Legal Guardianship paperwork or steps

[danewheeler]

Hello All,
I am unsure if this is pertinent but I (the father) am Living in TX, the mother and child in question are living in Oregon, and the birthplace of the child is in New Mexico (I mention this so any state laws can be considered).

I have not been allowed on the Birth Certificate as of yet and my daughter is already 7. The mother finally called Monday after a year without letting me hear my daughters voice and asked me to come and take her (permanently). I am trying to figure out what paperwork needs to be filed so that I can get legal guardianship of my little girl. I know the birth certificate is important but as it stands I am dealing with a wild animal backed into a corner (the mother) and I want to approach this as gently as possible. I am thinking of something similar to adoption where the mother gives me the legal rights to make sure she gets into school and gets medical until me and my fiancee can get married and bring her under my fiancee's medical. This is really just a mess so I still need to be careful about not making the mother feel threatened. In reality I don't want to rip my girl away from her mom but I do not want my little angel ripped away from me and she has been to this date. Also, I will need to go to Oregon to get my girl. Will I need to file the paperwork in Oregon and then come and do a mess of other paperwork down here in Texas? I just want to do this right for my daughter yet without it becoming a bunch of problems.
Basically, I need to know the correct forms, procedures, hoops I will have to jump through, and once I have that how and where do I file this information. Will I absolutely need to go to court for this or is there a better way? Anything like this will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

 

[army judge]

Wow, this is a complicated situation.
You're not going to like my answer.
It sounds as if you were never married to the child's mother.
Is that true?
If it is, you are not the child's father.
Why?
Well, Unmarried males must first establish paternity.
One of the easiest ways to do that is be put on the birth certificate.

Shatter way is sign an acknowledgement of paternity form and have a DNA test done.

Now, these missing links won't stop you from getting the little girl, but they'll complicate the process and elongate it.
Why?

Legally you are a legal stranger to this child.

I suggest you speak with a lawyer.
The lawyer will have to be an Oregon lawyer.
The legal process will have to be done in Oregon.
Why?

Oregon has jurisdiction over the child, because that is where her mother chose to reside.

I also suggest you don't take the child unless you have some type of court order.

Why?

One, as you said the mother is a she beast. Creatures of that low order change their minds, and when they do, they make big trouble for others. Err, the others in this case would be you.

Two, you are a legal stranger because of what the she beast has chosen to do to you. She's denied you paternal access. But, you need to know that without a DNA test, you might not be the child's father.

I suggest you start this by speaking with a couple Oregon lawyers. You can make telephone calls to start.

If you were married, prior to the child's conception, that changes my answer a bit. I will await your response or input by others.

Dude, this story breaks my heart. And, I don't know you. I wish you well.

 

[danewheeler]

Hello Army,
You are correct we never married. I also understand (as not being on the birth certificate) I have no Legal rights as her father. I have asked her about getting me on the paperwork more than once and she has always came back within 15 minutes of me asking stating something to the effect of "if I ever try to take her she will disappear and I will never see my daughter again". You think this breaks your heart, I wake up in the middle of the night bawling my eye's out whenever I dream of her. Thank you for the sentiment though. I will see about contacting a lawyer in Oregon to see if I can get some stuff going in the right direction. Concerning the statement about not taking her because the mother might change her mind. I cannot agree with you more. I was thinking that if she decided to say I took her even though I had paperwork she signed then this might become kidnapping charges. Either way please pray for mercy for my little girl, she needs its right now.
Thank you very much bud.

 

[Proserpina]

Don't do ANYTHING without a court order in your hand.

There is another consideration that I don't think either of you are thinking about. The child is about to be ripped away from EVERYTHING she knows and is familiar with. This is really not fair to her - at the very least, she deserves a period of reintroduction where she can get to know you again.

I strongly recommend you seek an attorney in Oregon, and be prepared that this might not be over by Christmas.

 

[danewheeler]

I agree with you Prosperina,
According to the mother it was actually Elizabeth (the child) who told her she wanted to come live with me. I personally do not think the child should have the final say in the matter but if her mom is ok with that I will not fight her. I have considered the situation volatile since the day she was born though. What I do not think is fair as well is that my little girl has been in and out of homeless shelters with her mom while the mother has also brought Chris (just released out of prison for violent acts the day before) into there life. Or that her mother has been on and off of drugs (both illegal and prescribed) for years. She has moved her all over this country without a permanent home for more than a few months. All while I have had a good stable home and quite using drugs within a month of finding out marge was pregnant. She also left her husband with 6 kids when she meet me so she can run all over and be free from the tyranny that is an excellent and kind man (her ex before me). I am sorry for letting the emotions come out there but this is the mess I have been faced with. I have thought a lot about it being hard on her though and have decided it would be best to sit down and try to explain to her what this really means. Let her know what she will be doing such as school, chores, etc... I cannot agree more that it is unfair for her to have to go through this stuff which she in no way caused. Again I am so sorry for being emotional about this but that's my little girl. She (the mother) put up a video on Youtube asking for help from Oprah which I cannot link to as I do not have enough posts yet. However, if you want to see her and the homeless shelter she is at right now you can search for O.P.R.A.H. Homeless Project it will be posted by InstantClassic333 (which is Chris who is Marges convicted boyfriend). All the while I have a home here with stability and her brother and sister waiting for her to come back. The beautiful blonde hair girl named Elizabeth who is dancing all over is my daughter. I hope this puts her face to this discussion.
Thank you very much for your comment by the way
I have reached a lawyer in Oregon and I will update everyone as soon as I can.

