Father wanting custody because mother is never around

Status
Not open for further replies.
F

Fonzismom

New Member
My boyfriend shares custody 50/50 with his ex wife of their twin 7 yr old boys (no child support they just share child care). For the past 2 years, the days she is suppose to have them, she leaves them with her mother so she can go to her boyfriends house. She never shows up at parent/teacher conferences, she doesn't care for them properly and to me, she has abandoned them. They haven't slept at her house in over a month and one of the teins hasn't slept at her house in probably 6 months now. We have threatened many times that if this doesn't change, we will take custody. I have been keeping a journal of everything that she has done for the last 2 years. We don't have the money for a lawyer and my boyfriend seems to think that CA is a "womans state" so he is afraid to take her to court if it came to that. Any advice on that and where to find free legal service? Also, she is a hair stylist and makes a lot of money but on her taxes it doesn't show that. Would the court look at bank statements?
 
First, take a deep breath and a step back ;)

Your boyfriend should file to modify custody based upon the fact that the kids are NOT residing with Mom. He can do this easily, and CA is neither "pro Mom" nor "pro Dad".

Please understand that you won't be getting custody - it'll just be you boyfriend, k?

Have him go here too - CA is VERY "pro se" (which means representing yourself, without an attorney) friendly. There are forms available there, instructions, etc.
 
Thank you so much for your help and yes, I do understand that it is "he" that will get custody ;). We absolutely do not want to do this but she has left him with no choice. I have completely stayed in the background when it comes to them dealing with the boys (even though we will be married soon). We do not discuss their mother with them either. It's so hard though because they look at me as a mother figure but I know how much they miss their mom. We cannot force her to change though and only want what is best for them. We just want them full time during the school week because that is being affected (she doesn't do their homework, etc). Thank you again for the info!
 
Oh, one more thing...when they got divorced they did it cheap, fast, and agreed to split everything down the middle through Affordable Legal Aid so there wasn't any type of "custody" discussed. Can he still "file to modify custody" as you mentioned above?
 
Legally she has not abandoned them and since they are not being bused or neglected, free legal help will be hard to come by. Dad can certainly ask for custody, who knows what his chances will be.
 
Fonzismom said:
Oh, one more thing...when they got divorced they did it cheap, fast, and agreed to split everything down the middle through Affordable Legal Aid so there wasn't any type of "custody" discussed. Can he still "file to modify custody" as you mentioned above?
Click to expand...


Then he'll need to file for custody (the forms/info will be at the same site I posted earlier).

I do think he has a shot, if Mom isn't around and because at least one of the children hasn't actually slept at Mom's house in 6 months.

Although Duranie is right - this doesn't constitute the legal definition of abandonment.
 
I agree...it may not legally constitute as abandonment but morally and emotionally I think it does. Thank you both for your feedback and help. It's much appreciated!
 
let bf handle this

Fonzismom said:
My boyfriend shares custody 50/50 with his ex wife of their twin 7 yr old boys (no child support they just share child care). For the past 2 years, the days she is suppose to have them, she leaves them with her mother so she can go to her boyfriends house. She never shows up at parent/teacher conferences, she doesn't care for them properly and to me, she has abandoned them. They haven't slept at her house in over a month and one of the teins hasn't slept at her house in probably 6 months now. We have threatened many times that if this doesn't change, we will take custody. I have been keeping a journal of everything that she has done for the last 2 years. We don't have the money for a lawyer and my boyfriend seems to think that CA is a "womans state" so he is afraid to take her to court if it came to that. Any advice on that and where to find free legal service? Also, she is a hair stylist and makes a lot of money but on her taxes it doesn't show that. Would the court look at bank statements?
Click to expand...

mom can leave her kids with anyone she wants during her time. legally, this or any other matter concerning your bf's kids is none of your business. you are dad's gf only, not mom. moms tax statements are also none of your business. you have no rights to these children and you never will.nor will you ever have any say over the children, or any standing to do anything in court. only your bf will
 
Last edited:
lonelyinny said:
mom can leave her kids with anyone she wants during her time. legally, this or any other matter concerning your bf's kids is none of your business. you are dad's gf only, not mom. moms tax statements are also none of your business. you have no rights to these children and you never will.nor will you ever have any say over the children, or any standing to do anything in court. only your bf will
Click to expand...


