Son's father continues to be a no show for visitation. Do I still have to show up?

[tess5162]

I have sole legal custody of my 20 month old son. His father was given visitation every other weekend but I was ordered to drop off and pick up my son at a public location near his fathers residence which is a 45 minute drive for me each way. For about a month he showed up on time and if he was running late he would let me know. All of a sudden (coincidentally after they started collecting child support from him) he stopped showing up and did not contact me to even let me know he wasnt going to come. He was just a "NO SHOW" he has missed his last 2 visitations and the last time he had him he didnt even keep him the entire weekend.

This weekend is his weekend and I'm pretty sure he's not going to show up again. Every other weekend I have to leave my job an hour earlier so I can pick up my son from daycare and fight traffic and a 45 minute drive so I can get to the drop off spot by 6pm. (I always arrive before 6pm) The first time he didnt show I waited for 30 minutes and texted him to find out what was going on. He NEVER responded. The second time I again waited 30 minutes and had a friend go with me just so I had another witness. He didnt show or call.

My question is how many times can he be a "NO SHOW" before I can stop wasting my time and gas driving there without getting in trouble with the court order? I cant even make plans because I do not know what he is going to do. Do I need to continue to show up and wait or just keep record of it and take him back to court for modification? (which can take up to 2 months to get a court date because its back logged) If this had been a case where he was the one that had to pick up our son from me then this would not be such a big deal but like I said I'm responsible for dropping our son off and picking him up where he lives.

*note* just to let you know at first I thought something may be wrong or maybe he moved and quit his job but I have already talked to friends that work where he does and they have let me know that he does in fact still work there.

 

[jacksgal]

Take the issue to the court so they can modify ruling and perhaps change location for exchange

 

[army judge]

I have sole legal custody of my 20 month old son. His father was given visitation every other weekend but I was ordered to drop off and pick up my son at a public location near his fathers residence which is a 45 minute drive for me each way. For about a month he showed up on time and if he was running late he would let me know. All of a sudden (coincidentally after they started collecting child support from him) he stopped showing up and did not contact me to even let me know he wasnt going to come. He was just a "NO SHOW" he has missed his last 2 visitations and the last time he had him he didnt even keep him the entire weekend.

This weekend is his weekend and I'm pretty sure he's not going to show up again. Every other weekend I have to leave my job an hour earlier so I can pick up my son from daycare and fight traffic and a 45 minute drive so I can get to the drop off spot by 6pm. (I always arrive before 6pm) The first time he didnt show I waited for 30 minutes and texted him to find out what was going on. He NEVER responded. The second time I again waited 30 minutes and had a friend go with me just so I had another witness. He didnt show or call.

My question is how many times can he be a "NO SHOW" before I can stop wasting my time and gas driving there without getting in trouble with the court order? I cant even make plans because I do not know what he is going to do. Do I need to continue to show up and wait or just keep record of it and take him back to court for modification? (which can take up to 2 months to get a court date because its back logged) If this had been a case where he was the one that had to pick up our son from me then this would not be such a big deal but like I said I'm responsible for dropping our son off and picking him up where he lives.

*note* just to let you know at first I thought something may be wrong or maybe he moved and quit his job but I have already talked to friends that work where he does and they have let me know that he does in fact still work there.

You should obey the order, until it is changed.
If you fail to show, and he does, he could have you hauled back into court and whine about your failure to show.
That is what you have to do with him.
Have him hauled back into court and complain to the judge.
The judge is the only one that can modify the order.
He has the right to his visits, but he doesn't have to use them.
But, you can't impede his vists.
You haven't been, so just keep appearing and documenting.
The court will probably amend the order to say, that if he fails to show within 30 minutes of the appointed hour, you can leave.
That is the relief I'd ask the court to grant.
But, dad is an inconsiderate, lout.
I'll bet you're happy to have him somewhat out of your life.

 

[KCGirl]

Once a couple has a child or children together, they will always be linked in some way. They may go their way and you go your own but that tie will leave you with a common interest forever.

You don't say how old you are or how old your ex is. He sounds very immature. I hope that for the sake of your child you can welcome him back into his son's life when he gets ready to accept his role and wants to be a good influence for your/his son. It seems as though you've done a good enough job of keeping any open hostility in check and I hope you can continue to do so, not because your exhusband deserves the break but because your son deserves a chance to form a bond with his father. Exhusbands/fathers come in all sorts of sizes and makes. It sounds like your son's father might be a late bloomer but hopefully he will bloom when his son is a bit older. Some guys seem almost frightened of being responsible for a child. If that's your ex's case I hope he outgrows it soon. Life is hard enough nowadays without dividing a support system in two.

It may be hard sometimes, but your son should be your focus when you think you can't stand another irritating behavior of your ex. Don't be a doormat, certainly. Tell him he needs to be responsible and communicate with you. If a change in visitation is in the offing, lets hope its short-lived and soon your ex will come back down to earth and be ready to take responsibility for a child he helped create. Be clear about your needs and your life but remain flexible and someday your son will thank you. You have no idea how many children face terrible conflicts and contests going on for their devotion to be claimed by mother and father. It's very hard on the children. Hope you and your ex can find something that works for all 3 of you.

 

[tess5162]

I am 34 and he is 33. This is his only child a son that looks JUST LIKE HIM. I cant communicate with him cause he will not respond and I will not force or beg him to have a relationship with this son. What pisses me off is he tried to get full custody of him and he wont even take him the weekends that he is supposed to have him. He didnt show up again yesterday just like a suspected. Making this his 3rd no show.

 

[tess5162]

Yes i will continue to show up until I go back to court. I think I will do it for the rest of this year and take it back to court for the new year. There is no way he will be able to explain missing 3-4 months of visitation.

 

[KCGirl]

Yes i will continue to show up until I go back to court. I think I will do it for the rest of this year and take it back to court for the new year. There is no way he will be able to explain missing 3-4 months of visitation.

You probably already are, but if not, just be sure to a calendar and notes detailing each incident. Even though you think you can remember, obviously, if he misses every scheduled date. But that way you can write down any corroborating evidence and/or detail so that it's clear you wrote the notes as it was happening and not just from memory. You want your notes to be credible and writing them as they happen should give you an advantage and peace of mind.

 

[lonelyinny]

im sorry youre having to go throught this. maybe his failure to show up is beyond his control (car trouble etc). why dont you ask him next time you talk to him and find out whats going on.