Alienated father of 3 needs help

[alienated_dad]

This is a complicated matter but I'll try to keep it simple. My ex-wife has alienated me from my 3 kids. I've been divorced for 5 yrs and we had a pretty decent relationship for yrs before our troubles began about a year and a half ago. Coincidentally, these troubles began when I got serious with my current wife of 4 months.

We recently went to court to resolve some child support issues and it turned into a trial to modify parent/child relationship during which I was slandered by her family in court. My attorney refused to fight fire with fire. She didnt attempt to defend or counter the accusations being hurled by opposing council because she "refused to participate in mud slinging" and that "the court would recognize that we were taking the high road." I have kept meticulous notes (18 pages worth) regarding instances where my ex denied my visitation and/or engaged in alienating tactics with my kids and she refused to mention ANY of the items on that list. Well, needless to say, we were slaughtered in court.

As a result, I am saddled with a huge child support obligation, was denied the option to carry the kids on my insurance plan, ordered to pay half of all extra curricular activities (at my ex-wifes discretion), am ordered to have supervised visits by the same family memberes who slandered me in court, and take multiple mandatory parenting classes as well as anger management classes.

This is ridiculous. I am a GOOD Dad! I love my kids with all my heart, but as a result of the brainwashing of my kids, I am afraid to spend time with them. Everything I do and everything I say is reported to their mother and is blown out of proportion, and I am worried about further legal issues.

I need help! I would like to file for a retrial or an appeal, but I dont know how to proceed with that. Unfortunately, with my new suport payments, I am financially unable to retain an attorney, but I make too much money to be a candidate for any of the local pro bono programs. I am on my own.

I am hurting everyday and am desperate to find relief in which I can carry on my relationship with my children without the manipulation from my ex. Any help or advice would be greately appreciated!

Kind Regards,

 

[army judge]

You can start by completing all court ordered parenting classes, anger management classes, and obeying all existing court orders.

The change you seek may not happen as rapidly as you wish.

But, you must keep doing what is right.

Your kids will one day discern the truth.

They won't be hoodwinked forever.

When the truth is known behaviors will change.

Until that occurs, all you can do is keep improving.

You need to forget the past and build a better future.

You don't need a courtroom to achieve that end.

People recognize the truth when they hear or see it.

No one needs to have another laboriously prove or explain the truth to them.

So, save your money and do well.

The best way to defeat a lie is to do the right thing.

Nothing can prevent you from insuring your kids on your health plan.

Just go down to HR and add them.

My wife and I insured our children and ourselves on our individual health plans. You don't need a court order to permit that choice.

Stop listening to lies, and don't waste your time defending them. Your lawyer has ethics. Nothing would have changed had she done what you believe others did.

 

[alienated_dad]

While I appreciate your opinion and, in most cases, I would agree with you. I've always been known for my "eternal optimism, but in this case its hard to be optimistic.

I need help with the process and filing the appropriate forms in a timely manner. So if there is anyone out there who can help me with this I would really appreciate the help.

I can't sit idly by and allow my children to be victimized by this vindictive person.

 

[Proserpina]

You can't appeal the decision based purely on the fact that you didn't like it - there must have been a mistake in the law.

 

[army judge]

The law has no remedy for every slight or wrong.

This isn't just a case of filling out a piece of paper and filing it.

In order to appeal a decision, you have to cite the legal authority under which you intend to appeal.

In your case, the only issue remotely available to you would be IAC (ineffective assistance of counsel).

However, I don't see where that occurred.

You merely disagree with your attorney's approach.
That doesn't an IAC appeal make.

While I appreciate your opinion and, in most cases, I would agree with you. I've always been known for my "eternal optimism, but in this case its hard to be optimistic.

I need help with the process and filing the appropriate forms in a timely manner. So if there is anyone out there who can help me with this I would really appreciate the help.

I can't sit idly by and allow my children to be victimized by this vindictive person.

 

[alienated_dad]

Ok, well what about asking for a retrial rather than appealing the decision? Do either of you see that being an option?

