what are my rights as mom?

[Stephanini85]

Hello all.
I just need some advice on a very messy situation. I have had a bf for 5 years, he is now my ex. We had two kids together, I had to file child support in which he was only made to provide health insurance when available. He has been in and out of the kids lives for the past 4 years due to drugs, jail, and just plain up and moved 500 miles away. (he has done that twice.) He admitted that he has been on meth, but has no charges for it..but did pick up a charge for marijuana last summer. He was just released from work release program in march and with in a week he just up and moved to Indiana with his mother. He is 26 and has an extensive record including fraud, theft, drugs and also a very lengthy juvi record. basically he is always in trouble. The juvi record includes some sort of sexual offense from 1999...which REALLY always concerned me, but i didn't find out about it until i was already pregnant. He now claims that he has been clean and wants to see the kids. I refuse to pay the expenses to drive there, I do not want the kids around him or his parents alone, not only due to the father's drug abuse, violent temper, and untreated bi-polar/manic depressive disorders. but also the his mother's husband is an alcoholic.
The father does not financially support the children, i have asked him to even buy items online and ship them if he had a problem sending $ to me. He verbally agreed to a time to talk to kids on the phone..but never followed through, and likes to call whenever he wants and gets very angry if i tell him i am busy and to call back. He now calls me from restricted numbers and always verbally threatens and calls me all kinds of names because i will not bend over backwards whenever he feels he has time for the kids. The kids have been though enough with our relationship and now that he is gone i can enforce structure without his interference and lack of parenting. He also wrote a letter to me stating that he wanted to give up his rights to the kids last summer....what exactly should i do? I would like to ask that he has a financial obligation for the kids..but maybe i am better off if i ask nothing from him? I want to move to a different state soon, basically he left and moved away and does not make a consistent attempt to talk to the kids. Is it my responsibility to call him for the kids or tell him where i live..etc? I have been trying to get him to act like a responsible father for 4 years...can i just give up on him and move on for the kids and my sake!? We need stability and i am working hard on providing that, going through college, working, etc.

 

[Duranie]

Well you had 2 kids with a man who you knew had a history of crimes and a whole bunch of stuff. Its too late to say now he is unfit.

Was paternity ever even established? Did he sign the birth paperwork? If he moved away that makes it a little easier for you to be avble to move away.

You should file for custody and child support. He is not going to be able to terminate his rights. I guess it is up to you on whether or not you want to file anything but Dad can always file for visitation and to establish paternity if it has not been done.

Until there are court orders, you do not have to let him see the kids and if you do it can certainly be on your terms..supervised only.

He is their father though and it is not necessarily in the kids best interest to totally cut them off.

PLEASE use better judgement in the future with who you get involved with. You now have 2 young kids and an idiot for their father, you may be raising them totally on your own.

 

[army judge]

Hello all.
I just need some advice on a very messy situation. I have had a bf for 5 years, he is now my ex. We had two kids together, I had to file child support in which he was only made to provide health insurance when available. He has been in and out of the kids lives for the past 4 years due to drugs, jail, and just plain up and moved 500 miles away. (he has done that twice.) He admitted that he has been on meth, but has no charges for it..but did pick up a charge for marijuana last summer. He was just released from work release program in march and with in a week he just up and moved to Indiana with his mother. He is 26 and has an extensive record including fraud, theft, drugs and also a very lengthy juvi record. basically he is always in trouble. The juvi record includes some sort of sexual offense from 1999...which REALLY always concerned me, but i didn't find out about it until i was already pregnant. He now claims that he has been clean and wants to see the kids. I refuse to pay the expenses to drive there, I do not want the kids around him or his parents alone, not only due to the father's drug abuse, violent temper, and untreated bi-polar/manic depressive disorders. but also the his mother's husband is an alcoholic.
The father does not financially support the children, i have asked him to even buy items online and ship them if he had a problem sending $ to me. He verbally agreed to a time to talk to kids on the phone..but never followed through, and likes to call whenever he wants and gets very angry if i tell him i am busy and to call back. He now calls me from restricted numbers and always verbally threatens and calls me all kinds of names because i will not bend over backwards whenever he feels he has time for the kids. The kids have been though enough with our relationship and now that he is gone i can enforce structure without his interference and lack of parenting. He also wrote a letter to me stating that he wanted to give up his rights to the kids last summer....what exactly should i do? I would like to ask that he has a financial obligation for the kids..but maybe i am better off if i ask nothing from him? I want to move to a different state soon, basically he left and moved away and does not make a consistent attempt to talk to the kids. Is it my responsibility to call him for the kids or tell him where i live..etc? I have been trying to get him to act like a responsible father for 4 years...can i just give up on him and move on for the kids and my sake!? We need stability and i am working hard on providing that, going through college, working, etc.

The ONLY way to ensure that this "man" contributes to the support of the children is to take him to court and seek court ordered child support.

To do that, this "man" must first be proven to be the father.

Had you been married when these children were born, this "man" would have been the putative father by virtue of that marriage.

Because you were not married, this "man" must be proven the father, or he must admit to paternity.

This bum has shown you that he doesn't care for you or the children.

You might be better off leaving it that way.

His history shows you that he is more interested in drug abuse, than being a father or husband.

If you desire his continued involvement in the lives of the children, you can request the state of Georgia to do DNA testing.

The following is from the state's website and provides instruction as to how to go about establishing paternity, and subsequently support, with the state's help.

If paternity hasn't been established, the "man" is a legal stranger to the children.

Without the benefit of PROOF of his paternity, you don't have to allow him to see YOUR children or interact in their lives.

You are the mother by virtue of giving birth to YOUR children.

