How do I protect my family against false accusations from my ex

[JJJCCC]

I have been dealing with an unstable ex since 2009. Over this time she has made multiple false accusations against me (the father) and now my fiancé and children. Over this time she has put in three petitions for orders of protection. The orders were filed with insane allegations that included: I have multiple identities and SS#s, she is afraid I will cut her steering column and brakes, I have hacked into her computer and phone, I have broken into her home, I have stolen her IRS treasury check, I'm being investigated by the FBI and Treasury department, etc.. I had to go to court and fight all three OPDs and won so they never became Orders of Protection. During one of the Petitions she went to the Chicago PD and said I violated it because I ran into her at a store. They arrested me and I had the fight criminal charges in court which I won. Now she has targeted my fiancé and children. She filed a report with DCFS that one of the kids sexually abused my daughter (who is 9). The child she accused was 12 and also a girl. DCFS investigated and it was cleared as unfounded. She continues to try to get me in trouble any way she can. She now tells me she has 4 different agencies investigating me.....for what I have no idea. She doesn't care as long as she can make my life miserable. She has my daughter call my family (Mother, Father, Brothers and Sisters) and tell them that I am a bad father and trying to hurt them. She has left crazy drunk, obscenity laced emails and texts to me. To add to the embarrassment, I had put my ex on a blocked persons list at my work because she was trying to contact them as well. I am worried first and foremost about the impact this has on my daughter being forced to go through this. I fear for her long term mental well being,

At this point, the stress is incredible on everyone as we are always afraid she will file more allegations against the kids and my fiancé. My daughter is with me every Thursday night and every other weekend. How do I protect everyone to prevent these allegations from continuing. This is no way to live walking on egg shells and is not healthy for anyone. How do I get this behavior stopped and protect all from this insanity? I have been in the courts for years. The judges don't seem to care. I even had a child rep appointed who has been completely unengaged and been a non-factor in helping. I did speak with DCFS and CASA. Both said to fire the child rep but offered no guidance on preventative measures to address my ex's behavior.

I am at the end of my rope. Judges, Lawyers and Child Rep (also a lawyer) don't seem to want to get involved which is very odd. It seems as if there is no immediate physical danger to my daughter then they don't want to deal with it. The emotional and mental toll it is taking on us is enormous. The 2 girls and my fiancé are now terrified when my daughter stays over. I don't want this environment for my daughter or anyone. What do I do at this point just take it? I have never retaliated. I can take the abuse hurled at me but I can't for the other people in my life. How do I protect everyone involved?

 

[army judge]

Have you considered that she might be mentally ill?

Her behavior and actions certainly are uncivil, if not mental.

You've done just about everything you can do, short of relocating to New Mexico, Idaho, Alaska, or Guam. By the way, that might be an option you could consider.

If the authorities in your state ignore ir, allow, or see it as harmless, nothing we can do.

We're just some people on the 'net.

If I were faced with your problem, I'd seriously consider relocating, even outside the USA.

Barring a relocation, and to ensure my fiance (her children), and myself were safe; I would think long and hard about maintaining a relationship with my daughter.

Finally, I'd discuss all of this with a good criminal law attorney.

I try to find out if there is anything in Illinois law that I could pursue to cause this whack job to extinguish this behavior.

I'd try to get the woman psychologically evaluated, and maybe even committed.

I would also discuss the possibility of ending my present relationship with my betrothed for her safety and the safety of her children.

Lastly, I discuss the possibility of bringing a civil lawsuit for this woman's actions that have harmed me and my family.

Seriously, I don't see a remedy other than distance.

You might have to put 2,000, 3,000, even 4,000 miles between you and Miss WalNUT.

Frankly, it appears you've exhausted most of your options.

 

[Proserpina]

I've got something of an idea for a shorter-term (well...shorter than years into the future, at least) answer.

Do you have joint legal custody?

 

[JJJCCC]

Mentally Ill

Have you considered that she might be mentally ill?

Her behavior and actions certainly are uncivil, if not mental.

You've done just about everything you can do, short of relocating to New Mexico, Idaho, Alaska, or Guam. By the way, that might be an option you could consider.

If the authorities in your state ignore ir, allow, or see it as harmless, nothing we can do.

We're just some people on the 'net.

If I were faced with your problem, I'd seriously consider relocating, even outside the USA.

Barring a relocation, and to ensure my fiance (her children), and myself were safe; I would think long and hard about maintaining a relationship with my daughter.

Finally, I'd discuss all of this with a good criminal law attorney.

