How exactly does a divorce work?

[travis0932]

Jurisdiction

Hawaii

I'll post the story in a reply to this post...not sure if anyone cares lol. Just wanted to ask two questions here.

1. Do attorney's despise clients if they ask their spouse to cover their legal fees? Honestly I don't think an attorney wants to be thrown into the mess nor wants to question being paid. Friend recommend me ask my wife to cover my fees, even though the attorney I met (who I won't be hiring) wanted a retainer so technically he'd be paid, but still I feel like an attorney would despise such a request.
   

2. Spoke to an attorney and told him most of what you see below and he just said state laws says she gets 50% of everything I have, I get 50% of everything she has, but she gets 1/3rd of the house and I get 2/3rd of the house....and I just looked at him like if this law is set in stone why exactly do I need you? Safe to say he won't be hearing back from me.

 

[travis0932]

Wife filed for divorce.



We've been married 13 years, both of our second marriage. This wasn't an arranged marriage, but culturally speaking we don't do the whole dating thing, so we marry quick. Wife married to help her take care of her kids that she failed to do so and for money. Years later, find out wife is a mental mess and the biggest con and fraud you'll meet.


-Wife told me she was a widow. Last year at her daughter's marriage I met her ex husband (talk about a surprise). He tells me the day he flunked med school she grabbed her stuff and their kids and left to come to the USA. I don't think she was even formally divorced. And the following I kind of suspected but he confirmed: she made up a b/s abuse story to get asylum in the U.S. And blackmailed him to get her a fake birth certificate. So I got a storage unit to keep her things when we married and I had a bachelor pad and before I bought my house. Didn't realize she still had the storage unit till she made me drop her off at it so she could get a form for her taxes two years ago. Storage unit is empty except a safe. I'm almost positive this fake birth certificate is here.
Not sure if immigration cares, she's been an US citizen for more than a decade now.



-I retired this year, but my income was $400k, hers is $30k or so (who knows she's secretive about everything). I'm definitely not giving her 50% of that. She didn't help me get my job, I was working for 30 years before I met her. In fact it's the opposite, I got her a job at my clinic and the boss, although rude, did tell me bluntly "she's only here because she's your wife".



-My first wife, again culturally more/less an arranged marriage...we never argued but were two different people and separated without lawyers, I've given her her fair share. I was the workaholic dad that lived at the hospital while neglecting my parental roles and she raised the kids. It wasn't till my second marriage till I realized what sacrifice my first wife made, even though I don't owe her anything anymore, I kind of anonymously send her money till this day by giving my biological kids money and telling them to give it to their mom. Current wife saw me send money to my kids and this is a reason she's divorcing.



-Current wife has 2 kids who are both a mess. The son has no life and she forces him to study 24x7. He's suicidal because of her. Left the house on this 18th bday. I talk to him a little but he hasn't talked to his mom since the day he left. The girl talks to the mom, but she's a mental mess too and has anger issues. Basically what I'm saying is I'm the one that raised her kids, not her, she failed.



-Wife actually moved to a separate guest room in my home about 6 years ago, when I refused to buy the daughter a car for college or pay for her college. In fact she stopped cooking and I do the cooking and she stopped cleaning and I had to hire a cleaner. She bought a lock on the door but forgot to lock it one day, and I go in to find out she actually sleeps in the closet, and tin foil all over the walls.....



-I pay for everything. The house, cars, food, bills etc I pay for 100%, she's never paid for anything. In fact for several years I've been paying my wife allowance, which I stopped when I was retiring. She feels like this is her right and another reason she wants a divorce.



-More on the con thing, she set her daughter up with a doctor, but knew the guy would run away with her daughter's anger issues, so essentially she's been pretending to be her daughter and talked to this guy online for months. The guy met the daughter 2(?) times before marrying (again, culture thing). Didn't take long for the guy to find out the daughter is a mess and he filed for a divorce two months after marriage. I refused to pay for her daughter's attorney's fees, daughter literally told me if I didn't she'd get her mom to divorce me.



-Noticing I'm missing bank statements. First one or two I dismiss as possibly being lost in the mail, but after a few it gets odd. Then I get a call from my manager at my bank who knows me personally, who tells me some women is calling pretending to be me and asking about recent transfers. This is a personally account not a joint account. Basically the wife finds out I've been giving money to my biological kids, charities etc (basically not her) and she files for a divorce.





