Stranded desperately in California

[Dippieffe]

Jurisdiction

California

I'm an American Citizen born abroad bearing dual citizenship. I am a divorced dad I have joint custody an order that allows me to travel to my native country with my son. We have traveled many times in the past without any incident. Every time we traveled we returned on the day we were supposed to.

For this summer I gave my ex-wife the complete itinerary at the time I bought the tickets in October 2021. The departure was June 15, returning on July 13, which is also my birthday. She's very strict in counting the number of days allowed to me so she didn't concede me to stay a day more to celebrate my birthday in my native country. She is the custodian of our son's passport, so when it's her that needs something she doesn't even ask and takes it. Sometimes she also asks him to lie, few times I caught her and have evidence of it.

In May 2022 the airlines notified me that my return on July 13 had been canceled so I had to reschedule it. I could have chosen the day before, July 12, or the day after, I picked the latter and didn't tell her.

A few hours before we fly she found it out and didn't surrender the passport, saying that I lied, that I forged the tickets and that she doesn't trust me anymore, we lost our flight and we are still in California although I tried to convince her and depart on the next few days.

I tried to persuade her but she doesn't listen, she even doesn't listen to our son pleading to let him go, he really likes traveling in the country he was also born to, he speaks the language and has a lot of friends there. Her aversion towards me is stronger than her love for him.

Last night I sent her a very detailed email (which could be the basis for legal action and I am pretty sure whoever would read it could easily realize how wrong this woman is) with all the evidence that besides not disclosing the change of the flights to her I didn't do any wrongdoing and listed all the times she took our son away when it was my time with him or did something misleading. I have heard anything from her and knowing her I doubt I will.

I am desperate, I am losing money and more importantly, we are getting personal damages. My mom is 88 years old and she's impatiently to see her grandchild.

I don't know how to proceed further, at this very moment the only thing that comes to my mind is to go to talk to her in person and if she keeps refusing to give us the passport to call the Police to have her forcibly surrender it but I don't know if they can really help and also I'm afraid to make something that might go against me.

I am really desperate, thank you for all your help.

 

[army judge]

I don't know how to proceed further, at this very moment the only thing that comes to my mind is to go to talk to her in person and if she keeps refusing to give us the passport to call the Police to have her forcibly surrender it but I don't know if they can really help and also I'm afraid to make something that might go against me.

You describe a child custody related issue.

You aren't being stopped by her from traveling.

You are as free as any other citizen in this country with a passport to travel to over 100 odd countries.

The only way to resolve your perceived dilemma is to hire a family law attorney and argue the matter before the court issuing the existing child custody order.

No internet discussion site has the resources, or is positioned to litigate the matter.

The help you seek isn't free.

You need to hire an attorney to represent and litigate the current dispute.

It is foolish to debate, discuss, or argue with an enemy.

That is why courts exist, to resolve legal disputes in a civilized, peaceful, orderly manner.

 

[adjusterjack]

In May 2022 the airlines notified me that my return on July 13 had been canceled so I had to reschedule it. I could have chosen the day before, July 12, or the day after, I picked the latter and didn't tell her.

Knowing the kind of lunatic your ex is, you did THAT.

You, sir, are your own worst enemy.

I don't think writing a letter is going to get you anything and the police certainly aren't going to get involved.

I suggest you consult an attorney and review your options.

 

[Dippieffe]

Knowing the kind of lunatic your ex is, you did THAT.

You, sir, are your own worst enemy.

I don't think writing a letter is going to get you anything and the police certainly aren't going to get involved.

I suggest you consult an attorney and review your options.

Thank you for your reply, yes indeed I also blame myself for what is happening and tomorrow I'm going to see if I can meet an attorney to help me get out of this impasse.

Hopefully, there is some urgent procedure in the short time left. My time with my son ends on July 13th, I doubt I might be able to travel anyway.

Do you think I should avoid calling the police anyway? I know they cannot force her to surrender the passport but may it be helpful to have something on record to show that she was really intransigent to not overcome this situation that at the end is not so bad and caused by me by general circumstances. For more than 7 years I've always been irreproachable and never did anything stupid while she did a lot of bad things like even lying in the courtroom under oath. I might bring a lot of evidence to prove that.

 

[Dippieffe]

You describe a child custody related issue.

You aren't being stopped by her from traveling.

You are as free as any other citizen in this country with a passport to travel to over 100 odd countries.

The only way to resolve your perceived dilemma is to hire a family law attorney and argue the matter before the court issuing the existing child custody order.

No internet discussion site has the resources, or is positioned to litigate the matter.

The help you seek isn't free.

You need to hire an attorney to represent and litigate the current dispute.

It is foolish to debate, discuss, or argue with an enemy.

That is why courts exist, to resolve legal disputes in a civilized, peaceful, orderly manner.

Thank you for your input, I know I am free to travel but it is not the same without my son.

