Start actions for Fighting for custody/guardianship of my niece

[alawsoab]

Hello

It has come to point where I now fear the safety of my niece and am wanting to persue guardianship/custody of her. I know it is a lengthy and expensive process, and quite frankly, an uphill battle for me (since it's very hard to prove parents as unfit etc.) I don't have "evidence" to prove the parents (my brother & baby's mom) neglect her but maybe the court can determine they don't have the means to care for her (even if it's temp custody until they can prove they can care for her)?

History:
Before my brother got this girl got pregnant we noticed "her issues." She continuted to have the issues and then progressed once she became pregnant. I didn't trust my brother with a puppy because he didn't know how to do anything on his own/he's lazy/doesn't like to work! She is bi-polar so sometimes in her rants she becomes violent. When she was pregnant, she was smoking marijuana, snorting stuff, taking pills, doing heroin, and errupted in violent behaviour (fighting). I am sure my brother participated in some of this but 75% of the time it was her parents/my brother/their friends that would call me asking to come to the rescue because of her. I would have to hide my brother because she would stalk my house, call constantly pretending to be other people, sleep accross the street of my house in a vacant lot on the ground, etc. They both agree & know drugs are bad for themselves and the baby, however, they think marijuana is not bad for the baby and smoked while she was pregnant. However, if he can't stay away and allow her to "harm" the baby, in my eyes, I view that as not being able to make proper "parenting decisions."
Then suprisingly, the last 3-4mo of her pregnancy (she delivered 1mo early) her & my bro got their stuff together, got jobs, bought lot stuff they needed, got a place together, quit taking drugs and even smoking cigs. She even tested negative for anything at the hosp after giving birth. Now that she's almost 3mo old...they are drifting back into their old ways. I had to go to their house on numerous occasions because of them fighting, I seen a video they posted on fb of people drinking and smoking (video doesn't show baby but I knew baby was there), their friends/her mother telling me to come get baby & my brother because she's being violent & crazy, etc. The first couple of times I went there, I smelled marijuana so bad that it almost gave me a "buzz." Now they are taking pills, domestic disputes constently where either one of them are hurt, and god only know what else (this is only stuff I found out about). Just today I get a call from their friends and her mother informing me she didn't come take her oldest daughter to school today and that her & my bro were arguing so he left with some friends & she followed them in her car, with the baby in the car, & hit their their car with hers while they were at a stop sign. He got out & started walking towards the house he was going to so she did as well, with the baby. It is -10 degrees here today! While I know it could be a lot worse....they don't abuse her. Neglect, as for looking at my neice for evidence, there is no proof. She has really never had diaper rash, she always has clean/rather clean clothes on (although never a t-shirt or socks on underneath), she isn't deprived of formula, they take her to her check-ups even though they don't have ins, she is healthy. I don't think they leave her lying around for hours by herself because when I have her she doesn't have diaper rash, I can tell she is "spoiled" to the point where she will only sleep if you are holding her or she is in the bed with you. That kind of scares me though that it probably means they are probably holding her in WHATEVER they do! They are really good with her when they have her at my house but I know it's their sober time! I am just trying to start this process now/or maybe prevent anything bad from happening now before it does. Or maybe it can "scare" them back into reality/nouturing mode?!

Here's their situation:
- This is my brother's baby. My neice (Jayden) is 3mo old now.
- Jayden doesn't have any health insurance & hasn't ever had any (they won't sign her up for state assistance or Obamba care (whatever it is called now).
- He has a job working only 16hrs a week making approx $60 wk. (He doesn't have health ins nor provides it for Jayden)
- The baby's mom is no longer working. (She is on her father's ins (falsely since she is not a college student) but the baby is not; don't provide health ins for baby either)
- They no longer have a place to live so the mom is "staying" at her parent's house; I will allow my bro to stay at my house as long as he brings the baby.
- Neither of them have a car, nor a valid driver's license (the baby's mom drives car that is in her dads name...if it's running)
- My brother has an OR warrant for non-payment of fines & a small history of run-ins of being arrested for non-payment of fines but no felonies/misdemeanors.
- She doesn't have any outstanding warrants but she has small history of arrests but no felonies/misdemeanors. She does have documented where she was in Out pt. rehab while she pregnant but didn't finish the program. She was tested when she went in to have the baby; as far as I am aware test came back negative for anything.
- She has another child (5-6yrs old) but doesn't have custody (child's father does) (I don't know details of how he got custody but she was 15 when she had her)
- Her parents kick her out of their house all of the time and inform they don't want custody nor can really afford custody of Jayden. To be honest, I really prefer Jayden to not be around the maternal grandmother because she smoked marijuana with my neices mom while she was prego and she still continues to smoke and I know she takes pills.

