Child Custody -Unwed parents

[MorgansDaddy]

I really swore to myself that I was done posting on this thread... So much for that!

Moose is right, no one will force the father to give the child back if he shall decided to not let the mother have the child. It is presumed in VA that the mother in these cases have full rights over the father, but the police will not get involved in civil matters without a court order is most of all cases concerning custody.

There IS a such thing as temporary custody in VA. If some extenuating circumstances occur to warrant it, a parent can file for emergency temporary custody in VA, and a judge will decide in a few days to a week at most if it is warranted, and enter the temporary custody order until a normal hearing is done.

Last, that is a lot of information for a clerk to dish out. Usually they tell you the procedures (how to file), or forms, that needs to be filed for a specific motion, and anything beyond that, you are told to speak to an attorney. This is because if anything the clerk says can be taken as legal advice, said clerk can be in big trouble.

 

[MorgansDaddy]

One more thing...

If the father doesn't want that child leaving the state of VA, it will NEVER happen.

Why?

Because there is no way it can be shown why it is in the child's best interest.


That said, if you daughter leaves her boyfriend (you said they are still living together, correct?) and decided sometime later she wants to move out of state, she better suck up big time to the child's father, with very generous visitations, and offering to pay all transportation cost (if a court allowed it, she would pay those anyways) and hope he agrees to it.

Please, make sure your daughter doesn't ever leave the state with the child or permission from the court, or the father, in a court order as well, or she COULD face jail time, and likely COULD lose all custody to the father when she is found.

(My wife and I moved from Virginia to Ohio and she had to do some sweet talking with her ex, or oldest daughter's father, to get him to agree.)

 

[Proserpina]

OP's daughter needs an attorney - it's that simple.

There is so much conflicting information here that I truly feel that we've taken the issues and muddied the waters so much that we're honestly doing the OP (or rather, her daughter) something of a disservice.

A LOCAL attorney will guide her, and will know the climate of the courts.

Other than that - this thread has becomes so convoluted that I really do feel it should be closed very soon.

(And I rarely, rarely say that).

 

[mightymoose]

...so in the interim, her health and welfare hang in the balance and hope there is no emergency situation, which yes, there would be lots of help for, but again, there is no protection for the child until after the court hearing

Nor is there a need for court protection if there is no emergency situation.

 

[mightymoose]

There is so much conflicting information here that I truly feel that we've taken the issues and muddied the waters so much that we're honestly doing the OP (or rather, her daughter) something of a disservice.

Sounds to me like OP has done due diligence and gotten the information needed, though legal representation certainly wouldn't hurt.

There is no need to close off a conversation just because there is desagreement on the issue. Personally, I think it is something that is deserving of continued conversation.

 

[1dreastman]

One more thing...

If the father doesn't want that child leaving the state of VA, it will NEVER happen.

Why?

Because there is no way it can be shown why it is in the child's best interest.


That said, if you daughter leaves her boyfriend (you said they are still living together, correct?) and decided sometime later she wants to move out of state, she better suck up big time to the child's father, with very generous visitations, and offering to pay all transportation cost (if a court allowed it, she would pay those anyways) and hope he agrees to it.

Please, make sure your daughter doesn't ever leave the state with the child or permission from the court, or the father, in a court order as well, or she COULD face jail time, and likely COULD lose all custody to the father when she is found.

(My wife and I moved from Virginia to Ohio and she had to do some sweet talking with her ex, or oldest daughter's father, to get him to agree.)

There is much conflicting information, my poor brain!!LOL.
First, if not married, the father has no rights to the child, but yet, if she wanted to leave the state suddenly he has all rights to prevent this? Something doesn't sound quite right there one way or the other. Not saying you're wrong but there must be some gray areas when it comes to child custody laws.
Recently spoke with a woman who did live here and seperated from her husband and petitioned the court to leave the state and order was granted....no fees to pay for visitation etc. Guess, the courts make decisions on the case by case situation.
I can't see the OOW father being able to keep a child in the state, when 1. he can't support the child, or his previous children, 2. he rarely works, 3. he has lost 3 other children. I know someone said his previous children won't count in this situation, but I can't see it.

