Summer 2023 Travel abroad with my teenage boy

[Ètienne]

Jurisdiction

California

Hi, I'm Etienne, a divorced Frenchman, and dad of a 15 yo boy who is a high school freshman.

Every year for the summer holidays we go to France to visit the many family members and friends we have there.

The mother has always tried to hinder these trips just to spite me while in reality she only hurts her own son.

Our son, who speaks fluent French, has made a lot of friends during these years and every year he looks forward to the summer because he loves going there so much.

Our son does very well in school, he studies with enthusiasm and, since middle school, he has always attended online classes to get extra credits that he will need when he goes to college. At least this is what I guess as I am not really aware of how the educational system works here in the U.S. and this is the main reason I'm now writing.

It happens that the mother tells him that this summer he will not be able to go to France because he has to attend a class, in a nearby community college, which lasts 7 weeks and which takes place with presence in the classroom.

The college offers several classes for any particular subject, e.g. shorter and online. To my observations to him, he claims that colleges favor students who have attended in person rather than online. Our son seems really to believe it, while to me it seems just something artfully concocted to hinder our holidays.

I'm a responsible dad and I would do everything that would benefit him and I am aware of the importance of these courses so I don't have anything against and encourage them, but I don't think it's really like that, in the sense that we can't do something less rigid with courses that can include a mix of online and classroom lessons so that we can also go to vacation. It's 2 years now that while abroad he dedicates time to completing these tasks.

Furthermore, the mother has the moral and legal obligation to discuss these things with me in advance since we have joint custody and it is instructed to consult the other parent for any decision and choice concerning our child, instead of taking unilateral decisions.

I don't want to look like the classic angry disgruntled parent who blames the other parent and in this particular case because I can't travel to my native country, I repeat Education comes first of anything and everyone, but neither do I want to be so shamelessly duped about something that doesn't exist and/or that could be done differently with the same result, but I will surrender if I am wrong.

In any case, this matter will affect the next 3 years because I am sure that by setting such a precedent, we would compromise the summers of the near future.

What would you advise me to do?

I forgot to mention that I have a court order authorizing me to travel abroad, provided the boy is in my custody and doesn't affect school attendance, without having to ask his mother's permission.

Thanks in advance to all who will participate.

 

[army judge]

What would you advise me to do?

Sorry, mate, I learned decades to NEVER to advise ANYONE regarding a domestic relations matter, a child rearing issue, matters of the heart, spouses, and DIVORCED spouses.

I stand mute on the matter, mon frer.

As a word of encouragement, you now have fewer than three years before you and your son will no longer be bound by court edicts. Bide your time carefully, and you and your son will both be adults. He and you will be able to do almost anything, your only barrier would be funding your fun!!!

Fare well, mate.

 

[Ètienne]

Sorry, mate, I learned decades to NEVER to advise ANYONE regarding a domestic relations matter, a child rearing issue, matters of the heart, spouses, and DIVORCED spouses.

I stand mute on the matter, mon frer.

As a word of encouragement, you now have fewer than three years before you and your son will no longer be bound by court edicts. Bide your time carefully, and you and your son will both be adults. He and you will be able to do almost anything, your only barrier would be funding your fun!!!

Fare well, mate.

Merci beaucoup mon ami for your encouraging words. I think I have to rephrase my request as I just need to know if attending in-person or online classes makes a difference in my son's transcript to be admitted to a prestigious college or if it's just some b*****t? If it's the case I don't want him to get mugged of the three years of adolescence he has left before he becomes an adult and would take any necessary action to fight for his and my right along of those of all the people he loves and that love him and are missing him over there. Some of them are old enough that might not even be alive in 3 years time.

 

[cbg]

I cannot speak for all schools. I doubt if all schools share a common concern in this regard.

However, for what it's worth, I work in the administrative offices of one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I just reviewed the admission requirements, including the Application Tips. They do want to distinguish summer courses from school year courses, but they did not even ask whether you attended in person or online. Now, it's quite possible that it would be obvious when you get down to specifics - If you live in Nebraska, are taking courses at Yale for the summer while simultaneously working at your local library, it would be pretty clear that your courses at Yale are online. However, the point is that WHERE you took the courses is not a question - only WHEN you took them.

