I am a divorced mom of two kids, aged 12 and 16. I wanted to know at what age can they decide for themselves whether or not they want to go with their father for the weekend? The custody/divorce agreement states every Wednesday night and every other weekend. My oldest is at the age now where she has plans and functions she'd like to go to, and being home makes it a lot easier for her to get rides and such. Of course, my son, only 12, likes being home better as well. Their father lives in his in-laws house and they share rooms and really have no where or nothing of their own there. Additionally, when he makes plans to take them somewhere they really don't want to, do they have the right to ask to not go and stay home?
Children choosing to visit or not
- Thread Starter sam1023
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lonelyinny
New Member
18
nope. they can decide that when theyre 18, not before. if they dont go you can be held in contempt, and done enough times, theyll be living with dad and visting you. dad is not obligated to allow the kids to go to their functions on his time, thats his decision.for the next few years, theyll have to make the best of it, because they have no choice.
nope. they can decide that when theyre 18, not before. if they dont go you can be held in contempt, and done enough times, theyll be living with dad and visting you. dad is not obligated to allow the kids to go to their functions on his time, thats his decision.for the next few years, theyll have to make the best of it, because they have no choice.
There is no age they can stop going. The son really has no excuse at all not to go. Dad should be able to see his kids according to the agreement. If the kids have functions on Dads time then Dad can take them if he wants but it is Dads time so this stuff needs to be discussed with him.
thank you
Thank you for your replies.
I know I can't tell him to do the right thing... I told my daughter she had to discuss it with him herself. Of course, he does not care that she does not want to be around a lot of drunk adults for a party that he insists on taking them to. His answer was simply that it is his time with them, and they have to go, like it or not.
His answer is a huge part of the reason why we are divorced in the first place... as a mom though, it breaks my heart.
but thanks again for your repsonses, it made me realize that I couldn't fix this one for them and had to leave them to fend for themselves.
Thank you for your replies.
I know I can't tell him to do the right thing... I told my daughter she had to discuss it with him herself. Of course, he does not care that she does not want to be around a lot of drunk adults for a party that he insists on taking them to. His answer was simply that it is his time with them, and they have to go, like it or not.
His answer is a huge part of the reason why we are divorced in the first place... as a mom though, it breaks my heart.
but thanks again for your repsonses, it made me realize that I couldn't fix this one for them and had to leave them to fend for themselves.
army judge
Super Moderator
Thank you for your replies.
I know I can't tell him to do the right thing... I told my daughter she had to discuss it with him herself. Of course, he does not care that she does not want to be around a lot of drunk adults for a party that he insists on taking them to. His answer was simply that it is his time with them, and they have to go, like it or not.
His answer is a huge part of the reason why we are divorced in the first place... as a mom though, it breaks my heart.
but thanks again for your repsonses, it made me realize that I couldn't fix this one for them and had to leave them to fend for themselves.
Yes, this is tough.
But, they might one day cherish the time they spent with their father.
I'm sure they cherish their time with you, too.
You are able to use this as a teachable moment, however.
Tell them to be very careful about who they choose to fall in love with, have children with, and who they give their heart to; tell them to ALWAYS proceed with CAUTION and choose wisely!
Let them know to always use their brains to make such decisions, and not other parts of their anatomy!
lonelyinny
New Member
kids dont decide
a court order is just that an order not a suggestion. allowing your kids to refuse to visit their dad is a violation of that order, and it could end with serious consequences. like i said before, you could end up stripped of custody. is that what you want? you have no business allowing your kids to disobey a court order and refuse to go to dad's . period
a court order is just that an order not a suggestion. allowing your kids to refuse to visit their dad is a violation of that order, and it could end with serious consequences. like i said before, you could end up stripped of custody. is that what you want? you have no business allowing your kids to disobey a court order and refuse to go to dad's . period
I do believe I said thanks for the responses... I don't get where this post is coming from. I was speaking from my heart, as a Mom who has two kids who cry about going to see their father. I never said I wasn't going to make them go... I was curious as to when they are old enough to chose for themselves.
My ex husband is a nasty man... he makes them cry all the time. I have tried for years to wipe up his mess every Monday when they come home from spending the weekend with him. The have grown up to form their own opinions of him now... I NEVER sabatoged their relationship with him. As a parent, I have always felt it my duty to protect them from being hurt. It's hard when the one hurting them is the other parent, and I know I can't do anything about it. He neglected them totally when we were married... only when I divorced him did he realize what he had.
You seem to have passed judgement on me, and I am sorry you feel that way.
I have never told my kids they didn't have to see him...
Proserpina
Moderator
Sam, please pay no heed to lonelyinny.
S/he/it does nothing more than provide canned responses which are in many cases not just inappropriate, but legally inaccurate too.
Good luck.
S/he/it does nothing more than provide canned responses which are in many cases not just inappropriate, but legally inaccurate too.
Good luck.
As stated...Just ignore lonleyninny. She is a troll that has been banned from just about every forum HUNDREDS of times.
I would suggest that your place your children in counseling to help them with their issues regarding Dad. This will also teach them coping skills that will serve them well.
Good luck.
Bay
Thanks Proserpina and BayState... my reason behind coming here in the first place was personal, and I was acting on my emotions... so yeah, I was a bit taken aback by that post. But thanks again for making me feel NOT like a criminal for wanting to protect my kids... or in this case, it's mostly my daughter.
They are good kids... and very well adjusted. My daughter was in counseling for a while two years ago... but even the counselor said I was doing a fantastic job with them. That is why when they do voice their dislike about something, I do usually give it merit. As I said... its just tough being their Mom, who has always been the one to protect them, feeling helpless this time, not being able to do anything to help them.
They are at the mercy of their father.
I let her vent about it... but I have to admit... quietly, inside, I'm kind of smiling. :dgrin And it only makes me realize that without saying a single bad word about the a$$... his treating them with the same disregard he treated me will have them come to realize what I did when I decided to divorce him all those years ago...
He is a nasty man.
They are good kids... and very well adjusted. My daughter was in counseling for a while two years ago... but even the counselor said I was doing a fantastic job with them. That is why when they do voice their dislike about something, I do usually give it merit. As I said... its just tough being their Mom, who has always been the one to protect them, feeling helpless this time, not being able to do anything to help them.
They are at the mercy of their father.
I let her vent about it... but I have to admit... quietly, inside, I'm kind of smiling. :dgrin And it only makes me realize that without saying a single bad word about the a$$... his treating them with the same disregard he treated me will have them come to realize what I did when I decided to divorce him all those years ago...
He is a nasty man.
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