated in providing a vegan diet. She should have spoken to a medical professional because people on vegan diet have to get supplements for B12, iron and they have to find a protein alternative since they aren't eating meat. So if that is all she feeds them she's doing it wrong BUT I don't think even if you called CPS that they would call it abuse or neglect. She isn't neglecting them - she's just an idiot on how to successfully have her kids on a vegan diet. This is what she's supposed to do when switching to vegan. People do it and they aren't malnourished or near death so she's obviously doing things wrong. 12 Things You Need to Know Before Going Vegan

She does not have to let you meet any new partners she has. Would you expect her to meet any new partners you have? That's on you if you offer her to meet that person but you don't have to and she doesn't have to. I don't need to meet the next idiot that dates my ex husband and he doesn't have to know who I'm with. As long as he's not dating another drug addict or criminal like him I don't really care. But I have discretion on parenting time anyway.

I think your doctor will just say she needs to get educated on the vegan diet and that the kids have to have supplements to replace the things they lose when on a vegan diet. I mean in my opinion your ex wife sounds like a nut job and a bitch.

You can file to modify custody but I don't know that you would get sole custody based on this. I'm not a lawyer nor a judge. I'm basing this off what I"ve seen on this site in the past. She probably will bring up your medical health if you take her to court. I can see her being very spiteful so be prepared for that.

I understand it's not illegal to put kids on a vegan diet. She does not supplement the kids for what they are missing in the vegan diet. While in my ex's possession, my daughter (14mo) is only breastfed and my son (3yr) is fed a smoothie for breakfast and lunch (spinach, orange juice, banana and water) and then rice, potato, avocado for dinner. This is every day when they are with her. Like you said, she's doing it completely wrong but is continuing to do it wrong which is affecting the children. According to her "medical professional" means incompetent idiot so she's not going to seek advice on the ways she doing things.

The thing about the new partners, it was an agreement that was signed between us (actually her choice to have done) that before the kids are brought into that future relationship the other parent meets the new person and is allowed to run a background check.

 

[leslie82]

I understand it's not illegal to put kids on a vegan diet. She does not supplement the kids for what they are missing in the vegan diet. Like you said, she's doing it completely wrong but is continuing to do it wrong which is affecting the children. According to her "medical professional" means incompetent idiot so she's not going to seek advice on the ways she doing things.

The thing about the new partners, it was an agreement that was signed between us (actually her choice to have done) that before the kids are brought into that future relationship the other parent meets the new person and is allowed to run a background check.

Is there a "no paramour" or "morality clause" order in your decree? If not then it doesn't matter what you two ever sign between each other. If there is, those generally state that neither parent can have their partner spend the night while children are present. I haven't heard of anything that says what you said you signed. I suppose each case is different. I would never have agreed to something like that or a morality clause or any of that. That just keeps both parents from ever finding someone else. But if you have that in your decree I guess you can file contempt that she violated it.

I'm sure there licensed medical professionals who are vegans. In fact I just Googled it and found this: Plant-Based Doctors I don't know if there are any near her. I don't know if she would take the link from you but maybe if you guys have a mutual friend she still talks to who could drop it in conversation...can't hurt. Maybe she would listen if it's someone who deals with veganism.

You can always call CPS at any time you think children are being abused or neglected but I feel that they will go and close this case with no incident.

 

[army judge]

I understand it's not illegal to put kids on a vegan diet. She does not supplement the kids for what they are missing in the vegan diet. While in my ex's possession, my daughter (14mo) is only breastfed and my son (3yr) is fed a smoothie for breakfast and lunch (spinach, orange juice, banana and water) and then rice, potato, avocado for dinner. This is every day when they are with her. Like you said, she's doing it completely wrong but is continuing to do it wrong which is affecting the children. According to her "medical professional" means incompetent idiot so she's not going to seek advice on the ways she doing things.

The thing about the new partners, it was an agreement that was signed between us (actually her choice to have done) that before the kids are brought into that future relationship the other parent meets the new person and is allowed to run a background check.

Texas refers to legal child custody as "conservatorship."

Conservatorship is used to describe the legal rights and responsibilities of parents.

A judge may give conservatorship to one or both parents.

