- Jurisdiction
- Georgia
Can anyone help to word legal reasons why it is in the best interest of my son to change his last name to mine?
Dad and I are in agreement on this. So it is not a fight. Just don't know how to word like the line of "why do you believe it is in the child's best interest" and make it sound legal and professional.I'll give you my reasons, which may be long winded. This is why I need help.
Dad and I split up when our son was 2mo. He is now 2yo. Dad has seen our 2x for a total of 5 days since then (not because I won't allow him any more time, in general I think standard should be 50/50 and parents be equal). Dad moved 1000 miles away to be closer to immediate family, to have support to get back on his feet.
Dad has 3 other children 6, 8, 12. He has full custody of them. Their mother is a drug addict and comes in and out of their lives. It really messes with their head and they are all in therapy for it. So that is one reason... we believe it's best for him to be consistently in or consistently out. Being in our son's life is not working.
His oldest was born addicted to drugs. They believe he has some issues from that. He also had to be revived as a baby and had oxygen loss in the brain, he has general brain damage. His mom is schizophrenic, and he is showing some signs of it himself, he has not been diagnosed. He has been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, ODD, and autism. He is extremely unpredictable and at times randomly violent. He'll just be happy as can be and then just walk across the room and try to break somebody's arm for no reason. He has also been accused of trying to molest younger children. the police said they can't do anything about it due to lack of evidence, his age, and disability. Child Services says it's a family matter and they need to seek help at a mental health clinic which they already do. Some of these things are relatively recent, he didn't do all this before. It's getting worse and he is getting bigger. He has been dismissed from every school for being violent with teachers and other students, and touching people inappropriately and making inappropriate comments. So he does Virtual School at home. My son's father is very busy with him and also busy with the other two and their therapy. He is unsure if the other two will progress into similar behaviors.
My son's father says he's not comfortable guaranteeing our son safety on his time. If anything happens he wouldn't be able to forgive himself because he knew the risks. Also, if our son is with him he would not get the attention he deserves because he is so busy with the other child. And his visits will be pretty miserable.
I think he can call or video chat more and we could facilitate a relationship another way. Dad does not think it's possible. I think he could put more effort into it, but he says he is doing his best. He says if it was just him, and our son did not have me, he would probably put him up for adoption. It's kind of frustrating since our son was planned, but I can't make him do anything, and I'm glad he is honest with me.
I am single and have no one to take over the role as "dad". But we talked about approaching it similar to an open adoption. Change his surname. Hopefully to alleviate some confusion about why he has a different last name than me but nobody else really in his life. Hopefully to release strings and expectations that come with the title of "dad". Explain it to our son that all families are different and he just has a mom. When time comes he wants to know his biological father, we will facilitate that when it happens. (Hopefully when he is old enough to understand the situation) I hope it helps him to not feel "abandoned". I know he will eventually want to know, I hope he accepts "every family is different" for a while, and does feel like "my dad just didn't want me", for several years before he really understands the situation. Bio-dad can still ask about and I'll send pics. He can still see our son, but won't have the title of dad. When the time comes our son can know that he is his biological father. And choose whatever he wants from there (call him, call him dad, spend time with him). Hopefully by then the other kids will be adults or nearly adults and his father's will be less strapped for time and money.
Personal reasons Id like to is so I can stop being called Ms. [Father's surname]. And because I constantly have to prove he is my son with birth certificate even when I know others don't, because they have the same last name as their child. Also I've always wanted my boy to carry on my name, since I have no brothers. His father knows this, and I think that may be a big reason why he offered this. We have never been to court and he is not on child support nor do I plan on asking for any child support.
Dad and I are in agreement on this. So it is not a fight. Just don't know how to word like the line of "why do you believe it is in the child's best interest" and make it sound legal and professional.I'll give you my reasons, which may be long winded. This is why I need help.
Dad and I split up when our son was 2mo. He is now 2yo. Dad has seen our 2x for a total of 5 days since then (not because I won't allow him any more time, in general I think standard should be 50/50 and parents be equal). Dad moved 1000 miles away to be closer to immediate family, to have support to get back on his feet.
Dad has 3 other children 6, 8, 12. He has full custody of them. Their mother is a drug addict and comes in and out of their lives. It really messes with their head and they are all in therapy for it. So that is one reason... we believe it's best for him to be consistently in or consistently out. Being in our son's life is not working.
His oldest was born addicted to drugs. They believe he has some issues from that. He also had to be revived as a baby and had oxygen loss in the brain, he has general brain damage. His mom is schizophrenic, and he is showing some signs of it himself, he has not been diagnosed. He has been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, ODD, and autism. He is extremely unpredictable and at times randomly violent. He'll just be happy as can be and then just walk across the room and try to break somebody's arm for no reason. He has also been accused of trying to molest younger children. the police said they can't do anything about it due to lack of evidence, his age, and disability. Child Services says it's a family matter and they need to seek help at a mental health clinic which they already do. Some of these things are relatively recent, he didn't do all this before. It's getting worse and he is getting bigger. He has been dismissed from every school for being violent with teachers and other students, and touching people inappropriately and making inappropriate comments. So he does Virtual School at home. My son's father is very busy with him and also busy with the other two and their therapy. He is unsure if the other two will progress into similar behaviors.
My son's father says he's not comfortable guaranteeing our son safety on his time. If anything happens he wouldn't be able to forgive himself because he knew the risks. Also, if our son is with him he would not get the attention he deserves because he is so busy with the other child. And his visits will be pretty miserable.
I think he can call or video chat more and we could facilitate a relationship another way. Dad does not think it's possible. I think he could put more effort into it, but he says he is doing his best. He says if it was just him, and our son did not have me, he would probably put him up for adoption. It's kind of frustrating since our son was planned, but I can't make him do anything, and I'm glad he is honest with me.
I am single and have no one to take over the role as "dad". But we talked about approaching it similar to an open adoption. Change his surname. Hopefully to alleviate some confusion about why he has a different last name than me but nobody else really in his life. Hopefully to release strings and expectations that come with the title of "dad". Explain it to our son that all families are different and he just has a mom. When time comes he wants to know his biological father, we will facilitate that when it happens. (Hopefully when he is old enough to understand the situation) I hope it helps him to not feel "abandoned". I know he will eventually want to know, I hope he accepts "every family is different" for a while, and does feel like "my dad just didn't want me", for several years before he really understands the situation. Bio-dad can still ask about and I'll send pics. He can still see our son, but won't have the title of dad. When the time comes our son can know that he is his biological father. And choose whatever he wants from there (call him, call him dad, spend time with him). Hopefully by then the other kids will be adults or nearly adults and his father's will be less strapped for time and money.
Personal reasons Id like to is so I can stop being called Ms. [Father's surname]. And because I constantly have to prove he is my son with birth certificate even when I know others don't, because they have the same last name as their child. Also I've always wanted my boy to carry on my name, since I have no brothers. His father knows this, and I think that may be a big reason why he offered this. We have never been to court and he is not on child support nor do I plan on asking for any child support.