Are dropped charges enough to loose my son?

[bestdad2008]

I will make this short....

I am a father of a teenage son (14). I may be entering a custody battle with his mother soon. We have joint custody but his mother does not bother to exercise her right to have our son live with her. I may ask for child support but that will bring on a war. Once I ask, she will seek custody in order to get out of having to pay child support. I need the money to help support my son but we can live without if need be. We have been for several years now anyways. I just thought it would be nice to have a little help.

I have a record. I was charged with domestic assault a few years ago, it was a pretrial diversion. I did my probation, paid all my fines, completed the necessary classes. I've also gotten arrested for domestics twice in the past besides the pretrial. The alleged victim never showed up to court. The case was dismissed. I did a search on my public record, filed out the necessary paper work to have everything expunged. Now, when there is a search, nothing shows up. I do realize that the courts can see my record.

My question is...Can my sons mother used my expunged record against me?
I can understand that she may try to used the pretrial against me, but is the other dropped cases due to the alleged victim not showing up submittable in court? Wouldn't that be considered insufficient evidence? Wouldn't the judge have to dismiss those charges due to the cases being dropped?

His mother knows where we live, has our phone number. She has gone months without calling or seeing her son. Someone told me that if one parent goes 4 consecutive months without calling, seeing, or mailing their child, it is considered contempt, neglect, and abandonment. Is this true?

 

[Proserpina]

As you were told elsewhere, Mom has obviously decided that you are absolutely fit to be a parent - hence your past record isn't going to matter one iota.

Relax.

She can't use your history against you. Get yourself to court, file for child support. You'll be fine.

 

[bestdad2008]

Proserpina,

Thank you for your response. I am sorry if i have irritated you or anyone else. I really am, but I am in panic mode here. I need advice from where ever I can get it.
Yes, my sons mother hasn't been around but the problem with my situation is this. I was arrested after my son started living with me. The arrest happened after my son started living with me. I was only charged with one, which was a Pretrial, went on probation, successfully complected the required class. That was expunged. For the other two arrested, the alleged victim never showed up to court, so those cases were dismissed. I am trying to figure out if his mother can use this against me. The one where I successfully completed probation and then the two that were dismissed. Her attorney will try to bring it up.

 

[Proserpina]

Here's the thing though - if she didn't bring it up then, and didn't file IMMEDIATELY to have the custody situation changed based upon what happened....it's going to be seen as nothing more than a retaliatory filing based upon YOU filing for child support. Mom will NOT look good in the eyes of the court. PLUS she'll have to PROVE that the conviction is endangering your son.

Honestly - I really don't think you have anything to worry about, but because you're so worried I'd recommend running the situation by a local attorney. It can't hurt!

You're not irritating anyone - we're really just trying to reassure you

 

[bestdad2008]

Thank you for your responses, i do feel a little better now. I almost feel like I can take a breath of air.

Ok, i just have to ask this..... what if they use the excuse that they 'didnt know' about the arrest and that they just found out?

Also, my record will show up in court beacuse it is the government.
So with that being said, pleaseee tell me what you guys think. Again, I am soo sorry for being a pain!

 

[Proserpina]

Ok, so they don't know about the arrest.

How does that arrest endanger your child?

(This is the question that Mom will have to answer).

 

[army judge]

Thank you for your responses, i do feel a little better now. I almost feel like I can take a breath of air.

Ok, i just have to ask this..... what if they use the excuse that they 'didnt know' about the arrest and that they just found out?

Also, my record will show up in court beacuse it is the government.
So with that being said, pleaseee tell me what you guys think. Again, I am soo sorry for being a pain!

Dude, life offers no guarantees.

We can't either.

Proserpina has a good fix on child support and custody issues.

She's lived the drama.

She's right about everything she's told you.

It's up to you to do soemthing or worry about doing something.

The purported mother can't make you lose custody of your son.

Only YOU can cause that to occur.

You are doing the best you can as a dad.

You don't need her or her money.

You're doing just fine supporting your son.

The only thing I'd suggest is leave it that way, just you and junior.

Get another job if you need more money, or cut expenses, but leave her out of your lives.

You're divorced for a good reason.

Why not keep it that way?

Thanks for stepping up for your son.

 

[bestdad2008]

Army Judge, your absolutely right. The problem is, my sons mother is already ticked off because I mentioned the word 'support' to her. She has sent me a letter basically saying that she does not have to pay me anything and that she might have our son live with her. Its funny because shes never said this until I mentioned the word "support". So, now, I'm afraid that if I don't sign this letter and return it to her in '30 days' that she will try to do something dirty. If I just ignore it and back off, after 30 days, she may try something in court. So now I just don't know what to do.

