Adoption

[yenshhh]

My stepson and his girlfriend, who live in tulsa, OK are having a child this month. They want to have the child adopted out. We want to adopt the child so they will have the opportunity to know their child even as we raise him as our own. He said he didn't have any problems with it, but his girlfriend wants the child adopted out to total strangers. My stepson agrees with her when she is around but when she is not there, he airs his desire to know his child. How do we stop them from having the child adopted by stangers and let us adopt instead? We're afraid we will never even see the child when he is born. She is due on the 20th of March and we only found out about this last week. We don't have much time to stop her from doing this.

 

[Duranie]

your stepson needs to fight this and NOT consent to the adoption. also he needs to be sure he is recognized as the legal father so that mom cannot try and say she does not know who the father is and try to over-step him. You cannot force them to let you adopt the child though.

Your son needs to register on the OK putative fathers registry here is info on that

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/oklahoma-putative-father-registry-fathers-rights-in-adoption.html he should look in the phone book to see if he can call them.

He must consent to the adoption. If he does not stand up to mom then mom will be able to place the child up for adoption. All I can ask you to do is have your son file for custody and to establish paternity if he wants to keep the child.

 

[yenshhh]

My stepson DOESN"T make decisions. When we talked to him, he airs his desire to know his son but when she is around, he is a completely different person. He is a puppet in a string right now. His girlfriend has a 1 year old by another man and she's not even getting child support from him but she is willing to give away my stepson's child has expressed desire to marry her and even adopt her child! they both say they can't financially take care of their child but we can't understand why they will not let us adopt either! My husband and I have a child and I know we can raise our grandchild as our own. We're financially stable. His girlfriend's decision is making us believe it might not be my stepson's child if she is so adamant to have the child as far as possible from him. The whole family is fighting for this except my stepson.

 

[yenshhh]

Thank you for the info; I downloaded the form but I don't see my stepson file for custody at all. He will not even bother to have a paternity test either. That's how dumb he is right now! I was just wondering how we, as grandparents have any rights if we want to have priority to adopt and how to go about it.

 

[Duranie]

I doubt you have any rights here at all. If your son cannot grow a backbone to her then there is likely nothing you can do, epsecially nothing if he decides not to establish paternity. You and him are legal strangers to the child. You can check with a family law attorney but if they both want to adopt the child out you probably cannot stop it.

 

[yenshhh]

the website you sent actually pointed me to the right direction. My stepson is Native American and I called the Indian Nation. By law, they said, the parents need to register their child to the Indian Nation. And we as grandparents (even if my husband is not Native American) have rights to this child... primarily because the tribe want to preserve the culture of this child and for him to grow up within the family will allow him to know his culture. They said we can even have the adoption process in the Indian Nation. But of course, we still have to consult a lawyer. My stepson is registered with the tribe.

 

[BayState]

the website you sent actually pointed me to the right direction. My stepson is Native American and I called the Indian Nation. By law, they said, the parents need to register their child to the Indian Nation. And we as grandparents (even if my husband is not Native American) have rights to this child... primarily because the tribe want to preserve the culture of this child and for him to grow up within the family will allow him to know his culture. They said we can even have the adoption process in the Indian Nation. But of course, we still have to consult a lawyer. My stepson is registered with the tribe.

You are not this child "grandparent". You are not. And the fact that the child is part Native American does NOT usurp this mothers rights.

Your son has NO RIGHTS to this child until paternity is determined, therefor your STEPson's father has no rights and you, Madam, will never have rights because you are not a legal grandparent.

 

[yenshhh]

I am not claiming rights to this child. I know the law, I am not stupid. I hope you know the facts before posting an answer. But I will not add you to the heartbreak that the whole family is already going through. I posted a question here hoping we can find some direction as to WHAT to do because of the fact that the parents are willing to give up the child to total strangers when the grandparents and everyone else in the family wants to adopt the child. Everyone feels helpless because we know the parents ultimately have the rights to this child. I hope you go through this situation when you see your grandchild being thrown away and be in a situation where you will feel very helpless as we are. Looking at all the options to stop the adoption to total strangers means not giving up on family. I thought this website blog is here to get help or info on legal issues and not slap people around when they are trying to seek help. Shame on you posting a condescending reply!!

 

[Gail_in_Georgia]

The point other posters have been trying to make you see is that unless your stepson takes the steps to legally determine paternity, he has is not seen, in the eyes of the law, as the father to this child.

Gail

 

[Duranie]

I am a CASA and I deal with ICWA alot. ICWA does not help children, all it does is help preserve the native american culture. I have my feelings on it but I'll refrain from posting them on this board. Having a child up in the tribe is not always in the childs best interest. I see tribes contest adoptions all the time even though they have no suitable tribal members that can raise, or foster the kids.

The tribe does not have jurisdiction here however they can hire a lawyer and fight this but the fact you are not native american, and neither is your husband gives you no more rights to the child than an outside party. I believe in the adoption process the mother and father are required to identify the child as indian.

You really need to speak to an attorney familiar with ICWA but again, since you are not tribal members and you do not even live on the reservation, I do not see how this will benefit you. Your stepson needs to fight for the child.

 

[ilovejosh]

you have no legal right or standing to stop the adoption, or force mom and dad to let you adopt. its totally their decision.

 

[ilovejosh]

wether mom does get support for her other child is none of your business.you and your family need to back off and let mom make the deicisons regarding HER CHILD, none of you have any legal rights or standing to stop it

 

[MorgansDaddy]

wether mom does get support for her other child is none of your business.you and your family need to back off and let mom make the deicisons regarding HER CHILD, none of you have any legal rights or standing to stop it

I am pretty sure no one needs you to reply to a post that is over THREE years old. Please exercise more common sense if you wish to reply to threads. Thank you!