 

[adjusterjack]

I just need to know if attending in-person or online classes makes a difference in my son's transcript to be admitted to a prestigious college or if it's just some b*****t?

It's probably not BS. Take the example of law school. A person with a law degree from Yale or Harvard is more likely to get hired by a prestigious law firm than a person who got a law degree going to a local night school while working at McDonalds.

Another thing you need to understand is that going to France to visit relatives is YOUR deal, not his. He may have enjoyed in the past but, at 15, a young man's priorities change in a direction other than family. If he is convinced that personally attending the classes will be of benefit to him, then leave the choice up to him.

 

[cbg]

Jack - I think you missed the issue here. The question is not classes or no classes; the question is online classes vs in person classes. And at least in the case of the school I work for, the answer appears from the admission requirements that they don't care if the classes were online vs in person. They care if you took them, but not WHERE you took them.

 

[zddoodah]

Not sure what sort of response you're seeking, and I encourage you to read the "Legal Disclaimer" at the bottom of every page at this site.

If what you want to do is permitted by your divorce judgment/custody order, then that's that. If it's not permitted, then you'll need to seek a modification from the court. Beyond that, it seems like you have more of a parenting issue than a legal issue.

I just need to know if attending in-person or online classes makes a difference in my son's transcript to be admitted to a prestigious college

Needless to say, this raises no legal issue. It also should go without saying that not every college is the same. If you want to know whether college X cares about online classes, call someone in the admissions department at college X and ask.

 

[army judge]

I just need to know if attending in-person or online classes makes a difference in my son's transcript to be admitted to a prestigious college or if it's just some b*****t?

You're no dummy, mate.

You know what she's feeding you is the LATTER choice, not the FORMER.

These days, prestigious colleges mean much less than during the middle of the 20th century.

As long as the university or college is accredited, not much else matters.

College isn't for everyone, but everyone needs an education, trade, or skill.

Without one of the holy trinity (education, trade, or skill) one dooms himself/herself to a lifetime of poverty and living in squalor.

 

[adjusterjack]

Jack - I think you missed the issue here. The question is not classes or no classes; the question is online classes vs in person classes. And at least in the case of the school I work for, the answer appears from the admission requirements that they don't care if the classes were online vs in person. They care if you took them, but not WHERE you took them.

I didn't miss the issue. I'm just pointing out that, out of hundreds of desirable colleges, there may be some that do care about the difference.

 

[stealthy1]

I think it should be noted that not all colleges/universities will accept CC credits. And those that do? May not accept credits from all CCs...

 

[Ètienne]

Another thing you need to understand is that going to France to visit relatives is YOUR deal, not his. He may have enjoyed in the past but, at 15, a young man's priorities change in a direction other than family. If he is convinced that personally attending the classes will be of benefit to him, then leave the choice up to him.

This is what makes me upset and writing here, as I previously stated he doesn't like to go there, he LOVES to go there and every summer is looking forward to traveling, a thing that he's done since he was 6 and for extended periods.

 

[Ètienne]

Not sure what sort of response you're seeking, and I encourage you to read the "Legal Disclaimer" at the bottom of every page at this site.

If what you want to do is permitted by your divorce judgment/custody order, then that's that. If it's not permitted, then you'll need to seek a modification from the court. Beyond that, it seems like you have more of a parenting issue than a legal issue.

You got the point, I have a parenting issue. My divorce judgment/custody order allows me to travel internationally and it's so generous that I don't even have to ask mom's permission. She surrenders his passport and we travel provided the period follows when he's in my custody and doesn't interfere with school attendance. I apologize if this is not the right place to raise this question and I am looking just for suggestions and eventually having some attorney write her if I realize she's making things out just to hinder our trip. On the contrary, I accept it because I know how important education is and more importantly, I never forced anyone to do anything especially whit my son involved. Believe me, I always took decisions for his sake and never did anything just to upset mom, these kind of things don't belong to my nature.

 

[adjusterjack]

What does your son want to do? He's 15. Does he want to take the classes? Never mind accusing your ex of influencing him. Have a candid discussion with him as to what he thinks of the desirability of taking AP classes over a trip to France next summer.