Wife's Erratic Behavior/Divorce Papers

[Goodboy40]

Married with three kids under 10. Remodeled house over $400k (no equity due to market), Married little over 10 years. I am Fireman, she has a career in upper management. We both make around $60k each. She served me with papers wanting me to pay for everything, house, custody, kids, tuition, my pension, her as beneficiary on MY life insurance, she wants it all.

I am devastated to say the least.I had no clue to this. I just found out she's been messing around with an out of state manager from work."working" on a project and spending the late nights all night at a hotel near the office. We have not had "relations" since July. She was too busy at working with this guy on a project.

I totally trusted her and questioned her when she took the kids to dinner with him when I was at work. She said her boss paid for it and that she had to do it. All hell broke loose and she stopped talking to me and only communicates through texting.This was the first time she ever mentioned divorce--ever. She spends weekends away and I am not allowed to ask her where she goes. I cant believe this is happening to me.

The other day I got a doctor's bill with a $900 charge, I called and asked the procedure was for, it was for an abortion. I knew then she sleeping with this guy.

I got a lawyer but I am freaking out. I see him next week. Also, she took the kids on vacation and I think this guy is going to be there too.

These are my questions:

Can I get custody, even though I'm fireman? I have done most of the parenting, I am home mostly in the daytime.

I think she is hiding a mental illness, She is acting crazy now and has told me of suicide attempt before we got married. Can I find out about her mental state?

Can I find out who's baby that was?
She denies an affair, can this be formally asked?
Can I hold her boss responsible?

She wants me to agree to everything and to quickly sign all documents and to use the same attorney. If all is done like she wants I will have no cash left to even live. PLEASE ADVISE. Thank YOU.

 

[luvstexas]

Married with three kids under 10. Remodeled house over $400k (no equity due to market), Married little over 10 years. I am Fireman, she has a career in upper management. We both make around $60k each. She served me with papers wanting me to pay for everything, house, custody, kids, tuition, my pension, her as beneficiary on MY life insurance, she wants it all.

I am devastated to say the least.I had no clue to this. I just found out she's been messing around with an out of state manager from work."working" on a project and spending the late nights all night at a hotel near the office. We have not had "relations" since July. She was too busy at working with this guy on a project.

I totally trusted her and questioned her when she took the kids to dinner with him when I was at work. She said her boss paid for it and that she had to do it. All hell broke loose and she stopped talking to me and only communicates through texting.This was the first time she ever mentioned divorce--ever. She spends weekends away and I am not allowed to ask her where she goes. I cant believe this is happening to me.

The other day I got a doctor's bill with a $900 charge, I called and asked the procedure was for, it was for an abortion. I knew then she sleeping with this guy.

I got a lawyer but I am freaking out. I see him next week. Also, she took the kids on vacation and I think this guy is going to be there too.

These are my questions:

Can I get custody, even though I'm fireman? I have done most of the parenting, I am home mostly in the daytime.

I think she is hiding a mental illness, She is acting crazy now and has told me of suicide attempt before we got married. Can I find out about her mental state?

Can I find out who's baby that was?
She denies an affair, can this be formally asked?
Can I hold her boss responsible?

She wants me to agree to everything and to quickly sign all documents and to use the same attorney. If all is done like she wants I will have no cash left to even live. PLEASE ADVISE. Thank YOU.

To answer your questions:
"Can I get custody, even though I'm fireman? I have done most of the parenting, I am home mostly in the daytime."
Be prepared for joint legal custody. If you can show a judge that you are the primary caretaker of the kids, you might be granted primary physical custody and be awarded child support for the kids.

"Can I find out who's baby that was?"
No. You cannot. The pregnancy has been aborted and there would be no way to find out without the baby being born. Either way, you acknowledge it's not yours. However, if she had carried the baby to full term, you wouldve been the baby's legal father until the biological father came along and contested paternity.

"She denies an affair, can this be formally asked?"
Sure. Will she be made to answer is the real question. The fact that she committed adultery might work to your advantage when deciding physical placement of the kids...if she did in fact have an affair.

"Can I hold her boss responsible?"
Responsible for what? He's not a party to your divorce case.

 

[joe123]

I'm sorry that your wife has treated you this way. I imagine that you are devastated and confused. To repeat what you said, she has gotten a lawyer to file divorce papers, entered into a new relationship, taken your kids, and has had an extra marital affair with an abortion. I find that if those are all true, she has pretty well decided what she wants and you should protect yourself. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you, though the lawyer sounds like a pretty obvious choice.