If a DNA test hasn't been done, or "he" hasn't signed a legal "voluntary" acceptance/acknowledgment of paternity for the children, he's a legal stranger.

If I were you, I'd keep it that way.

You, on the other hand, are free to choose the solution that works best for you.

Either way, good luck, and I commend you for trying to be a good mother and care for your children!

How do I Establish Paternity for my Child?

Establishing paternity for a child in Georgia may be done in one of the following ways:
1. the child's parents are legally married to each other at the time of the child's birth;
2. unwed parents sign a Voluntary Paternity Acknowledgment Form
a. at the hospital when the child is born, or later at either
b. the State Office of Vital Records in Atlanta or
c. the Vital Records Office in the county where the child was born;
3. Court order (divorce decree, separation agreement, or other judicial or administrative order).

Paternity establishment by the Office of Child Support Services (OCSS) may be processed through a local Superior Court or through an Administrative Court, depending on the county of your residence. Genetic testing is available in both these processes.

Additionally, if unwed parents have established paternity through the Voluntary Paternity Acknowledgment Program, the OCSS will take action(s) to obtain and enforce other services for you; i.e., monetary child support and/or health insurance for your child.

There is no cost to you for establishing paternity through the OCSS except for the application for services fee and the cost of genetic testing (if the test results indicate the alleged father is the biological parent of the child). Currently, the cost for genetic testing is $31.00 per person. For mother, father and child, the total cost of genetic testing through OCSS is $93.00

http://www.ocse.dhr.georgia.gov/por...toid=d46a10ad92000010VgnVCM100000bf01010aRCRD

 

[Stephanini85]

Well you had 2 kids with a man who you knew had a history of crimes and a whole bunch of stuff. Its too late to say now he is unfit.

Was paternity ever even established? Did he sign the birth paperwork? If he moved away that makes it a little easier for you to be avble to move away.

You should file for custody and child support. He is not going to be able to terminate his rights. I guess it is up to you on whether or not you want to file anything but Dad can always file for visitation and to establish paternity if it has not been done.

Until there are court orders, you do not have to let him see the kids and if you do it can certainly be on your terms..supervised only.

He is their father though and it is not necessarily in the kids best interest to totally cut them off.

PLEASE use better judgement in the future with who you get involved with. You now have 2 young kids and an idiot for their father, you may be raising them totally on your own.

Actually, as I stated, i did not know of his past until the middle of our relationship...the drugs, and other charges came during our relationship. Why would keeping the children away from a person with drug addictions who is also violent, and a convicted felon not be in the kids best interest? Also he is on one birth certificate and signed papers admitting paternity to the other, i believe. And trust me
I have learned my lesson with trusting people. I can't change what he has done in the past few years he made his own choices. But if i can be done..I want to just be done. I believe i can make it with out seeking financial help from him..i have done it for 4 years now. I dont want the kids around him alone.

 

[irish223]

Are there any orders regarding custody or visitation? If not, then moving should not be a problem.

If your ex wants to fight the move, he can try. However, it doesn't sound like he would have the time or desire to bother.

Good Luck!

 

[Stephanini85]

Are there any orders regarding custody or visitation? If not, then moving should not be a problem.

If your ex wants to fight the move, he can try. However, it doesn't sound like he would have the time or desire to bother.

Good Luck!

No, there are no court orders regarding custody or visitation. They have always been in my care, he leaves on his own, with no fights over the kids. I think he might just be tryin to scare me with custody/visitation because i wont do what he says when he says it.

 

[irish223]

No, there are no court orders regarding custody or visitation. They have always been in my care, he leaves on his own, with no fights over the kids. I think he might just be tryin to scare me with custody/visitation because i wont do what he says when he says it.

Well, if he wants to file for visitation, he can. He can also object to any move out of state if he files. He could prevail.

However, until he does file, there's nothing he can do. Only you can decide if he might follow through.

 

[Stephanini85]

If he chose to file visiotation/custody..wouldn't that cost him a substantial amout in legal fees? I'm assuming since he will not even send a $20 box of diapers that he will not pay legal fees for an attorney.

 

[Stephanini85]

Also, i know that he has family members that are private investigators...is there a way i can prevent them from obtaining any of my records? like if i move where i live..etc?

 

[irish223]

If he chose to file visiotation/custody..wouldn't that cost him a substantial amout in legal fees? I'm assuming since he will not even send a $20 box of diapers that he will not pay legal fees for an attorney.

Not really. He can file without an attorney. There are court costs, but if he's indigent, he may be able to get those waived.

Also, i know that he has family members that are private investigators...is there a way i can prevent them from obtaining any of my records? like if i move where i live..etc?

Hm... I can't think of one. Sorry.

Also, worst case scenario, if you move and he has no way of finding you, then he can't serve you if/when he files. In that case, you wouldn't know that he was filing, you wouldn't know about the court dates, and you wouldn't respond or attend any hearings. He'd win by default.

 

[Duranie]

You cannot disappear by choice. Those are his kids and you just cannot take off from him. There is nothing from him preventing hiring a parent locator or PI to get your address. If he files and tells the judge he cannot find you, he may win with default.

It sounds like paternity has been established, so he can find a way to file paperwork. The risk in moving is....your state now has jurisdiction until you meet the residency requirements in the new state. If he files in the current state that will make things VERY inconvenient for you.

Or you can move and hope he does not file anything. If you go on any sort of gov't assistance you will have to file for child support.

You had a bit of tunnel vision here. I find it VERY hard to believe with his past you didn't know about ANY of it until the second pregnancy. He is still the Dad nad like it or not, he does have some rights epecially if paternity was established. It is up to him to go to court and assert those rights.