 

[army judge]

Ok, well what about asking for a retrial rather than appealing the decision? Do either of you see that being an option?

No. Why, you might ask?

Res judicata, I answer.

You've had your bite at the apple.

Read on for a detailed explanation.

The doctrine of res judicata prevents a litigant from getting yet another day in court after the first lawsuit is concluded by giving a different reason than he gave in the first for recovery of damages for the same invasion of his right. The rule provides that when a court of competent jurisdiction has entered a final judgment on the merits of a cause of action, the parties to the suit and their privies are bound "not only as to every matter which was offered and received to sustain or defeat the claim or demand, but as to any other admissible matter which might have been offered for that purpose." A final judgment on the merits bars further claims by the same parties based on the same cause of action.
Res judicata prevents a plaintiff from suing on a claim that already has been decided and also prevents a defendant from raising any new defense to defeat the enforcement of an earlier judgment. It also precludes relitigation of any issue, regardless of whether the second action is on the same claim as the first one, if that particular issue actually was contested and decided in the first action. (Friedenthal § 14.1) Former adjudication is an analogue of the criminal law concept of double jeopardy.

http://www.west.net/~smith/resjud.htm

 

[alienated_dad]

Retrials do occur occasionally so your "res judicata" isn't necessarily a hard, fast rule for EVERY circumstance.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here. I'm in need of ACTUAL legal assistance from someone who can help to guide me through this process. A simple outline of things I need to do to get from point A to point B. While I appreciate your OPINION, it really doesn't help me accomplish what I'm trying to do.

 

[army judge]

You're always free to seek two, three, four, or more legal opinions. Make a few appointments and discuss your concerns with local attorneys. Most, if not all, will meet with you for free.

Frankly, I don't care what you do or decide.

I don't have a dog in your fight.

Retrials do occur occasionally so your "res judicata" isn't necessarily a hard, fast rule for EVERY circumstance.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here. I'm in need of ACTUAL legal assistance from someone who can help to guide me through this process. A simple outline of things I need to do to get from point A to point B. While I appreciate your OPINION, it really doesn't help me accomplish what I'm trying to do.

 

[Proserpina]

Retrials do occur occasionally so your "res judicata" isn't necessarily a hard, fast rule for EVERY circumstance.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here. I'm in need of ACTUAL legal assistance from someone who can help to guide me through this process. A simple outline of things I need to do to get from point A to point B. While I appreciate your OPINION, it really doesn't help me accomplish what I'm trying to do.

You're barking up the wrong tree - period.

Hire an attorney.

 

[swordfish1]

You are most certainly in hot water!
1. Never think the court will do the right thing!
2. calm down immediately! Otherwise this will used against you.
3. As much a I hate to say this, because I hate the B******, you must hire an attorney with a reputation of being dirty and mean, an attorney no other attorneys like.
4. You are being set up to screw up! This is the standard formula they all use, high child support then no payment then jail> then she files for motion to modify with intent of eventually removiing your rights entirely.
5. Hire a private investigator, get a second job if needed, to gather information on her.
6. You obviously have a protective order filed agianst you. She will entice you to violate this in some way resulting in jail time, second time; prison. When this happens you will no longer have any children.
There is much more you need to know....You must calm down!

 

[Proserpina]

You are most certainly in hot water!
1. Never think the court will do the right thing!
2. calm down immediately! Otherwise this will used against you.
3. As much a I hate to say this, because I hate the B******, you must hire an attorney with a reputation of being dirty and mean, an attorney no other attorneys like.
4. You are being set up to screw up! This is the standard formula they all use, high child support then no payment then jail> then she files for motion to modify with intent of eventually removiing your rights entirely.
5. Hire a private investigator, get a second job if needed, to gather information on her.
6. You obviously have a protective order filed agianst you. She will entice you to violate this in some way resulting in jail time, second time; prison. When this happens you will no longer have any children.
There is much more you need to know....You must calm down!

Given your post history, it might be best if you didn't try to "advise" others.