A judge generally grants SOLE MANAGING CONSERVATORSHIP, or MANAGING CONSERVATORSHIP to one party, that is usual the party that provides the majority of care to the children, who live in that person's home.

Read your divorce decree, and see EXACTLY what language is used to describe the type of CONSERVATORSHIP decreed in your divorce.

If the children don't live with you in your home, you merely have visitation and subordinate parental authority. You become primary when the kids visit you for emergency situation.


That said, if you believe the other parent if failing in her/his parental duties, back to court you and she/he must go to "tell it to the judge".

That means you start by discussing this with a lawyer, hopefully your lawyer.

As far as trying to make any child a vegan, who was not raised as an infant as a vegan, sit back and enjoy the FREE show, mate.

The children will rebel, eventually, perhaps that rebellion has already begun.

No need for you to fire any shot, the children will do that and more.

A vegan lifestyle isn't something MOST children take to easily, so allow nature to run its course,
and you'll remain the "good guy".

 

[1concernedfather]

Texas refers to legal child custody as "conservatorship."

Conservatorship is used to describe the legal rights and responsibilities of parents.

A judge may give conservatorship to one or both parents.

A judge generally grants SOLE MANAGING CONSERVATORSHIP, or MANAGING CONSERVATORSHIP to one party, that is usual the party that provides the majority of care to the children, who live in that person's home.

Read your divorce decree, and see EXACTLY what language is used to describe the type of CONSERVATORSHIP decreed in your divorce.

If the children don't live with you in your home, you merely have visitation and subordinate parental authority. You become primary when the kids visit you for emergency situation.


That said, if you believe the other parent if failing in her/his parental duties, back to court you and she/he must go to "tell it to the judge".

That means you start by discussing this with a lawyer, hopefully your lawyer.

As far as trying to make any child a vegan, who was not raised as an infant as a vegan, sit back and enjoy the FREE show, mate.

The children will rebel, eventually, perhaps that rebellion has already begun.

No need for you to fire any shot, the children will do that and more.

A vegan lifestyle isn't something MOST children take to easily, so allow nature to run its course,
and you'll remain the "good guy".

The decree says we are appointed Joint Managing Conservators of the children. They reside with her and I have standard visitation with my son and a modified standard visitation with my daughter until she is 18 months old. Currently I do not get to keep my daughter overnight until she's 18 months old.

Unfortunately, my son was brought up vegan as she was very adamant about this when he was born. I trusted that she knew what she was talking about as I didn't know much about veganism then. She literally feeds him the same thing every day and has since he started on solid foods. He's grown accustomed to it and doesn't rebel against that food. He is rebelling in a way though. Since I've introduced him to various other foods while he's in my possession, he begs for those foods at home with her. I've taken screenshots of some of her posts on vegan blogs asking other people what to tell your kids to get them to stop eating meat and dairy at their dads house. It was tough to get him to try new foods even with me because all he was used to eating was what she feeds him. Once I got him to try a few things and he liked it, it built some trust that I'm not going to give him something bad. It's much better now, but I'm experiencing the challenge of the rebellion more than she is. My daughter on the other hand, she's so young that she's not being raised vegan because I give her a normal diet when I have her and she will stuff her mouth full of anything I give her.

As far as letting nature run it's course, I would like to just remain the calm good parent that is properly providing for the kids but since they are primarily with her I feel that its more of a concern on their health that they are not getting what they need. I can't just sit back and not do anything about it.

 

[army judge]

As far as letting nature run it's course, I would like to just remain the calm good parent that is properly providing for the kids but since they are primarily with her I feel that its more of a concern on their health that they are not getting what they need. I can't just sit back and not do anything about it.

Know this, there's NOTHING you can do.

You MUST go to court, argue why she's harming them, and convince a judge your assertions are accurate.

If you desire to do "something", you hire a lawyer to prosecute it for you.

I suggest you discuss your concerns with three or four domestic relations lawyers in your county.

The initial consultation is normally offered at no charge.

Once you've done your initial legwork, you cna then decide how best to proceed.

On the flip side, you can feed the kids whatever you deem appropriate when they are in your custody and control.

Good luck.