What does IV-D mean and why does my x insist on me cancelling?

P

Pooky

New Member
Jurisdiction
Minnesota
Hello. My ex sent me this *(below) via email. I'm not sure what it actually means or why he is asking me to do this. He makes 3 times as much as me. How would he benefit from me removing this? I'm not even sure what he means by "Let's put an end to this please"?


*Send a letter to Dakota County please and let them know that 'you no longer request continued IV-D services pursuant to 45 CFR'.** This is why they are engaged, because you applied for assistance on public lunches years ago. Let's put an end to this please.*


Thank you
 
He also put this in the email: I don't understand?
 

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Is child support in arrears?

If yes, I'm guessing that the state garnishes his wages and intercepts his tax returns and that's why he wants you to withdraw any need for public benefits.

If child support is not in arrears then I have no clue and you should ask him why.
 
Pooky said:
Hello. My ex sent me this *(below) via email. I'm not sure what it actually means or why he is asking me to do this. He makes 3 times as much as me. How would he benefit from me removing this?
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Child support collection under IV-D is a federal program administered by the states for which the states get federal money. See the MN DHS overview of the IV-D program for more info. The reason he's complaining is that the state is attaching wages or some other income/assets to collect child support owed either to you or to the state and he wants that to stop. If you are getting child support payments through this system, doing what he wants will mean that you'll likely stop getting those payments. I suggest you consult a family law attorney before you agree to his request.
 
I am sorry that your ex considers food for his child(ren) to be nonsense.

Perhaps if you were feeling more financially secure (like, he paid for lunches), you would not have applied and qualified for these benefits.
 
Red Kayak said:
I am sorry that your ex considers food for his child(ren) to be nonsense.

Perhaps if you were feeling more financially secure (like, he paid for lunches), you would not have applied and qualified for these benefits.
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I don't think we have enough information to come to that conclusion.

The OP doesn't say that she is currently receiving any sort of assistance. It's entirely possible that the case came under Title IV based on a prior application and the OP is no longer receiving any assistance at all. Furthermore, dad doesn't have to be in arrears for it to be Title IV in that type of situation.

The OP should speak to an attorney, as suggested by Tax Counsel above.
 
adjusterjack said:
Is child support in arrears?

If yes, I'm guessing that the state garnishes his wages and intercepts his tax returns and that's why he wants you to withdraw any need for public benefits.

If child support is not in arrears then I have no clue and you should ask him why.
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He will not answer me why. He is a controlling person with Narcissistic tendencies. He has been in arrears but not by much. He is not anymore. It was only one time years ago. I will say he was very mad when I requested to have the court take care of child support. That was years ago though. He did not want to pay toward certain things (he thinks he is paying too much now for health care for one child as i hold the insurance, and two our our children just finished high school so he doesn't have to pay for them anymore. In fact, i was ordered to pay back pay $1600 from March because he did not request to remove the other two children when they graduated from HS. Did I say he makes 200K and I did not even make 75k in 2020. We had court in May to update the child support order.
 
Red Kayak said:
I am sorry that your ex considers food for his child(ren) to be nonsense.

Perhaps if you were feeling more financially secure (like, he paid for lunches), you would not have applied and qualified for these benefits.
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This is so true. I work full time at a union job, and i couldn't just switch my hours to accommodate schooling and daycare at the time. I couldn't just quit my job and find a new one and lose pension and other health benefits, etc. I was literally on the border, and it was reduced cost lunches. My kids will tell you when they were with me growing up we had to go to the food shelf a few times. We reused papertowels etc to save for icecream (i didn't have credit cards for fear of digging a hole i would never get out of). I only finally asked for help when i needed it and I do give back when i can to help others.
 
Red Kayak said:
True.

But at one point she applied.

Hopefully she will clarify where she is still receiving assistance.
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-----I am not receiving any assistance at this time. I feel like he does not want the county to do any automatic cost of living adjustments or request financials again. This year is the first time in years and years and years that the county actually got a real financial record from him as he did not have his attorney. Usually in the past he was somehow able to fudge stuff or not give any financial records etc but there were also parenting modifications over the years with attorneys and after a while, going in, my attorney and I had to pick and chose what was more important and we kind of knew what he would be willing to negotiate (he likes his money and does not consider child support "fair" for me to get any of HIS money". This time, it was just the County and both of us were representing ourselves to remove the two graduated children.

----People with Narcissistic tendencies need to be in control. I know it drives him crazy that the County does contact his company and automatically take out child support. Although I did foolishly swing a deal years ago (he said if i don't contact the county about health care costs rising every January, he would deposit the extra (which was like $125 per month for his share. at one point we paid zero for health care years ago, then it started going up and up every year). He stopped the payments when he decided he didn't want to pay, to saying I received more than enough ëxtra from him when the older two child support did not automatically stop being deducted. He even told the Judge he had contacted our local news so öther people wouldn't have to go through what he did. Ok... wouldn't you keep track and contact the county yourself? I don't know. I created savings for the kids. I am paying for one starting college this year. He is not even contributing to healthcare for them anymore. I have them on my health plan I believe i can keep them until they are 26.
 
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I agree that it sounds like he wants the official oversight/involvement to stop. Consult with an attorney.
 
