in need of advice

Status
Not open for further replies.
A

AFRIEND

New Member
Hi I'm new to this forum. I have a friend that I have been trying to help get her life back together after loosing her youngest child to her husbands Mother. She took guardianship about a year ago. Her Son went to jail for a year and took guardianship and moved to Montana. Since then she only has had phone calls to her daughter.
My friend has visitation to her daughter but being she lives in Montana now it is almost impossible for her to see her child. The Mother in law is trying to allienate her from her mother. Most every call my friend gets she fights with her daughter about things the mother in law want her to fight about. Its getting sad not knowing what to do about this. I have even been told I can not talk to her beeing the mother in law says I lie. which is a joke.
The biggest problem is that the mother in law has money to fight and get a attorney etc. My firend doesn't she is on disability and lives on a fixed income which isn't right. She is a good Mother trying to get her life back after a abusive relationship. She is seeing a doctor and taking parenting classes and realy wants her child back. How can I Help her find the support and direction she needs. the x husband has a long police record drugs included violence against the kids and wife. they reduce his sentence being they told the court that he will leave the state, Which he has done since then both the mother in law and him have been living with the child. Also the Mother in law doesn't believe that her son has done anything wrong just crazy...
Anyways this is a long story as many are. I need some advice some help
thanks in advance
JBS
 
AFRIEND said:
Hi I'm new to this forum. I have a friend that I have been trying to help get her life back together after loosing her youngest child to her husbands Mother. She took guardianship about a year ago. Her Son went to jail for a year and took guardianship and moved to Montana. Since then she only has had phone calls to her daughter.
My friend has visitation to her daughter but being she lives in Montana now it is almost impossible for her to see her child. The Mother in law is trying to allienate her from her mother. Most every call my friend gets she fights with her daughter about things the mother in law want her to fight about. Its getting sad not knowing what to do about this. I have even been told I can not talk to her beeing the mother in law says I lie. which is a joke.
The biggest problem is that the mother in law has money to fight and get a attorney etc. My firend doesn't she is on disability and lives on a fixed income which isn't right. She is a good Mother trying to get her life back after a abusive relationship. She is seeing a doctor and taking parenting classes and realy wants her child back. How can I Help her find the support and direction she needs. the x husband has a long police record drugs included violence against the kids and wife. they reduce his sentence being they told the court that he will leave the state, Which he has done since then both the mother in law and him have been living with the child. Also the Mother in law doesn't believe that her son has done anything wrong just crazy...
Anyways this is a long story as many are. I need some advice some help
thanks in advance
JBS
Click to expand...



What a disturbing story.

Let's look at this from an expediency standpoint.

Your friend should get her life in order.

She should address her health issues, first and foremost.

She can't be a good mother until her health has been brought back to normal.

Her child is in the best place for the moment.

The guardian isn't abusing the child.

The guardian is loving the child.

It should give your friend some comfort knowing that her child is being well cared for and protected, while she heals.

Once your friend gets her health in order, she should get her finances repaired.

That might take some more time.

But, if she can't support herself, how can she support her child?

The child's father is certainly in no position to offer any support.

He'll never be able to help or support the child.

Your friend should stop calling the child.

That is too costly anyway.

Your friend should write letters to the child.

That way, they won't argue.

The letters should tell of happier times, dreams she has for her daughter, and how much she loves the child.

The letters should always take the time to thank the guardian.

What if the guardian weren't there?

This process will take at least five years, maybe more.

But, first things first.

Your friend must fix these things before she even begins to think about custody.

I wish her well.

Your friend should encourage the child's progress, not impede it.

It isn't about what your friend wants, but what is BEST for her child!
 
The fact your friend moved out of state makes it almost impossible she will get her child back. The courts arew not going to remove the child from Grandma only to be moved over 1000 miles unless absolutely necessary. Your friend is going to need an attorney in MT if that is where the order is out of and she can ask for visitation but she needs to incur the expense of it. Honestly if she wants to see the child and be involved, she should move back to MT.
 
My Friend

Thank you all for the reply.
My Friend's problem started here in California where the child has been raised most of her life now 10yrs old.
I did leave out a few things.
The Mother has a income and her health is fine Her Mental stability over this has been in question but mostly how the Father and Mother in law has tricked her is why she is seeking advice. The Guardian is not physically abusing the child but is mentaly abusing the child with mind games making the mom look like the bad guy when she is not. She is a loving caring mother. Just wanting to know how to stop the guardian from this kind of abuse.
The phone calls are some of the only rights she has and doesn't want to loose them. visitaion is a joke at only a couple hours under supervision and going to MT will cost all to much $$$ to make it possible.
She has thought about moving to MT to be closer but she will not have the support she has here with family and friends.
She knows that its about the child first and foremost.
shes just needing some sound advice on how to move forward. this has been very tuff on her but she has made huge changes and is looking at the future.
Hoping she can find the adivce to get her daughter back in her life.
Thanks everyone that has replied.
keep them coming
 