 

[army judge]

Many of the sperm donors are bums, deadbeats, drug addicts, alcoholics, con-artists, criminals, abusers of women, and/or ne'er do wells!

As you state, OP, they have neglected and list custody of other children. Few of them hold down a job, preferring instead, to suck the life out of unsuspecting women.

They could do many things. Most if them do nothing. Why?

Because they do NOT wish to be stuck paying child support.





Many of them are on probation. Some of them are convicted child molesters, child abusers, and most of them are abusers of women!

A great many of them avoid the legal system because they are avoiding their outstanding warrants!

There is much conflicting information, my poor brain!!LOL.
First, if not married, the father has no rights to the child, but yet, if she wanted to leave the state suddenly he has all rights to prevent this? Something doesn't sound quite right there one way or the other. Not saying you're wrong but there must be some gray areas when it comes to child custody laws.
Recently spoke with a woman who did live here and seperated from her husband and petitioned the court to leave the state and order was granted....no fees to pay for visitation etc. Guess, the courts make decisions on the case by case situation.
I can't see the OOW father being able to keep a child in the state, when 1. he can't support the child, or his previous children, 2. he rarely works, 3. he has lost 3 other children. I know someone said his previous children won't count in this situation, but I can't see it.

 

[mightymoose]

First, if not married, the father has no rights to the child

Not exactly. The father is not restricted in any way in regard to the child until a court tells him otherwise. That is why mom needs to get into court pronto and get an order addressing custody and visitation.

...but yet, if she wanted to leave the state suddenly he has all rights to prevent this?

Dad does not have to wait for her to leave the state. He too can petition the court at any time to assert his rights and get a custody visitation order. Until custody and visitation is court ordered and on paper there is absolutely nothing to enforce. Nobody will take the child from either parent no matter how much they complain about how wrong it is.

Not saying you're wrong but there must be some gray areas when it comes to child custody laws.

There is. They are in that grey area right now where nothing is defined.

Recently spoke with a woman who did live here and seperated from her husband and petitioned the court to leave the state and order was granted....no fees to pay for visitation etc. Guess, the courts make decisions on the case by case situation.

Yes, case by case. Some parents will contest the move and others won't. If it is contested, mom should expect some costs.

I can't see the OOW father being able to keep a child in the state, when 1. he can't support the child,

Plenty of deadbeat moms out there do nothing more than collect welfare and smoke meth and get to keep custody of their kids. There is no reason dad can't do the same. The more mom is working and showing steady income the better her deadbeat argument against dad is. She better not be in the same boat, or dependent upon anyone to pay her bills, if she is going to say he can't support the kids.

 

[MorgansDaddy]

If he does nothing about her move out of state, then it doesn't matter.

If he files for custody or anything, it could be used against her.

You are right, how things go in court vary between cases because no case is exactly the same, and even the judge can make a different, because different judges see things differently (sorta like the people on this forum, which isn't a bad thing).

I was just suggesting that she cover her own ass. Not because her boyfriend cares, but usually people like this bum like to be vindictive.

 

[army judge]

I was just suggesting that she cover her own ass. Not because her boyfriend cares, but usually people like this bum like to be vindictive.

MD, you are right on target!!!

Great point!!!

 

[1dreastman]

Many of the sperm donors are bums, deadbeats, drug addicts, alcoholics, con-artists, criminals, abusers of women, and/or ne'er do wells!

As you state, OP, they have neglected and list custody of other children. Few of them hold down a job, preferring instead, to suck the life out of unsuspecting women.

They could do many things. Most if them do nothing. Why?

Because they do NOT wish to be stuck paying child support.





Many of them are on probation. Some of them are convicted child molesters, child abusers, and most of them are abusers of women!

A great many of them avoid the legal system because they are avoiding their outstanding warrants!

ArmyJudge,
Well you have him pegged. Yes he has been through many many many jobs, has very little skills to earn any kind of money to support his family above the poverty level...some jobs he only worked one day at!UGH! It is so hard to understand how a man or woman can just sit around and expect someone else to pay their way through life. It is maddening.

 

[1dreastman]

Not exactly. The father is not restricted in any way in regard to the child until a court tells him otherwise. That is why mom needs to get into court pronto and get an order addressing custody and visitation.