Pooky said:
Hello. My ex sent me this *(below) via email. I'm not sure what it actually means or why he is asking me to do this. He makes 3 times as much as me. How would he benefit from me removing this? I'm not even sure what he means by "Let's put an end to this please"?


*Send a letter to Dakota County please and let them know that 'you no longer request continued IV-D services pursuant to 45 CFR'.** This is why they are engaged, because you applied for assistance on public lunches years ago. Let's put an end to this please.*


Thank you
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It sounds like he's trying to get you to stop child support. Quick Google search comes up with this:

IV-D services are full child support services. 45 CFR Sections 301-308 deal with child support enforcement. CFR Title 45 overall is public welfare. Broken down into DHHS and Public Welfare.

Ultimately it sounds like he's trying to get you to stop child support. Find a lawyer who does free consultations in your area.

45 CFR Chapter III - OFFICE OF CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT (CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT PROGRAM), ADMINISTRATION FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES, DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

https://www.co.wright.mn.us/Documen...Income-Withholding-Only-Services-in-Minnesota

Sec. 518A.51 MN Statutes

This might help too I don't know: https://www.mnbar.org/docs/default-...-an-interest-in-family-law-cases.pdf?sfvrsn=4
 
I've learned that people generally have an end game, or ulterior motive.
 
Zigner said:
Not stop child support entirely (although, that may be his plan). He's trying to stop the county/state from being involved in the collection process. Of course, once the county/state is no longer involved it'll be easier for him to not pay.
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I agree.

I know the only reason my ex is current is that it goes through the state. Actually, the first time the state intercepted anything, he took me back to court to demand that it be returned, and child support be set to zero. LOL. Yeah, that was a short hearing.
 
army judge said:
I've learned that people generally have an end game, or ulterior motive.
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After 25 years, he ALWAYS has an ulterior motive. I am just trying to understand what else would come about or why at the end he said what he did.
He would not answer my text when I sent a photo of another bill two days ago. So today i sent another bill I just got and simply said : I can send it to the county if you want and have them pull it. He responded immediately : I'm happy to ay it. Why would you say something perverse like send it to the county? i've always paid my bills. Well.... yes but he will sometimes take up to 30 days, sometimes 90 days to pay his share. So it is about the county. That response tells it all.
 
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Pooky said:
After 25 years, he ALWAYS has an ulterior motive. I am just trying to understand what else would come about or why at the end he said what he did.
He would not answer my text when I sent a photo of another bill two days ago. So today i sent another bill I just got and simply said : I can send it to the county if you want and have them pull it. He responded immediately : I'm happy to ay it. Why would you say something perverse like send it to the county? i've always paid my bills. Well.... yes but he will sometimes take up to 30 days, sometimes 90 days to pay his share. So it is about the county. That response tells it all.
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Well... there's your answer.

He still wants to control you.
 
Pooky said:
After 25 years, he ALWAYS has an ulterior motive. I am just trying to understand what else would come about or why at the end he said what he did.
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You know he's a bully.

Once you know your adversary is a bully, you own him/her.

Bullies don't like to be ignored.

If you IGNORE a bully, the bully has lost all power you once allowed her/him to bully you.

Once you've resected the bully out of your life, you are cancer free.

Once you have removed the cancer, make sure you avoid the cancer, lest you become reinfected with same.
 
Pooky said:
Well.... yes but he will sometimes take up to 30 days, sometimes 90 days to pay his share. So it is about the county. That response tells it all.
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Frankly, 30 days is well within reason.
 
army judge said:
You know he's a bully.

Once you know your adversary is a bully, you own him/her.

Bullies don't like to be ignored.

If you IGNORE a bully, the bully has lost all power you once allowed her/him to bully you.

Once you've resected the bully out of your life, you are cancer free.

Once you have removed the cancer, make sure you avoid the cancer, lest you become reinfected with same.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I just wish I made as much money as him. I did open a cash stock account for our child and a Roth as for all the kids. I'm doing what i can for all of them. It's so odd, X behavior is so off and on. It gets really bad when he has a GF which he does now of 2 months and he is becoming more demanding of me on certain things (such as the child support). Everyone notices the changes in his behavior, kids go on back burner, i'm not even sure I can just ignore him but looking back, i should have not responded to that portion. That email he sent also contained info for me to change car ins (not asking, telling) for our youngest and put him on my commuter car as it would be cheaper, and he said "I will be paying about 100 and you will pay about 30 so definitely not even or fair but lets do what we can to make smart insurance descisions, right? LOL You can just text him (ins guy) at xxxxxxx" This was a few days after i received a random text (we do share the same ins company for everything) from ins asking for my permission and I had no idea what they were talking about as he tried to change it without talking it over with me since our middle child is under my commuter car ins. After investing further with the ins company on what was going on and why suddently now the change (he's had this for almost a year), he has full coverage on the car that our youngest drives, I have liability on the commuter car that our middle son is on). There is more to it as our child was telling me some things his dad was insisting he do regarding the car (mind you it was already paid for and given to him to drive supposedly with no strings as our other two received cars with all of us helping to pay for.....but suddently things have changed )... it's just so strange. I do think my suspicions have now been validated more than a few times with posting this question on this site. I used to go on a different site but haven't been on for a year or two and i try to go on there now but it's like you can't send messages or post anymore. I really appreciate everyonés input on this. It was just going so well for a while and then suddenly it's now. THANK YOU
 

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