The only thing I have proof of is her admitting to smoking marijuana via a message on my phone while she pregant. I am 31yrs old with no children, I am Single, live in a 2bedroom house (starting the process to buy a home), make really good $, been in my career for over 6yrs now, can add her to my health insurance.

 

[Proserpina]

Hello

It has come to point where I now fear the safety of my niece and am wanting to persue guardianship/custody of her. I know it is a lengthy and expensive process, and quite frankly, an uphill battle for me (since it's very hard to prove parents as unfit etc.) I don't have "evidence" to prove the parents (my brother & baby's mom) neglect her but maybe the court can determine they don't have the means to care for her (even if it's temp custody until they can prove they can care for her)?

Here's the thing. If the child is in danger, why hasn't CPS been involved?

If they haven't seen fit to remove the child, your case is over before it's even started. Remember, the burden of proof is not on the parents to prove that they're fit - it's on the State/third party to prove that they're unfit.

History:
Before my brother got this girl got pregnant we noticed "her issues." She continuted to have the issues and then progressed once she became pregnant. I didn't trust my brother with a puppy because he didn't know how to do anything on his own/he's lazy/doesn't like to work! She is bi-polar so sometimes in her rants she becomes violent. When she was pregnant, she was smoking marijuana, snorting stuff, taking pills, doing heroin, and errupted in violent behaviour (fighting). I am sure my brother participated in some of this but 75% of the time it was her parents/my brother/their friends that would call me asking to come to the rescue because of her. I would have to hide my brother because she would stalk my house, call constantly pretending to be other people, sleep accross the street of my house in a vacant lot on the ground, etc. They both agree & know drugs are bad for themselves and the baby, however, they think marijuana is not bad for the baby and smoked while she was pregnant. However, if he can't stay away and allow her to "harm" the baby, in my eyes, I view that as not being able to make proper "parenting decisions."

The state doesn't really care whether or not a third party thinks that the parents aren't doing it right.

Then suprisingly, the last 3-4mo of her pregnancy (she delivered 1mo early) her & my bro got their stuff together, got jobs, bought lot stuff they needed, got a place together, quit taking drugs and even smoking cigs. She even tested negative for anything at the hosp after giving birth. Now that she's almost 3mo old...they are drifting back into their old ways. I had to go to their house on numerous occasions because of them fighting, I seen a video they posted on fb of people drinking and smoking (video doesn't show baby but I knew baby was there), their friends/her mother telling me to come get baby & my brother because she's being violent & crazy, etc. The first couple of times I went there, I smelled marijuana so bad that it almost gave me a "buzz." Now they are taking pills, domestic disputes constently where either one of them are hurt, and god only know what else (this is only stuff I found out about). Just today I get a call from their friends and her mother informing me she didn't come take her oldest daughter to school today and that her & my bro were arguing so he left with some friends & she followed them in her car, with the baby in the car, & hit their their car with hers while they were at a stop sign. He got out & started walking towards the house he was going to so she did as well, with the baby. It is -10 degrees here today! While I know it could be a lot worse....they don't abuse her. Neglect, as for looking at my neice for evidence, there is no proof. She has really never had diaper rash, she always has clean/rather clean clothes on (although never a t-shirt or socks on underneath), she isn't deprived of formula, they take her to her check-ups even though they don't have ins, she is healthy. I don't think they leave her lying around for hours by herself because when I have her she doesn't have diaper rash, I can tell she is "spoiled" to the point where she will only sleep if you are holding her or she is in the bed with you. That kind of scares me though that it probably means they are probably holding her in WHATEVER they do! They are really good with her when they have her at my house but I know it's their sober time! I am just trying to start this process now/or maybe prevent anything bad from happening now before it does. Or maybe it can "scare" them back into reality/nouturing mode?!

