descrimination

[sonny]

I am going through a divorce and being refused visitation because I do not have a permanent residence. I have been separated for months and living in an Extended stay hotel. I am trying to pay support and bills, my currant wife has threatened to move to San Diego and North Carolina, I do not want to get tied down just incase she moves I want to be able to move to be close to my 9 month old little girl. They want me to pay a bond ($5,000) or have a monitor with me for visitation till it goes to mediation end of the month. I have an attorney but he just does not seem to be helping me. I am signing a lease 30 minutes away from my daughter because I cannot afford to lease close to her. My attorney says they will fight me on this. I have never threatened to take my daughter anywhere, Even the monitor thinks this is dumb. I ask my attorney to talk to her but he doesn't. So if I refuse to use a monitor I don't get to see my daughter. Even when I get my permanent residence next week I will still have to pay a monitor. I feel I am being discriminated against just because I am a man and my wife can basically do whatever she wants. I could not even give my daughter her Christmas present on Christmas eve I had to leave it at the door. I also have four kids that live in IN and they are 18,16,14,and twelve, before I hired an attorney her attorney told me that "they were in no way questioning my abilities as a father my wife assured him I was fully capable of taking care of my little girl". So what is the problem then.

 

[Malibu_Barbie]

Do you have any sort of criminal record, or has there been any domestic violence or abuse toward your wife or child alleged in this divorce proceeding?

 

[carney]

I take it by "monitor" you mean that you have supervised visitation and someone has to be there with you during the visits? Judges usually grant supervised visitation if a person has a restraining order on them and the supervised visits usually only last until the divorce is over unless there has been some sort of abuse crime committed against the children or a drug use charge. I had gotten supervised visits against my exhusband because of abuse but what I was told by my lawyer is that judges don't grant supervised visitation on a permanent basis. It's rare that happens. My ex got 18 months supervised after the divorce was final and the person supervising was his own mother. So unless you've committed a crime or something they probably wont be able to make supervised visits last too long after the divorce is final.
As far as the "no pemanent address" thing, I knew a guy who's rights were taken away to see his children because he moved around a lot and was always moving from job to job. I know mothers who have been declared unfit because of the same thing, so having a permanent residence is an important thing to the courts. It seems unfair because there are mothers and fathers who are still together and they do the same thing and don't get in trouble for it but I guess during a divorce it's probably just to make sure the kids will be in a safe place.
Have you told the judge that your wife said she is planning to move? You need to make sure that gets brought up in court. She can't move out of state while the divorce is going on and if she does, make sure you file with the courts to bring the kids back to the state the divorce was started in.

 

[sonny]

I have met all of her demands

I have a perminent residence, I have paid for the monitor, I never miss a visitation. We have not been to court yet but had mediation last Wed. She wanted me to give up full custody of my daughter till a later date. I have been refused visitation because she says she is scared of me. I have never threatened her or touched her even though I have been pushed, threatened to have me beat up, abused verbally. I just walk away and then I get called a coward and many other adjectives for leaving her and our baby. I have never had a criminal record or done any drugs ever. Of course I did not agree with her request so we go to court and I have to still have a monitor.

 

[carney]

Is she refusing the visitation or did the courts refuse visitation? If she is refusing you can take her to court for contempt. You were given supervised visitation and she can't refuse that. You can tell the judge that she is just making stuff up to keep you from seeing the child if she wont let you have your visitation. Don't ever sign papers giving up your rights to the child even if it's just for a temporary time. The judge usually wont agree to that in court and she should lose on that point. Don't try to strike deals with her. The judge will go by the law and her lawyer will try to make deals with you. Don't let her lawyer intimidate you in to making a deal you don't believe in. Like I said before, the only way my ex got supervised visitation put on him after the divorce was final was because my lawyer presented him with a deal. He wouldn't have to pay alimony if he agreed to 18 months more supervised visitation. I didn't care about the money. I wanted to keep my kids safe and my oldest son wanted his visits to be supervised. My lawyer told me that the judge would have never ordered the supervised if he hadn't of agreed to the deal. He said it's very hard to get supervised unless there is a conviction of abuse. The judges to be on the safe side will order it while the divorce is going on to see if there are any problems with abuse and stuff and to see if the father shows up for visits.