PILawGirl
Moderator
Family law makes me tired, which is why I haven't really pushed my own issue and have tried to help my friends/family going through their own problems with what knowledge about family law that I do have. I will try and break this down as simple as I can. I have a 4 year old son, his Dad and I separated then eventually divorced because when he was 1.5 years old, my ex decided to take a job without consulting me and moved 6 hours away from us. I did not work at the time, I was in school and my ex basically cut us off, which led to our divorce. After I filed for divorce, he decided to move near us again. He had visitation with our son 2 weekends a month. He was constantly late or cancelling his weekends. He magically lost his job after divorce hearings were finished and moved 6 hours away again. Apparently, he can't find another job (it's been 2 years) and is in the Army Reserve. BUT, he tells me he has a "Monday - Friday job" with them. DFAS only has him down as a "Reservist." I have reason to believe he is being paid to work for a friend under the table because he talked about doing it before to hide money from his first wife (by the way, he is in arrears to her for $7,500.00).
He stopped paying child support, but he was doing a pretty good job of paying 1/2 of our son's childcare/tuition bills. The judgement from our divorce states that he is to pay 1/2 on top of child support. I finally got tired of his excuses about not paying support so I filed with Dept. of Child Support Services (FYI, I'm in California). They provided VERY LITTLE HELP. The Attorney they assigned to the case didn't know her butt from a hole in the ground. A child support hearing was held in Orange County on 12/11/07 (I live in Sacramento County). My ex's first wife attended and said he showed up with his Daddy and wore his military uniform. He whined the entire time about how we won't let him see his kids. His first wife never got a chance to give her side and was "shooshed" in court a few times. After that, I started getting $15.00 a month payments for support from the State. I decided the $15.00 was more of a slap in the face than anything and closed the case. A friend of mine told me to garnish his wages directly through the military (DFAS). I did that and the "paralegal" working on my "case" has no answers as to why I haven't received any support.
The new support amount is higher than the last because my ex has not seen our son in ONE YEAR. I have NOT kept him away from my ex. He will make plans to see him and then something "comes up" and he cancels. I understand he's in arrears to his first wife, does that basically mean I'm out of luck until she is paid the back support? He sent me a letter in January (to my office, even though I requested that he not send anything there, he has my home address) stating that he is going to "exercise his parental rights" and have visitation with our son the 3rd weekend of every month. Do you think he has shown up for even ONE of those weekends yet? NOPE! Thankfully, my son has a VERY positive male role model in his life. My boyfriend has been helping me raise him full-time since he was 2. He treats my son as if he were his own. Takes him to school, picks him up when needed, cares for him when he's ill, does sports with him, etc. All the things a Dad does with his son.
I told my ex that according to the new support order he is supposed to pay me by the 1st of the month, he refuses. He also refuses to pay 1/2 of our son's tuition/childcare. He has not helped me with that for 4 months. Even though my son attends a private Christian school, his childcare & Pre-Kindergarten dues are as much as all of the other daycare centers in my area and he receives a much higher level of education. Unfortunately, because my ex his not helping with payment I cannot afford to keep him in the school that he loves for the 2008-2009 year. He will be attending Kindergarten next year at public school (which isn't so bad, Roseville has a great school district and great schools, I just feel bad that he has to leave his friends). The original judgement does not state that the payment has to be "verified" or that I need to provide him receipts in order to be "reimbursed" by him. I provided him with a tuition schedule to verify the monthly dues. However, he will NOT send a payment until I provide him a receipt. My problem with this is he has not seen his son in a year, he doesn't pay child support and he wants me to send him a receipt of payment for his own benefit for tax purposes! I realize I'm jumping around quite a bit, I'm a little frazzled.
When it comes to my own issues I don't really know where to start. What can I do about these issues? I thought the military didn't stand for their soldiers dodging their responsibilities? Sadly, the "Paralegal" at DFAS hasn't been any help. I have had friends who were in the miliary tell me to write his Unit Commander a letter but I don't want to stir up anything with his unit, I know how protective those guys can be of each other.
He stopped paying child support, but he was doing a pretty good job of paying 1/2 of our son's childcare/tuition bills. The judgement from our divorce states that he is to pay 1/2 on top of child support. I finally got tired of his excuses about not paying support so I filed with Dept. of Child Support Services (FYI, I'm in California). They provided VERY LITTLE HELP. The Attorney they assigned to the case didn't know her butt from a hole in the ground. A child support hearing was held in Orange County on 12/11/07 (I live in Sacramento County). My ex's first wife attended and said he showed up with his Daddy and wore his military uniform. He whined the entire time about how we won't let him see his kids. His first wife never got a chance to give her side and was "shooshed" in court a few times. After that, I started getting $15.00 a month payments for support from the State. I decided the $15.00 was more of a slap in the face than anything and closed the case. A friend of mine told me to garnish his wages directly through the military (DFAS). I did that and the "paralegal" working on my "case" has no answers as to why I haven't received any support.
The new support amount is higher than the last because my ex has not seen our son in ONE YEAR. I have NOT kept him away from my ex. He will make plans to see him and then something "comes up" and he cancels. I understand he's in arrears to his first wife, does that basically mean I'm out of luck until she is paid the back support? He sent me a letter in January (to my office, even though I requested that he not send anything there, he has my home address) stating that he is going to "exercise his parental rights" and have visitation with our son the 3rd weekend of every month. Do you think he has shown up for even ONE of those weekends yet? NOPE! Thankfully, my son has a VERY positive male role model in his life. My boyfriend has been helping me raise him full-time since he was 2. He treats my son as if he were his own. Takes him to school, picks him up when needed, cares for him when he's ill, does sports with him, etc. All the things a Dad does with his son.
I told my ex that according to the new support order he is supposed to pay me by the 1st of the month, he refuses. He also refuses to pay 1/2 of our son's tuition/childcare. He has not helped me with that for 4 months. Even though my son attends a private Christian school, his childcare & Pre-Kindergarten dues are as much as all of the other daycare centers in my area and he receives a much higher level of education. Unfortunately, because my ex his not helping with payment I cannot afford to keep him in the school that he loves for the 2008-2009 year. He will be attending Kindergarten next year at public school (which isn't so bad, Roseville has a great school district and great schools, I just feel bad that he has to leave his friends). The original judgement does not state that the payment has to be "verified" or that I need to provide him receipts in order to be "reimbursed" by him. I provided him with a tuition schedule to verify the monthly dues. However, he will NOT send a payment until I provide him a receipt. My problem with this is he has not seen his son in a year, he doesn't pay child support and he wants me to send him a receipt of payment for his own benefit for tax purposes! I realize I'm jumping around quite a bit, I'm a little frazzled.
When it comes to my own issues I don't really know where to start. What can I do about these issues? I thought the military didn't stand for their soldiers dodging their responsibilities? Sadly, the "Paralegal" at DFAS hasn't been any help. I have had friends who were in the miliary tell me to write his Unit Commander a letter but I don't want to stir up anything with his unit, I know how protective those guys can be of each other.