Visitation issues

[alleymay]

OK, I had posted one other issue on here, but I have a 2 fold problem. My boyfriend (we have a child together and live together) has a son from a previous marriage. Currently we have 50/50 visitation with him spending 7 out of 14 days with us split week. We have B every single day that my boyfriend is off work. When he is in our care he is with us. He spends most of his time with his mother in daycare since she works. The current custody is joint physical custody with mailing address with that of the father. According to that he should be enrolled in school from our home. We had him evaluated for preschool and he qualified to start in the fall.

His ex has given up her crazy idea of moving to California with B so that they can live rent free with her father while she and her new husband go back to school. But she claims to be ready to fight tooth and nail for rights for B to go to school from her house. With my boyfriends work schedule, he would only see his son every other weekend if he lived in her home for school. But he has every Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off work, as well as every other Saturday. He works nights, and would be home in time to wake B up and get him ready for school, and would be home to see him get off the bus and have dinner together each night before he left for work (Wed, Thurs, and Fri).

She is on a 2 year probation for suspected child abuse. I am not sure how that works, but there was an incident that involved the authorities and we were told that they did not find reasonable evidence to convict, but we have recently learned that she is on probation for the incident. We don't know if it is a legal "typical" probation, or if it is something just involving the DFS (SRS).

Our fear is that if she does get B going to school from her home and we only get to see him every other weekend, that after a few years a judge will then be able to side in her favor for going ahead and leaving the state with him since he wouldn't have as much of an established relationship with his father.

Funds are lacking, and we have come up with a plan for a revised visitation that is WAY more than fair, giving her 1/3 time visitation even while he is in school full time. We can't really afford an attorney, so we want to try to keep this as informal and friendly as possible, yet we want to do it legally.

I want to propose our schedule to his ex in a letter sent via email. I know that it isn't legal or binding, but it will at least get our ideas out there on the table for discussion. He is afraid that she will some how be able to use our plan against us if we discuss it with her and is afraid to even broach the subject. But preschool starts in 3.5 months, so time isn't really on our side.

What does anyone else think? Should we bite the bullet and take out a loan for lawyer $$$ or should we try and settle this outside of courts with as little hastle and $$$ wasted as possible.

 

[momma_2_four]

Where I'm at in KS the clerk has said if we don't have a hearing set before the end of this school year then we likely wouldn't have a decision made before next school year begins if it has to go to trial.

I do not get why people are unwilling to discuss their options and what they think would work best for their child(ren) with their 'ex'. My son's dad often does this, but I have yet to see where he has gained an advantage by remaining close mouthed while I am handing him what I think is a fair. What I have seen it do is cause us both unneeded stress and our son often feels that tension as well.

My advice is for him to broach the subject with her, but keep it in writing if you think she will try to use something against you. If his ideas are in the child's best interest then I don't know how sharing the ideas with her can be wrong, used against him, or give her an unfair advantage. That doesn't mean it won't eventually end up being heard by the court instead, but he'll have at least tried to resolve the issue before asking the court to resolve it.

 

[MorgansDaddy]

First, there is no "us" or "we" when it comes to you and your boyfriend and his child. You are best to stay out of it and let him handle all communications with the child's mother. Even if you were married to your boyfriend, you still would have no legal standing.

Second, it sounds like the answer that you boyfriend may be seeking could be in the existing court order. It would make sense that if the court order specifies that you boyfriend's address is to be used for legal physical purposes such as mail and etc., that he would have no problem enrolling him in school using his address.

If the language isn't completely clear, I think one can file a motion for clarification. If that isn't an option, your boyfriend WILL need to get any agreement in the form of a court order. Your boyfriend can talk to the clerk of the local court to learn more about his options.

It is never a bad idea to have a lawyer, however, such things as this can be done without an attorney if need be.

 

[alleymay]

First, there is no "us" or "we" when it comes to you and your boyfriend and his child. You are best to stay out of it and let him handle all communications with the child's mother. Even if you were married to your boyfriend, you still would have no legal standing.

Second, it sounds like the answer that you boyfriend may be seeking could be in the existing court order. It would make sense that if the court order specifies that you boyfriend's address is to be used for legal physical purposes such as mail and etc., that he would have no problem enrolling him in school using his address.

If the language isn't completely clear, I think one can file a motion for clarification. If that isn't an option, your boyfriend WILL need to get any agreement in the form of a court order. Your boyfriend can talk to the clerk of the local court to learn more about his options.

It is never a bad idea to have a lawyer, however, such things as this can be done without an attorney if need be.

I know that I have no legal standing in the process, but I do have an emotional connection, a commitment must be made on my part for his plans to work, and decisions made in our home are all made together.

The language does clearly state that he is to be enrolled in school from our address. However we live 45 minutes away from his ex, so it would be impossible to have him in school here if he is at her home 50% of the time. We aren't looking to change the custody agreement, we are just looking into how we can modify the schedule so that it will coinside with his upcoming school schedule. She is the one that said she was going to fight the order and wants him at her address for school.

We don't want to be held in contempt of the order by keeping him during her scheduled time for education purposes. Also, we want to end his paying her support since she will no longer have daycare needs.

 

[MorgansDaddy]

I am a step parent as well, so I know where you are coming from. I just wanted to make sure you knew that and to prevent any possible issues.

If the order states that he is to go to school from your address, but the visitation that is ordered makes that impossible, your boyfriend will need to file for modification to get the visitation schedule changed.

I am not sure why he would have to pay support if the time is split 50/50. Obviously if he would win when he goes to court to modify the visitation, and has his son more than half the time, child support should not be paid by him.

Just a thought, maybe she knows she will lose the child support if that happens and that is why she is so resistant.

 

[alleymay]

Just a thought, maybe she knows she will lose the child support if that happens and that is why she is so resistant.

I know she would miss the support, but I don't think that is the issue. She wants to move to California. So if he goes to school from her house and we only see him every other weekend and in the summer, a judge is going to be a lot more likely to side with her leaving the state with her son, because she will be the primary parent. It is really funny to me that she has taken a sudden interest in his medical care and insists on taking off work to be at his appointments now. Deep down I know that she wants to take him with her to CA, and is trying to set herself up so that a judge would have reason to side with her.