Voluntary child support without any court order, smart?

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camerongrant

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My ex and I divorced amicably. Up until about a year and a half ago, the kids (10 and 8) stayed with me. Now they live with her and her new husband. About three months or so ago, she asked that I pay her some support. I found it odd, because I pay for the kids anyway with whatever they need, always. She doesn't work. Her husband does. She said something about "medicaid insurance asked why have I been claiming the kids at tax time when they live with her." She said that I should start paying her monies so "welfare or the irs doesn't come looking for you." I asked her, well why don't I keep it as it has been for their whole lives and not pay you anything and they continue to go to school in my district, etc. She said because she wants to keep her new stepchild and our kids at the same school. Well, I succumbed and allowed the kids to move with her. It helps me a little in that I can now work full time instead of shortened hours, but this whole paying her has me stumped. Is she extorting money from me considering we split the kids time evenly?
 
In a word, no. It is hardly extorting money to expect that you would pay to support your children. It is not their stepdad's responsibility, it is yours. While great that you are as involved as you are, attention does not equal financial support. Nor does making sure they have material possessions help pay for their housing, utilities, food or other expenses associated with raising the kids.
 
If she were to file for child support with the FREE assistance of the state, ALL of the alleged monies you gave her would be considered gifts.

You'd be looking at $25,000 (probably more) in arrears.

She'd have the state and federal tax confiscatory abusers ALL up in your business.

Be smart, file before she does. Don't do it yourself, hire a good lawyer.

Things could get rough for you, boss.

Better request a DNA test, too. You never know, heck you never knew in the old days, either. DNA testing wasn't available back then as cheaply as it is today.
 
Last edited:
ElleMD said:
In a word, no. It is hardly extorting money to expect that you would pay to support your children. It is not their stepdad's responsibility, it is yours. While great that you are as involved as you are, attention does not equal financial support. Nor does making sure they have material possessions help pay for their housing, utilities, food or other expenses associated with raising the kids.
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I have zero problem paying for my children like I've been solely doing for their whole lives. Thank you for your comment it means a lot truly.
 
If Mom files for Medicaid or Welfare the state will come to you to repay them. Your going to be paying one way or another. Any money you gave without a court order is a gift in courts eyes meaning you now have arrears.
 
I'm curious how you could have a divorce involving children and have that divorce decree not address the support or custody of those children in any way.
 
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