 

[cbg]

I am an American citizen born outside the US and with dual citizenship also. My friend, you brought this entire mess on yourself. You couldn't have celebrated your birthday a day early? Believe it or not, I also have a mid-summer birthday. I work full time and where I work, only two people can be off at the same time. If I get to celebrate my birthday in the same WEEK as it falls on the calendar, I count that as being on time. My husband's birthday and our wedding anniversary are only four days apart and we celebrate both on the Federal holiday weekend that falls two weeks later when we can be sure of having time to go away. Why is the actual day so important?

This is not a police matter. This is a civil matter. An attorney might be able to help. The police can and will not. You would be wasting your time calling them.

 

[adjusterjack]

Do you think I should avoid calling the police anyway?

Yes. Waste of time and police resources. They have real crimes to be concerned with.

she did a lot of bad things like even lying in the courtroom under oath. I might bring a lot of evidence to prove that.

Meaningless. The time to expose a lie is while it is being told in court. If you weren't able to expose the lie then, it's irrelevant now.

Hopefully, there is some urgent procedure in the short time left. My time with my son ends on July 13th, I doubt I might be able to travel anyway.

Then you would be wise to enjoy the time with your son IN CALIFORNIA instead of kvetching about the travel. Lots to do in California that doesn't need a passport. Rent a car. Here's a list.

40 Places to See in California Before Your Kids Are All Grown Up - The Crazy Tourist

Sorry, but your ex has done nothing wrong and there is no "legal" action available to you.

 

[Dippieffe]

Thank you all, I get it. That's why I came to the forum, to seek suggestions.

I won't call the police and seek legal advice instead as if I don't do it all the future trips will be affected.

Thank you all again for your time and happy father's day to all the fathers reading this.

 

[Dippieffe]

Yes. Waste of time and police resources. They have real crimes to be concerned with.



Meaningless. The time to expose a lie is while it is being told in court. If you weren't able to expose the lie then, it's irrelevant now.



Then you would be wise to enjoy the time with your son IN CALIFORNIA instead of kvetching about the travel. Lots to do in California that doesn't need a passport. Rent a car. Here's a list.

40 Places to See in California Before Your Kids Are All Grown Up - The Crazy Tourist

Sorry, but your ex has done nothing wrong and there is no "legal" action available to you.

I'd like to thank you for providing me with the list of places to see in California, among them I picked the beautiful Catalina Island where I'm planning to spend about 10 days. I'm really grateful to you as it saved my summer.

I take advantage of this post by providing a piece of information that I haven't previously included, and although being useless to the release of my son's passport I think it mitigates and justifies a little bit the high stupidity of my action.

Last January she traveled to Oregon with our son for a week, without saying or asking anything. They left on a day he must have been under my custody by making our son lie to me he was sick. After a couple of days, my son revealed to me that his mom forced him to lie and even in that contest she was still trying to force him to not say anything (I have all the screenshots of this conversation). "You look at the splinter in your brother's eye but don't notice the beam of wood in your own eye" - cit.

 

[adjusterjack]

Last January she traveled to Oregon with our son for a week, without saying or asking anything. They left on a day he must have been under my custody by making our son lie to me he was sick.

You didn't do anything about it then. You can forget about trotting it out now. This is typical of divorced people. Play the blame game. Trot out all the ill doings of the past. Sickens me.

Accept that you blew it this time and get over the ills of the past and enjoy your time with your son.

 

[Dippieffe]

You didn't do anything about it then. You can forget about trotting it out now. This is typical of divorced people. Play the blame game. Trot out all the ill doings of the past. Sickens me.

Accept that you blew it this time and get over the ills of the past and enjoy your time with your son.

In your opinion, what should have I done when she traveled to Oregon apart from complaining to her? If I have or had to take action anytime she does or did wrong things..oh boy, I would be poorer than I am now, I would have wasted a lot of time and I would have been exactly at the point I am now. So what?

However, I have now metabolized the fact and accepted it, and of course, I am more than aware that it's me that blew it up this time. I think she had an excess of self-defense. Her reaction has been way too hard compared to the gravity of what I did and what really surprised me is the fact that she didn't give in to HER son's heartfelt pleas to let him go.

My apologies for having sickened you with my message, it was not my intention at all even if you could have avoided reading it and replying to it, you would have avoided a reaction like that.

 

[stealthy1]

If Mom impinges on your time or otherwise goes against your court orders, you can file to have her found in contempt. I'd advise caution in not doing so for piddly things as that's a sure-fire way to annoy the judge. In terms of travel, it's usually wise to allow some leeway on either end, as sometimes there are cancellations or delays. Especially as you're dealing with someone who's not disposed to flexibility.

A note wrt Catalina... If the sea is very rough, the ferries can and do get canceled. Be aware.

 

[stealthy1]

I'd advise caution in not doing so for piddly things as that's a sure-fire way to annoy the judge.

This is an awkward sentence that is easily taken the opposite way intended. Do NOT file contempt for piddly reasons - it pisses judges off.