Unmarried Mother trying to get full custody of my daughter

[robertlogue357]

Jurisdiction

California

I am an unmarried woman who currently lives with my daughter's father at my mom's house. I am in the process of trying to move to a new county to start a better life for my daughter and I. My daughter's father, who has no job, car, or anywhere else to live, keeps refusing to let my daughter move with me even though she has told him that she wants to. He even went as far as to stand in front of my car so that I couldn't leave when my daughter wanted to go with me. He then proceeded to call the police. When the officers arrived, the officer that spoke with me asked if there was a custody order and I told him that there wasn't. He then informed me that I needed to take my ex boyfriend to court to get a custody order. This is the first time that I am ever having to deal with this type of situation. I don't know where to start. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[army judge]

I am an unmarried woman who currently lives with my daughter's father at my mom's house. I am in the process of trying to move to a new county to start a better life for my daughter and I. My daughter's father, who has no job, car, or anywhere else to live, keeps refusing to let my daughter move with me even though she has told him that she wants to. He even went as far as to stand in front of my car so that I couldn't leave when my daughter wanted to go with me. He then proceeded to call the police. When the officers arrived, the officer that spoke with me asked if there was a custody order and I told him that there wasn't. He then informed me that I needed to take my ex boyfriend to court to get a custody order. This is the first time that I am ever having to deal with this type of situation. I don't know where to start. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

You already have FULL custody as the unmarried man alleging to be the father hasn't gone to court to establish his paternity.

Children born out of wedlock are decreed to be the children of the birth mother ALONE.

You need not go to court to establish anything.

I suggest you contact a relative or friend.

When the male isn't there, arrange for the relative to meet you at your house and whisk you away.

Forget taking all your stuff, just get out ASAP.

Call a battered, abused, mistreated women's shelter and ask them to come and get you.

The police mean well, but aren't lawyers, and occasionally get it wrong.

You're suffering over this.

Just get out, don't look back, and don't tell anyone where you're going, and don't post it to social media, stay off of ALL social media, create a new email account with a new password.

 

[mightymoose]

Agreed.
YOU do not need to get a custody order.
HE needs to get one.
The suggestion above to contact a women's shelter is excellent. If you go to a shelter they WILL NOT disclose if you are staying there. They won't even tell law enforcement.
A brief stay there may buy you some time to get organized and move on.
Meanwhile, if necessary, mom can work on booting the child's father out of her home.

 

[leslie82]

I am an unmarried woman who currently lives with my daughter's father at my mom's house. I am in the process of trying to move to a new county to start a better life for my daughter and I. My daughter's father, who has no job, car, or anywhere else to live, keeps refusing to let my daughter move with me even though she has told him that she wants to. He even went as far as to stand in front of my car so that I couldn't leave when my daughter wanted to go with me. He then proceeded to call the police. When the officers arrived, the officer that spoke with me asked if there was a custody order and I told him that there wasn't. He then informed me that I needed to take my ex boyfriend to court to get a custody order. This is the first time that I am ever having to deal with this type of situation. I don't know where to start. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

You have custody - he has no rights unless he's gone to court and established them. So you go and take your daughter and you leave with her. Next time he stands in front of your car, run him over.

The police can't do much in these cases. If it was me, I'd just take the kid when he's not home, leave and never look back. Don't contact him, don't tell him where you are. Just "poof" gone.

 

[army judge]

I will never unstand why some men treat women as slaves, servants, or serfs.

If you can't get along with someone, walk away, leave the other person alone.

 

[zddoodah]

I am an unmarried woman who currently lives with my daughter's father at my mom's house.

I take it you and the father aren't married. If so, has his paternity ever been established? If so, how was it established? Hint: "his name is on the birth certificate," by itself, does not establish paternity.

When a child is born to an unmarried woman, no man has any enforceable parental rights until paternity is established and the court enters an order allocating parental rights between the parents (i.e., a custody/visitation/support order). Until such an order is issued, your child's father has no legal ability to stop you from moving with the child, and the police should not interfere.

I suggest you consult with a local family law attorney.

 

[mightymoose]

Next time he stands in front of your car, run him over.

Don't do that. I'm sure this was in jest, but still, don't do that.
If he ever is preventing your movement you can call police for assistance. They will see you off safely. If he is becoming a danger to you then you can seek a restraining order too.

 

[leslie82]

Don't do that. I'm sure this was in jest, but still, don't do that.
If he ever is preventing your movement you can call police for assistance. They will see you off safely. If he is becoming a danger to you then you can seek a restraining order too.

It was...

 

[leslie82]

I will never unstand why some men treat women as slaves, servants, or serfs.

If you can't get along with someone, walk away, leave the other person alone.

Some "men" (and "women") are cowards. Abusers just want power and control and they find those who they can exploit to do it. Usually those with big hearts or some other way to control.