My daughter is in a verbally abusive marriage in California. We live in Texas. My husband is going to go up and move her and her 2 children home. Anything we need to know before doing this. She has tried to leave several times and he either moves the money from her account so she can't leave or plays on her emotions with the kids. He is very controlling and she feels trapped. Will she need to file for divorce in California or Texas?
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What to do if leaving your spouse and going to another state.
- Thread Starter lilgil
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mightymoose
Moderator
If she leaves the state with the kids be prepared to have the kids returned to California to stay with dad. It is one thing to visit, it it's another to move and deny a parent access to the children.
She would be better off to complete a divorce and arrange a custody agreement through the court before leaving the state. Even then, leaving the state could be a problem if she wants to keep the kids.
She would be better off to complete a divorce and arrange a custody agreement through the court before leaving the state. Even then, leaving the state could be a problem if she wants to keep the kids.
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Thanks for your response. How does a stay at home wife get out of a marriage with no money or access to money. When they get into an argument he takes her keys, moves money into an account that she can't get to. She has no where to go and no way to get away from him. He has never hit her but he has shoved her and he is extremely emotionally abusive.
Proserpina
Moderator
CA is following a trend of being very relocation-friendly.
With that said, she MUST file the appropriate paperwork. Loan her the money if you have to.
With that said, she MUST file the appropriate paperwork. Loan her the money if you have to.
Proserpina
Moderator
Here's how it works in California.
Because they're married, they both have equal rights to the children.
If your daughter ups and leaves, and Dad files to prevent the kids from being relocated, she WILL have to return the children to California pending a custody decision.
California will hold jurisdiction.
(And if memory serves me correctly, the very second EITHER of them files to establish custody in CA, there's an automatic restraining order preventing either party from relocating the children pending the final outcome)
She needs to get this sorted out before she moves. Seriously.
Because they're married, they both have equal rights to the children.
If your daughter ups and leaves, and Dad files to prevent the kids from being relocated, she WILL have to return the children to California pending a custody decision.
California will hold jurisdiction.
(And if memory serves me correctly, the very second EITHER of them files to establish custody in CA, there's an automatic restraining order preventing either party from relocating the children pending the final outcome)
She needs to get this sorted out before she moves. Seriously.
Still more questions.So she can file with the courts to take the kids and leave? Does this require an attorney? There is money but he completely controls it. It is ridiculous. Not sure how she got into this mess but anyways. So if California holds jurisdiction she will have to have an attorney in cali not Texas? She had to call the police once and they told her she could leave but had to call her husband on her way out that she was leaving and where she was going or it could be considered kidnapping.
I feel like I need to get them out of there asap. I would hate for him to snap and hurt one or all of them.
I feel like I need to get them out of there asap. I would hate for him to snap and hurt one or all of them.
mightymoose
Moderator
She can leave any time she wants, but taking the kids is a complication. An attorney's help would be very beneficial. Everything will have to occur in California. You might find an attorney in Texas licensed to practice in California but you will probably pay even more.
There is such a thing as parental abduction. She does not want to take the kids under circumstances that it appears she is attending to prevent the father access to them. Running off to Texas could do exactly that. Even if she remains in California, if she hides or withholds the kids from their father she could potentially have some additional legal problems. If she feels she and the kids are in danger then there are shelters and resources for assistance, but that seems a stretch as you've indicated this is all verbal.
She can leave any time she wants and go wherever she likes, but until a court determines custody and visitation it is best to leave the kids where they are.
There is such a thing as parental abduction. She does not want to take the kids under circumstances that it appears she is attending to prevent the father access to them. Running off to Texas could do exactly that. Even if she remains in California, if she hides or withholds the kids from their father she could potentially have some additional legal problems. If she feels she and the kids are in danger then there are shelters and resources for assistance, but that seems a stretch as you've indicated this is all verbal.
She can leave any time she wants and go wherever she likes, but until a court determines custody and visitation it is best to leave the kids where they are.
Betty3
Well-Known Member
If possible, have her talk to an attorney in California.
Proserpina
Moderator
No. She can file and WAIT for custody to be decided - because there's an automatic restraining order put in place preventing either parent from relocating the children out of the immediate area.
If she files and just leaves, she is risking becoming the visiting parent, with Dad being primary.
Is there any reason why Dad shouldn't have custody, btw?
The police have had to get involved on 3 different occasions but don't think a police report was ever filed. The last fight they had he slit the tires so she cold not leave. While I don't think he is a good dad he the child is not in danger when with him. My daughter has 2 children one is his one from a previous relationship. He says stupid and vulgar things to the kids about their mother again not illegal. He actually works 3 hours away so he is only home on weekends.
Proserpina
Moderator
A contested custody case can take months - and even years - and can run into the tens of thousands of dollars.
Let me reiterate. The WORST thing you can do is have your husband spirit your daughter and grandchild/ren away without having the court's OK.
Proserpina
Moderator
She gets a job? File for divorce and request temporary child support pending a final custody decision?
mightymoose
Moderator
Two different fathers for the children complicates it even more. She will need custody orders for both, so this goes beyond the current husband.
Proserpina
Moderator
Very true, MM.
This Mom needs to seriously get her stuff together legally before she even thinks of leaving the State. Dad swooping in and saving her just isn't going to wash.
This Mom needs to seriously get her stuff together legally before she even thinks of leaving the State. Dad swooping in and saving her just isn't going to wash.
army judge
Super Moderator
She should discuss this with a California family law attorney BEFORE doing anything.
The lawyer can discuss getting him out of the home, but sticking him with the bill.
She can divorce in Texas, but SH will have to wait six or twelve months before she can file.
She can file NOW in California, no waiting.
An attorney can get her spouse to foot the bill, get her child support, and emergency/temporary spousal support.
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