support outside the court no order

[momma_2_four]

I think my case is all kinds of screwed up from the get go and it is just now starting to get straightened out.

My son's dad and I have previously managed to come up with our parenting arrangements and such either through mediation or offline. The parenting plan was always submitted to the court and approved/ordered. BUT child support has never been court ordered, nor has it ever been sent to the court for approval. My son is 10, his dad & I were never married and have not lived together or had any kind of relationship since he was 18 months. Since his recent divorce he has been pushing everything through the court, new parenting plan, new school for our son, and now a motion to modify child support.

He has always given me a check every month in an amount we have agreed to. The amount was always at least loosely based on the KS child support guidelines. He is supporting his son and has always done so. I'm actually concerned he will be harming himself by taking this before the court. Will they consider the money he has always given me as child support even though it was never court ordered? He gives it to me as a check with the month and "child support for (son's name)" in the memo line. We've always erred on the low end of the child support estimates since I make more than my son's dad and I don't live outside my means. I have never relied on the c/s as more than extra money for our son to be able to do extra-curricular activities and I would also pay 100% of his medical costs for most of those costs that way dad's c/s was never more than he could afford. With my son's dad's recent divorce I'm concerned this could impact him negatively when he has said numerous times he cannot afford even the smallest costs not budgeted for already.

Any idea if the court would determine they needed to set up c/s instead of modifying? Or if they would consider what we have done in the past to be the equivalent of court ordered support and only modify for the future?

 

[army judge]

If monies were paid absent a court order, the court won't see them as support.

No one screws themselves by obtaining a court order for child support.

I doubt that the court will penalize anyone for the eight years dad paid child support under the table.

The IRS might ask some questions.

 

[momma_2_four]

I don't think it would be considered under the table. I always reported it as income to my CPA. I wouldn't want to assume whether he reported it to his. It just wasn't court ordered in any way.

I just don't want the court to determine he hasn't paid based on the fact that we didn't have c/s court ordered. Some of the responses to others I have read on this forum led me to question if that may be the case in our situation. What I meant by screwed was if they were to order back support because they didn't consider what he has been paying to be c/s since it was not court ordered.

For all future c/s a court order is the way to go, totally agree. But I'm just learning about the whole court process and its purpose with regard to being the child's advocate and not the "enemy". I was raised with the perception that normal people work it out themselves and a court shouldn't need to be involved. My ex helped that along by making me fear what he & his lawyer could do to me if I were to take anything to court.

If the court would order back support, it may end up hurting our son more than helping in my opinion. Like I said my son's dad is already struggling financially and I wouldn't want my son to miss out on special activities or sports or anything because his dad is struggling to pay for back support when he already paid that support.

 

[army judge]

I don't think back support will be ordered in your case.
If both of you acknowledge that you were in agreement about the support paid in the past.
If you both acknowledge he is current according to your prior agreement.
You now wish to legalize the support via a court order.
That is normal and logical.

 

[alleymay]

If you are both in agreement on the amount and start date of the child support, the court should enact that as an order. The court will usually use the terms the parties have come to unless they are unreasonable or unfair. Part of the parenting plan has a start date for court ordered child support. You both will need to ensure that the date put there is a current date, not from the time of seperation.

Usually when someone is ordered to pay back child support as you are afraid will happen the dad has been a deadbeat, and has fought tooth and nail to get out of his responsibility of raising his child. It sounds like your son has a good dad, and there shouldn't be any unexpected problems as long as you both pay attention to how the orders are written.