AFRIEND said:
Hi I'm new to this forum. I have a friend that I have been trying to help get her life back together after loosing her youngest child to her husbands Mother. She took guardianship about a year ago. Her Son went to jail for a year and took guardianship and moved to Montana. Since then she only has had phone calls to her daughter.
My friend has visitation to her daughter but being she lives in Montana now it is almost impossible for her to see her child. The Mother in law is trying to allienate her from her mother. Most every call my friend gets she fights with her daughter about things the mother in law want her to fight about. Its getting sad not knowing what to do about this. I have even been told I can not talk to her beeing the mother in law says I lie. which is a joke.The biggest problem is that the mother in law has money to fight and get a attorney etc. My firend doesn't she is on disability and lives on a fixed income which isn't right. She is a good Mother trying to get her life back after a abusive relationship. She is seeing a doctor and taking parenting classes and realy wants her child back. How can I Help her find the support and direction she needs. the x husband has a long police record drugs included violence against the kids and wife. they reduce his sentence being they told the court that he will leave the state, Which he has done since then both the mother in law and him have been living with the child. Also the Mother in law doesn't believe that her son has done anything wrong just crazy...
Anyways this is a long story as many are. I need some advice some help
thanks in advance
JBS
Click to expand...


Interesting. Who are you in this situation?:confused:
 
Well in short yes. the court did accept the transfer to MT.
I'm just a friend that is giving her the support to get her life back together nothing more. I have been a friend for many years .
The way they took her child and started the guardianship was like legal kidnapping. No CPS report just started the procedding against her with no legal support.
Is there a way for her to get some advice on how to get reconcillation which the gaurdian is not doing ??? which is written on paper ?
again thank you in advance.
 
Your friend needs an attorney.

This is nowhere near kidnapping, incidentally.
 
this what I was thinking but can not find one that she can aford.
sorry if I used the kidnapping term but for the first 2 weeks to almost a month they hide her from the mother. Its been just over a year and a half now.
 
AFRIEND said:
this what I was thinking but can not find one that she can aford.
sorry if I used the kidnapping term but for the first 2 weeks to almost a month they hide her from the mother. Its been just over a year and a half now.
Click to expand...


If the mother had/has "issues", protecting the child was/is all that mattered.

The child's interests and development is always paramount.
 
Have your friend call the State Bar Association - they can provide a list of low-cost or pro bono attorneys. Some will give an initial 1/2 hour telephone consult for as little as $25.

Frankly I cannot see custody changing at this point.
 
left out a important part she has 2 childern one she still has custody of, the other child is the one at question. she has one 10 and another 17.
Both from different fathers.
Who doesn't have issues these days ???
Is it only about Money ?
is it about the interrests of developement being the guardian has more money to do so ? what about the developement of the bonding of a mother with her daughter ?
what about building the hate towards a mother that only tried to make it but didn't due to the husbands abusive ways to the childern and her. The husband has been charged with INFLICT CORPORAL INJ ON SPOUSE/COHABITANT, WILLFUL CRUELTY TO CHILD 2 counts, THREATEN CRIME, PRIOR CORPORAL INJURY WITHIN 7YEARS and this guys mother which he is living with has guardianship of her child and she(Mother) is the bad guy go figure ??? and the mother-in-law doesn't believe her son did any of this full denielle of any of it... only believes it was the fault of the the mother which she believes started it all. Sad...
 
AFRIEND said:
left out a important part she has 2 childern one she still has custody of, the other child is the one at question. she has one 10 and another 17.
Both from different fathers.
Who doesn't have issues these days ???
Is it only about Money ?
is it about the interrests of developement being the guardian has more money to do so ? what about the developement of the bonding of a mother with her daughter ?
what about building the hate towards a mother that only tried to make it but didn't due to the husbands abusive ways to the childern and her. The husband has been charged with INFLICT CORPORAL INJ ON SPOUSE/COHABITANT, WILLFUL CRUELTY TO CHILD 2 counts, THREATEN CRIME, PRIOR CORPORAL INJURY WITHIN 7YEARS and this guys mother which he is living with has guardianship of her child and she(Mother) is the bad guy go figure ??? and the mother-in-law doesn't believe her son did any of this full denielle of any of it... only believes it was the fault of the the mother which she believes started it all. Sad...
Click to expand...



She must be a very good friend to tell you all of that private and confidential information.

I don't want to know that much private and embarrassing information about my friends' lives.

I'd listen and try to help, but some things are just too personal for me to hear.

Why did you listen to that horrible stuff? :dunno:

There are all manner of sordid and salacious things going on here.

You're right, this is just so very sad!!! :(



 
Army Judge you are right about her being a good friend. Almost like my sister as close as we have been in life.
You are right but what is one to do if the friend lets you know of their pains even though it may be embarrassing. Just listen and do nothing?
kinda like allot of the problems in this world no one wants to get envolved...
Why did I listen ??? What is a good friend supposed to do ??? Run right... Not me... sure it has been horrible stuff and at times scary but I'm strong I like to think and hope that this could be different for her. that is why I listened.
I have been working at getting her back to her normal independent self. I have been able to get her off drugs, get her consuling, have her look at getting employment and even possible better education for a better life. She is doing good. She has changed or improved allot in the last year. Her Husband took allot from her, and this is why I have been trying to help her get back on her feet as any good friend would do.
Yes this has been a sad story but it has been getting better for her.
in time I feel that everything will come together for her.
It will just take time and determination and preservation to make it...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Share this page

Get a free case review from a lawyer
Back
Top