I have sole legal and physical custody since the divorce 2 years ago. I wish to move out of state. Nothing in my court orders stipulates moving/not being able to move. He has the generic "reasonable, flexible visitation" but has chosen to not ever see my daughter since she was born almost 2 years ago. He is now saying he won't let me move unless I meet his demands (give back wedding rings, terminate his parental rights so he doesn't pay child support). Can I move? Isn't he blackmailing me? If I move is it kidnapping?
Sole Custody Requesting Out of State Move
- Thread Starter clogan98
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momma4life
New Member
You probably need to check your state statutes to be sure there isn't something there that requires you to give notice to him or to have the court's permission to move out of state.
However, by statute you must prove to the court that the move is in the best interests of the child. So, just because it doesn't address relocation in your court orders, state statute dictates that you must receive permission from the court.
Disrupting the noncustodial parent's visitation is one reason that the court may deny your request. If you can prove, or he admits, that he has not exercised his visitation, then it will help you in court.
Generally, no court will allow him to terminate his parental rights unless there is a step-parent willing to adopt.
Not without permission from the court.
In a manner of speaking, yes. Is it illegal? I don't think so, but again, if he makes this offer in court, it will bolster your chances.
No, but in the worst case scenario, it could result in loss of custody if the father challenges the move in court.
I'm not sure what information you found, but you are not allowed to violate the court orders for visitation. The orders must be modified first, sole custody or not.
I did some research and with the new laws it looks like I have to show that I have solid good reasoning to move and that the court cannot deny my move, only the ability for me to take my child. So the only thing being decided would be if the child comes with me or lives with her father? Is this correct? He would run screaming if the judge gave him full time physical custody, so is that what the discussion would be? If it is in the best interest of the child to stay and live with her father or to move out of state with me? The judge can't stop me from going right? Only the child? I know her father would never even consider taking her so if that's the case I can breathe a big sigh of relief.
army judge
Super Moderator
clogan98 said:
Yes, you are free to go anywhere you wish. The child, on the other hand isn't.
The problem for you isn't whether he wants to be the custodial parent.
He doesn't want the child to leave the state. By holding that position, he holds you and the child hostage.
This is the time to negotiate. You want something more than he does. He seems not to care about the child, the way you do.
You can return the useless wedding rings. As Irish said, you can't let him evade his paternal rights, however. Even if you wanted to do so, only a court can let him weasel out of his responsibilities.
You can give him back the rings, and offer to cut his support in half. I've seen that be enough to let someone move out of state with the children.
I already told him he could have the rings. He doesn't care. He wants to not owe child support ever again. It sounds like the matter involves which parent is to care for the child. Even if he didn't want her to leave the state, he doesn't want her, so then the only other option the judge would have is to allow her to come with me, is this correct? Obviously they wouldn't put her in foster care. I hope.
army judge
Super Moderator
clogan98 said:
That probably wouldn't happen.
He can block your move to another state forcing you to keep the child.
You wouldn't give up your child to move, would you? That's what he's banking on you to do.
Now, if you told him that you'd forego child support, if he'd not fight your move, he'd make a deal with you.
He knows you'd never let your baby go into state care. He's using your love for your baby to control what you do. He sounds like a very cold, calculating, and evil demon.
You might want to speak with a lawyer. The initial visit is usually free. A local lawyer could offer you some state specific advice that addresses your problem.
You are correct that the court cannot deny your move, but only that of the child. That's not a new law, but I should have been clearer in my response. Sorry about that.
Yes, you will have to prove why it is in the child's best interests to be moved away from her father, which, in the eyes of the court, will affect her relationship with him by limiting her access to him.
In many relocation cases, the visitation order is changed to provide longer periods of visitation during summer, holidays, etc., and the parent who moved is responsible for providing transportation/costs to and from the other parent.
Are you positive that the father has no interest in custody? That would eliminate child support payments for him, and would mean that he receives child support from you. Does he have family in the area who would help care for the child? Is it possible that his parents or another family member would agree to care for the child if you move and he gets custody?
I'm not saying that your request to move your child will be denied, but you should be prepared for all the possibilities. It's rarely as simple as "I'm moving, the father doesn't want custody, so I guess the child is coming with me."
Yes, you will have to prove why it is in the child's best interests to be moved away from her father, which, in the eyes of the court, will affect her relationship with him by limiting her access to him.
In many relocation cases, the visitation order is changed to provide longer periods of visitation during summer, holidays, etc., and the parent who moved is responsible for providing transportation/costs to and from the other parent.