I try to find out if there is anything in Illinois law that I could pursue to cause this whack job to extinguish this behavior.

I'd try to get the woman psychologically evaluated, and maybe even committed.

I would also discuss the possibility of ending my present relationship with my betrothed for her safety and the safety of her children.

Lastly, I discuss the possibility of bringing a civil lawsuit for this woman's actions that have harmed me and my family.

Seriously, I don't see a remedy other than distance.

You might have to put 2,000, 3,000, even 4,000 miles between you and Miss WalNUT.

Frankly, it appears you've exhausted most of your options.

I know she has mental issues. She is taking Klonopin (clonazepam) and vicodin. I entered into court the fact that she is taking these drugs (as well as other drugs not prescribed by a doctor), alcohol and is seeing a psychiatrist. Her response was that Klonopin was to help her sleep. This obviously is not prescribed for patients to help them sleep. It is for mental disorders and epilepsy. I asked my lawyer if we can pursue a psychological evaluation and drug testing. He communicated I would need a war chest of money, it would take over a year and probably would be a waste as 604 b evaluations aren't really performed well. I really don't understand the legal system in Cook County. I know it is very large but police, judges, DCFS, lawyers, etc.. don't care unless there are signs of physical abuse. The rights of father's or any wrongly accused and harassed parent are not protected or even acknowledged.

 

[JJJCCC]

I've got something of an idea for a shorter-term (well...shorter than years into the future, at least) answer.

Do you have joint legal custody?

We still have not finished the custody and parenting agreement. I have visitation. The custody and parenting agreement has not been finalized due to continued issues as I described above, continuances, status updates and an ineffective Child Rep that I have not heard from in over a year. This has been going on since 2009. There has been a judge change since the Child Rep I requested was appointed. Apparently, there was a conflict between the Child Rep and the original Judge (who I liked very much). Since the Judge change everything has come to a halt with no progress. The Judge just seems to want everyone to come up with an agreed plan of action together which isn't realistic. Sorry for the ramble...to stay on point....I have court ordered visitation but no custody determination is yet in place.

 

[Proserpina]

Okay. You need to do whatever you can to get joint LEGAL (decision-making) custody. (And make sure there's no veto power).

It might be beneficial to get the child into therapy. Once custody is determined, and assuming you have joint legal, if you and Mom can't come to an agreement then the matter goes back to court.

And as a rule, the court is likely going to err on the side of caution and allow you to take kiddo to therapy.

If the therapist believes that the current situation is damaging, s/he can testify to that in court.

See where I'm going with this?

Support and ideas: http://www.illinoisfathers.org/ http://deltabravo.net/cms/

 

[JJJCCC]

Okay. You need to do whatever you can to get joint LEGAL (decision-making) custody. (And make sure there's no veto power).

It might be beneficial to get the child into therapy. Once custody is determined, and assuming you have joint legal, if you and Mom can't come to an agreement then the matter goes back to court.

And as a rule, the court is likely going to err on the side of caution and allow you to take kiddo to therapy.

If the therapist believes that the current situation is damaging, s/he can testify to that in court.

See where I'm going with this?

Support and ideas:

Yes, I do see and thank you for your advice.

In the interim, I am trying to see what I can put in place so that everyone feels safe when my daughter is here. The stress is enormous and getting worse. I don't want everyone to be walking around stressed that more allegations will be made.

I tried to explain to my partner that anyone can make allegations against anyone. She feels that these allegations will devastate her daughter and ruin her life. I am not sure how to help her cope with this. I have been dealing with it for years and I absorb a lot for the benefit of my daughter. She is not like that, I feel this will turn my partner against my daughter and she will not want my daughter in the house anymore. Obviously, that will not work and will lead to a break up of our family as I will not abandon or turn my back on my daughter.

 

[disagreeable]

It sounds like you are the one needing a protection order.

 

[JJJCCC]

I have asked about that with my lawyer but he is hesitant to do that because of the additional problems it will create while trying to get the custody and parenting agreement finalized. Frankly, I don't see how it can make it worse.

 

[army judge]

I have asked about that with my lawyer but he is hesitant to do that because of the additional problems it will create while trying to get the custody and parenting agreement finalized. Frankly, I don't see how it can make it worse.

Maybe you need to go solo for a couple months, live alone.

Get a room for a month and try to get everything settled, that protects your partner and that child because you're away from them.

Plus, it allows you to focus on getting everything resolved.

It can make things tougher trying to worry about and protect your new family and your kid.

You can stay in touch, but the whack won't know.