Ex acting really weird

[kaisgirl]

My ex husband and I have the standard custody arrangement. I have physical and we have joint legal. He has the right to visitation for one non consecutive week at a time for up to six weeks a year. Up until about three weeks ago, he only chose to visit our children twice a year and never had any contact with their school or never showed any interest in being there as far as legal custody goes. Since he got out of the military three weeks ago, he has been harrassing my childrens school, (which for the last four years never called once). He tried to set up a day to go to the school on the last day of school right before the end of class and do a "presentation". Which is weird in and of it self because he lives over twelve hours away. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I spoke with a lawyer and they said because he has joint legal custody he has the right to do this. It is terrifying my children and was so strange that my son's teacher approached me after school. What should I do???? He has threatened in the past to come and take my children, I keep looking over my shoulder expecting them to be gone....

 

[Proserpina]

He DOES have the right.

I'm not sure what you want to do?

You can't stop him from becoming more active in the lives of his children, that's for sure.

Why are your children terrified? Why SHOULD they be terrified?

And...look, he saw the children twice a year up until three weeks ago, and coincidentally that's when he got out of the military. That suggests to me that seeing the children so infrequently wasn't exactly his choice.

It could be that Dad wants to become more and more involved with his children and frankly the courts will see this as a GOOD thing.

Mommabear, you're going to be co-parenting with him for a long time to come. It's time to get used that.

 

[army judge]

My ex husband and I have the standard custody arrangement. I have physical and we have joint legal. He has the right to visitation for one non consecutive week at a time for up to six weeks a year. Up until about three weeks ago, he only chose to visit our children twice a year and never had any contact with their school or never showed any interest in being there as far as legal custody goes. Since he got out of the military three weeks ago, he has been harrassing my childrens school, (which for the last four years never called once). He tried to set up a day to go to the school on the last day of school right before the end of class and do a "presentation". Which is weird in and of it self because he lives over twelve hours away. I am extremely uncomfortable with this. I spoke with a lawyer and they said because he has joint legal custody he has the right to do this. It is terrifying my children and was so strange that my son's teacher approached me after school. What should I do???? He has threatened in the past to come and take my children, I keep looking over my shoulder expecting them to be gone....

He could be experiencing PTSD symptoms.
PTSD can manifest itself in odd and unusual ways.

He might be suffering from TBI.
Heck, he could be suffering a host of maladies (physical and/or mental) all related to his military service.
Some people have trouble readjusting to "civilian" life after leaving active service.

If you have a good relationship with some of his close family members, you might ask them to keep an eye on him.
You might even consider asking one of them to talk to him and see if he's having any "issues" or "concerns" since his discharge.

 

[kaisgirl]

The only problem with that is that he gets thirty days a year leave. The other two weeks he always spent partying with his friends. As far as being an active parent, if he quits drinking and telling the kids they have to choose every time they see him that would be different. I am not being the typical mother, I was raised by a single dad so I have a little more perspective than most. The reason I left him was that he was an alcoholic. He treats my son way better than he treats my daughter and he has a new girlfriend living with him every six months. I am sorry if I don't take kindly to him threatening to STEAL my children from me. I am also sorry that you don't seem to be able to see that not every woman is just trying to keep their kids from the father, sometimes we have a very good reason.

 

[kaisgirl]

He could be experiencing PTSD symptoms.
PTSD can manifest itself in odd and unusual ways.
I may agree with you if he had actually ever gone anywhere. Most folks in the armed service laugh at him. You see he's in the coast guard and has never done anything accept be a cook in the states. So PTSD is pretty much out of the question. I would agree however that there is some kind of mental defect. His scary behavior all started when I was about to get married again. The day before my wedding he asked me to come back. I of course said no. If he didn't treat my daughter so badly and put my son on a pedestal and then threaten to steal my kids I would have no problem sharing custody.

 

[Proserpina]

Politely backing out of this thread.