Once again, you are NOT helping. OP has stated very clearly that she knows it's not "her and boyfriend", and she's merely asking questions. Furthermore, this is NOT a case where Mom has left the children with a sitter, with a stranger, or what have you - this is clearly much different and much more serious because one child hasn't even slept at Mom's house for 6 months.

Please, post something constructive if you wish to help.
 
lonelyinny said:
mom can leave her kids with anyone she wants during her time. legally, this or any other matter concerning your bf's kids is none of your business. you are dad's gf only, not mom. moms tax statements are also none of your business. you have no rights to these children and you never will.nor will you ever have any say over the children, or any standing to do anything in court. only your bf will
Click to expand...

You're the type of person I'd like to just say "CHILL OUT" to! She may not be their mom but that doesn't mean that it isn't any of her business. She cares about the kids and has every right to ask for advice that will aid her boyfriend. Helping her bf is her business and if that means gathering info for him then she's not over stepping her boundaries! So lay off! She knows they're not her kids and she has no rights or say to them and already stated that. so really you're not helping at all by telling her something she already knows!
 
barbie77 said:
You're the type of person I'd like to just say "CHILL OUT" to! She may not be their mom but that doesn't mean that it isn't any of her business. She cares about the kids and has every right to ask for advice that will aid her boyfriend. Helping her bf is her business and if that means gathering info for him then she's not over stepping her boundaries! So lay off! She knows they're not her kids and she has no rights or say to them and already stated that. so really you're not helping at all by telling her something she already knows!
Click to expand...
Thank u so much (and Proserpina) for your support! The last thing I am trying to do is take their mothers place. They have one mom and that is not me. However, if she chooses to not be there for her kids and their father IS and WANTS to be (whether I'm in the picture or not) then I will fully support that!
And by cleaning up your post and removing "and as soon as u know ur 'place' the better off your boyfriend will be" didn't make ur comment any less ignorant. Thank u again girls, its about what's best for the kids.
 
You're very welcome! Being a step mom myself I know how hard it is when you just want to help and step mom bashers feels its there place to remind you what you already know. It's obvious you care alot for the boys and they are very luck to have a soon to be step mommy like you!! Good luck with everything!! Just always remember it is his not our and you'll be fine!!
 
A few months ago, I asked for advice on behalf of my wife and an issue with her ex husband and their daughter, and much to my surprise, most of what I got back was the same crap about it wasn't my business. Obviously, I knew this and just wanted to pass along the advice given but unfortunately you get ignorant replies once and a while because people have to put in their judgmental opinions instead of the general advice you are seeking. And i am very sure you intend on obtaining advice to pass along to your boyfriend and wish him the best of luck. The best you can tell him to do is file the proper paperwork, wait for the hearing date, present his case to the judge, and hope for the best. Unfortunately it isn't as cut and dry as people may like. Although, I do see a judge giving him sole legal and custodial custody with a visitation plan for the mother, but you never know.
 
MorgansDaddy said:
A few months ago, I asked for advice on behalf of my wife and an issue with her ex husband and their daughter, and much to my surprise, most of what I got back was the same crap about it wasn't my business. Obviously, I knew this and just wanted to pass along the advice given but unfortunately you get ignorant replies once and a while because people have to put in their judgmental opinions instead of the general advice you are seeking. And i am very sure you intend on obtaining advice to pass along to your boyfriend and wish him the best of luck. The best you can tell him to do is file the proper paperwork, wait for the hearing date, present his case to the judge, and hope for the best. Unfortunately it isn't as cut and dry as people may like. Although, I do see a judge giving him sole legal and custodial custody with a visitation plan for the mother, but you never know.
Click to expand...


Actually, the chances of him getting SOLE legal and physical custody of these kids is really rather low.

Now joint legal with primary physical? Much more likely.
 
lonelyinny said:
mom can leave her kids with anyone she wants during her time. legally, this or any other matter concerning your bf's kids is none of your business. you are dad's gf only, not mom. moms tax statements are also none of your business. you have no rights to these children and you never will.nor will you ever have any say over the children, or any standing to do anything in court. only your bf will
Click to expand...

:nutsYour nuts:nuts
 
Thank so much for your feedback! I'm sorry you received negative feedback especially when we know we are only asking questions. He is filing the papers to do mediation this week so hopefully everything works out. Best of luck to you!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Share this page

Get a free case review from a lawyer
Back
Top