Here's their situation:
- This is my brother's baby. My neice (Jayden) is 3mo old now.
- Jayden doesn't have any health insurance & hasn't ever had any (they won't sign her up for state assistance or Obamba care (whatever it is called now).
- He has a job working only 16hrs a week making approx $60 wk. (He doesn't have health ins nor provides it for Jayden)
- The baby's mom is no longer working. (She is on her father's ins (falsely since she is not a college student) but the baby is not; don't provide health ins for baby either)
- They no longer have a place to live so the mom is "staying" at her parent's house; I will allow my bro to stay at my house as long as he brings the baby.
- Neither of them have a car, nor a valid driver's license (the baby's mom drives car that is in her dads name...if it's running)
- My brother has an OR warrant for non-payment of fines & a small history of run-ins of being arrested for non-payment of fines but no felonies/misdemeanors.
- She doesn't have any outstanding warrants but she has small history of arrests but no felonies/misdemeanors. She does have documented where she was in Out pt. rehab while she pregnant but didn't finish the program. She was tested when she went in to have the baby; as far as I am aware test came back negative for anything.
- She has another child (5-6yrs old) but doesn't have custody (child's father does) (I don't know details of how he got custody but she was 15 when she had her)
- Her parents kick her out of their house all of the time and inform they don't want custody nor can really afford custody of Jayden. To be honest, I really prefer Jayden to not be around the maternal grandmother because she smoked marijuana with my neices mom while she was prego and she still continues to smoke and I know she takes pills.

The only thing I have proof of is her admitting to smoking marijuana via a message on my phone while she pregant. I am 31yrs old with no children, I am Single, live in a 2bedroom house (starting the process to buy a home), make really good $, been in my career for over 6yrs now, can add her to my health insurance.

Okay, you're really not going to like this - but it is the truth.

You'e got nothing.

Not having health insurance - not going to matter (at this point)
Part time work - not going to matter
Lack of employment - not going to matter
No car or license - not going to matter
Outstanding fines - not going to matter
Testing clean - good for parents, bad for you
Not having custody of the other child - not going to matter
No fixed address - honesty, not going to matter; I've seen an Ohio attorney get full custody for a parent couch-surfing, a parent being in a shelter..

I know your intentions are good, but you need to understand that the level of "acceptable" parenting is actually very low.

Nothing you have mentioned here even comes close to them being unfit. Remember, this isn't about who is the better choice between you and the parents. You do not stand equal before the court. What this means is that you really do have to prove BOTH parents legally unfit before you'd even stand a chance.

And given that CPS hasn't intervened (and nor should they in this case), you really don't have a case at all.

Sorry.

 

[alawsoab]

I didnt think I had near enough to start which is why I listed it all here to get replys. But with the knowledge of a lot things that goes on that I havent listed, info being told to me of what I only can ponder if it is true, & w the fear of what we dont know what goes on, i also cant go to bed at night if I dont try whatever I can. Its also why I said my only hope would be to "scare" them into thinking I started actions & hopefully they would give me temp guardianship. They, sadly, are not smart enough to understand courts are in favor of biological parents & what all it takes for these type of cases.

I've reported to cps couple of times, along w the maternal gmother & one of their friends. CPS only went out to their place once, after the 4th call, they didnt answer the door. They went bck 2nd time where their roommate said they no longer live there. CPS didnt do anything else afterwards but try to call them.

I know that this situation isnt as bad as some others & CPS has a lot of cases. Its just sad what it takes & amount of time it takes to prove a child is in danger.

Guess ill just have to start secretly following them around w a video camera & plant one where they stay. Hell idk. Whatever it takes I guess!

 

[Proserpina]

I didnt think I had near enough to start which is why I listed it all here to get replys. But with the knowledge of a lot things that goes on that I havent listed, info being told to me of what I only can ponder if it is true, & w the fear of what we dont know what goes on, i also cant go to bed at night if I dont try whatever I can. Its also why I said my only hope would be to "scare" them into thinking I started actions & hopefully they would give me temp guardianship. They, sadly, are not smart enough to understand courts are in favor of biological parents & what all it takes for these type of cases.

They might be ignorant of the law, but the court certainly isn't. They'll see through you within about 30 seconds, and the court will not look kindly on an attempt to pull one over the eyes of the parents.