Are you positive that the father has no interest in custody? That would eliminate child support payments for him, and would mean that he receives child support from you. Does he have family in the area who would help care for the child? Is it possible that his parents or another family member would agree to care for the child if you move and he gets custody?
I'm not saying that your request to move your child will be denied, but you should be prepared for all the possibilities. It's rarely as simple as "I'm moving, the father doesn't want custody, so I guess the child is coming with me."
I'm positive he has no interest in custody. He hates children. When I showed him the pregnancy test he said abort or get out. Needless to say, I got out. He has no family in the area to help. We are in CT, his family all moved to FL. He would never want her. That's a definite. I'm moving with my mother. If I stay here and she goes, I will be back on welfare and literally homeless. I need to go, but I won't if I can't go with my child. I'd live in a tree first. All he wants is to not owe money. Can I change the child support so he doesn't owe any? Is that possible?
If you were on welfare, then the state expects him to repay them whether you want his child support or not. If his payments to the state for the period that you received assistance are complete, then you may be able to close the case/change the order. Otherwise, that's a debt he will have to repay.
The bolded part in your response is a catch-22 for him. If he doesn't allow the move, then he will be indebted to the state for the next 16 years if you remain on welfare. It's also a catch-22 as far as terminating child support to you. I don't think a judge will allow you to forego child support if you can't support your daughter without state aid.
I agree that a consult with a lawyer would be worthwhile.
lonelyinny
New Member
no
if you do get court permission to move, you will be responsible for all travel costs so your daughter can visit her father, since youre the one creating the distance.and no he wont be able to give up his rights to avoid child support payments, aint gonna happen.you need to make it clear to him that BOTH of you are responsible for supporting your daughter unill shes 18, unless you have a stepparent willing to adopt, then it will relieve him of all rights and obligations to the child, untill then, he pays wether he wants to or not.and im really sorry hes choosing not to be in the child's life, later on down the line, he'll regret it.
if you do get court permission to move, you will be responsible for all travel costs so your daughter can visit her father, since youre the one creating the distance.and no he wont be able to give up his rights to avoid child support payments, aint gonna happen.you need to make it clear to him that BOTH of you are responsible for supporting your daughter unill shes 18, unless you have a stepparent willing to adopt, then it will relieve him of all rights and obligations to the child, untill then, he pays wether he wants to or not.and im really sorry hes choosing not to be in the child's life, later on down the line, he'll regret it.
I see where you were coming from. I didn't consider that new, but it's not very old either, LOL.
Good Luck to you. Hopefully your lawyer will put your mind at ease.
Do you have any evidence of this? Could you "create" evidence to prove what you're telling us? I don't mean fabricate but allow for a paper trail of conversation with your ex. For example, using email to the effect of what you're saying, that your ex is trying to reduce child support (possibly to unsafe numbers) in order to allow you to move and the judge can read an actual conversation you've had with your ex.
There are a couple of ways you can attack this and you should speak to an attorney. Just some thoughts going on in my head:
1) Start an email trail with him. Without being obvious and just in the course of conversation after a couple of email, discuss this matter with him as evidence of his alleged intent.
2) If you're sure this is about blackmail, here's a strategy that may or may not work and I wonder whether this is what Army Judge is thinking. You agree to reduce the amount of child support to zero. This doesn't just happen and get rubber stamped. It requires a hearing and a judicial order. If you're not making nearly enough money to support the children, it will be obvious in court. The judge can then piece the puzzle together. I highly doubt any judge will change a child support order via a rubber stamp so that later the "zero child support" order will haunt him or her should something bad happen. Perhaps at that point the judge can order what is in the best interests of the child since your ex will be seen as someone who obviously could care less.
Just my thoughts.
army judge
Super Moderator
thelawprofessor said:
OP, read what the Professor has posted very carefully. It's a version of the legal rope-a-dope. It will help you immensely. Part 1 will lead ultimately to part 2 playing out in court.
No judge is gonna let this deadbeat get away with that. Let this genius cut his own throat. Let him document his evil. Then let him explain in open court under oath what was his true intent. Play him along. He'll help YOU make YOUR case.
Yes... right... I corrected my post to make it clear, thanks.
Right now, we don't know if you have proof other than your word that your ex said those awful things. If you could get him to provide some proof you can offer as evidence to court, you'd have a much stronger case. Bring a discussion to email and let him hang himself in email, all of which is admissible in court.
Right now, we don't know if you have proof other than your word that your ex said those awful things. If you could get him to provide some proof you can offer as evidence to court, you'd have a much stronger case. Bring a discussion to email and let him hang himself in email, all of which is admissible in court.
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