Dad does not have to wait for her to leave the state. He too can petition the court at any time to assert his rights and get a custody visitation order. Until custody and visitation is court ordered and on paper there is absolutely nothing to enforce. Nobody will take the child from either parent no matter how much they complain about how wrong it is.



There is. They are in that grey area right now where nothing is defined.



Yes, case by case. Some parents will contest the move and others won't. If it is contested, mom should expect some costs.



Plenty of deadbeat moms out there do nothing more than collect welfare and smoke meth and get to keep custody of their kids. There is no reason dad can't do the same. The more mom is working and showing steady income the better her deadbeat argument against dad is. She better not be in the same boat, or dependent upon anyone to pay her bills, if she is going to say he can't support the kids.

It's hard to believe that children continue to live in situations as you've described above, but I know it's true. Mom is working now, she was out of work due to an illness after the child was born, but had been working fulltime w/overtime previously to that for several years and previous to that was in school. So hopefully that will be to her benefit.

 

[1dreastman]

If he does nothing about her move out of state, then it doesn't matter.

If he files for custody or anything, it could be used against her.

You are right, how things go in court vary between cases because no case is exactly the same, and even the judge can make a different, because different judges see things differently (sorta like the people on this forum, which isn't a bad thing).

I was just suggesting that she cover her own ass. Not because her boyfriend cares, but usually people like this bum like to be vindictive.

We can only hope he does nothing when she decides to move, but he is VERY vindictive. She feels she should not file for custody until several days after leaving and he has had some time to calm down. I'm not in favor of doing it this way, but she ultimately has the burden of guilt if he files first and is grated custody. I am continuing to encourage her to file for custody immediately.

 

[irish223]

Just so she knows, if she moves before filing, then she will probably have to wait 6 months before she can file in the new state. It depends on the state, but most states have a 6 month residency requirement. Of course, she can move first, then file in VA, but that kind of defeats the purpose.

 

[1dreastman]

Just so she knows, if she moves before filing, then she will probably have to wait 6 months before she can file in the new state. It depends on the state, but most states have a 6 month residency requirement. Of course, she can move first, then file in VA, but that kind of defeats the purpose.

I wasn't real clear on that post. If she just move out from living with him, not leave the state now. She will be unable to leave the state until at least January-February 2012. So this gives her time to move from the house they are living in, wait a few days for the ashes to settle, file for custody, then work out all the particulars of that. Then once that settles, petition the court for permission to move out of state.

 

[1dreastman]

If he does nothing about her move out of state, then it doesn't matter.


I was just suggesting that she cover her own ass. Not because her boyfriend cares, but usually people like this bum like to be vindictive.

We are advising her to get an attorney to cover herself and hopefully that attorney has a sense of the courts stand on custody there in VA and can advise her as to the best way to proceed to hopefully ensure a positive outcome for her and the child.

 

[bluemann33]

]We are advising her to get an attorney to cover herself and hopefully that attorney has a sense of the courts stand on custody there in VA and can advise her as to the best way to proceed to hopefully ensure a positive outcome for her and the child[/COLOR].

The smartest and best way to handel this. Dont take the chance...get that attorney. Good luck.

 

[irish223]

I wasn't real clear on that post. If she just move out from living with him, not leave the state now. She will be unable to leave the state until at least January-February 2012. So this gives her time to move from the house they are living in, wait a few days for the ashes to settle, file for custody, then work out all the particulars of that. Then once that settles, petition the court for permission to move out of state.

I was under the impression from your initial post that she planned to move to another state when she leaves her boyfriend. I didn't reread the entire thread because, well, it's now up to 77 posts. Sorry for the confusion, but just wanted to be sure she was aware of residency requirements.

 

[1dreastman]

I was under the impression from your initial post that she planned to move to another state when she leaves her boyfriend. I didn't reread the entire thread because, well, it's now up to 77 posts. Sorry for the confusion, but just wanted to be sure she was aware of residency requirements.

No problem, I'm don't think I was as clear as I could have been when I was first posting about her situation. Also, thanks for the FYI about the residency, that is an area I hadn't given any thought to.