Question about a child support battle

[cmb1213]

Hi, first I would like to thank everyone for their time.

I am a stepdad with 2 stepchildren and one biological. My stepkids are on my medical benefits which are great. It took me a lot of work to get that done. My wife had went to court about 2 months ago and the judge saw through her ex husbands lies. The judge who is a female was real stern with him while being respectful to my wife. He was extremely disrespectful by answering the judge by just saying yes or uh huh. Than after the case was over his girlfriend and him stormed out of the courtroom. The judge ordered that he pays 275 a week as per the divorce decree. Also with benefits we pay the first 250 deductible than its 70-30 him. He paid a one time $60.00 check to the child support probation officer. Than after that he told the child support officer that hes not paying outright. He filed a motion to lower the child support and he wants us to pay the $250 deductible than be 50-50. So when we went to file the child support order his girlfriend wrote a note about his character. So this time I decided to write a letter it was short and to the point and was in no way taking shots at anyone. With that my wife responded back saying that she doesn't know where to start with the lies and all she wants is for him to do the right thing for his children and pay child support and for it to be over. Than the final response we recieved was a nasty disgusting letter of lies from his mom bashing myself and my wife. The girlfriend also did the same but there was nothing from him. The court date of his motion is friday. She also has an enforcement hearing next month. His mom went on about how we spend r money and that we have a van a big screen tv etc.. BUT her grandkids are very well taken care of by ME. I been around for about 9 years. His visiting hours are supposed to be from 4pm friday to sunday. He shows up anytime he feels like it. My wife does everything the right way while I want to bust his chops in every way legally possible. From the information I provided can I get opinions,comments or ideas from anyone. Thanks for you're time.
Chris

 

[jharris352]

The only thing I can say to you is that divorce and custody cases are not the venue to "bust his chops" even though he may deserve it. Get what you need and stay away from him and court if you can. Every minute of court is a minute you will never be able to live life.

 

[cmb1213]

thanks for the response, I mainly say it out of aggravation, plus my wife wouldnt let me anyway. Do u think in a child support case that the judge cares that his mom wrote a nasty letter about her which has nothing to do with the kids,she said we have a van,a big screen tv etc, which I had bought it all before my wife and I got married...and claims that my wife spends spends spends, which she doesnt but does it really matter? She also said that I married my wife only cause she got pregnant which isn't true at all. She doesn't even know me the farthest we ever went was hi and bye Do you think these statements even matter? Thank you so much for you're time and response.

chris

 

[jharris352]

In a child support case the judge only cares about one thing: How much do the parties make, and how much of it should be distributed to the custodial parent. Period.

In custody proceedings, a judge is going to politely listen to the ex-monster-in-law and then discount about everything she says if it isn't supported by evidence.

In your case, most of what she said falls under, So what! She spends money? Stop the presses! You have a big screen tv and a Van? OMG! You MARRIED HER BECAUSE SHE WAS PREGNANT? Well good for you.

I believe a Judge actually reads these letters for their comedic value. His attitude will be: You make x amount of dollars, she makes x amount of dollars and the federal charts show that you owe x amount of dollars per month. Next case please.

If she said you were taking the child support and buying crack with it to feed to the kids, she might perk up his ears. Like I said, just keep your balance about you and don't let these guys bother you. Judges see this crap all the time.

Take care of your kids, shield them from the crap, and try to ignore the other side as much as possible unless they act like parents.

 

[cmb1213]

The kids are well taken care of. They have the best of everything and we keep them out of it but when they come home they tell us all kinds of stuff his girlfriend does and says to them. For example our stepson sprained his knee,we took him to the doctor and doc said to ice it. My wife told her ex. When our stepson came home his knee looked more swollen and he said that the girlfriend told him its not sprained and he didnt have to ice it. Another example is he was telling his friends that you dont have to go to college that you dont need it. My wife explained to him that its not true and where did he hear it from and he said her. Now we aren't bringing anything about the kids or what they have said but we don't want her picking them up alone for his visitation cause she doesn,t treat them right. In you're opinion do u think we should ask the judge that?
Its strictly a child support case, she was divorced about 9 years ago.

Thanks so much for the reply

 

[jharris352]

I think there is a broader problem with her. If you have several examples of her poor or unwise treatment/advise with the kids you can warn the Ex that continued silliness will result in a request to the judge to exclude her from their life all together or to limit his visitation to supervised visitation. I would do it in as kind a way as possible but I would do it.

As for her picking up the children, consult your parenting plan. It probably has very specific guidelines for picking up and dropping off the children. If she is not included then follow the plan. In general however, the plan is between the parents and not between the parents and the new spouses/girlfriends. I would think you are in good shape just notifying the Ex that you will only release the kids to him not her. You are under no obligation to release the children to whomever he sends just because it is visitation time.

 

[luvstexas]

The kids are well taken care of. They have the best of everything and we keep them out of it but when they come home they tell us all kinds of stuff his girlfriend does and says to them. For example our stepson sprained his knee,we took him to the doctor and doc said to ice it. My wife told her ex. When our stepson came home his knee looked more swollen and he said that the girlfriend told him its not sprained and he didnt have to ice it. Another example is he was telling his friends that you dont have to go to college that you dont need it. My wife explained to him that its not true and where did he hear it from and he said her. Now we aren't bringing anything about the kids or what they have said but we don't want her picking them up alone for his visitation cause she doesn,t treat them right. In you're opinion do u think we should ask the judge that?
Its strictly a child support case, she was divorced about 9 years ago.

Thanks so much for the reply

Alright, here I go again with another stepparent rant...First let me start by saying that because you support your stepchildren and have them on your insurance and have taken care of them for nine years doesn't mean that you have any ANY legal standing in a court of law regarding their wellbeing. ok?

You can actually HURT your wife's current legal standing by thinking there is a WE in anything regarding the legal affairs of HER children. You do not.

(before you go off on me, let me say that I'm speaking from firsthand personal experience with stepparents.)

I would not worry about all the letters back and forth from girlfriend, grandma, the guy on the street corner...Don't play into that mess. Stay out of it. Take the high road and let your wife respond to all that IF she needs to. Judges see right through that crap anyway. Anyone can write a letter that says anything about anyone...bottom line: you need proof behind your allegations and the girlfriend writing a stupid note about Dad's character doesn't mean he's gonna get out of paying child support for his kids.

Also, if Mom thinks she can file a motion barring girlfriend from the kids, be prepared for the other side to do the same thing to you. It really does not matter that you're married...it doesn't matter legally at all. and also, it doesn't matter what YOU think. The fact that you've been around for nine years means squat legally...you are NOT the kids' father. You are the bill-payer, the glorified babysitter, the bedwarmer. You are NOT a party to this case. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be careful how involved you get over the issue with the stepkids, Dad and the girlfriend. GF has just as many rights to the kids as you do...NONE.

Not saying this to be snarky or rude...it's fact. I promise.

You do not get to decide who picks up the kids if there is no court order barring GF from picking them up. MOM will need to PROVE she's a danger to them. And Dad is allowed to be a crappy parent. If the court order allows it, he can arrange the transportation to exchanges.

Mom MIGHT have something to go on with the fact that Jr. was not treated properly at dad's house with the sprain and did not follow doc's orders. but it would be a stretch.
GF can talk all the trash she wants...Mom is going to have a hard time getting a court order barring her from doing so. None of the statements you mentioned will have any standing in court. Mom needs to take the high road and not interact with the girlfriend about anything that is not her business. She should deal directly with dad via email or certified letter if he is difficult to talk to on the phone or in person.