 

[army judge]

Army Judge, your absolutely right. The problem is, my sons mother is already ticked off because I mentioned the word 'support' to her. She has sent me a letter basically saying that she does not have to pay me anything and that she might have our son live with her. Its funny because shes never said this until I mentioned the word "support". So, now, I'm afraid that if I don't sign this letter and return it to her in '30 days' that she will try to do something dirty. If I just ignore it and back off, after 30 days, she may try something in court. So now I just don't know what to do.

You should do nothing with the letter.
Don't throw it away, keep it.
If she files against you, the letter will be your proof that she is being retaliatory.
She can't do anything to you.
Only a judge can change your situation in a legal sense.
You have a better argument than she does.
You already have your son.

Support, "fagedaboutit"!!!
What would she be made to pay anyway, $200, $300, $400 a month?
Come on, that's peanuts, dude.
It ain't worth the trouble.
Just keep reminding yourself why you dumped that cow!
It wasn't working, it could never work.
Thank God, the stars, and Allah; she's forever out of your life.
Keep it that way.


Bide your time, and STOP communicating with her.
Concentrate and focus on your son.
Okay, you've made a couple mistakes, who hasn't?
Just don't make any more mistakes.

So, let the issue of support go.
You have a prize worth more than money, Junior.
Focus only on Junior.
Forget everything else.
That is the devil's way of sucking you into his web of evil.
I'm not being a preacher here, just throwing down a moral line.

Raise your boy, love him, teach him, and enjoy him.
He'll be a man sooner than you think.
This is a precious time, don't let her destroy it.

Never let anyone take your joy.
Live your life and love your son.
Raise him to be a good man, not necessarily a great man, just a good man.

 

[bestdad2008]

You should do nothing with the letter.
Don't throw it away, keep it.
If she files against you, the letter will be your proof that she is being retaliatory.
She can't do anything to you.
Only a judge can change your situation in a legal sense.
You have a better argument than she does.
You already have your son.

Support, "fagedaboutit"!!!
What would she be made to pay anyway, $200, $300, $400 a month?
Come on, that's peanuts, dude.
It ain't worth the trouble.
Just keep reminding yourself why you dumped that cow!
It wasn't working, it could never work.
Thank God, the stars, and Allah; she's forever out of your life.
Keep it that way.


Bide your time, and STOP communicating with her.
Concentrate and focus on your son.
Okay, you've made a couple mistakes, who hasn't?
Just don't make any more mistakes.

So, let the issue of support go.
You have a prize worth more than money, Junior.
Focus only on Junior.
Forget everything else.
That is the devil's way of sucking you into his web of evil.
I'm not being a preacher here, just throwing down a moral line.

Raise your boy, love him, teach him, and enjoy him.
He'll be a man sooner than you think.
This is a precious time, don't let her destroy it.

Never let anyone take your joy.
Live your life and love your son.
Raise him to be a good man, not necessarily a great man, just a good man.

Army Judge, you have brought up some very good points.
You sound like you have some very good advice that I could use.
Its just a shame, his mother is a high ranking officer in the military and wont even help support her own daughter. I'm fine with it, but its just sad.

I have a question for you. Your name on here is "Army Judge" so I'm assuming you are a judge. You mentioned to stop communicating with her, but how can I do this without being accused of being uncooperative?

Its little things like this that she is using to harass me. There is more to the story but I don't want to put to much info out on here because you never know who's reading this. I feel really uncomfortable speaking to her on the phone and feel as though every time she speaks to me, she is setting up a trap. I don't wish to speak to her ever because of how she is. But some how, she uses everything against me. Little things like this will be turned around and make me look like the parent who is taking active steps to keep our son away. How can I just be? How can I just live my life with my son without having to bow down to her every word? For the most part, she left us alone, but now that I have already ticked her off, she is getting more and more aggressive. I'm afraid her ego is bruised and now she may want to take me to court.



I don't know what to do. If i don't respond to her, she will run back to her attorney (who by the way is her best friend) and file something in court.

I feel like I'm stuck between a hard place and a rock. I have been doing so much research on the internet about domestic violence and custody and it doesn't look good for me at all. Even if she hasn't came around to see her son, even if she hasn't helped raise him, i fell as though if we do end up in court, my record will trump everything that she has or hasn't done, in the eyes of a judge.

 

[army judge]

Army Judge, you have brought up some very good points.
You sound like you have some very good advice that I could use.
Its just a shame, his mother is a high ranking officer in the military and wont even help support her own daughter. I'm fine with it, but its just sad.

I have a question for you. Your name on here is "Army Judge" so I'm assuming you are a judge. You mentioned to stop communicating with her, but how can I do this without being accused of "not communicating" with my sons mother? Or being "uncooperative"?