I've reported to cps couple of times, along w the maternal gmother & one of their friends. CPS only went out to their place once, after the 4th call, they didnt answer the door. They went bck 2nd time where their roommate said they no longer live there. CPS didnt do anything else afterwards but try to call them.

I know that this situation isnt as bad as some others & CPS has a lot of cases. Its just sad what it takes & amount of time it takes to prove a child is in danger.

So CPS haven't seen fit to remove the child. Believe me, if they genuinely thought the child was at risk, they'd find the parents and the child.

Guess ill just have to start secretly following them around w a video camera & plant one where they stay. Hell idk. Whatever it takes I guess!

You are in serious danger of ending up on the wrong end of a harassment lawsuit. I get that you're frustrated and you think you're doing the right thing but most of this is nothing but you disagreeing with how they're parenting the child. Please, think about this.

If you continue on that path, you're likely never going to see the child again. Ever.

 

[fotb]

Listen to Prosperina. You mean well, but right now you are a legal stranger to the child. It is going to take more to be able to get the courts on your side. Recording them in secret will get you into a lot of problems. It is best to stay on the sidelines and offer to "babyseat" your niece every weekend. Tell them you'd like for them to get a break and would like to take your nice out to the movies or a park while they have fun. It will be this quality time that can be use to "parent" the kid and show her righy vs. Wrong. You have to be on their side, document what they do (in writingx not by spying), and if they ever mess up on a drug screen (or get arrested), be ready to prove your involvement in the kids life. Good luck. You mean well, so stay oit of trouble and be there for your niece.

 

[Proserpina]

That's an excellent suggestion! Offer to babysit, or help out, in other ways.

That's a win/win for all parties really. Parents get a break, and some stress relief. OP gets to help "raise" the child. And the child has one more person who loves her and wants the best for her.

 

[alawsoab]

That's an excellent suggestion! Offer to babysit, or help out, in other ways.

That's a win/win for all parties really. Parents get a break, and some stress relief. OP gets to help "raise" the child. And the child has one more person who loves her and wants the best for her.

Haha geez guys I was kidding & bein a smart-ass about following them around. Kinda taking a jab at the system process, if you will.

And as I stated, I dont have enough for a case so im not goin to meet w a lawyer. I believe I said I was just hoping to "scare" them. As in pretend. Hoping it might give em reality check they need. Idk just thinking out loud really.

Of course CPS didnt see fit to remove the child. They didn't get to investigate the surroundings & interactions. & even if they did, its prob nlt enough to remove the baby because she's not getting abused/not fully neglected.

Do I think the baby needs to be ripped from them right now? Not so much. But do I think something is goin to happen/escalate to where that will be the case in the future? Hell yea! But I sure pray im wrong everyday. I believe their capable of being great parents...but I also feel like either they just simply dont give a dam or are not capable.

The pattern & my fear is the more they see the baby is fine while they "test" their stupid actions, itll only progress. Now that I know where I stand, guess im just venting here, gaining knowledge.

One thing you mentioned that is crazy to me....mostly its me not agreeing w their parenting. When it comes to if they dont have proper clothes on her, or how they choose to not have ins, etc I do 2nd u that its only me not agreeing. When it comes to doing drugs & being high while trying take care of her/driving w her/ or purposely wrecking into a car while she is in the car with them: thats not just me disagreeing, that is putting her in potential risk of harm. & if anyone were to think that behavior is ok, is flat out dumb. Now does it constitute as behaviour for cps or courts to take child away, apparently not. Something would have to happen where the baby is hurt to get their attention. Then probably it would have to happen multiple times before intervening.

That's what I mean when I say its sad as to what has to happen to get a child removed. I have the mindset of trying to prevent any harm, they have the mindset as to helping after harm is inflicted, to prevent future harm.

Thx for all of the info. I will just enjoy my time w her & pray these antics decrease or that the baby is fine through them. All I can do really.

 

[army judge]

It makes me smile when people are happy.

 

[Proserpina]

If you know they're driving impaired, call 911 immediately!


It's not that the colloquial "we" don't care. But we just can't penalize someone without there being a darned good reason for doing so. People can become vindictive and make reports willy nilly just to aggravate the other person involved. As a society, we need to make sure that we're not trampling on anybody's rights, y'know? It's a tricky balance and it's nowhere near foolproof.

With that said, again if you know that they're driving impaired while the child is present you can do something about that.