As far as why I didn't divorce....it was ok the first few years. Even when she moved to a spare room, she kept to herself and I figured it'd be cheaper to hire a cleaner, buy grocery's for two, keep a spare line on my cell phone bill, etc then it'd be to divorce. Also some of the things like her not being a widow , digging through my personal bank accounts, etc., I just found out recently.

 

[adjusterjack]

Do attorney's despise clients if they ask their spouse to cover their legal fees? Honestly I don't think an attorney wants to be thrown into the mess nor wants to question being paid. Friend recommend me ask my wife to cover my fees, even though the attorney I met (who I won't be hiring) wanted a retainer so technically he'd be paid, but still I feel like an attorney would despise such a request.

Despise? No.
Decline? Yes.

You'll pay your attorney. Period.

There may be rare circumstances that allow you to petition the court for an award of attorney fees when the proceedings are over. But don't count on it.

Spoke to an attorney and told him most of what you see below and he just said state laws says she gets 50% of everything I have, I get 50% of everything she has, but she gets 1/3rd of the house and I get 2/3rd of the house....and I just looked at him like if this law is set in stone why exactly do I need you? Safe to say he won't be hearing back from me.

No, it's not set in stone and you are wise to avoid that attorney.

Hawaii is not a community property state so a division of assets and debts is negotiable. However, any agreement you make with your spouse will be examined by the judge to make sure it's equitable. If it doesn't follow principles of equity the judge will decide how the assets and debts are divided.

See:

Hawaii Marital Property Laws - FindLaw

 

[army judge]

-I retired this year, but my income was $400k, hers is $30k or so (who knows she's secretive about everything).

Love isn't blind, only fools are blinded.

Marry such that you are equally yoked.

If she/he makes $15/hour, while you earn $500,000 a year, he/she loves your loot not you.

Gravy Train is a brand of dog food, not something you allow a slug to ride.

It costs to correct a mistake.
Marrying a slug is a big mistake.
Now you'll pay to get the slug out of your life.
Once you're free, stay that way.
Some people are better off alone, as sans slug.

 

[adjusterjack]

-I retired this year, but my income was $400k, hers is $30k or so (who knows she's secretive about everything). I'm definitely not giving her 50% of that

You posted all the details after my first comment.

I think you'd better resign yourself to the fact that you will be giving her a great deal of "slug" go away money, probably spousal maintenance as well.

Get yourself a lawyer if she has one.

If she doesn't have one, ask her to write down what she wants. Then make a counter offer, reminding her that lawyers cost tens of thousands, the money comes off the top, and it could take two years before she ever sees any money if she wants to fight it out in court.

 

[army judge]

I think you'd better resign yourself to the fact that you will be giving her a great deal of "slug" go away money, probably spousal maintenance as well.

Slugs and leeches, useless critters.

A friend once whined to me about his spouse, I said, "Sorry, I don't care that is your business. Don't carry tales about her to others. All I know is that if you and she can no longer live in peace, nothing forces you stay with her. You also have the option to divorce. Please don't tell me about her flaws, that's your personal business, and I'm not a priest."

 

[zddoodah]

Do attorney's despise clients if they ask their spouse to cover their legal fees?

I'm not sure to whom "they" and "their" refer in this sentence. However, I'm sure a very small percentage of attorneys (no apostrophe) despise their clients, but most do not.

I'm not sure it answers your question, but one spouse seeking to have the court order that the other spouse pay the first spouse's legal fees is hardly an uncommon thing.

Spoke to an attorney and told him most of what you see below and he just said state laws says she gets 50% of everything I have, I get 50% of everything she has, but she gets 1/3rd of the house and I get 2/3rd of the house....and I just looked at him like if this law is set in stone why exactly do I need you?

Despite your use of a question mark, this sentence is not a question. The law is not nearly as simplistic as you wrote here. Hawaii, like most states, is an equitable division state. That means that, in a divorce, the court will divide marital property in a manner that it determines is equitable based on numerous statutory factors. While a 50/50 split of marital property is presumed to be equitable, the statutory factors may move the split one way or the other. If some attorney told you that your wife gets 1/3 of your house and you get 2/3, it's because of acts unique to your case.

As far as why you need an attorney, are you familiar with both the substantive law and the procedural rules relating to divorce cases?