In this letter, it appears as if she is trying to build a case against me. She hardly calls her son but yet is making complaints that we "never call" her.

Its little things like this that she is using to harass me. There is more to the story but I don't want to put to much info out on here because you never know who's reading this. I feel really uncomfortable speaking to her on the phone and feel as though every time she speaks to me, she is setting up a trap. I don't wish to speak to her ever because of how she is. But some how, she uses everything against me. Little things like this will be turned around and make me look like the parent who is taking active steps to keep our son away. How can I just be? How can I just live my life with my son without having to bow down to her every word? For the most part, she left us alone, but now that I have already ticked her off, she is getting more and more aggressive. I'm afraid her ego is bruised and now she may want to take me to court.



I don't know what to do. If i don't respond to her, she will run back to her attorney (who by the way is her best friend) and file something in court. I understand that people have emotions and everything tied up in situations like this and may say things about the other parent that may or may not be true. I'm not here to do that. What i know and say about my sons mother is true. A friend of hers recently told me that it really was all about the money. Shes upset that I mentioned money and is thinking about doing everything to get out of it, including trying to get custody.

I feel like I'm stuck between a hard place and a rock. I have been doing so much research on the internet about domestic violence and custody and it doesn't look good for me at all. Even if she hasn't came around to see her son, even if she hasn't helped raise him, i fell as though if we do end up in court, my record will trump everything that she has or hasn't done, in the eyes of a judge.

I'm also a retired military officer.
I was a JAG, but not an OFF (just a little humor).

Let me ask you a few questions.
If your answers are what I think they'll be, you're gonna love what I have to tell you.
You just might get that support without a fight.
Trust me, yeah I know, but this is no joke.
So, work with me here.
Stay on task, and let's avoid any opinions.
As SGT Friday used to say, "Just the facts, sir, just the facts!"
I'll be sure and be discreet.
We'll get to the nitty-gritty by email, if this leads where I'm thinking it will.
Your "ex" is an active military officer, what is her rank?
How old is your son?
Were you married when your son was born?
How long were you married to this person?
How long has she been in the military?
Does your son have a military dependent's ID card?
Do you have a military dependent's ID card?

Okay, let 'er rip!!!!

 

[bestdad2008]

Proserpina & Army Judge,

Thank you again for all your opinions. I wanted to say that I really appreciate your feedback.

 

[bestdad2008]

I'm also a retired military officer.
I was a JAG, but not an OFF (just a little humor).

Let me ask you a few questions.
If your answers are what I think they'll be, you're gonna love what I have to tell you.
You just might get that support without a fight.
Trust me, yeah I know, but this is no joke.
So, work with me here.
Stay on task, and let's avoid any opinions.
As SGT Friday used to say, "Just the facts, sir, just the facts!"
I'll be sure and be discreet.
We'll get to the nitty-gritty by email, if this leads where I'm thinking it will.
Your "ex" is an active military officer, what is her rank?
How old is your son?
Were you married when your son was born?
How long were you married to this person?
How long has she been in the military?
Does your son have a military dependent's ID card?
Do you have a military dependent's ID card?

Okay, let 'er rip!!!!

Army Judge,
I dont know if you got my message or not, but if u haven't...
Im going to message you in a few minutes. Thanks for all your advice.

 

[army judge]

Proserpina & Army Judge,

Thank you again for all your opinions. I wanted to say that I really appreciate your feedback.

After I have gathered the additional facts requested and evaluated the information, I think you'll be happily surprised.

I may have a few more questions as we go, but this is beginning to look better by the moment for you and your son.

 

[bestdad2008]

Oh really? Is there hope??
I hope so, I really do. My son is my life and with out him I don't know what I would do.

 

[bestdad2008]

**edit** accidental double post

 

[bestdad2008]

everyone's feed back is welcome....

 

[bestdad2008]

Army Judge,
I tried to leave you a private message and now it's saying that in order to message other people (yourself included) besides a select few, I need to leave at least 100 post. Maybe you can try to send me a message? I don't know if I will be able to view it or not.

 

[bestdad2008]

**edit** accidental double post

 

[bestdad2008]

Your "ex" is an active military officer, what is her rank? Yes, she is a captain.
How old is your son? 14
Were you married when your son was born? No
How long were you married to this person?
How long has she been in the military? around 16 years or so.
Does your son have a military dependent's ID card? yes.
Do you have a military dependent's ID card? yes, but not by her.

Id like to explain my answers in more detail but not in this thread. Please let me know what you think so far and how we can exchange more information else where. I really appreciate you giving me your opinion.