A father's harmful choices

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caronbonbon

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My child is a product of an affair. Her father is in the military. 2 mos into my pregnancy he informs me he is married.. I tried to stay away from him but he didnt leave me alone. I had a little girl. She is now 4yrs old. When she was born he didnt acknowledge her legally. I was wrong for not taking immediate action in court. For 2 yrs our child was a secret. Hidden from his family. He then signed the acknowledgement of paternity for our child in 2009. In Nov of 2009, I took him to court for custody. I have custody and he gets two days of visitation. I allow him to have our child for more than 2 days becuase he is in the military and doesnt see her often. He doesnt pay child support but pays for childcare and buys her necessities when she is with him. For 2yrs he has had numerous affairs and has brought other women around our child. 2 mos ago I was informed he has another child from another women. The boy is 3 mos old. He now informs me he would like to bring our 4yr old child to his son's mothers home so he can spend time with his son and not deprive our daughter of spending time with him. I believe he is creating a very unhealthy and unsafe environment for our child and has confused her in the process. I need to know how I can protect her rights without depriving him of his child. I also dont agree with our child being around this other women. Im very afraid for my child. Please help....
 
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Think about your post, madam.

Please, reread your post.

Then, ask a couple of friends to read it.

Then, discuss the post with them.

Don't tell them it is your post or situation.

Change some minor details, just to remain anonymous.

Why do I ask you to do this?

I don't wish to judge you, or make you feel more pain.

I can say, that you should get a child support order in place through the court system.

This bum isn't being responsible for his child.

Why?

I don't want to be mean or cruel.

Think about it.

You know what you must do.

Please do it!!!
 
Thank you army judge for responding! I dont need you to be mean or cruel but a little honesty would help. Have I done something wrong? Did I myself put my child in harms way? I need a little more detail. Thank you in advance.
 
What is it you wish to accomplish, Mom?

If he files for visitation and gets a court order (which he will), you will not be able to prevent him from taking your mutual child around his various other children/partners.
 
What I want is for my child to have a healthy and safe environment. For her emotional and mental capacity to be good. I dont want her confused in any way. These other women are not her mother or his wife, so y should they be around our child? He is not married to them or in a relationship with them, he just a child from them, therefore, my child should not be exposed to that. I have custody of our child and he gets 2 days a week for visitation. I let him take her for more days because he is in the military and doesnt see her everyday. I have no problem with my child knowing her siblings, but I dont agree with the women being around my child. For what? its only going to confuse her at her age
 
That's not your choice.

Dad is allowed to parent his child as he sees fit, including exposing her to whoever he's dating, married to, having children with, sleeping with or anything else.

Sorry, but that's the legal reality.

The State of NY doesn't care about him having a different girlfriend every day of the week.
 
Madam, if the child's father is on active duty, she's entitled to certain benefits.

Among those are free (to you) government healthcare through TriCare.

She's entitled to use the commissary, base PX, a dependent's ID Card, etc.

Since she's so young, you'll get an ID card to get on base and have access to purchasing groceries and other items for her, tax free.

She's also entitled to free, space available air travel.

Contact the nearest military base and discuss this with JAG.

The military will make sure her child support is deducted from his monthly pay.
 
He is legally married. still lives with the wife and has extra marital affairs outside of his marriage. got another women pregnant while being married. a 4yr child is not suppose to be exposed to that behaviour. his visits is suppose to be about him spending time with his child, not sleeping with other women, and having our child around them.
 
caronbonbon said:
i am not his wife. how can i be entitled to anything?
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Your child is entitled to things.

How is your child to get those things unless you have access to the facilities to get them for her?

You get the card to obtain access for your child.

The child is entitled to support and the other things I advised.

Just contact JAG and they'll guide you.
 
caronbonbon said:
He is legally married. still lives with the wife and has extra marital affairs outside of his marriage. got another women pregnant while being married. a 4yr child is not suppose to be exposed to that behaviour. his visits is suppose to be about him spending time with his child, not sleeping with other women, and having our child around them.
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Do you believe that helps your case?

Remember, you picked this bum to breed you.

The court won't second guess your decision.

If I were you, I would avoid making such statements.

Everyone will know what a cad he is without you pointing it out.

That type of talk hurts you and your case.

It makes you look foolish.
 
caronbonbon said:
He is legally married. still lives with the wife and has extra marital affairs outside of his marriage. got another women pregnant while being married. a 4yr child is not suppose to be exposed to that behaviour. his visits is suppose to be about him spending time with his child, not sleeping with other women, and having our child around them.
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And none of this will matter to the court.

It really. Doesn't. Matter.

You chose to sleep with a married man. The court will trust your choice, and he will be a "fit parent" unless and until he's proven legally unfit. That is an incredibly tough burden to meet, and nothing you have said so far would even come close to meeting that burden. So forget that angle.

What YOU think he should do, as a parent, is not relevant. He's entitled to parent his child as he sees fit. Just as you wouldn't want him interfering with how you parent your MUTUAL child, so he is entitled to do the same thing.

This is the reality. You seriously need to accept that.
 
(For what its worth, the free air travel is no longer an automatic entitlement. Just FYI)
 
One other point, which is worth mentioning. He's military. He's an adulterer.

If this comes to light, there is also the possibility of him being severely reprimanded to the point of losing all privileges - and so would your child.

Tread carefully, Mom.
 
1. I didnt chose to sleep with a married man. I slepted with a man who lied about being married. not my doing. 2. he is a soldier and his conduct is unbecoming. 3. how can a childs mental, emotional or physical well being not matter in a court room? 4. one of the parents job is to protect the child. his actions are not of a fit parent. and I cannot agree with you.
 
As an adult, that was something HE shouldve considered before he stepped out his marriage!!! it is not my goal to deprive my child, but obviously his choices can lead him to be reprimanded and jeopardize his child
 
Proserpina said:
One other point, which is worth mentioning. He's military. He's an adulterer.

If this comes to light, there is also the possibility of him being severely reprimanded to the point of losing all privileges - and so would your child.

Tread carefully, Mom.
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Actually, adultery is a very serious charge under the UCMJ.

He could be reduced to E1, given a bad conduct (even dishonorable) discharge, and end up in Leavenworth.
 
caronbonbon said:
Are you an attorney or law student?
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I'm an attorney and retired military lawyer and judge.

I've presided over the trials of officers and enlisted personnel charged with adultery.

His wife can stir up a hornet's nest. Actually, when the army gets wind of ths, someone is gonna be very upset.
 
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