Summer vacation

[trit0n]

Jurisdiction

California

Court orders we each have summer vacation (couple weeks) and we are to notify each other by a certain date. However our child is enrolled in (current) program and summer program that does not give enough of a gap for a vacation that long, but the father refuse to respect that. (full custody to mother) Orders also state that if a conflict arises then mother's preferences shall hold on even years. No set time/date are given.

I offered the alternate of either waiting to have it until the child is of school age to make it fair for the both of us, especially our child, or break up the 2 weeks that won't interfere with the program times. He said "your program is not important when he should be spending time with his father" (he has 3 visitations per week, where he has none except for holidays when child is in grade school)

He refused, and continue to demand me of what to do and that I give child to him for when he wants the child without consultation or agreement.

What is suggested that I do next, as I take his education seriously and he refused the alternates? I do plan on calling to make an appointment for mediation next week.

 

[txls]

Not sure what kind of "program" you are referring to but you need to follow the court orders.

 

[trit0n]

Not sure what kind of "program" you are referring to but you need to follow the court orders.

Preschool

 

[army judge]

Preschool

You must follow the court order to the letter, just as you demand he do so, too.

 

[txls]

Unless this were state-mandated school(where the child would be considered truant), then it has no bearing on court orders. If the court orders are not explicit such as,"Dad gets visitation the 1st week of July," then it is expected that the parents work things out between themselves. If the two of you can't do that, then you can go back to court and attempt to get orders written very explicitly. JUDGES DO NOT LIKE WASTING COURT TIME FOR ADULTS WHO CANNOT COOPERATE!

 

[trit0n]

Makes more sense now. Thanks for the help!

 

[army judge]

Makes more sense now. Thanks for the help!

The one exception would be a health issue, sufficient to confine the child to bed rest, or a hospital stay.

Other conflicts, such as weddings, reunions, visits by relatives, might not be sufficient to deny either parent their mandated time.

However, responsible parents learn to compromise.

 

[trit0n]

Yeah, understood. We've had history of him refusing to compromise or cooperating so I am constantly being told what to do, forced to give up a lot of my time and I don't get that fairness in return for our child. Bend over and backwards. So the lawyer suggested I be more firm with the court orders and tell him our child has school and that he is the aware he is not supporting that but give him the time or offer to adjust it as long we both get what we can have. He, of course, refused as I have stated in previous posts. Happens with doctors as well, even though with tons of compromising from my side.

So in turn I came on here. Makes more sense to me now, I just hope he learns to compromise better, as well as myself to learn how to manage that and also be firm with the orders.

 

[adjusterjack]

Your ex is entitled to the visitation specified in the court orders. He doesn't have to compromise.

If you got your child into activities that conflict with those order then you are to blame for whatever consequences befall you and the child.

 

[cynthiag]

I'm not saying this is what you did, but I have seen parents who have very specifically and intentionally gotten their child involved in activities that they knew would interfere with the other parent's visitation/custody time, and then argued that whatever activity they'd chose to involve them in was more important than the other parent's parenting time.

This is preschool you're talking about, not college prep, so I'm not sure at your child's apparent age that his education necessarily trumps time spent with his father.

I wholeheartedly agree with what txls said about the courts not wanting to waste time dealing with parents who can't/won't cooperate with one another.

 

[Betty3]

It's always best for everyone involved if things came be worked out without going to court.

 

[trit0n]

I'm not saying this is what you did, but I have seen parents who have very specifically and intentionally gotten their child involved in activities that they knew would interfere with the other parent's visitation/custody time, and then argued that whatever activity they'd chose to involve them in was more important than the other parent's parenting time.

This is preschool you're talking about, not college prep, so I'm not sure at your child's apparent age that his education necessarily trumps time spent with his father.

I wholeheartedly agree with what txls said about the courts not wanting to waste time dealing with parents who can't/won't cooperate with one another.

No, I inderstand. The court gave us the orders after i enrolled our child in this type of program (which has been continuous since last year, never interfering with father regular visitations) so I thought he would've had this in mind with all the legal paperwork that I turned in. But like you all said as long it's not state mandated school then there isn't really anything I can do. It is also a new part of the orders as well as we never had the summer orders before.

I just needed some clarification and I got it which makes much more sense to me of what is to be done and the difference between programs like this and state mandated school.

I do have a difficult co parent so I just do what I can that is the best for our child as well as following court orders. It just irks me that he said education and doctor appointments aren't important to him.

I did apologize to him that I was mistaken due to the same reason of thinking the judge took it into consideration but it's not on the orders when he did make orders for grade school (no visitations to father except for xmas break and so forth) . He scoffed and yelled at me in front of our child and told me that next time I need to ask him for his approval before I enroll our child (kindergarten) because he will never approve of our child going to school. That upsets me but, I'll just do what I can.

 

[leslie82]

I'm not saying this is what you did, but I have seen parents who have very specifically and intentionally gotten their child involved in activities that they knew would interfere with the other parent's visitation/custody time, and then argued that whatever activity they'd chose to involve them in was more important than the other parent's parenting time.

This is preschool you're talking about, not college prep, so I'm not sure at your child's apparent age that his education necessarily trumps time spent with his father.

I wholeheartedly agree with what txls said about the courts not wanting to waste time dealing with parents who can't/won't cooperate with one another.

That is exactly what my ex's ex did when we were together. She signed the kids up for camps and sports in the summer without talking to him and then when he would ask her about summer visitation (six weeks starting first Fri after school was out) she would say they were signed up for these things and "Do you want to let them down that they can't go?" or other excuses.

 

[cynthiag]

Yes, unfortunately that's a game that I've seen many people play.

My ex left me when our son was a baby. In our divorce, I got full physical & legal custody but we were allowed to work out on our own when he could see our son and as long as I knew in advance he wanted to spend time with him, I went out of my way to make sure I didn't schedule anything during that time and that he got to spend the time with him. I just didn't see any point in playing those kinds of games. No matter how I felt about my ex-husband, he was still the father of my son and I wanted my son to be able to spend the time with him and have a good relationship with him. I also felt like it was important that my son grow up learning to be a decent person and I didn't think it would do anything toward that goal for him to see me behaving badly just to spite his father.