stipulations in custody agreement

[crazytabi82]

My ex and I have a 2 year old daughter that I am working on obtaining custody of. We currently have a mutual agreement about his visitation. Her moved a woman into his home that he has known for only a week. It is confusing my daughter and I do not feel that it is safe to have our child around someone neither of us know anything about. Before I go to make our parenting plan i want to know if there is a way to stipulate that she not be there when my daughter is for a certain period of time so that her father may get to know this woman without it affecting our child.

 

[Proserpina]

If you are still married to Dad, it's not unusual to have a "no paramour" stipulation in a parenting agreement but this usually is only enforceable until the divorce is finalized.

Other than that, Dad has the right to have - literally - whomever he wants around your child unless you can show that the person is actually a danger to the child.

Even if you don't know that person.

 

[crazytabi82]

We were never married and until there is a custody agreement then i have the right to make him visit her here at my home then correct?

 

[Proserpina]

Actually, because you're unmarried, you don't have to allow ANY visitation without a court order - period.

Though it must be said, refusing access now after allowing visitation won't make you look good in court.

 

[crazytabi82]

I'm not denying him visitation period, He can see her whenever he wishes and I have expressed that to him a million times. I said that our daughter may not be present at his house with this woman for a few months until he gets an opporunity to know her and then I will trust his judgement that she is a person that he would allow in our child's life. He keeps saying I won't let him see her and that is the fathest thing from the truth- it's just not the way he WANTS his visitation with her. I'm willing to work with him in any way possible to allow visits, he is the one hindering himself in this situation. I also have a concern since there is no agreement that he would take her and not allow her to come home and being there is no agreement I would have no legal back up there to get her home until we went to court if I understand that part correctly so I am a little aprehensive to allow visits outside of my home or in a public place where I can be present as well. Am I being unreasonable on this?

 

[army judge]

I also have a concern since there is no agreement that he would take her and not allow her to come home and being there is no agreement I would have no legal back up there to get her home until we went to court if I understand that part correctly so I am a little aprehensive to allow visits outside of my home or in a public place where I can be present as well. Am I being unreasonable on this?

Court orders are enforceable.
Go to court, make your case, he'll make his, and let a judge decide.
The judge will issue an order, and everyone can live their lives in peace!!!
That is the only way some people resolve these issues.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not denying him visitation period, He can see her whenever he wishes and I have expressed that to him a million times. I said that our daughter may not be present at his house with this woman for a few months until he gets an opporunity to know her and then I will trust his judgement that she is a person that he would allow in our child's life. He keeps saying I won't let him see her and that is the fathest thing from the truth- it's just not the way he WANTS his visitation with her. I'm willing to work with him in any way possible to allow visits, he is the one hindering himself in this situation. I also have a concern since there is no agreement that he would take her and not allow her to come home and being there is no agreement I would have no legal back up there to get her home until we went to court if I understand that part correctly so I am a little aprehensive to allow visits outside of my home or in a public place where I can be present as well. Am I being unreasonable on this?

Think about this for a second.

Even if you get your way (which frankly, is unlikely - Dad is allowed to have whomever he wants around his child), what are you going to do once a court order is in place?

What if Dad breaks up with Current Girlfriend, and moves a new one into his house?

I'm not asking these questions to be mean - but to get you to think a little further ahead. You need a court order, absolutely (because it protects ALL of you), but you're going to be co-parenting with your ex for years to come ...and that means that he's going to inevitably have strangers (ie, people you - and possibly the child don't know) coming and going from his house when he has the child with him. He'll be allowed to leave kiddo with New Girlfriend (even if he's only known her two days) if he wants to run out for an hour to the store.

See where I'm coming from?

His visitation isn't going to be dependent upon you trusting his judgment.

 

[Duranie]

Unless you are willing to abide by a similar agreement, the courts probably will not honor this. Although it is bad judgement on dad's part, the court probably is not going to allow you to control who Dad brings around the child.