 

[danewheeler]

The corporate Exec she talks about is Charles her EX and she did not leave him from abuse (although he did slap her once that I know of). She actually left him and her 6 children with him to run off with this homeless kid at the time (which is me). However, when I found out she was pregnant I figured it was time to pull my head out of my backside and get it right. She did not feel the same way however, and continues to live that life. Also, I know it might not be right but I quite giving her child support about 3 years ago (we did it unofficially as Marge wanted to keep her state free insurance) because I went over to where she was living at the time put the money in her hand and 15 minutes later a knock at the door. Some young gang banger kid came in and she pulled the money right out of the pocket she placed my payment in and handed it to him for a bag of weed. Also, I came to the conclusion that if she wanted me to have the responsibility of being the dad then I needed the rights as well so I told her she won't receive anything from me till the birth certificate is signed.
I also know that I am not the greatest example of a dad on this planet but I will do anything for that little girl. I have had a long hard struggle getting stable but for the past 5-6 years I have had a place for my daughter to call home I have moved 3 times in that time but two of them are with a few miles of each other which just seems a ton better than what she has given so far.

 

[danewheeler]

I have spoken with a lawyer in Oregon and he said it is going to be 2,500 to draw up the paperwork and submit it to the courts for me. Does this sound about right? He will be doing an affidavit of paternity and something else where she would sign my daughter over with a court order.

 

[Proserpina]

You'll likely also need to notify the court that you intend to relocate the child to Texas but if you're all in agreement, this shouldn't be an issue.

You will also need to submit a parenting plan and you should make sure the agreement spells out who is responsible for transportation. You can request that costs are split 50/50, but honestly, Mom is likely going to balk at that and say that because you are effectively creating the distance you should be 100% responsible. If you're okay with that, then fine.

Be specific about visitation; "6 weeks in the summer" is too vague unless you include verbiage along the lines of "Mom shall notify Dad of the dates she wishes to exercise the summer visitation no later than April 1 each year". Each parent will be responsible for making sure the child gets on the plane. Think about including Skype and webcam visits, and again being clear is very important; "Dad will make kiddo available between X-Y hours on Mon, Thurs and Saturdays for webcam/skype/telephone visitation".

Dad, I will end by saying this.

I think you're making a grave error in letting your 7 year old decide she wants to come and live with you. It would be one thing if Mom decided that this is in kiddo's best interest - but you're giving your daughter FAR too much control over a very adult situation. What are you going to do if she doesn't like your house rules and wants to go back to Mom in 3 months time?

Please think this through completely before you go ahead. I'd even go as far as discussing this with your wife in a family therapy setting; this is going to be a huge adjustment and I'd hate for one or all of you to regret this in the coming months.

Remember, you haven't even spoken to your daughter in a year.

 

[danewheeler]

Hello Proserpina,
Please do not think that I feel my 7 year old girl should have the say in where she lives. I could not agree with you more. However, I am going to jump at the chance of making sure she is safe and protected. It was my Ex who thinks she should be able to choose this and that is what she told me as to why she is letting me have her (well that and a couple other reasons). I will not fight this decision though because I know living in a stable, drug free environment, away from weird people, among family, and getting a good education is a good thing. I do share your feelings though that this is going to be a very hard thing on my little girl. I do not wish that at all upon her but it is going to be a safe place and I will make sure she contacts her mother often. This is where the problems will become evident because the days are indeed coming where Elizabeth is going to say I want to go to my mom and I will have to say NO I cannot bring you there just because you want to. I am not like the mother, I won't give her up just because she wants to move. I have to look at what is best for my daughter above all and not what she, I, or the mother wants.
I may have worded that weird earlier but I can assure you I never agreed that my 7 year old can make the decision. Also, I just want to thank you and Army for helping me out so much today.

 

[army judge]

You're welcome, OP.

I suggest you get a paternity test done immediately.

If the child ends up NOT being yours, that means there is a bio-dad out there somewhere. He could eventually get wind of this, and kick up a real fuss. From what you say, this female isn't above conning you, cheating you outta your money, and deceiving you about something as serious as a child!!!!