 

[MorgansDaddy]

Lets be honest here, you aren't going to get the court order overturned without spending a lot of money in attorney fees, and still aren't likely to prevail. You would be best advised to complete everything the court order states and over the six months that you must wait to "attack" the order in place, save for a good lawyer. When you go back to court with your new attorney, you will need to explain what circumstances have changed. This will be that you completed all the classes and such. You will also then have a lot better chance of getting unsupervised visits and so forth.

I believe generally you have 14 days or so to appeal if you still feel it is worth it. However, you aren't likely to prevail, especially without a good attorney.

You sound like you are a caring father, and I wish you luck. Also, don't mistake what I have wrote for negativity. I just want you to know how much of a fight you are in for.

 

[courtreporterscopist]

Weighing in from personal experience

Dear Alienated,

You have several pages of notes you have kept? I have over a thousand. Try to get emotional in the courtroom by throwing yourself around and the judge will NOT be happy. There is still major decorum in the courtroom and yelling and finger pointing that your ex has violated visits and phone access does NOT matter unless you back them up with police reports. I'm in the battle of my life with my ex over our child right now and I have never felt so sick, and stripped to the core.

You had nasty relatives who put you in hot water and on it goes. The courts see and hear it every single day. You MUST familiarize yourself with local court rules and learn how to do this with as little emotion as possible. If you can't afford an attorney and you have passed the day for your appeal (30 days where I live) then let her hang herself. Be warned it may take a little time, but if what you are saying is true and you can't just go back and file a new case because you don't like what you got handed then you.....

Start a journal - I started mine July 10. 2010 and I make NON emotional entries regarding my child every single day. When he denies me a visit, I GO to the police station and file a "custodial interference" report, I don't call to fight with daddy, I go file the report with the police.

When dad didn't bring my son to me on Mother's Day - I filed a police report and yes I cried my eyes out alone at home. I didn't express anger amongst my community because it will get back to the courts.

When dad started limiting our calls to 2 minutes and then would hang up on our chat, I would make the entry in my journal and after a month of his doing this, I filed another police report.

I also contacted the phone company and asked for ALL of my local calls for the last year so I have ALL the proof I need to show them when we go back. Let's not forget, I lost custody and I am the mom. There is an appeal next month for this and the attorney doing the appeal does them pro-bono because she said she loves to do the "legal research" involved with an appeal.

Anyway, I had to wait for my ex to miss ALOT of visits before I could file a Motion for Contempt on July 1st. I go to court for this stuff the first week of August, my appeal in the last week of August and I am doing this ALL on my own. NO attorney except for the appeal. If I get the case overturned I will still be pro-se.

I actually received a phone call from the prosecutor last week asking me why over 9 police reports have hit his desk. I said, "well you have 3 more that haven't made it down to your desk" and I spent an hour on the phone with him. He called my ex's current wife and that day I got a whopping 6 minute phone call from my child and haven't had a visit since Dec.

So, while you are up in arms, trying to approach your methodology with a very calm demeanor, read the posts from "judge" on this thread, and if you have supervised visits like I do (yet he never shows up) the court can't make you do them forever. There has to be a point where the court will review the results of your visits. Worried about her family supervising the visits? Install a darn video camera in your home so your visits are supervised and when one of those family members lies in court, you need to know exactly where on the video tape this incident supposedly occurred and be ready to show it in court.

My case was lost because of "fraud on the court" and I didn't find out til 4 months after we were in court. My head was spinning when I found out that me ex's wife solicited a long time co-worker to put her in touch with her brother who is a fighter for father's rights. He is also a "counselor" and he wrote a very bad letter to the court, stating that I should lose custody and have supervised visits. This based on NO visits with me, and no cross examination in the courtroom. (This has all the markings of a medical malpractice lawsuit, especially when the counselors office told me that NO counselor in their office carries enough credentials to make custody recommendations)

So keep reading the posts, learn more about the law so you can see what you can file Motions on in court when she violates the court order.

I will continue to read because there has been some very good advice - except one who may wish to visit anger mgt. courses. Sorry - sir whoever you are, you seem as though you were wrong, but you have got to hide it when you get angry.